Today our focus is on one thing love is not – boastful. Boasting is a manifestation of pride, and pride concerns itself with self – not others. We can’t truly love our spouse if we are boasting in our selves and what we’ve done or plan to do. We must look out for the interests of our spouse – what pleases them, what would serve them. This is how we turn from being boastful and proud to love and serve our spouse.
John Piper says:
Is it not surprising that the opposite of love in 1 Corinthians 13 is not hate but pride. The main category of what love does not do is arrogance (boasting, seeking its own way).
Love is to lay our lives down for someone else – pride refuses such a thought.
Imagine if both of us are loving in this way? If I look out for what is best for Debi and Debi does the same for me then we are moving towards a God-glorifying marriage. If I do the opposite and think mostly of my plans and my accomplishments – I am moving away from a God-glorifying marriage.
Doing this is impossible in our own strength; we need God’s help to love our spouse in the way He intends. This is the only thing in which we are permitted to boast – our weakness! God loves to help us in our weakness for then He is sure to receive the glory.
Building Strength – Rest – This is part of a series Lori is doing on building a strong marriage. We purpose to do many things well in our lives, but are we purposing to build a strong marriage?
Hot, Holy and Humorous
When My Sex Life Sucked, Part 2 – very helpful post for those struggling in this area or for those who are too busy raising a family to give this area much attention.
Intimacy In Marriage
Why I Cried When We Made Love – Julie shares another great post on the purpose and benefits of sexual intimacy in the midst of difficulty and pressure.
One Thousand Gifts
How to {Make} Love {Into a Marriage} – Since we’re spending these two weeks leading up to VD about defining true love, Ann Volcamp says it better than I ever could! If you only have time for ONE post to read, make it this one. It will bless you, heart and soul!
The Generous Wife
Be Generous – great motivation as to why we do what we do. And if you have an anniversary this month, be sure to comment.
The Pioneer Woman
Top Ten Food Picks For Super Bowl Sunday – the pictures alone will make your mouth water. Imagine how good this food will taste! Bless your husband and make something special for this annual American tradition!
To Love, Honor And Vacuum
29 Days To Great Sex – Day One – Another excellent series that is sure to cover all the issues surrounding this vital part of a healthy marriage. Follow this blog to read all 29 posts. She’s on day three!
Today we continue our look at 1 Corinthians 13 to understand more clearly what love is. This post is a bit more weighty than usual, but it is important in marriage to look deeper into the soil of our hearts to see what nutrients, or lack of, are there. Our hope and prayer is that as you look you’ll be motivated to cultivate true love as Biblically defined, not culturally. This is the only love that matters, and it’s the only love that will last.
We have found Noah Webster’s Dictionary from 1828 to be the most accurate in defining Biblical terms. Why? Because Noah was the first American to take the time to define the words used at this time in American history. His source for the word’s definition? He used scripture to determine accurately what each English word meant. In case you have never studied his story…it is quite inspiring! But that’s not what our post is about today.
The word is envy!
Envy – Pain, uneasiness, mortification or discontent excited by the sight of another’s superiority or success, accompanied with some degree of hatred or malignity, and often or usually with a desire or an effort to depreciate the person, and with pleasure in seeing him depressed. Envy springs from pride, ambition or love, mortified that another has obtained what one has a strong desire to possess.
Given the definition, I don’t think many of us would confess publicly to envying our spouse, yet we do. I (Debi) can think of a specific time in our marriage when I didn’t like the fact that Tom was able to leave for work – alone in his car – while I was left at home with three children age 4 and under, to care for and train minute by minute! I was full of envy, wishing I could have the freedom to go and do without the demands motherhood required. I’m ashamed to admit it, but it was true. These thoughts left unchallenged and repented from produced strife and all kinds of discord in our home.
Pretending envious thoughts aren’t present in my heart accomplishes nothing good!
If I don’t see envy as sin, I have no hope! Seeing it for what it is allows me to repent to my Savior – the only place I’ll find forgiveness and hope to move on free from its grip!
