We Are Torchbearers

Posted on July 30, 2012 by Tom and Debi

Photo Credit: downhillhostel

As we continue our Going For The Gold In Marriage series we cannot overlook the inspirational stories of the Olympic Torchbearers. Each runner is chosen for their personal contribution in life. It may be an 81 year old woman who has spent her life as a nurse helping others, or it could be a man in his 40’s who has epilepsy who has learned how to live an active and productive life without limitations. Whatever the reason for their being selected, the mission is the same–to carry the torch from its starting point to its finishing point.

It is an honor to carry the flame.

Meet the Allens. They were each selected to carry the torch on Day Two of the 8,000 miles race. Unlike a normal relay where the torch is actually passed from one runner to the next. In this race it is the flame that is passed from one torch to the next. It is called “the kiss.” Frank Allen ran towards his wife and was honored to pass what he had been given to his wife, Jane. Not only did their torches “kiss,” but he kissed her as well.

What an example for our marriages.

When we said our vows, we were in a sense, given a torch to carry. It is the torch of the glory of the grace of God. We didn’t start the flame. It was lit on Calvary when Christ secured our eternal reward through His death, burial and resurrection. He is the hope we carry within us and the reason we can faithfully run this marathon called marriage.

Sure there are obstacles along the way and weather to endure, but God has promised the flame will never be extinguished. What good news! Whatever trial or difficulty you’re facing in your marriage right now, there is grace available to help you not only carry the torch, but to hold it high.

When we get to the end of our life may our stories inspire others and point the way to the Grace of God, available to all who will but ask.

It is an honor to hold the torch for Christ. 

What’s your story? How has your marriage held the torch of God’s grace high for others to see and follow? What obstacles has He helped you overcome together? Let’s marvel at His grace today.

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Don’t forget our Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest taking place now through Labor Day. For details click here.

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This is post #28 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in July.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Conflict, Growing Strong Marriages, Olympics, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Going For The Gold In Your Marriage

Posted on July 28, 2012 by Debi Walter

Photo Credit: Katu.com

The 2012 Summer Olympics began last night.

The opening ceremony took us on a walk through Britain’s rich history. It was quite the show, as it should have been for the entire production took seven years of dedication and practice to master.

The games started in earnest while I was sleeping. So the first event I watched was cycling. I’m always amazed to hear the stories of how long the athletes have worked for this moment in history.

One Swiss cyclist in particular, Fabian Cancellara, was enjoying the lead position. He miscalculated a turn which caused him to fall, severely injuring his right arm and shoulder. He got up and continued, even though he was unable to put any weight on that arm for the remainder of the race. Amazing devotion! He had one goal in mind–to finish–and nothing was going to keep him from crossing that line no matter the cost.

What an example of courage obtained through years of sacrifice and devotion.

This got me thinking. What if husbands and wives were to commit their lives to their marriages in the same way? What if each morning the husband was to first of all think of how he could better his marriage that day, rather than how he could fulfill his own interests? What if the wife was to seek how to grow in encouraging her husband and supporting him wholeheartedly without regards of self? How would their marriage benefit from such a mindset?

This is exactly what it takes to go for the gold in marriage.

It is both partners laying down their lives for the good of the other. If only one person in the marriage is willing to do this, the entire marriage is thrown off balance. In order for marriage to be the best it can be it requires total commitment, total sacrifice and total love of the marriage covenant.

Photo Credit: NWI Times

Fabian may have not finished this race as he had hope–securing his second gold medal. However, it seems he has his priorities set in a way that is sure to inspire you:

“Fabian Cancellara headed to the hospital for an X-ray scan of his right shoulder.” The Swiss cyclist wept on television after the race was completed.

Cancellara, 31, is a four-time world time trial champion and Beijing gold medalist. His medal defense in the time trial is scheduled for Wednesday.

He recently surprised the cycling world when he pulled out of the Tour de France in the 11th stage for the birth of his second child, saying: “I am not only a bike rider, I am also a husband and father with another baby on the way.”

So as you and your spouse are sitting together watching the Olympics over the course of the next 16 days, let this be a reminder to consider how hard you are giving yourself to the event of your lifetime–your marriage! Who knows? Maybe one day you’ll stand before an angelic host as you hear your Heavenly Father say, “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”

How could you lay your life down today for the good of your spouse? In what ways have been selfishly pursuing your own interests over the good of your marriage? Honestly evaluate the current condition of your marriage and plan time to talk together. 

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Don’t forget our Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest taking place now through Labor Day. For details click here.

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This is post #27 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in July.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Olympics, Priorities, Testimonies | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Spontaneity Won

Posted on July 27, 2012 by Tom and Debi

Animation
Library

Posted in Slices | 3 Comments

Gimme Some Sugar

Posted on July 26, 2012 by Debi Walter

Photo Credit: Delicious Obsessions blog

You’ve heard the classic song, Just A Spoonful of Sugar, sung by Julie Andrews in the Disney movie, Mary Poppins. It speaks of taking a spoonful of sugar to help the bitter taste of medicine “go down.”

Well, we’re not having to take medicine, but Tom being out of a job can feel bitter to a degree. That is if all you think about is what you don’t have or can’t do, etc. So I came up with some “sugar” so to speak, to help Tom as long as he is without a job.  Only God knows how long this season will last, but we might as well have some fun with it in the meantime.

I made Tom something I call the Jobless Jar of Adventure. I know it’s corny. Tom rolled his eyes at me too, but the idea is good.

  • I typed out at least 30 different things we can do together that are free or very inexpensive. Some are things we’ve done before and enjoyed, and some are things we’ve wanted to do, but have never had the chance.
  • I cut them into strips, folded them, and placed them in the candy jar he used to have on his desk.
  • I wrote him a letter explaining that when he had a day with nothing to do, or if he was feeling bored or blue, he could take one strip of paper out of the jar for us to do that day.  If the adventure listed wasn’t feasible to do that day, he could draw another one–but only once.
  • I hid the jar with five pennies next to it along with the letter.
  • I wrote a little note on his bathroom mirror telling him there was a surprise waiting for him and where he could find it.
  • When he found the jar, he learned he was to drop one penny into the jar each day he was unemployed. But in return he could take one strip of paper out for an adventure to enjoy with me. 🙂

And that’s it. We haven’t had the chance to actually try one of the adventures yet, but we will. So far we have seven pennies and counting…

How do you help your spouse when they’re going through a difficult time? Sometimes a little romance can help brighten their day in a way nothing else could. 

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Don’t forget our Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest taking place now through Labor Day. For details click here.

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This is post #26 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in July.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Romance, Romance in Marriage, romancing your husband, romancing your spouse | Tagged , , , | 5 Comments

When You’re Forced To Wait

Posted on July 25, 2012 by Debi Walter

It’s Tuesday night.

One week ago was Tom’s first night unemployed or as the government likes to call it, “reemployed.” No matter the terminology, he’s without a job. There are many ways to look at it…he’s not tethered to anyone or any business, his schedule is wide open. He’s having breakfast with a friend this morning, and if you’d like to do the same, I’m sure he could squeeze you in. In fact there would be no squeezing at all, except maybe to hug you hello. 🙂

We have had many waves of emotion, but one thing has remained constant–our awareness of God’s hand at work in and through us. Tom has been waking up before the sun each morning and spending extended time in thought, prayer and reading. This is the best benefit of having no commitments, but only if it lasts a season. How difficult it must be to face this uncertainty for an extended period of time.

We have dear friends who are approaching their 1st year anniversary of unemployment reemployment. It has been hard on them financially, but their marriage has actually improved in the process. How is this possible? The answer is simple, God uses everything for His glory and our growth in godliness–our good times, our bad times, our healthy times and our sick times. Everything is in His hands, and He delights to mold us and make us into creatures who reflect the image of His Son.

So we are grateful to be in this place.

We may not like it. We may wish it hadn’t happened. But God in His wisdom has chosen this for us now, and we know He is the only One we can trust.

But honestly, we’ve both been a little sad today. We’ve talked about the why’s, but there isn’t a reason we’re feeling sad, we just do. So we purpose not to give it anymore attention than that. Tomorrow we’ll probably wake up and have a completely different emotion to deal with. This is how it is when you’re facing a significant life change. And we’ve learned the best thing to do is…

…to be as normal as you can.

Tom is cleaning the kitchen as I type. I made him his favorite snack around 4p. today just so he knows I love having him home as much as I enjoy him working. And this is what I often did when he got home from work. He is working, but his work involves looking for a new job.

About two weeks ago Tom heard Dave Ramsey advise someone whose husband had been out of work for awhile on what to do when the waiting goes on and on. He said it was of most importance to get up each morning, take a shower, get dressed and report to work as if you were getting paid. Spend your days exercising, networking, applying for jobs and studying God’s Word. Be busy being the best you can be while you wait.

And the key is to remember we aren’t waiting on a job…we’re waiting on God to speak. And since He is always faithful we know the waiting won’t last forever.

How do you work together as you wait on God to speak? Pay attention to what comes out of your heart, because waiting is the best revealer of what motivates us when things are going well.

Tomorrow I’ll share with you an idea I’ve come up with to help Tom as he waits…

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Don’t forget our Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest taking place now through Labor Day. For details click here.

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This is post #25 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in July.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , | 18 Comments

Bento Box Date Night

Posted on July 24, 2012 by Debi Walter

Photo Credit: NYtimes.com

Ok. This is a total foodie type date night, but I couldn’t resist. These Bento boxes are amazing! And there is no limit to the themes you could try, except your budget, of course. We are very aware of budget limitations these days, but this won’t stop us from dreaming up great date ideas. So here we go…

What is a Bento Box?

I’m glad you asked. The formal definition is:

a thin box, made of plastic or lacquered wood, divided into compartments which contain small separate dishes comprising a Japanese meal, esp lunch

Although the Japanese invented the Bento Box, you don’t have to limit yourself to only Japanese food. But if you like sushi–this is the perfect food in the perfect size.

A picture speaks a thousand words…

so we’re going to let the following help you dream of the possibilities.

Once you’ve decided on what you want to do here are some simple steps to make your date night one you’ll both remember:

  • Print some Japanese writing paper. This is square graph paper used in learning to write Japanese. You could use simple graph paper too.
  • Write your spouse an invitation to a romantic picnic using this paper. But instead of writing horizontally, write your message vertically the way the Japanese do. If you know Japanese–that’s a bonus. Otherwise, just write your message in English.
  • Make sure you have chopsticks. 🙂
  • Go to one of your favorite parks with a blanket and some nice pillows for sitting on the ground.
  • Add a citronella candle for lighting and to help ward off the bugs.
  • Have fun eating your Bento Box together–and don’t forget your camera!

Here are some recipes for preparing your own Bento Box.

And here are the simple rules for creating proper Japanese Bentos:

Like many other Japanese arts bento making has its own set of guidelines. Traditional bentos follow a couple of basic rules.

The 4-3-2-1 rule: 4 parts rice, 3 parts protein, 2 parts vegetable, and 1 part “treat” (Usually either pickled vegetables or something sweet.)

Sushi should be prepared with more wasabi than usual.

Pack foods with flavors that might run or stick together with a divider. Separate wet foods from dry using a nested or altogether separate container such as a cupcake form. Sauces and dressings go in their own bottles (usually with a lid or cap).

Oily foods (like gyoza) should be packaged on top of an absorbent material.

Bentos should not require refrigeration or heating.

Above all else your bento should be equally as nice to look at as nice to eat! (Note that this is the only rule that is not optional! 🙂

Source: http://www.instructables.com/id/Crafting-a-Bento/

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Don’t forget our Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest taking place now through Labor Day. For details click here.

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This is post #24 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in July.

Posted in Creative Dates, Date Night Ideas, Dating Your Spouse, Dinner Dates, Outdoor Dates, romantic date nights, Ultimate Blog Challenge | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

It Was Unexpected – Really.

Posted on July 23, 2012 by Debi Walter

Photo Credit: workingworld.com

Last week was one we’ll not soon forget. On Tuesday it was my 53rd birthday. Tom left for work to meet with his boss only to find out this meeting was to inform him he would no longer be needed.

Really?

This was where Tom has worked for the past 30 years. It was my first job out of high school 35 years ago. We have loved this business as if it were family. In fact many of the people have become like family to us.

This was surreal.

We have counseled and listened to friends who have faced this kind of news, but never experienced it ourselves. Tom was told he could go home. So he did. He called me to tell me the news and my first reaction was, “You’re kidding, right?” But he wasn’t. We were suddenly on a new path with what seemed like a new destination.

Really?

No not really. Our true destination was secured on the Cross at Calvary over 2,000 years ago. This fact hasn’t changed, and it is the one fact that truly matters. Jobs can change. People can move. Old friends are replaced by new ones. But God is always there leading us forward one change at a time. He is good, whether or not what we are currently experiencing seems good in the moment.

When Tom walked in the door all I could do was hug him. There were no words right away. But when they came, this is what I said, “Thank you. Thank you for how faithfully you have worked all these years. Though we have faced many trying times, you have continually set our eyes on the One who holds tomorrow. I am proud of you and thank God I get to begin this adventure with you, and I can’t wait to see where it is God will lead us.”

We will miss our normal routine, but enjoy being together everyday.

We will miss our dear friends, but enjoy meeting new ones.

We will miss the benefits of working for a great organization, but enjoy the benefits of reorganizing our lives at home, with our church and hopefully with a new job.

The door on a wonderful chapter in our lives has closed. We could look at this as a sad ending, but instead Tom said, “Since this happened on your birthday, I see it as a sign that this is the birth of something new.”

I still feel numb to it all, but not in a bad way. The only word we have come up with to describe how we feel is “weird.” It’s just weird. 

We appreciate your prayers as we anticipate the next chapter of our lives. And we would love to hear how God has helped you face unexpected times in your own marriage. Did you find yourself growing closer together? What Scriptures helped you stay focused on what really matters?

We thank God for our community here.

We’ll keep you posted as the days and weeks unfold. Our pastor told Tom to take his time and listen to God. This is a chance like none other in your life to purposefully seek Him. And he is right.

Really!

Tomorrow we’re going to begin a new week where the only thing on our agenda is to listen, pray and read together. Who knows? Tom may just get a good start on that to-do list I’ve he’s been wanting to tackle too. 🙂

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Don’t forget our Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest taking place now through Labor Day. For details click here.

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This is post #23 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in July.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, Seasons of Life, Testimonies, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 40 Comments

It’s A Matter Of Worship

Posted on July 22, 2012 by Debi Walter

Photo Credit: airocross.com

We all worship something or someone, and it makes all the difference who or what is the object of our worship.

Listen to this short video as Paul Tripp explains this idea more fully:

He asks the question, “What is it you treasure?” Take some time today to ask yourself and your spouse this important question, and be honest. Whatever you treasure, this is what you will worship.

As you drive together today to worship God at your local church service, we pray you will be reminded to direct all your attention to the faithfulness of God in your life and in your marriage. What do we have that we haven’t been given? It all belongs to Him, so all glory goes to Him. We can thank Him wholeheartedly in the good times, and trust Him fully in the difficult times. He is God. He is the One we treasure. And He alone is always faithful.

Have a glorious Sunday!

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Don’t forget our Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest taking place now through Labor Day. For details click here.

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This is post #22 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in July.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Music, Priorities, The Gospel & Marriage, Worship | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Happy Hour

Posted on July 20, 2012 by Debi Walter

It’s time for our specials of the week–blog posts which we believe are worth your time reading over the weekend. Enjoy…

Faith Rising

  • Meet Dan and Myra – you will learn a valuable lesson by reading this post by our dear friends and mentors.

Hot, Holy and Humorous

Journey To Surrender

  • Priorities – the final in a series on avoiding Gray Divorce – the term given to marriages breaking up after the age of 50. Goes well with our series this week.

Marriage Missions International

One Flesh Marriage

The Generous Husband

  • Button Pushing – We know how to push the wrong buttons, but what about the right ones? This goes well with our series.
  • Don’t Push The Other Buttons – more on the wrong buttons.
  • Disconnect Your Buttons – a good start, but it also requires the work of the Holy Spirit to completely disconnect, not simply changing how we feel.

The Generous Wife

To Love, Honor, and Vacuum

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Don’t forget our Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest taking place now through Labor Day. For details click here.

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This is post #21 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in July.

Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Happy Hour | Tagged | Comments Off on Happy Hour

Part 4 – One Simple Key to Resolving Quarrels

Posted on July 20, 2012 by Debi Walter

What if there was a simple key to help us unlock the door of conflict resolution? Imagine how quickly those doors that slammed shut in your face could be reopened allowing the sun to shine on your marriage again. Wouldn’t that be great?

There is such a key, and it’s found in James.

What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask.
(James 4:1-2 ESV)

Our pastor has used this verse to help us discover the root of the fights between a husband and wife (or anyone for that matter). When there are young children in the house–waking throughout the night, rising before the moon sets, and having more energy than you do on a good day–fights, tension and quarrels are inevitable. But there is a key to knowing what the quarrel is really about.

Ask yourself this question: What do I want that I’m not getting?

For many young moms the answer may be simple…sleep!

For many tired dads the answer might be…quiet!

Knowing the answer to this one question will help a husband and wife sit down and talk about what it is they are wanting and/or needing. The wise couple listens, learns and responds to do whatever they can to help their spouse through this trying season.

And if both of you are needing sleep, then work out a schedule to take turns catching up on those zzzz’s.

The worst thing you can do is…nothing.

These times in marriage are trying and difficult. When the door slams shut in your communication, you must do whatever you can to get the door open as soon as possible.

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.
(Ephesians 4:26-27 ESV)

Speaking harsh words and unkind words are like tiny darts aimed at your spouse. To allow these darts to continue will slowly, over time kill the marriage. There is nothing the enemy would love more than to see unresolved hurts and offenses between the two of you.

We realize it’s not easy to talk when the emotions are so volatile, but God will help you do the hard thing. He is the peacemaking God, and if He was able to bridge the gap of hostility between God and man, then certainly He can bridge the gap there may be between you and your spouse.

So now we pray…

Father,

We pray for any who are reading this post with despair. Would you meet them right now in their struggle? Help them know what to say and how to say it. We pray for wisdom where there has been offense. Give them the ability to say what needs to be said in the way it needs to be said. Most of all comfort them. May they sense your love and care for them, and may You increase the love they share.

Thank you for the gift of children. What a privilege to raise the next generation for Your glory. Help each couple be the best example of what a real marriage looks like, with all the sin and struggle, yet faithfully pursuing a God-honoring relationship. 

Open blinded eyes. Open deaf ears. And help us all know what the next step is for us in our marriages. We need You desperately, and we’re grateful You are always near.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen!

Free image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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Don’t forget our Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest taking place now through Labor Day. For details click here.

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This is post #20 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in July.

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Diapers, Toddlers & Romance, Oh My, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, Parenting, Romance in Marriage, Seasons of Life, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Part 3 – What Pressure Reveals

Posted on July 19, 2012 by Debi Walter

This is Part 3 of our series titled, Diapers, Toddlers & Romance, Oh My, where we are talking about how to keep the home fires burning in the midst of raising a family. We have talked so far about the issue of being physically tired. Today we switch the focus…

The pressure raising children adds to a marriage doesn’t necessarily create trouble in the marriage, but it definitely exposes it. It’s like putting a pot on to boil and watching what bubbles to the surface. Maybe there have been sinful patterns in your relationship like: selfishness, arrogance, self-righteousness, entitlements, etc. that you have learned to work around to keep peace. But when the pressure builds that children bring, these sins quickly rise to the surface.

The wise person pays attention to how they are reacting to the current pressure. If you’re often having this mindset: if she/he would only stop doing this or start doing that, then I wouldn’t act this way, then your thinking is unwise and unbiblical.

The biblical way to respond to the pressure is to ask yourself: Why am I reacting in this way? What is this circumstance revealing about my heart? God help me repent and change because left to myself this is who I am with no hope of changing.

Sin seeks to blame others for the cause of their reactions.

A mature Christian realizes the blame is on the sin still residing in their own heart. The circumstances only revealed what was already in the heart.

What can we do to change? It’s simple. Repent, ask forgiveness from your spouse and/or children, and allow God to change your heart. This is the hope that lives within us. We don’t have stay the same. We can grow and change, but it takes a willingness to see our sin for what it is.

In order to live this way it requires humility, an honest assessment of your thoughts and cravings, and then a tenacity to fight the indwelling sin. Christ died to set us free from the bondage to sin. We don’t have to sin. But we must hate what God hates in order to fight it as we should. When I get angry at my spouse I am saying, no to godliness, and yes to selfishness.

God help us to stay focused on who our enemy is. It’s not our spouse. We must work together to help each other fight for godliness. Doing this will draw your hearts closer together as one, instead of adding one more brick to a growing wall of hostility.

Here’s the challenge we offer you:

Take notice over the next 24-hours how you react to your spouse and your children. Is frustration and anger common? Do you find yourself wanting to get away, to escape the pressure? Do little things bother you? If so, there is work to do, but it’s based on the finished work of Christ who died to set you free from the obligation to sin. The problem isn’t with your spouse. It isn’t with your children. The problem being exposed is found in your own heart and these pressures are only serving to reveal what’s been in your heart all along.

Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.
(Romans 6:12-14 ESV)

If we never identify our struggle as sin, then we are left without hope to change. Acknowledging it as sin gives us hope because sin has a remedy, and it’s found in Christ. We have a Savior who died to set us free from this bondage to sin. Let these children and the pressure they bring serve to bring you closer to Christ, thus making you a better spouse and parent.

In what ways have you settled into your sin and let it stay without being challenged?

Free image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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Don’t forget our Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest taking place now through Labor Day. For details click here.

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This is post #19 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in July.

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Diapers, Toddlers & Romance, Oh My, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, Hindrances to Romance, Parenting, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Part 2 – We’re Exhausted

Posted on July 18, 2012 by Tom and Debi

This is Part 2 of our series titled, Diapers, Toddlers & Romance, Oh My, where we are talking about how to keep the home fires burning in the midst of raising a family. Yesterday we began by talking about the element of exhaustion all parents face. But what happens when…

You’re Both Exhausted – What Then?

It’s easy to pick up the slack when your spouse is having a rough day or week. But when it happens to both of you at the same time this can be a real challenge. If you go into this season unaware or without any idea of how to handle it, most likely the romantic element of your relationship will suffer. Feelings will get hurt, misunderstanding will occur, and distance will be unavoidable. This is the worst thing that can happen when you’re both in need of drawing closer together. Here are some things you can do if you find yourself in this place:

  • Spend time talking about what you’re currently dealing with. It’s easy to assume your spouse knows how you feel, but in reality they can’t read your mind. You have to tell them.
  • Then, listen to your spouse tell you what they’re dealing with. Being on the same page requires you to take time to hear what they have to say. It’s surprising that communication is one of the first things to go when conflict arises. Our default is too often to give a cold shoulder. Avoid this tendency, for it only complicates the conflict.
  • Think about your expectations. What is it you are hoping your spouse will do for you? Or what is it you wish would change? If it is possible, then talk together about how you might achieve it. If the change isn’t possible, then be willing to let go of the expectation.
  • Remember the things you love most about your spouse. In times of exhaustion it’s easy to only see the bad and ignore the good. Philippians 4:8 says:

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
(Philippians 4:8 ESV)

  • Finally, and most importantly, pray together about your weakness. Paul instructs us:

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
(2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV)

Having a healthy marriage doesn’t mean you’ll be free from trouble…

…It only means you’ll most likely know how to handle the trouble you’ll certainly face. When the situation we’re in seems too much to handle, it’s a good indication we’re attempting to do things in our own strength. God opposes the proud, but give grace to the humble. We must recognize our inability to do what we’ve been called to do. Cry out to God with your spouse and watch the Lord do through you what you never thought was possible.

There is nothing like noticing yourself responding to a situation with grace and kindness when you know you would normally respond in frustration and anger. This is an evidence of God’s grace at work in your life. He uses this season most to mold us into Christ-likeness because our children and our exhaustion reveals who we really are. We can’t hide in the midst of such tension. The good news is that this is the first step in finding help and hope to change.

Romance in marriage isn’t the feel good, violins playing with candlelight flickering in the background kind of feeling. No, it’s choosing to treat your spouse in a kind and loving way when they’re acting in an unkind and unloving way. This is the model Christ has given us for how to treat others, and no other person is more important than the father or mother of your children.

Now, go take a nap–or let your spouse take one–you decide!

Free image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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Don’t forget our Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest taking place now through Labor Day. For details click here.

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This is post #18 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in July.

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Diapers, Toddlers & Romance, Oh My, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, Hindrances to Romance, Parenting, Romance in Marriage, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Part 1 – I’m Exhausted

Posted on July 17, 2012 by Tom and Debi

It’s amazing how much energy is required to raise a family, yet with each baby that’s born time doesn’t slow down. It marches on whether you’re in step or not. How can a couple continue to make the most of their marriage relationship when their children demand so much so much of the time. It would be easy to give up.

This is why we’re focusing an entire week on this topic. Our prayer is that you’ll actually have time to read our posts. We promise to make our ideas quick to read, easy to implement and with no guilt attached.

Part 1 – I’m Exhausted

Having babies, nursing babies, potty training toddlers and disciplining young children take a lot of commitment and hard work. It is part of the job parents must embrace from life’s first cry. For those who aren’t prepared for the work, it can leave your relationship on the back burner where romance can quickly cool.

How do you keep the romance alive without neglecting your children? We believe it’s not as difficult as it sounds. The key is kindness. Be aware of the needs your spouse has each day, and do all in your power to treat them kindly offering to help if possible.

Husbands of Exhausted Wives:

  • Offer to take the kids so your wife can do whatever she wants, sleep, shop, cook, etc. The idea is to give her time to enjoy the quiet.
  • Clean the kitchen for her or another household chore she dreads doing, or just hasn’t had time to get to.
  • Take the nighttime duty for her one night so she can get a full night’s sleep.
  • Comfort her by listening and understanding her frustrations. Don’t be quick to offer a solution either. Many times she isn’t looking for an answer–just someone to understand her struggle.
  • Don’t lead the conversation or reply by saying, “if you would only do…” This is guaranteed to be received in the wrong way. When your wife is exhausted is not the time to address an area in need of improvement, unless of course, you’re willing to do it for her for a season.
  • Take the lead in dealing with unruly children and handling the discipline when you’re around. If your wife stays at home all day with the children she has been doing this for hours. Not only will you bless your wife, but your children will benefit from having your involvement.

Wives of Exhausted Husbands:

  •  Give your husband time to be alone when he comes home from work. Make it a set amount of time–say, 30 minutes, so he can readjust his focus from work to home.
  • Welcome him home each night by teaching the children to anticipate Daddy’s home!
  • If a neat and clean house is appreciated by him, make sure the main room and your bedroom is in order when he comes home.
  • Do one of his chores for him.
  • Make his favorite meal so he smells it when he walks in the door.
  • Give him a night out with the guys.

But what about when you’re BOTH exhausted? We’ll talk about that tomorrow.

Free image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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Don’t forget our Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest taking place now through Labor Day. For details click here.

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This is post #17 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in July.

Posted in communication, Conflict, Diapers, Toddlers & Romance, Oh My, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, Hindrances to Romance, Parenting, Romance in Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

A New Week – A New Series

Posted on July 16, 2012 by Tom Walter

It’s been awhile since we’ve had a series, so we thought we’d offer a new one for you beginning tomorrow. The inspiration for this series was Debi spending 2 1/2 weeks with our daughter’s family following the birth of their third baby, our fifth grandchild. It was there where she was reminded of how difficult it is to cultivate romance in the midst of diapers and toddlers.

So we are naming this series: Diapers, Toddlers and Romance, Oh My! We have 6 parts to this series, and we pray you’ll invite everyone you know who is in this season of life to tune in. We have been praying for all who will hear, that God will use our words to help them navigate the rough waters of parenting little children.

Imagine if you will a little boat crossing the vast ocean. The water at times rises so high you think you’re going to tip. Then, there are the days where the water is warm, the sun is bright and all is going according to plan. Romance is possible on all these days because romance is a decision we make, not a feeling to pursue. Our aim with this series is to help you determine to romance your spouse regardless of the weather which changes from day to day.

Tomorrow’s forecast? Emotional and Exhausted, yet Expectant! But now we offer you some ideas on what’s happening around town.

♥ Things To Do In Orlando ♥

CENTRAL

NORTH

  • Altamonte Springs – Jazz Jams Uptown on Saturday, July 21st from 7p – 10p. FREE.
  • Mt. Dora – A Celebration of Gospel Music on the 4th Sunday of each month at Tremain’s Tavern located in Lee’s Lakeside Inn. 6p – 8p. Sunset dining is available for $18.95 p.p.

EAST

  • Casselberry – Christmas in July sponsored by Christian Help on Friday, July 20th from 6p – 9p. Enjoy food, music, raffles, silent auction and even an appearance from Santa himself. A great way to give of yourself this time of year.
  • New Smyrna Beach – Flagler Avenue Putt and Stroll on Thursday, July 19th from 5p – 9p.

WEST

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Don’t forget our Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest taking place now through Labor Day. For details click here.

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This is post #16 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in July.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Hindrances to Romance, Mark Your Calendars (time sensitive), Orlando Date Ideas, Parenting, Romance in Marriage, Romantic Orlando, Seasons of Life | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Savoring Sunday

Posted on July 15, 2012 by Debi Walter

Photo Credit: Sunday Family Dinner blog

Growing up I always looked forward to Sunday dinner. Dinner was the afternoon meal for my mom–supper was always the evening meal. On Sunday’s Mom would prepare a delicious roast beef, mashed potatoes with gravy, green bean casserole, glazed carrots, hot buttered-rolls, and jello salad. It was tradition.

Later, when my mom didn’t enjoy cooking as much, and we had more money, the tradition moved to Western Sizzlin Steak House. It was my Dad’s favorite steakhouse, and I loved the huge buttered potatoes. They certainly were the sweetest I had ever had. But my favorite part was following my Dad to the cash register. He would always buy me a York peppermint patty – 5 for .25 cents.

This being Sunday, I’m wondering if we’ve lost a great opportunity to make a lasting memory with our children each week. Sure we have the major holidays to look forward to. But what if we were to take Sundays and make it special in a routine sort of way? What could you do within your budget to make Sundays something your children (and you) look forward to each week? Certainly, we’re not encouraging neglecting attendance at your local church. This tradition is of first importance.

But afterwards, why not work on savoring Sunday. It may be the one thing your children remember most once they’ve grown up.

How do you savor Sundays with your family?

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Don’t forget our Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest taking place now through Labor Day. For details click here.

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This is post #15 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in July.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Parenting | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Happy Hour

Posted on July 13, 2012 by Debi Walter

A Marriage Restored (the first of two new blogs this week.)

Allison Vesterfelt (another new blog–one well worth reading.)

Hot, Holy and Humorous

  • Tickling The Marriage Funny Bone – we all need to take time to do this on a regular basis. What? Laugh! J provides several videos to help you find your marriage funny bone. Enjoy…

Marriage Life

  • A Feather Here, A Feather There – This is an excellent post with a great story on the importance of protecting your spouse’s reputation. Please read it, your spouse and friends will thank you.

Mission: Wife

  • Why Doesn’t He Change – if you’ve asked this question or prayed this to God, please take a moment to read this short post. It packs a powerful truth.

One Flesh Marriage

  • Arm-Wrestling Well In Marriage – a great post on how to struggle well in your relationship. Struggles are a reality we all have and will continue to have. This post offers sage advice.

The Stupendous Marriage Show

  • One Year Anniversary – Congratulations to Stu and Lisa! If you haven’t listened to one of their excellent, fun and helpful shows, please do so. You will be encouraged and helped.

The Daily ReTort

  • Love, Finding A Definition That Works – an excellent guest post by a friend of Tor’s. Tor and his wife just had their third baby, so he is taking a much appreciated (by his wife) break.
The Generous Wife 

To Love, Honor And Vacuum

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Don’t forget our Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest taking place now through Labor Day. For details click here.

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This is post #14 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in July.

Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Happy Hour, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

A Marriage With A View

Posted on July 13, 2012 by Tom and Debi

Do you have a marriage with a view?

We’re not talking about a view out your window. It doesn’t matter if you see mountain vistas or sunrises over the ocean. All these are grand, but they don’t compare to the view of which we speak.

A healthy marriage must have this view in order to stay the course through hardship, through temptation, through sin and great disappointment. A healthy marriage must know that no matter what they are currently seeing there is hope for a better view.

Do you have a view of eternity?

There is a day coming when all our struggle with sin will cease for we will be home “in the place for which we were made,” as Randy Alcorn has said. Heaven is our home. Our best days here are but a foretaste of what is to come. We have a future and hope because we have a Heaven and Savior who is ever interceding on our behalf. He is orchestrating all the events of our lives in order to bring us safely home to Him.

It may seem He is distant, but He has promised He is closer than we know.

Do you believe it? Do you need a fresh reminder of His nearness and His dearness? Then let this post serve as a reminder of the Truth. It is a Truth that passes all understanding, which means you don’t have to understand it in order for it to be true.

Our God is great. He is glorious. And one day He will return for His bride whom is preparing for that glorious day where she will meet Him without spot or wrinkle. Now that will be a wedding to remember, and oh what a view!

Charles Spurgeon from his Morning and Evening devotion book for July 12th said:

‘My soul has tasted of the grapes,
And now it longs to go
Where my dear Lord His vineyard keeps
And all the clusters grow.
”Upon the true and living vine,
My famish’d soul would feast,
And banquet on the fruit divine,
An everlasting guest.’”

This is the vineyard we are longing to see, and the only reason our vineyard here has any fruit to offer those who come by for refreshment in their own vineyard.

How is the view from your marriage? Can you see eternity?

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Don’t forget our Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest taking place now through Labor Day. For details click here.

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This is post #13 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in July.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Temptation, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Make Your Own Rad-Libs

Posted on July 12, 2012 by Debi Walter

I remember when our children were in primary school, they loved playing Mad Libs. We made sure we had a new book each time we went on vacation. It’s a simple, fill-in-the-blank story that usually makes no sense. It almost always makes the readers laugh at the nonsense.

This got me thinking about using this same idea to play with your spouse after a great time away. Or you could use it to remember a special time you had together–even your honeymoon. Have your spouse fill in the blanks and you do the same. Read what you both filled-in and compare stories. Chances are your stories will be more “Rad,” than “Mad.” This is why we’re calling them Rad-Libs.

Use the following as it is, or use it as a template to create your own. Most of all have fun!

To My Dear ___________________,

It is mid-summer, and I am dreaming of when we went to ____________________.

We spent our time _____________________ and _______________________.

I’ll never forget the look on your face when ______________________________.

It was priceless.  The meal we had at __________________________________

was so __________________________.  I made sure we _________________.

When I close my eyes I can still see ____________________________ and hear

_________________________________.

I loved the _______________________, ________________________________

and ___________________________ most of all.

Thank you for the memory of __________________________.  It was a

mid-_____________________________ dream come true.

Gratefully Yours, ___________________________

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Don’t forget our Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest taking place now through Labor Day. For details click here.

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This is post #12 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in July.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Date Night Ideas, Romantic Ideas, Romantic Vacation Ideas | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Make Your Own Rad-Libs

7-11 Date Night Idea

Posted on July 11, 2012 by Debi Walter

Photo Credit: All Life Is Local blog

In case you hadn’t noticed today is July 11th, commonly referred to as 7-11.  There is a convenience store so named because it used to represent the hours the store was opened, 7a – 11p. It also happens to be the birthday of the store, and it’s celebrating 85 years today.

Photo Credit: Free Is My Life blog

Happy Birthday, 7-11!

Back when convenience stores were a new phenomenon, this was stretching the workday to say the least. Most businesses opened at 9a. and closed at 9p. There’s part of me that loved life then, except when it’s after 9 and I realize I don’t have milk for breakfast! 🙂

Actually, 7-11 got its start by providing milk, bread and eggs to customers from their local ice house. The founder “Uncle Johnny” Green thought it would provide a needed service to their customers. Today, he would be amazed to know 7-11 has over 46,000 stores in over 16 countries.

Back to our date night idea…

Here are the rules:

1. Each of you get $7.11

2. Go to your local 7-11 if you have one, or a nearby convenience store.

3. Spend your money on something for your spouse. It can be food, toys, drinks, magazines. Whatever you think your spouse will enjoy.

4. You can’t add any money to your purchase, and you must leave with only change in your pocket.

5. Meet back home for your date to begin at 7:11p. if possible. If not, make it 11 minutes after whichever hour works best for you.

6. For dinner serve food found in a convenience store: hot pockets, hot dogs, pizza bites, etc.

7. Then, take turns sharing your convenient gifts for your spouse. If they’re all edible, make a meal out of them.

8. Another idea is to make dinner using the three ingredients the original 7-11 stores sold: milk, bread and eggs.

9. Play a trivia game using these Fun Facts of 7-11.

10. Rent a Red Box movie, usually found at all 7-11’s. How convenient!

Treat yourself to a Slurpee–they’re giving them away free today only. You can click the Happy Birthday logo above for details.

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Don’t forget our Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest taking place now through Labor Day. For details click here.

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This is post #11 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in July.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Creative Dates, Date Night Ideas, Dinner Dates, Fun Dates, Movie Dates, Orlando Date Ideas | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

I Was Just Kidding

Posted on July 10, 2012 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: jkpranks

This is a phrase used often.  It is said when the person really is just kidding. Laughter erupts with everyone in the room.

However, there are times when this phrase is said and one person is the brunt of the “just kidding” words spoken. One person may try to laugh it off–the one who said the thing. But to the one who heard the words, it’s like a dagger to the heart. They aren’t laughing. Oh, they may laugh on the outside, but on the inside there are tears of pain, of humiliation, of all sorts of bad things.

When this happens in a marriage the pain is only more intense because the one who knows you best is betraying you by leaving you vulnerable and exposed in public.

This may sound harsh. But it isn’t our heart to be harsh, only to address a very real problem that can be a blind spot in many marriages.

Here’s a scenario:

A couple is at a dinner party with friends. The evening is full of laughter and fun when one wife comments, “The flowers on the table are gorgeous. Where did you get them?”

“Oh, my husband bought them for me last week and they’ve stayed fresh all this time. I just love them.”

Another wife chimes in putting her arm around her husband’s neck, “If my husband ever bought me flowers it would be at my funeral.” She laughs and everyone else joins in, yet there is a sting in the air.

When the wife sees the expression on her husband’s face she says, “I was just kidding.”

These types of situations happen in marriage because two sinners got married. We shouldn’t be surprised when we treat each other sinfully. What we do after a time like this determines if our marriage is on a healthy path or a slippery slope.

A marriage on a healthy path…

…would bring this scenario up later when the two are alone. The husband would say, “You know when you said that about the flowers tonight, I felt embarrassed. It wasn’t funny to me.”

A marriage on a slippery slope…

…would either not bring the situation up at all, letting the sting penetrate the heart. Or the husband may retaliate with a stinger back to her in front of their friends. Both responses only add to the damage done.

Saying anything in jest that has an ounce of truth to it is detrimental to a healthy marriage. We must purpose before getting in situations like these to never put each other in a bad light. If there are hurts or disappointments–which there will be–make sure you talk about these things in private. If you happen to be the one who said the hurtful words in front of others, humble yourself and repent. You should also go to your friends and repent to them for speaking ill of your spouse making the moment awkward for them.

These are growing moments in your relationship, but growth is stunted if we don’t learn from our mistakes.

The next time you use the words, I was just kidding, make sure you really are.

How have you handled moments like these? Has your marriage learned and grown stronger as a result? Or are you in need of making some things right? 

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Don’t forget our Summer Lovin’ Photo Contest taking place now through Labor Day. For details click here.

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This is post #10 in the Ultimate Blog Challenge to post everyday in July.

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Growing Strong Marriages, humor, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 20 Comments