Watch this video titled, “Don’t Stop (Improving)” It made us smile, so we wanted to share it with you on the Sunday following our anniversary! And thank you for all the kind wishes you’ve sent. It has been a week to remember, reflect and rejoice!
Today is our 33rd wedding anniversary, and it is the fourth anniversary we’ve shared with you since beginning The Romantic Vineyard. We are grateful to have this platform to share what we’ve learned about marriage so far. We say “so far,” because as long as we’re alive we will continue to learn, grow, succeed and even fail. Through it all we know that God is with us, showing us and teaching us more about what true love is. He is the One we follow and purpose to be more like, and He is the One who receives the glory for our love and our marriage. It’s all for HIM.
Now for our list:
This year on Valentines Day we did something we’ve never done before–we had a backwards date night. Here’s how it works:
The idea is quite simple. You eat dessert first, your main course second, your salad third and finish the evening with a really nice appetizer. If you’re like us, you won’t have room for the appetizer, but that’s okay. You will have had a full evening being together and enjoying your backwards dinner.
We had an absolute blast doing this date night, and we think it’s a real keeper! Let us know what you think! Remember…
Photo Credit: Inspirational Posters
NOTE: You could even start the night off making love FIRST. After all, most dates lead up to this–the MAIN event of a great date. Why not surprise your spouse by meeting them in the bedroom first! Guaranteed they won’t soon forget it!
We are in the mountains of North Carolina this week celebrating our 33rd anniversary (24th). It has been a beautiful week. Our daughter, son-in-love and two grandchildren were able to join us from Saturday until this morning, and now we have the rest of the week to enjoy being together–alone.
As they packed up and prepared to leave, we wanted to go with them to a local coffee shop first. When we pulled into the parking lot at 11a., we were surprised to see the “Closed” sign in the window. I got out to see if the shop was indeed closed.
It wasn’t.
The door opened and the shop owner apologized for forgetting to switch the sign. We were glad the sign in the window was wrong. It meant we would have coffee after all, and a few more minutes to enjoy being together before saying the dreaded “goodbye.”
It made me think about something with which the Lord has been dealing with me.
When a couple first gets married, they enter a season of receiving many gifts from the Lord–wedding presents, homes, children, careers, memories, two lives becoming one. It is all so wonderful. We receive each gift from the Lord with gratefulness and joy. Our hands are gladly opened to receive from His gracious, loving hand.
After a couple of decades the Lord starts removing things. This isn’t as easy as we think it will be. Our first child moves away to go to college or to get married. The room they used to keep so messy, suddenly stays clean–all the time. And it brings sadness, not joy. We can be tempted to wish things were like they used to be. But it never will.
Life moves forward. Our hearts must embrace these changes or be forever stuck in the past.
Tom and I are in the season of letting go of more and more in our lives. It has been hard, especially for me. I am one who holds on to those I love tightly, because I’m supposed to. I’m the Mom, and this is what love does, does it not? Or is it more loving to let go, and trust God?
I recently was pouring my heart out to Tom about how hard it is to have our daughter live so far away. What he shared with me was profound, and it has changed how I will view life from here on out; He held out his opened hand saying, “When we keep our hands opened, God is free to give and to take away as much as He wants. Our capacity is much more than when we grab hold of what we’ve got. A clutching hand is limited to the size of the palm. An opened hand can handle as much as the Lord wants to pile on.”
I was quite affected by Tom’s simple metaphor.
I had been clutching when the Lord obviously wanted me to keep an open hand. Like the coffee shop, a closed sign limits who can enter. An open sign invites the world in to come and stay for as long as they wish.
I want to be open, not closed. But I must pay attention to the sign I have in the window, and what I’m communicating to those I love. If I’m open to all the Lord has for them, they will be free to follow HIM, not me. This is what I’ve prayed for, and this is good. I’m just grateful I have a husband who is there to help me remember to change the sign. Otherwise my heart would never be open to take on more from the Lord.
What sign is in your window? Open or Closed?