As my children have grown I don’t feel the pull of envy as strongly as I used to, yet I am always aware of the temptation to compare myself with others – be it my husband or friends who have more or do more than I am able to at this time in my life.
Love does not envy [period].
It’s that simple! If I am allowing myself to think envious thoughts, I am NOT loving my husband/wife. See it. Admit it. Confess it. Repent of it. And be free from it! We don’t have to live this way. Christ has set us free from the bonds of slavery to sin; this includes envy. What glorious news!
“He whom the Son sets free, is free indeed!”
**IT”S YOUR TURN – Have you found yourself fighting temptations to be envious of your spouse? How has God helped you fight this temptation?
To accurately define love we must go to the source – God’s Word. Here is where we’ll find the definition we NEED to hear, not just WANT to hear.
1 Corinthians 13:4 says, “Love is patient and kind…”
What motivates kindness in marriage? The answer we give reveals whether our kindness is genuine or self-serving. True kindness takes no regard for how it is received; for kindness that is real flows from a heart that longs to please God, not man. It has no strings attached.
A perfect example is found in the classic movie, Gone With The Wind. Melanie personified this fruit of the Spirit. She constantly thought of others as more important than herself. She truly loved, so she was truly kind.
Photo Credit: TheFashionSpot.com
On the other hand, Scarlet O’Hara gives us a clear picture of what kindness that is disingenuous looks like. She would say what she perceived others wanted to hear, only because she was trying desperately to get her own way.
Buy at allposters.com
Now consider marriage – I have a fresh example from this morning; (how like God to give me an opportunity to practice what we’re talking about here on the blog.) as Tom was getting ready to leave for work, I wanted to talk with him about something important to me. I started to dive into the conversation when I realized Tom was distracted. Rather than plow through regardless, I stopped and asked him if he had time to listen…he honestly didn’t. He suggested we talk tonight, and then added, “Could you make me some breakfast to go?”
Selfishness would say, “Ugh! You’re not going to listen to me AND you want me to make you breakfast? Hmph!”
Today was one of those days when I chose be kind – maybe it was because I knew I was going to be writing this post! 🙂 But for whatever reason, God in His kindness to me (He is always kind although I don’t deserve it), helped me to be kind to Tom.
This is how we practice – moment by moment in the little choices we make.
Left to ourselves we would never choose genuine kindness, but God has given us a way of escape from our selfish and manipulative ways.
Kindness is a fruit of the Spirit, and since we are cultivating our own Romantic Vineyard, let’s purpose to fertilize this fruit. I hear it makes the best wine when crushed!
We are re-posting the “Love-Is” posts we did back in the Spring of 2010. It is still one of our most popular series, and well worth revisiting. With Valentines Day only two weeks away, these posts will help us remember what true love looks like! It has nothing to do with a chubby cherub who goes around shooting arrows of love. 🙂
I remember growing up in the 70’s with a little cartoon that captured my teen-aged heart. It was “Love Is…” cartoons by Kim Casali. She created the strip as a way to express the love she had for her husband, Roberto. It grew to be a famous symbol of that era when it was syndicated by The Los Angeles Times in 1970.
However, as cute as these characters are, they are only sentiments of a wife towards her husband.
The Bible gives us a more concrete definition of what love is, and it is found in the 13th chapter of 1 Corinthians:
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
Let’s consider the first one:
In examining my own heart, I realize how often I am not patient towards Tom. I may ask him to do something for me, and if it doesn’t get done in the time frame I was hoping, I have a choice to make: will I show love to Tom by being patient or will I resort to becoming angry?
Or yet another example happened last December…I have a favorite perfume that was nearly gone, so I hinted to Tom hoping he’d buy me more for Christmas. Since the perfume can only be purchased on-line; Tom found it only to discover that the perfume was on back order. Christmas came and went with no perfume!
Around February I checked the website to see if the perfume was available – to my delight, it was! I quickly told Tom, not knowing that he had already bought and received the perfume. His face looked disappointed at my discovery as he said, “You’re impossible to surprise!”
I felt horrible; Tom was planning to surprise me for Valentine’s Day, and
my impatience spoiled everything!
Tom said a big temptation for him is when I am running late. He is very punctual and loves to arrive anywhere at least 5 minutes ahead of schedule! In the early years of our marriage I remember getting myself and our three children ready for Sunday service with a strong awareness of the ticking clock! Tom, in a way to help me realize the countdown, would go sit in the car with it running as a way to encourage my punctuality! Hardly, the patient husband; needless to say, this was a source of many arguments in our marriage.
Everyday we’re faced with temptations to be impatient.
Even last night we joked when I was impatient about the way Tom was using the remote control! But, there is hope! If the Bible tells us love is patient, we must look to it’s Author for help. The Holy Spirit who is perfectly patient with us helps us in our weakness to grow so our marriages become a reflection of Him!
We’ve provided a few examples of what impatience looks like – what does it look like in your marriage? How is God helping you to grow?
I keep thinking that life is getting in the way of writing. BUT. Life is what I’m called to live. Writing is simply an outlet to share our life with others. Somehow I think I’ve switched the two.
This is not good.
Maybe this is why it has been a difficult month for me. God is wanting to make sure my priorities stay where they should be. Here is a list of my priorities:
1. God
2. Spouse
3. Family
4. Church Life
5. Ministry i.e. The Romantic Vineyard
Ah! When I measure the past month in regards to my priorities I HAVE been living by them. But my heart has been drawn to put the blog third on the list. I’m grateful the Lord has shown this to me, and I’m even more grateful that my life is reflecting the proper order of priorities. So it’s a heart issue I need to go after.
The Bible says, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” But I also believe it applies to say, Out of the abundance of the heart the mind thinks!
God, please help me think right when it comes to my life. May I not make more of one aspect of my life than you want me to. This is why You desire me to prioritize my life and then live according to it. Thank you for being a God of order. May I learn to live this way.
In Jesus’ precious name,
Amen
How are you doing with your priorities? Do you enjoy them? Or do you grudgingly do them because it’s the right thing to do? May God help us do them WITH joy!
As Tom and I were leaving Costco recently, the check-out clerk commented he wanted to come to our house simply based on what we were buying. It made us laugh as we realized how different seasons require different purchases from the store. For instance, we spent years buying diapers, formula, apple juice and wipes. No one was commenting then that they wanted to follow us home. But we enjoyed that season as much as we are enjoying this season.
You can tell a lot about a person by “reading their shopping cart,” so to speak. And you can learn a lot about yourself based on what you purchase. I haven’t done any deep research on this topic – that would be my friend Lori Lowe’s department – But next time you’re shopping see how much of what you’re buying is because you love your spouse. Make it a habit to pick up one thing that if your spouse were working the check out lane, they’d ask to come home with you!
♥ Fun Dates To Celebrate ♥
The month of February is…National Hot Breakfast Month – Why not plan to bless your spouse with a hot breakfast every morning in February. Not sure you can commit to this? Then try going out for a hot breakfast one morning to celebrate!
Following are the individual dates this week that have special meanings:
31 Backward Day – send you spouse an e-mail typed completely backwards. Or try your hand at writing in cursive backwards – my sister and I learned how to do this during church services when we were little. It was our way of passing notes we didn’t want anyone else to read! I think this little secret would work great between husband and wife too!
31 Inspire Your Heart with Art Day – Some guys may go for a visit to the local ceramic studio to make a special piece together to remember this day!
1 National Freedom Day – watch your favorite war movie and thank God for those who have been willing to sacrifice for our freedoms.
2 Heavenly Hash Day – Plan to bake something special like brownies or fudge. Or go out to your favorite ice cream parlor!
5 National Weatherman’s Day – Make plans to do something outside and enjoy the weather together. Or you could watch your favorite weather movie likeTwister!
♥ Things To Do In Orlando ♥
Super Bowl Sunday is February 5th. Check out all the places hosting parties for this annual event!
CENTRAL
Orlando – ArtsFest takes place beginning Feb. 1st – 29th. See site for details. Admission is FREE.
It has been a few weeks since we’ve been able to highlight some of our favorite blogs. This isn’t because there haven’t been good ones to read – on the contrary! It seems the marriage blogs we frequent are growing and maturing in their writing and testimonies. This is excellent news!! The more couples encouraging godly marriages the more marriages that will be strengthened.
We simply haven’t had the time to read other blogs, but today we’ll share a few. If you have the time this weekend, visit the blogs highlighted and check out their other posts. We value what they have to say.
But first we want to share with you a powerful video on the importance of taking our marriage vows seriously. You will be affected so be prepared!
Encourage Your Spouse
Love Is – Lori takes the very familiar passage from 1 Corinthians 13 and shares a picture you may never forget on how to apply these verses to your daily life.
Hot, Holy and Humorous
When My Sex Life Sucked, Part 1 – In this post, and this blog for that matter, “J” tackles the rarely talked about topics that all marriages need to face and communicate about. This post in particular will greatly help young couples who are in the midst of raising a family. Please, take the time to read it! Your marriage will thank you for it, and maybe your kids will too – one day! 🙂 Be sure to watch this blog for Part 2. It’s sure to be just as good!
This Isn’t Fair – Cindy share their personal struggle and how God is helping her to think rightly – very much like a post I will share tomorrow!
One Flesh Marriage
Relationship Energy – A great metaphor comparing the energy found in your marriage with the energy you had while dating. Brad asks some very insightful questions to help you discern your marriage.
The Generous Husband and The Generous Wife
Twenty Seven Years and Counting – Happy Anniversary to a couple who knows how to do marriage right. How? By following the Lord each step of the way – through peaks and valleys. We gladly highlight them today, and you’ll see…they LOVE to kiss! 🙂
This post was originally posted in April of 2010. I happened upon it last night as I was looking for something else. What affected me is we’re in a season where life is NOT ordinary. It has been a challenge to keep up with the demands of life since the beginning of the year. And the worst part? As the year progresses it seems to be getting busier. I have been longing for an ordinary day. How about you? How do you handle those not-so-ordinary days? How is your marriage affected – for better? or for worse?
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I love ordinary days.
Days when the first thing I hear is the whirring of the coffee grinder as Tom brews a fresh pot of aromatic energy – just for him. He prefers his coffee strong and black.
Days when I steep hot tea in my favorite Starbucks mug – PG Tips to be exact – with a bit of sugar and cream; pure comfort in a cup!
From there Tom finds his place at the kitchen counter. I settle in on the sofa, and we commune with the Lord – reading His word, reading a book together and/or by journaling. There is a rhythm to our mornings that seems ordinary, but in reality they are far from it. The fact is that after 31 years [now 33] having found such a rhythm to our days is nothing short of a miracle. We enjoy being together as we seek the Lord. We enjoy communing with the Author of our faith…our love…our lives. Because He first loved us, we are learning to enjoy the security His love brings to us individually and as a couple.
We have learned that such ordinary days are what make life extraordinary.
Predictable, everyday routines are like foundations that support us on the days that are not so routine. God gives us Himself on the ordinary days so we might give of ourselves sacrificially to His will when things aren’t going as planned.
He is always there when our feet first touch the floor in the early morning light, and as we reach to turn off the lamp before kissing goodnight. He is the reason we have any days at all, the ordinary as well as the not-so-ordinary.
I see it all the time, and it usually makes me sad for the habit they have. You’ve most likely seen it too – a group of nicotine addicts gathered outside on a beautiful day to have their fix. It may be they’re facing a challenge and felt the need to smoke. It may be their regular coffee break where they choose to remove themselves from inside in order to enjoy a cigarette outside.
Smoking is bad for you. I get that. Being dependent on nicotine can be life-threatening. This is true.
So why do I envy smokers?
Simply because they have a habit of pulling themselves away for a short breaks throughout the day. Indoor smoking laws have caused them to go outside in order to pause and smoke.
Imagine if we were to have the same “habit” of seeking the Lord throughout the day? When the pressure builds and we sense anxiety, instead of grabbing a cancer stick, we grab hold of God by pulling away to pause, reflect and regroup.
Our post yesterday about stillness, made me notice two smokers outside our local convenience store in a completely different way. They were talking. They were enjoying the weather. And they were smiling.
Why not emulate the smokers by taking up a praying habit? Not one where you add it to your busy schedule, but one where you get up and walk outside for a few moments. You may find this is a habit you simply can’t kick! And who would want to?
When was the last time you were still? Sleeping doesn’t count! Stillness is something with which most of us are not comfortable. Why? Because when we’re still all we have is our thoughts, and sometimes our thoughts aren’t encouraging. Sometimes our thoughts can be quite frightening.
Yet stillness is necessary. We must take time to be still. The Bible says in Psalms 46:10 –
“Be still, and know that I am God.”
If this is what it takes to know God, and if we avoid being still, then aren’t we avoiding knowing God? How sad. When we say “yes” to one thing, we are saying “no” to something else. When we constantly choose to fill our down time with social media and entertainment, stillness isn’t possible.
It is Wednesday. Our time to pause halfway through the week to check who it is we are worshiping. Are we worshiping God or our own agenda? Pausing long enough to be still and consider this question will actually help us worship God. For in the stillness we will find HIM.
Here is a challenge: plan some time to sit and be still this week. Listen for God. Wait on Him. Enjoy being with Him even if you have nothing to say. Then, see if you don’t sense His nearness more than you did before. To help you experience some stillness here in this moment, enjoy this song by Watermark appropriately titled, Still.
When schedules are demanding and time to connect is lacking, it is easy to find our communication either hitting or missing the mark.
Have you ever said one thing only to have your spouse interpret what you said, how you said it or why you said it, in the wrong way? There is a choice to make in such moments: Either overlook the miscommunication, react to it, or purpose to talk about it later.
After nearly 33 years of marriage we still find ourselves reacting to each other when we are tired or our schedules are overextended. This is one such time. Our posts have been less frequent because of life. But this life is what God has called us to! It is in the mundane moments when we realize what is in our hearts. These moments help us see the areas which need to change, and God is there in those moments to help us, grow us and to bring us to a place of reconciliation.
The work marriage requires never ends. But the seasons of struggle don’t seem to last as long. We have learned how to read one another more accurately, but we’re still sinners in need of a Savior. The good news is – we have a Savior who is able to help us in every season we face in our marriage.
So, be encouraged. If you are hitting or missing the mark of communication, God is with you. He will help you. Cry out to Him for help in your time of need then watch and see what He does. He is faithful!
We had the opportunity to spend an afternoon bike riding together on the West Orange Trail in West Orange County. It was a beautiful day, and the cost was minimal thanks to a Living Social Deal. We pedaled for 12 miles, stopping to take pictures along the way.
There are many rails which have been converted to trails throughout Central Florida. If you love to be outdoors and enjoy biking, walking, running, skateboarding or in-line skating, this may be a great way for you to see the real side of Florida. We sure enjoyed our time together as you’ll see in the pictures below!
Happy Trails! 🙂
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♥ Fun Dates To Celebrate ♥
January 23
National Pie Day – This is a great day to bake your favorite or go out together and order one slice or two.
National Handwriting Day – Why this day? Because today is the birthday of John Hancock, the first signer of our nation’s Declaration of Independence. Why not write your love a handwritten note on a napkin and place it under their plate at dinner. Be sure to sign your “John Hancock,” so they know it’s from you! 🙂
January 24
Compliment Day – Everyone needs at “atta boy” now and then. Especially from the one you love most.
January 25
Opposite Day – Have fun with this one…and finish it with some great sex – after all opposites attract, right?
January 26
Spouse’s Day – That’s right – every spouse should have their own special day. Make this one so special they’ll never forget it. Plan by making a list of all their favorite things, and then do all you can to give them the list in one 24 hour period. The fun part – don’t tell them you’re doing it. See how quick they catch on that it’s all their favorites day!
January 27
Chocolate Cake Day – no explanation needed.
January 28
National Kazoo Day – if you’re inclined to play one, serenade your spouse and see if they can “name that tune.”
January 29
National Puzzle Day – Combine both holidays by putting together a jigsaw puzzle…
National Corn Chip Day – …while munching on nachos!
♥ Things To Do In Orlando ♥
CENTRAL
Downtown Orlando Partnership presents it’s monthly social at the Grand Bohemian on Thursday, January 26th from 5:30p – 7p. Cost is $10 for non-members, $2 for members. See site for details.
Orange County History Center presents Retro Night on Friday, January 27th from 7p – Midnight. There will be classic board games, video games, retro snacks, as well as pizza and a cash bar for your enjoyment. Sunny FM 105.9 will provide the music to complete the feel of visiting the good old days!
Winter Park – Music at the Casa on Sunday, January 28th from 12p – 3p. FREE.
Winter Park Playhouse – presents “I Love You Because,” on stage this weekend. See site for reviews, times and prices.
NORTH
Sanford – Sanford Art Walk will be on January 27th in downtown Sanford. Cost is FREE and begins at 6p.
Blue Springs – Manatee Festival on Saturday and Sunday, Janaury 28th and 29th. See site for times and admission prices.
WEST
Clermont – Lakeridge Winery Winter Music Series will offer it’s final day on Saturday, January 27th from 1p – 4p. This weeks artist is Little Mookie and the Half Pints. FREE.
I was in a meeting this week with some other wives, and this idea came to us through laughter and tears, the good kind of tears from laughing too hard.
One friend had her toddler in her arms eating a cupful of gold fish crackers, when she spilled the whole cup – all over the table, floor and few down her shirt. We laughed as she was trying to recover them, when I suggested she just wait until tonight and let her husband “go fishing!”
Haha!
Then, we had the idea to hide a gold fish somewhere on your body and invite your husband to “go fish!” Wouldn’t he have fun talking about THIS fish story! Well, maybe not talking to anyone else but YOU, but guaranteed he would have fun.
Photo Credit: Professional Chicks blog
From there the comments continued:
Put a sign on the door that reads, “gone fishing.”
Put a bumper sticker on his car that says, “I’d rather be fishing.”
Hearing him talking about a real fishing story of the “one that got away,” then winking at him and whispering, yeah but what about that Big One you caught!”
Photo Credit: Squidoo
So, you can see how our conversation went from there. Who knew that a little box of gold fish crackers could be so much fun. I’ll bet you smile the next time your kids ask to play Go Fish! Just tell them only if their daddy will play! 😉
This post was originally shared in July 2010. We believe it is worth sharing again:
It is raining outside as I write this post. I have always loved the rain – the gentle shower as well as the violent storm. God expresses His love and care for the earth with the shower, and He reminds us of His majesty and power in the storm.
Tonight it is a gentle shower, but there is thunder rolling in the distance. It’s like an echo whispering of God’s ever present power to water the earth however He chooses.
In the same way God cares for the earth, He is at work caring for our marriages. The fact that you are taking the time to read a blog about it shows your desire to learn and grow. Flowers left to themselves would wither and die. They have no desire nor ability to pursue the rain. The rain must come to them.
We are unlike the flowers of the field.
God has given us the ability to think, reason and learn. We can seek out the rain when we are going through a dry season. We can soak up the rich water of His Word to remind us of why we got married in the first place. We can change and become more passionate about our spouse even if years of indifference have left our hearts feeling cold and unromantic.
How? How is change possible? One raindrop at a time.
If you have not pursued your spouse romantically in a long time and the thought of doing so makes you nervous, then read on! You don’t have to plan an elaborate night away, or extend yourself way beyond what seems natural. Start with one rain drop. Here are a few for you to consider:
Write a personal note and mail it to them.
Find your wedding picture and place it your spouse’s dresser saying, “I still do!”
Rub your spouses neck after a long day. When you finish kiss the same spot.
Talk to them about your desire to change and what they would like to see change too. While you’re at it – ask them what romance means to them.
Following such simple gestures are sure to water the dry soil of romance in your marriage. There are seeds waiting to come alive in your hearts towards each other and each drop you absorb will be refreshing to you and fruitful for those who are following after you. You see, the way we love our spouse isn’t only for our pleasure or for God’s glory, but it’s also for the generations who are following after us. They are watching to see if marriage God’s way really works. God will help us prove the answer is a thundering YES!
January is the month when people often purpose to be consistent in their devotions. It is Wednesday. The month is over half passed, and maybe you’re needing to be reminded, like me, who it is we need most to help us accomplish our goals.
Enjoy this worship song – one of our favorites – to bring perspective back to its proper place!
This morning I awoke before dawn with a plan, and so did someone else apparently. I read my Bible reading for today from the book of James…
So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things.
How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water.
(James 3:5-12 ESV)
…while another person chose to start a fire in the woods. I asked God to help me tame my tongue in order to prevent my hurtful words from catching fire, thus hurting those I love, while a stranger sat back and watched the flames lick the trunk of this old tree with a smile.
Photo Credit: Mail Online
Central Florida has been home to the oldest Bald Cypress Tree in the world. It was believed to be 3500 years old and at one time stood 165′ tall, that is until a hurricane in the 1920’s broke it at the top. President Calvin Coolidge dedicated the park where “The Senator” stood in 1929, and many have visited the old Senator ever since. It was a landmark used by Indians in the past and presently a prized attraction for the small city of Longwood, FL.
On Monday morning, January 16th, around 6a. a runner noticed flames shooting from the top of the tree and called the Fire Department.
By the time they arrived the entire center of the tree was ablaze, and it was impossible to stop the damage. Within 30 minutes the tree fell, and all who were nearby heard it fall. Sadness stood in its place.
As I finished my quiet time with the Lord, this arsonist had finished his devastating work. There had been no lightning strikes in the area, no rain even, so the cause of the fire was a mystery. Until a pile of wood was found at the base of the tree indicating that this fire was started inside the tree where no one would see it until it was too late to stop it. This was believed to be the work of an arsonist.
Who would choose to do such a thing? And why? Experts who study the behavior of arsonists say they do it for the thrill and excitement of seeing the damage wrought by their own hands. It sounds so sick, doesn’t it?
Yet isn’t it interesting that James chose this exact metaphor to describe our tongue and the words we choose? Having counseled married couples for years we have witnessed the damage caused by hurtful words. We ourselves have used words at times that were obviously spoken to stab and hurt, but never to destroy. Not really!
As Tom and I were talking about this at length he said most people when they use jabbing words are merely wanting to fire a warning shot across the bow, so to speak. It’s a warning to back off or more damage will ensue.
But sometimes, many times, our first shot makes a strike, and a fire is stoked. It can take a long time to put out the fire, much less repair the charred damage left behind.
How conscious are you of the words you choose to speak and why? Have you noticed your spouse back off when you vent? The Bible instructs us about the damage our tongues can cause, but gives us hope in so doing. We don’t have to use such words. We can say NO to this temptation. The grace of God teaches us to say NO to ungodliness, but we must choose to say NO!
Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
(James 1:19-20 ESV)
If we are saying we want a good marriage, but do nothing to bridle our tongues we are deceiving ourselves. Let’s be honest and choose to stop speaking in ways which send off warning shots. If anger is a besetting sin in your life, in your marriage, then we appeal to you to seek biblical counsel from someone you know and trust. When the flames of such words reach their peak, many more will be harmed and maybe all the years you’ve invested in your marriage and in your family will go up in smoke.
May it not be said of us!
Editor’s Note: Fire Fighters have not confirmed arson at this time, so the cause is still a mystery. We believe the metaphor is still worth posting in regards to marriage, and we thank God, there may not be such an arsonist on the loose.
I am often stumped by this simple question – how are you? I have to stop and actually think about how I am doing before I answer. I used to answer a quick, “fine and you?” But I can no longer do this with integrity. When someone takes the time to ask me this question I want to give them an honest answer. It’s just lately finding an honest answer that glorifies God and doesn’t draw unnecessary attention to me and my trouble takes thoughtful consideration.
This is a work God has done in my life. When a cashier at the grocery store asks me this question as I’m checking out, I know she really doesn’t want to know how I’m doing. This is her way of saying, “Hi!”
I get that.
But when a friend, or my husband asks me this question, I must give them an honest answer because I know they really want to know. And the only way for them to know is for me to tell them. They can’t read my mind, although I act at times as if they can.
I have been known to take offense when my husband doesn’t ask me how I’m doing. That sounds absurd, I know, but I think many married couples do this on a regular basis. If it weren’t common God wouldn’t have included this verse in the Bible from James 1:
Certainly God knows we lack wisdom. He wants us to ask as a means of our humbling ourselves before Him. He knows we have a tendency to NOT ask. But it is good to ask. In relation to marriage we can take this idea of asking and humbling ourselves as a way to serve our spouse. We can’t expect them to automatically know what we need. Most likely your spouse doesn’t think like you do; I know mine doesn’t, and I have learned to thank God for our differences. It gives us a balance we wouldn’t have left to ourselves.
So, why not plan a date night this week to talk about how you’re doing. And find out how your spouse is doing as well. Most importantly – be honest – you know it IS the best policy!
♥ Fun Dates To Celebrate ♥
January 16
Martin Luther King Jr. Day
January 17
Benjamin Franklin’s Birthday – Send your spouse a key attached to a string with this note, “In honor of Mr. Franklin’s birthday – let’s fly a kite together!” Plan a picnic and enjoy an afternoon date outside. Weather isn’t cooperating? Give them an IOU to use in the spring.
January 18th
Jazz Day – Have your favorite artist playing when your spouse comes home for the night.
January 19th
National Popcorn Day – Pop up your favorite variety at home, or plan a date at the movies to celebrate.
Archery Day – Take your spouse to a shooting range to learn this ancient use of weaponry. Not a range around where you live? Watch one of the epic movies where archery is on full display.
January 20th
Cheese Day – Invite a few couples over for a Wine and Cheese party. Or enjoy three varieties yourself.
Basketball Day – This is a good excuse to spend an evening watching The Orlando Magic as they play the Lakers at 8p. ET, on ESPN.
January 21
Hugging Day – Remember when you were dating and how much you enjoyed hugging? Well, today is a great day to relive it! We’re not talking a hug as you leave for work – no, make it a long, meaningful hug. The kind that leaves you wanting more…
January 22
National Blonde Brownie Day – Yes, you are allowed to indulge today! Enjoy!!
♥ Things To Do In Orlando ♥
January 16, 2012: Celebrate Martin Luther King Day (from AboutOrlando.com)
>Winter Park – Jan. 16, 2012 – Martin Luther King Jr., Day Symbolic Program.
>Sanford – Jan. 16, 2012 – Martin Luther King Parade begins at 10 am on 13th Street to Holly Ave, to 9th Street then to Coastline Park.
>Sanford – Jan. 16, 2012 – Martin Luther King Rally-in-the-Park. Community function with live entertainment, food and games starting at Fort Mellon Park in Sanford starts at noon. Shady Park at Hannibal Square after the parade.
>Bok Tower Gardens – Jan. 16, 2012 – Martin Luther King Jr. Birthday Concerts. Music of hope, inspiration and peace to honor Dr. King. Included with paid admission.
>“The Help” Movie and Dialogue – Jan. 17, 2012 – Free admission at the Bush Auditorium, Rollins College beginning at 6:00pm. Facilitated discussion after the movie.
CENTRAL
Winter Park – Camellia Show and Festival on Saturday, January 21st at beautiful Mead Gardens from 10a – 4p. FREE.
Eatonville – The 23rd annual Zora Festival begins on Saturday, January 21st and runs through the 29th. See site for times, locations and details.
Winter Park – