Tired But Happy

Posted on December 19, 2013 by Debi Walter

Christmas 2013

It’s a week before Christmas, and our house is busy, busy, busy–wiping noses, changing diapers, playing crash, coloring, blowing bubbles and such. All 6 of our grandchildren are here through Christmas–yea! We have gingerbread houses to decorate, cookies to bake, family photos to capture the memories and of course, presents to give and share. 🙂

I’m tired but happy!

In the midst of it all, Tom is still caring for me. He took me out this week just to give me the gift of quiet for a couple of hours. He’s thoughtful that way, and it has helped our marriage grow stronger because of it. May I encourage you to remember the importance of kindness and thoughtfulness this time of year? It may be the best gift you have to give, and it costs nothing but your convenience.

We had a couple of guest posts on other blogs this week that we want to share with you. We’re not sure when we’ll be back again–hopefully before Christmas. But if not, you’ll know why.

The first one is for parents who are wanting to raise their children to love and follow God and what motivates our parenting. The second post provides a creative idea for a Christmas gift–one that lasts all year long. We hope you’ll take time to read them.

Merry Christmas to you and your family!

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Guest Post, Parenting, Romance in Marriage, romancing your spouse, Romantic Ideas, Seasons of Life | Tagged , , , , , , | 4 Comments

If Marriage Had A Fountain Of Youth

Posted on December 12, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: Be Brain Fit

Photo Credit: Be Brain Fit

I remember as a child hearing of Ponce de Leon’s pursuit of The Fountain Of Youth. It was said to be somewhere in Florida, and it was told he spent his life trying to find it. But he never did for there is no such fountain. And his story is most likely not true. Yet it’s intriguing all the same.

We love the idea of eternal youth. Our society spends millions of dollars convincing us that we can reverse the aging process if we’ll just buy their product. Truth be told, we will all grow old. We will all have wrinkles. And we will all die–someday. But this truth doesn’t have to be morbid.

The adage is true, “You’re only as old as you feel.” To be honest I’ve felt quite old lately, and many can relate. If youth is dependent on our feelings, then there are many young people who don’t feel their youth either.

Where am I going with this? 

What if marriage was given a Fountain of Youth that kept our love vibrant and healthy? What if we could only grow more in love as the years pass instead of facing a decaying relationship? What if our relationship could experience ever-increasing intimacy? It can, but there is no fountain to bathe in or no amazing product to purchase that can guarantee such success. However, there are keys that if used, will unlock a fountain of renewal day after day, year after year. And each of us possess these keys for Christ has tucked them away in our hearts the moment we became His.

Key #1:

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2:1-4 ESV) Emphasis added.

Imagine how marriages, yours and ours, would be continually renewed if we were to each treat our spouse as being more important than myself. This is unselfishness on display, and it is what makes a marriage grow stronger through the years. There is no secret magic fountain for that would be too easy. Marriage is hard work. Marriage is continually preferring your spouse over your own interests. Marriage has no short-cuts to godliness.

Key #2:

Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.
(Philippians 2:12-13 ESV) Emphasis added

We are each responsible for our own heart. We can’t change our spouse, but we can pray for them as if their heart was our own. God is the one who is at work in us using each and every hardship for His refining purposes. When facing difficulty our first thought should be, God what are you wanting to do in my heart? Having this attitude will help us make the most of every opportunity to grow and change. And as we do this, regardless of whether or not our spouse is on board, we will see change in our marriage.

It is a great temptation to compare our responsiveness to God with our spouse’s. May I encourage you from experience to not go there? This thought-process is used by the enemy of our soul to side-track our obedience. If he can’t keep us from doing right, he’ll work on getting us to compare ourselves with our spouse and puff us up with pride. Both disobedience and pride are sins which grieve the Father. We mustn’t allow it.

Key #3:

Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain.
(Philippians 2:14-16 ESV) Emphasis added.

Did you catch that? “All things“? Really? But what about the times when he doesn’t do what he said he would do? What about the times she disregards my advice? What about when his/her attitude is affecting my plans, my day, my attitude? What about…? You fill in the blank. Marriage never goes according to the idea we had when we stood face-to-face on the altar vowing our love and commitment to each other.

Marriage provides a continual well-spring, all right, but it’s not of eternal youth–it’s a well-spring of constant change, and the one who needs to change is me. At least this is where my focus needs to be. If I would be as diligent in seeing my own lack as I tend to be in seeing my spouse’s lack, I guarantee my marriage would grow and mature.