Today is a day known mostly as one where schools are closed, and where great sales are taking place in various stores. Other than that, it’s just another day on the calendar.
But we wanted to share with you something special–a Presidential Love Story. George W. and Laura Bush were married in November of 1977. We all know them from a distance, but we found an amazing testimony that brings their love and marriage closer so we can learn and glean from their example. Here is a sampling of how they both describe their love and admiration for each other:
The President, ever more effusive in his manner, has declared what we have all come to understand: “Laura is a beautiful person, inside and out.” She is to him, “mi esposa…mi amore”… my wife, my love, and “the great love of my life.” And in moments when she needed assurance and encouragement, he has been known to say, “You look beautiful, babe!” What a gift it is to the leader of the free world to have a woman by his side who has covenanted to be with him always in love and support! Laura has observed that in politics you have many enemies, so it’s better if it’s not your spouse. It’s not difficult to see that these two are not enemies! In a rare unguarded moment when asked about the President’s appearance, Laura expressed that “After nearly 30 years of marriage, I still think the President is the most handsome man I know.”Â
….. Who can argue with that?Â
We want to share the rest with you for it is worth reading. Simply click on the picture above to be taken to the original website, which includes more pictures as well.
Be sure to come back to see what’s happening in Orlando this week too.
♥ Things To Do In Orlando ♥
CENTRAL
NORTH
EAST
WEST
Here is a complete list of Central Florida Farmer’s Markets taking place on a weekly basis. Be sure to contact the one you are planning to visit to make sure there are no changes in schedules. Â This is the best time of year to be outside and enjoy the crisp, cool air.
Today marks the final entry in our Love is series. Paul sums it all up by declaring, “love never fails!”
Wow! How many marriages would endure if both the husband and wife had this conviction of heart. If something isn’t able to fail, then whatever happens must be endured. And not only endured, but worked on to improve and strengthen.
The love Paul has outlined for us is impossible left to ourselves. We are incapable of loving our spouse the way God intended. Only Adam and Eve experienced this kind of marital bliss, yet even they weren’t satisfied.
They had perfection, but desired still more! If Adam and Eve weren’t content, how is it possible for us to cling to such commitment? Only by allowing God to love our spouse through us. As we have each received perfect love from the Lord which will never fail; we can trust in the same way He will allow us to love others, our spouse included, far above what we ever thought was possible. It is a miracle, and one which brings great glory to Him.
If our love doesn’t fail, it is only by His grace at work within us. Every year as you celebrate your wedding anniversary, remember “it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.” Philippians 2:13.
Now for a quick recap of what we’ve discovered about love as defined in the 1 Corinthians 13. You can click on each title to read the entire post for that day.
Love is patient – The Holy Spirit who is perfectly patient with us helps us in our weakness to grow so our marriages become a reflection of Him!
Love is kind – True kindness takes no regard for how it is received; for kindness that is real flows from a heart that longs to please God, not man. It has no strings attached.
Love does not envy – If I am allowing myself to think envious thoughts, I am NOT loving my husband/wife. See it. Admit it. Confess it. Repent of it. And be free from it! We don’t have to live this way. Christ has set us free from the bonds of slavery to sin; this includes envy.
Love does not boast – Boasting is a manifestation of pride, and pride concerns itself with self – not others. We can’t truly love our spouse if we are boasting in our selves and what we’ve done or plan to do. We must look out for the interests of our spouse – what pleases them, what would serve them.
Love is not rude – Rude behavior is the outflow of a selfish heart.
Love is not arrogant – Arrogance and humility are both undetected by its possessors. The proof comes from the observations of those who are closest to us. Only the humble person will ask!
Love does not insist on its own way – I must not insist on my own way, but I must also embrace the way of another. This can be my spouse’s way, God’s way, or someone else’s way (like cranky babies, unruly toddlers, or rebellious teens). Love demands that I set aside my own agenda to serve another.
Love is not irritable – God has provided much for me – more than I deserve. He has done for me that which I could never do for myself – made peace between Him and me. I will never understand such kindness, such mercy. As I meditate on this Truth I can feel my irritations taking a back seat to gratefulness.
Love is not resentful – When we choose to love each other the way God ordains, suddenly what mattered before doesn’t matter anymore. We realize we aren’t loving, and it’s easier to let go. If love is NOT resentful, and if love is NOT a feeling, but a choice we make – then we can choose to change with God’s help.
Love does not rejoice in wrong-doing, but rejoices in the truth – We can easily look at this portion of 1 Corinthians 13 and assume we never rejoice in wrong doing. But we must take a closer look – dig deeper than the surface. We tend to gloss over things rather than mulling them over and inquiring of God for His help to accurately assess our hearts and what motivates us.
Love bears all things – True love is willing to bear the little things, the big things, the inconvenient things and the unexpected things. True love bears ALL things – after all, this is what Christ has done for us. He gave us the most He possibly could – Himself!
Love believes all things – We live in a society that thrives on being critical of everyone! Let’s go against the flow by choosing to believe the best instead of looking for the worst. It’s a much more loving way to live – and it glorifies God!
Love hopes all things – We all have areas where change hasn’t happened or any progress we have made is too small to notice. Yet God has promised to complete the work He’s begun in us. This applies to our spouse as well! Don’t give up hope! As long as we are living and breathing there is always hope for change.
Love endures all things – God made us husband and wife for a purpose. He has given us all we need to grow in godliness and the ability to endure. When we do we feel His pleasure and He is glorified.
Before we share with you our “Specials of the Week…”
I must make a confession to you today. I’m sick today after fighting off the symptoms of a cold all week. I’m still in bed at noon, writing and surfing my favorite marriage blogs for today’s Happy Hour post, but I must tell you–I’m pretty discouraged when it comes to our blog. We have had ongoing issues with our RSS feed, our domain name, broken links, etc. I’m not techie and neither is Tom. Tom is busy with work traveling more than he ever has in our marriage. I miss him and his help with these issues, but it’s providential. So I do the best I can, but seeing how our readership has dropped lets me know things aren’t right. Â Thank you for your patience and for your help – one blogging friend has even signed on as an administrator to try and help with our problem. Another has researched extensively our feed and could find nothing wrong. It is a kindness I will never forget, but the issue remains.
Why am I telling you all this? I suppose its because I want to be transparent. It’s easy for people on-line to think we have everything together because of how it appears at first glance. But we’re normal people, with normal struggles, who at times haven’t a clue what the next step is – BUT God is our source and strength. He will help me in His time, not mine.
In the meantime, I will continue to write, pray, hope and trust that He will use it all for His glory, even if He is the only one who can read it.
Thanks for giving me the chance to share this with you. Would  you pray for us that God would lead us to those who can help us fix our blog issues? We are feeling quite helpless, but not without hope. This provides the perfect segue into our first blog post we think is quite special:
Encourage Your Spouse
Journey To Surrender
Marriage Missions International
Ship Bound For Tarshish
Swanstuff
The Generous Husband
The Generous Wife
Date night – 1982.  Tom took me to the theater to see a new movie that was receiving rave reviews. It was Monday; we had both worked all day; I was 7 months pregnant with our first child, but we couldn’t wait.  We made sure no one told us about the movie so as not to spoil it.
Later, we wished someone had!
You see the movie we’re talking about had a name that was powerful and sounded like another action-packed, heart pounding movie we had recently seen and loved – Raiders of the Lost Ark.
This movie was nothing like it.
The title, Chariots of Fire, was deceiving in that there were no grand chariot races, no overcoming great obstacles – at least not the obvious kinds we had imagined. This race was of another sort – the race of one’s personal best and willingness to endure.
We’re sad to say, we weren’t up to such deep thinking that night. In fact, I fell asleep! We were amazed when the movie continued to do well in the box office. When it ended up winning the Academy Award for Best Movie – we were shocked. I remember asking, “Did we miss something?”
Apparently, we had! Actually, the whole point of Eric Liddell’s amazing testimony.
What does this have to do with marriage? Everything.
In the next part of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 it says, “Love endures ALL things.” This endurance can be related to a runner in a race. We all run in one way or another – but are we willing to endure? To move past the obstacles in the road and run with our whole heart until the end?
Half of all marriages in America end in divorce. They fail in this important aspect of love – to endure ALL things. We have had our share of enduring hardship: a miscarriage, two back surgeries, loss of jobs, barely enough money to pay the bills, death of loved ones, confession of secret sins, forgiveness of those sins, national crisis as well as personal crisis. We have learned how to wait patiently for answers we had no certainty would ever come. We have learned in the waiting that God is faithful. We have grown in our ability to listen because we have endured conversation that wasn’t fun. There has been  much endurance, and after all these years we see the benefit.
When a runner first begins training just making it the first mile can be torture. But as he continues training something happens – the muscles and heart begin to work together finding a rhythm that brings a steady pace. Ground is gained and with it the freedom to run full speed ahead. This is the moment when records are broken. When a runner reaches this place there is joy in the running no matter how painful it may be.
Eric Liddell said, “I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure.”
In the same way, God made us husband and wife for a purpose. He has given us all we need to grow in godliness and the ability to endure. When we do we feel His pleasure and this makes it all worth it.
In what ways are you having to endure?
Cartoon by Kim Casali
We recently watched a movie we don’t necessarily recommend, but there was one quote that jumped out at us and was worth remembering:
“Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but it’s what’s in the middle that counts. So when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will.” Birdie Pruitt, Hope Floats
We are all in the middle of our marriages – somewhere between the “I Do’s,” and the “Death do us part.” We may have made it through the scary adjustment stages of leaving and cleaving, but now we’re faced with the reality of one fact–our spouse isn’t perfect! And neither are we!
One commentary says of 1 Corinthians 13:7 the following:
“A sincere love chooses to believe what is good of another, even when others have ceased to hope.”
This begs the question, does our love continue for our spouse even when others believe there is no hope for change? What about when you are being tempted to believe there is no hope? The Bible clearly tells us when we do this we are not loving! It is love to keep hope alive, even when there is no evidence. Is this denying reality and merely wishful thinking? Only if your hope is in your ability to change your spouse. We don’t possess this ability–never have–never will. Then where does our help (and hope) come from? It comes from God:
“Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God!” Psalm 42:5
- Photo by Colio08
We all have areas where change hasn’t happened or any progress we have made is too small to notice. Yet God has promised to complete the work He’s begun in us. This applies to our spouse as well! Don’t give up hope! As long as we are living and breathing there is always hope for change. Hope can float if we aren’t trying to control and choose to trust instead.
Webster’s 1828 Dictionary defines Hope:
- A desire of some good, accompanied with at least a slight expectation of obtaining it, or a belief that it is obtainable. Hope differs from wish and desire in this, that it implies some expectation of obtaining the good desired, or the possibility of possessing it. Hope therefore always gives pleasure or joy; whereas wish and desire may produce or be accompanied with pain and anxiety.
- Confidence in a future event; the highest degree of well founded expectation of good; as a hope founded on God’s gracious promises; a scriptural sense.
The Bible says, “you have not because you ask not!” Begin to ask God to bring the changes you desire – ask Him daily as long as it takes.
Photo from The Dwelling Place
“Hope always pertains to a future event. It goes beyond thinking the best of someone to expecting improvement as time goes by. When we say we hope all things, we are saying we believe others are changing for the better.”  (Pastor Mitch Horton)
And it’s most important that we communicate this hope to our spouse! They need the encouragement from the one who knows them best. It’s not easy hoping all things when our reality says otherwise. It can be downright scary. This is why we need faith in God to help us love our spouse the way He has loved us. He alone can cause hope to “float up” no matter how deep our struggle.
Cartoon by Kim Casali
We’ve heard comedians and mothers say it: What part of ALL don’t you understand?
If God’s Word tells us Love Believes All Things, who are we to insert a BUT where it doesn’t belong. Certainly we’re not talking about situations where the trust in a marriage has been broken by an unfaithful spouse, but given the normal struggles and difficulties of married life we must take up the mantle of believing the best of our spouse!
This includes how we communicate with them in public and in private.
There were times in our relationship when I questioned the validity of what Tom was saying. I didn’t realize I was doing this until a good friend pointed out how often I was correcting Tom’s facts in casual conversation. He would share something, and I would interject facts I felt were necessary. This is a little thing, but it revealed a huge area of pride in my heart. I was thinking more highly of myself and my ability to share the story than I was believing the best of Tom and letting him tell the story the way he saw it. It was as if a light went off in my head – I no longer had to carry the responsibility for what Tom did or didn’t say. And you know what I discovered? Just how amazing Tom is! I love listening to him talk. I love believing the best about him instead of being suspicious of his every word.
In private, it’s just as important to believe the best of our spouse. When they apologize for forgetting something we asked them to do – we choose to believe them, rather than stew over all the reasons we “think” they purposed to forget our request. We can become suspicious of our spouse’s motives if we’re not paying attention to this command in Scripture. What thoughts do we allow to float through our minds in regard to suspicion? Do we play detective looking for proof of the guilty verdict we’ve already declared? Or do we look for all the reasons to believe the best, thus silencing the judge within?
My husband excels at believing the best. He has motivated me by his example to strive for excellence in this area. God, who is perfect love, will help us “put off” suspicion and “put on” trust. It is the foundation of the strongest relationships.
We live in a society that thrives on being critical of everyone! Let’s go against the flow by choosing to believe the best instead of looking for the worst. It’s a much more loving way to live – and it glorifies God!
To bear means: to sustain the burden of; take on; take care of.
When Debi said she would be my wife for better or worse, in sickness and in health; she didn’t know this would include helping me recover from two back surgeries. I didn’t know when I shared my vows with her it would include helping her recover from a very disappointing miscarriage followed by a natural birth and two C-sections. These are the types of things included in “bears all things”. But there are no guarantees what path God will choose for us to walk out together in this life. True love is willing to bear the little things, the big things, the inconvenient things and the unexpected things. True love bears ALL things – after all, this is what Christ has done for us. He gave us the most He possibly could – Himself!
In researching the internet for this part of Scripture we came across an incredible story worth sharing. It’s the story of Larissa Whiteley and Ian Murphy. They were dating in 2006 when he was in a serious car accident leaving him in a coma. Larissa started a blog titled, “Pray for Ian”, that shares their story – all the ups and downs of dating while bearing up under such hardship. One post in particular is titled, Dating Ian, and she uses this scripture as her inspiration.
Theirs is no ordinary story; reading it will be the best example of seeing what this scripture looks like in real life. You will be inspired, convicted and challenged to love the way they have learned to love.
ON A HAPPY NOTE:Â They were married on August 28, 2010!
Another great resource is a new book released by Lori Lowe titled, First Kiss To Lasting Bliss. In it you will hear the amazing stories of many couples who have faced tremendous hardship in their marriage.
First Kiss to Lasting Bliss will give you the insight to protect and strengthen your marriage despite today’s challenges or any future obstacles that may come your way. These inspirational love stories provide examples of what real marriage is all about and show that great marriages are not perfect. It’s the twists and turns that keep life (and their stories) interesting.
…but rejoices in the Truth!
And it’s the “Truth that sets you free!”
We have learned much about what true love is and what it isn’t over the past few days. We can easily look at this portion of 1 Corinthians 13 and assume we never rejoice in wrong doing. But we must take a closer look – dig deeper than the surface.
We tend to gloss over things rather than mulling them over and inquiring of God for His help to accurately assess our hearts and what motivates us.
Have you ever:
These are prime examples of how we choose either to rejoice in wrong doing (evil) or to rejoice in the Truth (righteousness).
We’ve all heard it said that love is not a feeling, but a decision we make in every moment of every day. Our vows mean nothing unless we are applying them, not only in the grand decisions of our lives, but in the mundane moments as well.
When I married my husband at the young age of 19, I had no idea what true love was, much less how to practice it. Now, 33 years later, I’m finally seeing that to love my husband I must first of all love Christ. It is with More Love To Thee, as the classic hymn states, where I will grow more in love with Tom – the true kind of love that God assures us will bear fruit for a lifetime.
This motivates me to resist rejoicing in the things that feel good for the moment, and rejoice in those things which matter for eternity! This will only happen as we ask God to help us love as He defines it.
Cartoon by Kim Casali
Resentful means easily provoked to anger or irritable; this is the word mentioned right before in this scripture passage (1 Corinthians 13:4-7), and the word we discussed on Friday. So why is it mentioned twice? Most likely because we might miss the point!
Irritations are easily rationalized. We believe we have just cause to be resentful; otherwise we would be charitable. Think about it – when was the last time you were “irritated” with your spouse? Most likely you felt justified in your convictions. But if you were to stop and think about this verse…would you feel as justified? Probably not. It’s God’s Word that helps us say “NO” to this kind of thinking. God’s Word illumines the right path and helps us change!
We’re going to broach a subject we haven’t as of yet – sore spots. Sore spots are areas where we are choosing to be resentful. Do you have an area of your relationship where you have chosen NOT to discuss? Are there on going disagreements? Do you choose to ignore rather than resolve? May we encourage you to explore this topic using this Scripture as your foundation? It may provide the reconciliation you’ve been unable to achieve. God’s Word, when followed, gives us the direction we need.
When we choose to love each other the way God ordains, suddenly what mattered before doesn’t matter anymore. We realize we aren’t loving, and it’s easier to let go. If love is NOT resentful, and if love is NOT a feeling, but a choice we make – then we can choose to change with God’s help. He will honor prayers asking for help to be more loving. We simply need to ask!
What areas have you chosen to ignore in your marriage? Ignoring them simply puts off the problem until it has a chance to grow so big it can’t be ignored. Please pray for God to help you resolve this area once and for all. It may not be fun, but the rewards will be worth it.
Yesterday I was traveling home with my daughter-in-love and my two adorable granddaughters from a weeklong visit at my daughter, Tracy’s for her birthday. It was a fun, loud, busy and oh-so-happy visit. Needless-to-say, I didn’t have a quiet time all week, much less read any blogs. So, today I’m perusing a few because I love sharing with you the great posts of the blogs I enjoy.
I must tell you how happy my husband was to welcome me home. He does such a good job of making me feel as if I am the most important person in the world. And I know I feel this way because he tells me so – often. He blessed me by having the house cleaned when I walked in the door. He helped me unload my suitcases and bags. He kissed me in the driveway before we even said, Hi. Yes, he is a living demonstration of modeling Christ’s love for the church. Why do I tell you this? Because if this wasn’t true, I would have nothing about which to blog. I realize my husband is an amazing gift to me and to all who know him. He is humble, kind, patient – all the things we’ve been posting about from 1 Corinthians 13’s definition of true love. My fingers are happy to type the praises of my husband’s love for me. I pray your marriages will continue to grow and thrive in a way that blesses you both and that glorifies God in the process.
Now for the Blogs posts of the week: (I wish I had more time to get to the others. Enjoy!)
Journey To Surrender
Marriage Gems
Mom Blog
The Daily ReTort
The Generous Husband
The Generous Wife
To Love, Honor And Vacuum
Cartoon by Kim Casali
The following was originally posted in June of 2010, but the Truth I needed then can certainly be applied to me today. I am in constant need of God’s mercy and grace. And the best news is that His mercies are new every morning. We pray you’ll be encouraged by this post as well.
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“Love is not irritable.” 1 Corinthians 13:5b
If this is true – which we believe it is because God’s Word is TRUTH, then when I’m irritable I am not loving – period!
Webster’s 1828 Dictionary, which defines words in the English language based on its use in the Bible, says irritable means very susceptible of anger or passion; easily inflamed or exasperated; as an irritable temper.
As I’ve mentioned, we are facing challenging circumstances in our home. My husband has been sick causing both of us to wish for better days. I have been irritable – the last thing he needs. Oh, I’m not angry at him – I know he can’t help it. And he’s doing all he can to get better. So if I’m not angry at him then, with whom am I angry? It must be the One who controls all things – God. I’m irritable because I don’t like what He’s planned for me at this time in my life. I want normal! I want peace! I want, I want! How selfish and ME-centered.
I must remind myself of the Truth!
God has provided much for me – more than I deserve. He has done for me that which I could never do for myself – made peace between Him and me. I will never understand such kindness, such mercy. As I meditate on this Truth I can feel my irritations taking a back seat to gratefulness. I am grateful beyond words! I may not have peace in my mind at this moment, but I have peace with God! Amazing!!
It’s time to express my gratefulness to Tom.
I hear these kind of words are like a healing balm to the soul. Maybe this was God’s plan all along! I can trust and love a God like this! And I can truly love my husband because God has first loved me!
P.S. Before I finished writing this post, my husband came in the kitchen with a bouquet of roses and a card for ME! And the Lord surprised me with a sunflower in my backyard that came up from seed. I’m undone by God’s mercy and Tom’s love!
Have you ever felt irritable with your spouse over insignificant things? Or maybe you’ve had significant things over which to fret? Have you discussed these issues with God? Have you asked His perspective? Many times God uses situations we think are for others when He is actually after something in our own hearts. He’s willing to tell us – but He often waits for us to ask! We’d love to hear from you!
by Kim Casali
As we continue our discussion of what Love is and isn’t as defined in the Bible, we are learning simple adjustments to make in how we relate to one another. So far we’ve discussed these points:
Today we’ll talk about how easy it is to insist on our own way!
Seeing this attitude as a way of NOT loving our spouse will help us change this detrimental habit. As life happens we develop ways of relating to one another that we may not realize are unloving.
Looking at my own life, I see this way too often. I don’t like it when my husband doesn’t come home when I want him to, or help out the way I want him to when he does walk in the door. I see it when I’ve planned a special date night and those plans get altered in one way or another. I see it when I’m tired and hoping for a break, and Tom gets a headache or is sick! I see it when we’re in the middle of an argument and Tom doesn’t see it my way. I see it when Tom makes decisions that effects my life in ways I wasn’t expecting. I’m confident my way is best, and I struggle with letting go.
Truth be told, what I’m really seeing inside my heart is the temper tantrum of a spoiled child competing for attention, wanting nothing more than for things to go MY WAY.
Photo from More4kids.info
In order to grow in loving this way it’s important to realize it is two-fold; I must not insist on my own way, but I must also embrace the way of another. This can be my spouse’s way, God’s way, or someone else’s way (like cranky babies, unruly toddlers, or rebellious teens). Love demands that I set aside my own agenda to serve another.
Now we’re not talking about being a door mat.
This kind of love must be committed to on both sides of the relationship to truly work. However, it is possible to love an unloving spouse, we’ve seen it happen time and time again. But today we’re talking about those in healthy relationships who choose the unloving way too often. Embracing this kind of genuine love will deepen the bonds that unite our hearts as one.
It’s good to discuss at length with our spouse how they think we’re doing with this kind of love. Objective communication about such topics helps tremendously when the subjective emotions give vent in our thinking tempting us to react in an unloving way.
Most importantly, we must pray and ask God for help!
Only He can enable us to deny ourselves and love our spouse in the same way He has loved us. He was willing to lay His life down for me – am I willing to do the same for my spouse?
This is true love!
How does this scripture affect your marriage? Are you walking in the truth of it, or are you just now seeing changes that need to take place?
Enjoy this video titled, “I Won’t Give Up,” by Jason Mraz:
Rude
Just saying the word sounds rude – like you’re interrupting someone without saying “excuse me”.
Rude behavior can be as simple as belting out a loud burp or forgetting to open the door, as demeaning as speaking harshly, or as disrespectful as rolling our eyes when our spouse does something we don’t like or doesn’t do something we want them to.
Face it. We all have moments of temptation to be rude, but we don’t have to choose to be so. We can instead “put on love”. How? By thinking and deciding before the heat is on, when the way is clear and uncluttered by our selfishness; by praying to the Lord for help in our weakness, and then…believe He will help us.
Rude behavior is the outflow of a selfish heart.
Consider the times when you’re most tempted to react rudely:
1 Corinthians 13 is not a hard chapter to understand, yet why do we so often fail to truly love in this way? If we knew the answer to this simple question we wouldn’t need God. He wants us to cry out to Him for help in turning our selfishness into charity; our rude behavior into kindness.
So let’s practice loving our spouse by resisting the temptation to be rude, crying out to the Lord for help in our weakness and watching Him change us for His glory!
…then let’s take a deep breath!Â
Photo Credit: givecourage.net
This is the last full week leading up to Valentine’s Day. It’s not too late to plan something special for your love. We’ve heard couples say, “Oh, we don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day – it’s too commercial.” To this comment we say, “How sad!” Not that they choose to not participate in the over- romanticized holiday, but that they choose to not romance their spouse in a way that blesses them.
Imagine if we chose to not celebrate Christmas because of how commercial it has become? We don’t have to participate in the way everyone else does, but we can participate in a way that becomes US. It is OUR tradition, OUR memories which matter to US.
We have enjoyed Valentine’s Day in a way we wouldn’t trade for anything else. What could you and your spouse do to make this a holiday you look forward to because of the memories you’ve made together, rather than, avoiding it at all costs? Don’t miss such a great chance to celebrate the love that is in the air–the love between you and your spouse.
We would love to hear what your plans are–simply comment to this post and let’s share our creativity! Who knows? Your idea may just spark another couple to celebrate in the same way. If you are looking for ideas around Orlando–below is our Mark Your Calendar list.
♥ Things To Do In Orlando ♥
Celebrating Valentines Day the weekend before? Here are some unique ideas:
Romantic Dining, Orlando’s best
CENTRAL
SOUTH
We are continuing our Love Is series…
Arrogance is easily detected by those who are observing it in others, yet it is hardly noticed by those who are themselves arrogant.
I should know because I lived completely unaware of my own arrogance for years until the Lord in His mercy decided it was time to give me a good look at myself in the mirror.  It was a painful reality to see my reflection as others always had. And the realization that my husband loved me in spite of my arrogance brought me to tears.
One evening, while Tom and I were away on a business trip, we were slow dancing to a Bette Midler song when I sensed the Lord give me a glimpse of how Tom loved me despite my arrogance. I had oftentimes judged Tom uncharitably based on my expectations and my plans. I didn’t consider that the Lord was speaking to him too, giving direction and guidance. I figured if he wasn’t seeing things as I was then he must be missing God! This, my friends, is sheer – unadulterated arrogance. This thought was impressed on my heart, “So who made you the standard for what a godly life should look like?”
Of course I had never actually said I was the standard, but after considering my thoughts and motives – this is how I treated Tom. And most likely how I treated others as well. It was an ugly truth I had to face. I am grateful beyond words that I did! I am even more grateful for a husband who has committed to love me for better or worse for he was seeing me at my worse yet loved me all the more. How like Christ is his love for me. and this is what led me into true repentance.
My love for the Lord and respect for Tom increased seemingly overnight! This is the way love grows in a humble heart, simply and without effort. Of course, I didn’t notice, but others did. Arrogance and humility are both undetected by its possessors. The proof comes from the observations of those who are closest to us. Only the humble person will ask!
The Romantic Vineyard 