How about you? Are you willing to take these three keys to unlock your own well-spring to renewal and change? If you do, I’m quite certain a year from now your marriage won’t look the same as it does today. In fact, you may have other’s wondering if you’ve found a secret to marital happiness. When they ask you can smile and say, “I sure have, would you like to know where to find it?”

 

Posted in Aging, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Seasons of Life, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Choosing The Best This Christmas Season

Posted on December 5, 2013 by Debi Walter

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Today would have been my Dad’s 91st Birthday. My Mom died nearly a year ago on December 15th. Needless to say, this has been an emotional month for me–beginning Thanksgiving week. Tom has spent lots of time comforting and holding me when the tears were unavoidable. What a gift his broad shoulders are to me.

Yesterday our son, Jason, posted a quote from Dietrich Bonhoeffer that was exactly what I needed to hear.

This time of year is a great temptation for many to be sad, discouraged or lonely.

My prayer is that the following quote will help you realize what a blessing it is to experience such “emptiness”. This is a thought I had never considered before today.

“There is nothing that can replace the absence of someone dear to us, and one should not even attempt to do so. One must simply hold out and endure it. At first that sounds very hard, but at the same time it is also a great comfort. For to the extent the emptiness truly remains unfilled one remains connected to the other person through it. It is wrong to say that God fills the emptiness. God in no way fills it but much more leaves it precisely unfilled and thus helps us preserve—even in pain—the authentic relationship. Further more, the more beautiful and full the remembrances, the more difficult the separation. But gratitude transforms the torment of memory into silent joy. One bears what was lovely in the past not as a thorn but as a precious gift deep within, a hidden treasure of which one can always be certain.”
― Dietrich Bonhoeffer

We  have two dear friends who are facing their first Christmas without their husband. I can’t imagine such pain, but we do well to prepare our hearts for the day that will most likely come. Not to be morbid, mind you, but to help us appreciate today all the more. Each day is a gift, and no one realizes this more than the one who no longer has the one they love by their side.

May this thought fuel your affection this Christmas and help you choose what is of most importance. It’s not the clean house, the wrapped gifts, or the perfect decor. It’s having someone with whom to share every day, every holiday, even when life is hard.

How can you make this Christmas more meaningful? Remember when you say “yes” to something you are saying “no” to something else. Make sure you’re choosing the best in long run.

Posted in Christian Marriage | 8 Comments

‘Twas A Christmas To Remember

Posted on December 3, 2013 by Debi Walter

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I’ve written the following poem for your enjoyment, but in addition, we believe it displays a possible reason many who read our blog struggle to romance their spouse in big and special ways. However, romance is much more than the big surprises and exotic getaways. It is more than spending lots of money and buying expensive gifts. It is a way of life that costs only your time and thoughtfulness.

It is our prayer that you’ll discover ways to romance each other in everyday sort of ways as you celebrate this Christmas season together!

‘Twas A Christmas To Remember

‘Twas the first of December
When all through our house
No romance was stirring
No sexy white blouse

I wore my ball cap and my wife her pajamas
We were exhausted from shopping
And church bake-a-ramas

We wanted a date night we desperately did
But with so many gifts to wrap for each of our kids–it was useless to think of and sad when I did.

Then back in our bedroom there arose such laughter
I ran to the door to see what was the matter.
My wife laughed and laughed until she was crying
I started to laugh too, though I had no idea why. Then…

She said she was planning a real good surprise.
She had tried to withhold it but now realized…
That she had to confess and confess she quite did,
Though she knew it would ruin the plans if she did.

She said she had wanted to whisk me away. Although…
It was only for one night and a day.
With a tilt of my head I had to ask why?
She said it was simply to show me her love for the ways that I treat her beyond and above.

But why did you cancel? My dear tell me why?
Why can’t we go still? I’m willing to try.
With her hand in her robe, she pulled out a stick and pointed her finger to the check with a click.
It’s absurd, she explained, I’m dumbfounded and more! I am pregnant again with child #4!

My face grew quite ashen my heart raced inside.
We weren’t planning another child but whoa–what a surprise!

Romance is important, and date nights are too,
But what better surprise when our love makes a new…
Little baby to love and to have and to hold.
‘Tis a blessing from God I’ve heard it quite told.

Putting my arms on my wife’s shoulders I said with a grin.
A surprise is what you wanted, and the surprise is a win.
I’m happy for us, for you and for me,
And most importantly our growing family.
But this news has left me all tuckered out.
Lets turn in early. She agreed with no doubt.

As I lay in my bed on this cold winter’s night. I knew in my heart God had blessed us all right.

The time for romance and travels will come, but for now I’m content with the changes to come.

With a sigh my eyes closed as heard my wife say…
“Thank you so much for caring for me in this way. But mostly I thank you for understanding my plight.”

“Merry Christmas surprises, sleep well, dear, Good night!”

Posted in Christian Marriage, Dating Your Spouse, Parenting, Romance in Marriage, Seasons of Life | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Giving Thanks To Whom?

Posted on November 26, 2013 by Debi Walter

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Have you noticed how thankful people are this time of year? It used to be refreshing to hear people actually thanking God for His many blessings in their lives. But there has been a subtle change that I’ve noticed.

Many no longer thank God.

Instead they thank their co-workers, their boss, their spouse, their friends, anyone and everyone who makes their lives better. They simply give thanks! Now of course it’s good to give thanks to those who mean the most to us. But Thanksgiving is primarily about setting aside time to thank God for His abundant provisions, His glorious kindness and His amazing grace to us throughout the year.

May we encourage you that as you go about planning your menu and family gatherings to be sure and set aside time to thank God specifically for the ways in which He has made a difference in your life. Why does it matter? Because thanking God glorifies His name. And when we glorify His name He is exalted. And when He is exalted we in turn are blessed all the more. It is part of His nature, to return blessings upon us as we praise His holy name.

Tom and I thank God for the privilege it is to serve Him by encouraging your marriage to grow for God’s glory and your growth in godliness. It is a deep and satisfying joy to us. We pray you will sense God’s nearness and His great blessings as you gather together with family and friends this Thanksgiving Day, remembering all He has done.

Enjoy this hymn by Keith and Kristyn Getty titled, My Heart Is Filled With Thankfulness:

Posted in Christian Marriage, Holidays | 6 Comments

Happy Hour – #72

Posted on November 23, 2013 by Debi Walter

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I haven’t had a lot of time lately to peruse other marriage blogs. I’ve been focused on entering back into my real world, which has put the computer literally in the back seat of my mind. I must say it has been the most refreshing time in my life. I had no idea how absorbed I had become in cyberspace.

But there are some great reads I have to share with you for your encouragement and benefit.

I was privileged to be a contributing writer for Jolene Engle’s, 31 Days To A Better Marriage challenge during the month of October. My article is titled, Being Intentionally Intentional, and is a part of her e-book now available for you to download for FREE. Simply click the book cover in the right sidebar. There were a total of 31 authors who share their perspective on how to have a better marriage. You will benefit greatly from the wisdom and insights shared.

Happy Wives Club

  • Happy And Healthy Is Not Just A Fairy Tale<<Fawn Weaver traveled around the globe in search of stories of other happy wives. She has compiled what she learned in an upcoming book that is available now for pre-order. I can’t wait to delve into her book, and I hope you will too.

One Flesh Marriage

  • Choose To Believe Him<<Wives, do you shrug off your husband’s praise? Don’t.do.this. Read what Kate has to say, and we hope you’ll accept her challenge. It might just change how you see yourself and your marriage. We want to share the following song by Lee Brice titled, Beautiful You. Hopefully it’ll inspire you to believe what your husband says.

Intimacy In Marriage

The Generous Wife

  • Don’t Buy In<<Lori offers great advice before the busyness of the season kicks in. Also, she has a free Countdown To Christmas For Couples download you might want to check out. A simple, but fun way to keep your marriage front and center during the holidays.

The Generous Husband

Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Happy Hour | Comments Off on Happy Hour – #72

Do You Differ or Defer?

Posted on November 22, 2013 by Debi Walter

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It’s amazing to me how often the Lord will get my attention by defining two words. One is usually what I should be doing, and the other is what I tend to do left to myself.

Case in point: Differ or Defer

Differ – to disagree in opinion, belief, etc.; disagree 

Defer – to submit to the opinion, wishes, or decision of another through respect or in recognition of his or her authority, knowledge, or judgment.

How often do you disagree with your spouse? If you’re honest and like most couples–probably on a daily basis. It’s not surprising since we are different, but we don’t have to constantly differ with them. To do so produces strife and all kinds of discontent.

When was the last time you willingly deferred to your spouse during a disagreement?

It is certainly the quickest way to end an argument, but not the easiest thing to do. Deferring is taking our will and making it bow to another. It places our spouse in a place of honor and trust when we may or may not want to honor or trust them. And it allows God space to do what only He can do–change your spouse’s perspective on a matter.

I have a personal example I want to share with you.

When the Lord recently directed me to cut back on the amount of time I spend posting, I quickly deferred to His will. When I shared it with Tom, he couldn’t agree more. He reminded me that he had been telling me this for a few months. <ouch>

Sadly, I didn’t remember. Why? Because I had chosen to differ with him thus disregarding his advice. On the other hand, Tom chose to defer to me waiting on God to open my eyes.  Tom doing this wasn’t a lack of leadership on his part–as I might have thought in our earlier years together–he was trusting God to help me see what he knew was right all along. Rather than dig his heels in and make me defer, he chose to wait patiently for God to reveal it to me. This is what God-honoring leadership looks like. It chooses love over response, kindness over bearing down, trust over distrust, etc.

Another area where couples can often disagree is in the area of finances. You may want to do things one way, and your spouse prefers another. How do you come to a place of resolve? By deferring to the other and trusting God in the process.

If you are finding yourself in constant disagreement with your spouse, why not consider a different response? Try deferring to them and see what God does. You may be surprised when they come to you and share what God has just revealed to them! Then you can do what Tom did to me–kiss them and encourage them in how they’re listening to God. 🙂

 

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Growing Strong Marriages, Leadership, Roles In Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Romantic Tailgating Date Idea – Oh Yeah!

Posted on November 19, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: Hickory Farms website

Photo Credit: Hickory Farms website

If you love sports, you are most certainly aware of the tradition of tailgating. But many may have never had the chance to actually experience this in the parking lot on game/race day.

So, we thought it would be fun to arrange your own private tailgate party in your living room during a game–any game–for two. It could be baseball, football, soccer, or even a Nascar Race. You decide.

Here’s the idea:

Step One – Determine the game you’ll watch. If it’s your home team, then use their colors to decorate. If you don’t have a team, then decorate in the colors of both teams.

Step Two – Plan your menu. Think of your spouse’s favorite snack foods and build from there. It’s also fun to do some research of the foods common to the city where the game is being played, e.g. Philly cheesesteaks, Buffalo hot wings, Chicago pizza, etc. Or you could try the following set up on a smaller scale for two:

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Photo Credit: forrent.com

Step Three – Plan what you’ll wear. Scout local thrift stores for jerseys in your team colors. Or you could buy them on Amazon if you have the budget for it. Paint your spouse’s face in the team’s colors. Have fun with this one!

Photo Credit: Got Dirt web site

Photo Credit: Got Dirt web site

Step Four – Decorate your space. Arrange your living room with the sofas pushed away from the TV and set up two folding camp/beach chairs. If you have a folding table, set it up with a plastic table cloth from your local party store or Target. Make streamers and signs to cheer the team to victory. You can even set up a camping tent if you have one and hang market lights to make it feel like you’re outdoors.

Photo Credit: Mom Endeavors.com

Photo Credit: Mom Endeavors.com

Step Five – Add a romantic twist. This is especially fun if you don’t really know the rules of the game/race, or you don’t love the sport. Decide before hand which team you’ll cheer for and have your spouse go for the other team. Then, decide what you’ll receive when your team scores, e.g. you get to touch your spouse wherever you want, you kiss for a determined amount of time, or you get to lay on top of them enjoying your score! You get the idea. Finally, whichever spouse’s team wins get breakfast in bed on the day of their choice.

Feel free to tweak this idea to make it special for you and your sweetie.

The idea is to bring tailgating to whole new level in regards to romance. 🙂 Check out our Pinterest boards: Date Night Ideas and Date Night Food for more ideas to help you plan the perfect night.

NOTE: If you have kids you can still do this and even include them in the cheering and such. Simply keep score privately and redeem your rewards later when you’re alone. Sometimes doing a date like this stealthily adds even more excitement to the experience.

What do you think? Would your spouse love a date like this? What other ideas would you add to make it better?

Posted in Creative Dates, Date Night Ideas, Fall Date Ideas, Fun Dates, Unique Dates | Tagged , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Manipulating Motives

Posted on November 14, 2013 by Debi Walter

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Our pastor often asks the question, “Why do you do the things you do, and who do you do them for?” It’s a great question to help discover what motivates you in the mundane of everyday life.

But have you ever thought about how we can use our motives as a tool for manipulation in marriage? Not sure what I mean? Read the following blog post from Ed Welch–and please don’t skim. His point is one you may not get with a quick read. It requires thoughtful reflection in order to see if this issue has found a home in your heart/marriage.

Who Cares About Motives?, by Ed Welch

Human beings have a complex inner life of motives and intentions. If we ignore them, we won’t understand people. But sometimes—we just don’t care about people’s motives.

But I didn’t mean to…
In a relational conflict, a claim of good intentions is a self-righteous way to have immunity from all blame or responsibility. For me, that means I could go a good six months in my marriage without asking forgiveness because I was only blatantly malicious once or twice a year, maybe less. “But I didn’t mean to hurt you” was my unassailable defense, and it was the end of the conversation. Meanwhile, though I was satisfied with my acceptable motives, I had missed what was important. My wife was hurt and my response to her was indifference—a convenient though treacherous sin. Under the guise of good intentions lurked “Who cares if you are hurt.” I simply did not love her.

Courtrooms are savvy to this. “But your honor, I didn’t mean to . . .” If defendants don’t come to their senses at that moment, judges will make sure they do or they will let defendants talk themselves into a harsher penalty. If you claim good intentions, the judge simply does not care, and the judge is right.

Meanwhile, we act as though “I didn’t mean it” closes the case in our favor. But it doesn’t. The person who was hurt is hurt even more, an opportunity to unify a relationship is missed, and there is now a stalemate in which both feel completely misunderstood.

How can we do this better?

I didn’t mean to and I am so sorry.
Recently, I was putting my grand-daughter in her car seat and unintentionally pinched her with the buckle. She didn’t even wince, but I felt horrible. I asked if I had pinched her, she said “yes.” I asked if it hurt, she said “yes.” I apologized, then apologized again, then asked her to forgive me, which she did. Here is my point: I did not intentionally pinch her with the buckle. But whether I intended to or not, she was hurt by what I did. Since I love her, my natural reaction was to ask her forgiveness. Love and compassion could do no less.

Biblical counseling is certainly interested in motives but sometimes they just don’t matter. What matters is how you react when someone says: “You hurt me.” Do you defend yourself or respond with love and compassion?

These are great questions to ask, and it’s best to ask your spouse if they feel like you don’t really care about them. You may be surprised to discover you have been blind to hurting your spouse. It’s never too late to go back and ask forgiveness for pain you’ve caused, whether you meant to hurt them or not. The fact remains–where there is pain, loving attention must be given, or you aren’t loving your spouse in the way God intended.

You can read more of Ed Welch’s post on CCEF’s website.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Conflict | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

5 Years In Review…

Posted on November 12, 2013 by Debi Walter

Five Years

Today is our 5th Blogiversary, and it’s hard to believe. We want to share with you what God as well as share some of our stats with you.

Total Posts – 1282 (that’s an average of 4.9 posts a week)

Total Comments – 5800

Highest Daily Hits – 9458 (On July 4, 2012, and to this day we still have no idea why! They came via Google Image search for Romantic 4th Of July Ideas.)

Most Popular Page – Fireproof Your Marriage

Most Popular Post – Love Does Not Boast – And the final post in the Love Is series with a link to all 15 posts.

Most Popular Date Idea and Most Repinned Date On Pinterest – Mystery Date

Most Popular Search Engine Term – “Love Is”

Top 5 Date Ideas 

  1. Rainbow’s End Date 
  2. Jamaica-man Date – from our good friends, Jeff and Vicki Taulbee
  3. Clue Date With A Sexy Twist
  4. Close Friends – Romantic Scrabble Date
  5. 10.5.1 Mall Date

Most Popular Series – Happy Hour where we feature great posts from other bloggers. We’ve posted a total of 71 Happy Hour posts.

Most Popular Letter of the Alphabet Date Series – The Letter “W”

My Date Idea I Enjoyed Planning The Most – Love Song Letter

My Date Idea Tom Enjoyed The Most – Full Moon Paddle

Tom’s Date Idea I Enjoyed The Most – You’ve Got Mail

Post That Stirred The Most Discussion – When Your Sex Drive Putters Out

Post With The Most Important Message – Stop Grey From Becoming The New Black and White

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In the past 5 years we’ve welcomed 4 new grandbabies, said goodbye to my Mom, completed and published my first book, Through The Eyes Of Grace. Tom sold our business after owning it for 12 years and working there 16 years before that. He took a position with the new owners and adjusted to working with a large corporation, then after 2 and a half years he began “practicing retirement“. We bought and redecorated a cabin (Barefoot Cabin) in Banner Elk, NC., and I hosted my first Ladies Retreat just last month. In addition we’ve had the privilege of getting to know many other marriage bloggers across America, even meeting some face-to-face. We began the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association (CMBA) with 4 other prominent marriage bloggers in an effort to establish a precedent for those bloggers who are just beginning.

Needless to say, it has been a full and satisfying 5 years. Where were you 5 years ago? What has God accomplished in your life in that time. It’s good to pause and give Him thanks for the great things He has done. Imagine what the next 5 years will reveal! If you’re tempted to only see the bad, I encourage you to read this post about a time when I was tempted to do the same. It will help you as it helped me to adjust my perspective.

We want to end this post with a prayer. We hope you’ll join us:

Father, we want to pause and thank you for all you have accomplished in our lives these past 5 years. Thank you for the privilege it is to encourage marriages to grow stronger through the years and as a result glorify Your great name. You alone are worthy to be praised.

We look back and see Your mighty hand at work through the good times, the trying times and the incredibly sad times. Through it all You’ve drawn our hearts closer to You, and this is good. May You continue to lead us to all You have for us in the years to come.

Thank you for those who have helped us in this blogging endeavor, for the many friends we’ve made in the process and for giving us the privilege of sharing with others what You’ve so graciously given to us. We are humbled and in awe of Your great love for us and for the glory of Your name.

Keep us on the path You have marked out for us. Keep us from presuming we know what You want, and open our ears to hear clearly what You’re saying to us each step of the way.

We love you more today than we ever dreamed was possible, and the same goes for our love towards each other. Our marriage was Your idea and we’re so grateful for the privilege  it has been to walk this road together as husband and wife.

We are in awe of You, our Savior and our friend.

In the mighty name of Jesus Christ, we pray,

Amen

Posted in Celebrations, Christian Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

A Secret Shared After 58 Years Of Marriage

Posted on November 8, 2013 by Debi Walter

Jerry and Shirley

We had lunch on Sunday with dear friends of ours, Jerry and Shirley Corbett. In September they celebrated their 58th wedding anniversary. It’s obvious they love each other, they enjoy being together, and they love God more today than they ever have.

Why? Why are they so joyful after all these years?

First, and foremost, they are in love with their Savior. They realize that everything they’ve been given is on loan from Him, and they have been good stewards. Hundreds of women, couples and families have benefited from their kind generosity and hospitality. It’s like breathing to them. Tom and I are grateful to God that we have lived much of our married life in their shadow.

Second, they shared their secret for marital happiness. They said it quite simply,

“We’re not the same people we were when we first got married. As the years passed and children were added to our family (3 in 3 1/2 years!) changes took place in our hearts, and we had to adjust and learn to love who we’d each become. Each season brought new changes and learning to love the new person was vital to our marriage.”

By God’s grace they have 58 years to look back and reflect upon.

Shirley said jokingly about looking at old family photos, “Who are those people?”

Noticing changes over time can be quite drastic, but day in and day out it’s easy to be deceived in thinking things will never change. But they do, and we must choose to adjust, embrace and even love the changes, so one day we’ll do as Jerry and Shirley with smiles on our faces and ask…

Who are those people?

Posted in A Marriage Flight, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , , , | 9 Comments

To Perpetuate or Percolate

Posted on November 5, 2013 by Debi Walter

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You might be wondering where we’ve been, or you might not have missed us at all. But in either case, we feel it necessary to explain our absence.

I just returned from hosting my first ladies retreat at Barefoot Cabin in Banner Elk, NC. It involved no teaching really, just lots of time to be alone with God in order to hear Him speak, and speak He did! From the moment I sat in my quiet place He began leading me to address many questions I didn’t know I had been asking. He was so kind to not only hear me, but to answer my questions with clarity.

There were many things, but the one I want to share with you today concerns you–our friends who follow us on The Romantic Vineyard.

You see, I have a tendency to keep doing the same things over and over for years on end when I know it’s a good thing. Like my quiet times of reading God’s Word daily. This is a practice I plan to never stop doing. But other things I love doing are often never considered by me as to when or if I should stop doing it. It’s something I normally wouldn’t consider.  The Lord said I tend to perpetuate my duties, believing I’m supposed to do them forever without ever asking Him otherwise. This is wrong.

Perpetuate means to last indefinitely. And it is my comfortable spot, where I know what I do and I keep on doing it regardless of the fact that God might not be in it any longer.

God has given me another word with which He wants me to replace perpetuate; it’s percolate.

Percolate means to permeate; penetrate gradually.

Posting daily on The Romantic Vineyard has become a perpetual duty that I enjoy. But God is leading me to pause and let posts percolate in my heart and mind before writing a single word. It may be I write day after day, or there might be weeks between posts. I’m not sure. What I DO know is God wants me to wait on His direction and His timing to post, not by perpetuating the well-worn path I’ve created.

When I shared all this with Tom he couldn’t have agreed more.

He has sensed something was off in regards to The Romantic Vineyard, but couldn’t put his finger on it. We are both relieved to know that God isn’t calling us to stop our ministry on-line, but He is wanting to increase our connections with those with whom we’re called to live life together in our local church. They are the ones who know us well and can help us grow in our personal life, in our marriage and in our ministry. It is important and necessary to have face-to-face relationships like this. Sadly, social media provides a false sense of relationship that can be detrimental to our growth in godliness. We must have friends in our lives who are willing to speak to us the things we need to hear. Things that our on-line friends will never say because they observe us from a distance and know only those things we’re willing for them to know.

While we love providing godly encouragement for Christian couples in their marriage, it can never replace the importance of being involved in real-time with those whom God has knit our hearts together in our church.

Another thing is after five years of posting, The Romantic Vineyard offers lots of posts on all sorts of topics. When we aren’t posting new material, we encourage you to scroll down to our categories list and find something you know your marriage is currently needing to hear.

Finally, we want to challenge you to take time and consider your current level of responsibility. Are you doing the things you do out of conviction or habit? Are you willing to ask God to give you the answer to this question? If so, be ready to hear His thoughts. It might just mess up your normal routine, but that’s a good thing!

P.S. We offered an invitation to enter our 5th blogiversary Most Romantic Table Photo Contest, but we didn’t receive any entries. So, if you have one please send it in asap. If not, we’ll cancel the contest and see it as another way God was getting our attention. ❤

Posted in 5th Blogiversary Most Romantic Table Challenge, Growing Strong Marriages, Priorities, The Romantic Vineyard | 26 Comments

50 Shades Of Grace In Marriage – Part 5

Posted on October 25, 2013 by Debi Walter

50 Shades

41. Grace allows us to look back and see the good, and look forward with faith for the future.

42. Grace doesn’t demand, instead it gives and gives and gives.

43. Grace helps us stay the course when we don’t feel like it.

44. Grace helps us realize that feelings are fickle and can’t be trusted.

45. Grace helps us inform our feelings of that which is of most importance.

46. Grace helps us demonstrate to our children what a godly marriage looks like.

47. Grace helps us remember that it is God who is at work in our spouse’s life, and He will be faithful to complete what He’s begun.

48. Grace helps us keep a clear conscience, which is a soft pillow at night.

49. Grace helps us keep our vows until our final breath.

50. Grace gives us the hope of hearing “Well done” in regard to our marriage when we stand before the Lord.

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And don’t forget about our 5th Blogiversary Photo Contest! Click the photo below for more information.

TableForTwo

Image Credit: freedigitalphotos.net by nuttakit

 
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50 Shades Of Grace In Marriage – Part 4

Posted on October 24, 2013 by Debi Walter

50 Shades

31. Grace helps me celebrate their victories and accomplishments as if they were my own.

32. Grace helps me refrain from competing with my spouse and see that we’re on the same team.

33. Grace helps us become one flesh in physical, spiritual and emotional intimacy.

34. Grace helps us be naked and not ashamed.

35. Grace gives us the ability to love from a pure heart.

36. Grace working in our marriage insures that it is God who is at work in both of us and not just ourselves.

37. Grace helps us remember how much we have that we don’t deserve. It is the free gift of God.

38. Grace helps us approach God’s throne for help in our time of need.

39. Grace helps us resist sexual temptation and adultery.

40. Grace helps us break sinful habits and walk in freedom.

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And don’t forget about our 5th Blogiversary Photo Contest! Click the photo below for more information.

TableForTwo

Image Credit: freedigitalphotos.net by nuttakit

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

50 Shades Of Grace In Marriage – Part 3

Posted on October 23, 2013 by Debi Walter

50 Shades

21. Grace helps me grow my friendship with my spouse over all other friendships.

22. Grace helps me continue to study my spouse in order to love them in the way they need it most.

23. Grace helps me remember the good and not cling to the bad.

24. Grace helps me keep my spouse as my highest priority next to God.

25. Grace helps me pursue my own growth in godliness so I can be all God wants me to be.

26. Grace is the most amazing gift God has given to us, and it is grace that helps me see the gift my spouse is to me.

27. Grace helps me appreciate the differences between us and see them as tools to shape and mold us into a better US.

28. Grace helps me to see areas where I am weak and my spouse is strong as a means to help me grow in my dependence on my spouse.

29. Grace helps me see my strengths where my spouse is weak as a way to help them not lord it over them.

30. Grace helps me be grateful for the small ways my spouse is changing.

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And don’t forget about our 5th Blogiversary Photo Contest! Click the photo below for more information.

TableForTwo

Image Credit: freedigitalphotos.net by nuttakit

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

50 Shades Of Grace In Marriage – Part 2

Posted on October 22, 2013 by Debi Walter

50 Shades

Today we have a post on the 31 Days To A Better Marriage website. It’s titled, Being Intentionally Intentional. We invite you to click on over once you’re finished here. FYI, the post goes up 8a. PST, so if you try before then you won’t see it yet. 🙂

Now for our next ten evidences of God’s Grace in Marriage…

11. Grace helps me forgive when my spouse has sinned against me.

12. Grace helps me do the things I know I should do to make my marriage work.

13. Grace helps me grow in faithfulness, especially the little things.

14. Grace helps me honestly confess my sins and failures to my spouse.

15. Grace helps me live in the light by being accountable to others for my growth in godliness.

16. Grace helps me walk with integrity acting the same whether I’m at home, at work or with the church.

17. Grace helps me love and care for my spouse from a sincere heart.

18. Grace helps me serve them unselfishly, looking out for their interests over my own.

19. Grace helps me treat my spouse in the way I want them to treat me.

20. Grace helps me be an encourager instead of a nag.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

50 Shades Of Grace In Marriage – Part 1

Posted on October 21, 2013 by Debi Walter

 

 

 

50 Shades

 

  1. Grace helps me do for my spouse what I, in my laziness, don’t want to do.
  2. Grace helps me love my spouse when they have wronged me.
  3. Grace helps me overlook things my spouse does or doesn’t do that irritate me.
  4. Grace helps me see my spouse through eyes of faith, not doubt.
  5. Grace helps me put off anger and walk patiently with hope.
  6. Grace helps me love my spouse in the way Christ has loved me.
  7. Grace helps me say no to quitting, and yes to forbearing.
  8. Grace helps me believe the best when I’m tempted to think the worst.
  9. Grace helps me work on the log in my own eye before bringing up the speck in my spouse’s.
  10. Grace helps me extend grace to my spouse even when they don’t deserve it.
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50 Shades Of Grace In Marriage

Posted on October 18, 2013 by Debi Walter

50 Shades

I was thinking the other day about the trilogy and soon–to-be-made movie of 50 Shades of Grey, and how it has been such a detriment to what a healthy relationship is as defined by God. It makes me appreciate all the more the effect the grace of God has had on my marriage. Sure Tom and I make choices based on our likes and dislikes, but it’s God who has set our boundary lines in pleasant places. And there is safety and health when a marriage stays within His boundaries.

The amazing thing is how much freedom the grace of God has given us! It is the grace of God that teaches us to say NO to ungodliness:

For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works.
(Titus 2:11-14 ESV) emphasis added

and it is for freedom that Christ has set us free, to no longer be in bondage to sin.

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.
(Galatians 5:1 ESV)

Next week I’m going to share with you 50 evidences of God’s grace in a healthy marriage.

NOTE – Here are quick links to the 50 evidences of God’s grace posts:

It is astounding how much His grace effects everything we do, including how we love and serve our spouse. Let’s take time to celebrate the gift His Grace is to each of us.

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And don’t forget about our 5th Blogiversary Photo Contest! Click the photo below for more information.

TableForTwo

Image Credit: freedigitalphotos.net by nuttakit

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

A Pocket-Sized Tip To Remember

Posted on October 17, 2013 by Debi Walter

IMG_0060I have a friend. She’s a life-long mentor to me, really, and she does it without trying. We’ve only met together a few times over the years, but when we have it has always been an encouragement. She has a way of saying simple phrases that stick. And these little pocket-sized thoughts always point my mind and heart towards God.

For example, she recently joined FaceBook, and I couldn’t be happier. She will post comments few and far between, but when she does, I listen! And I know I’m not alone. She has an entire population of women who have gleaned a harvest table full of thoughts to chew on.

Ok, enough of the teasing introduction. Do you want a pocket-sized tip to carry with you today? It applies to all wives who are tempted to try and change her husband…

Pocket-sized tip

Posted in Christian Marriage | 1 Comment

Romantic Table For Two Photo Contest

Posted on October 16, 2013 by Debi Walter

TableForTwoHow are your plans coming along for our 5th Blogiversary Contest?

In case you missed the announcement, you can read all about it here. The holidays are fast approaching, and it would be easy to disregard this opportunity to take part in romancing your spouse. May we encourage you to resist this temptation?

  • We really want to see lots of entries in this contest.
  • We really want to give credit where credit is due, and reward your efforts.
  • Most of all, we really want our ideas to make it past a good idea to try “sometime” to a special memory that you and your spouse will build upon for years to come.

We know how easy it is for life to crowd out that which is of most importance. Those who plan to change their course are usually successful. Those who don’t plan most likely will not change.

Please grab our contest button, and share it with your friends on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram. We want to glean from each other fresh ideas on how to set a romantic table for two!

Let the romance begin…

Posted in 5th Blogiversary Most Romantic Table Challenge, Christian Marriage, Contests | Comments Off on Romantic Table For Two Photo Contest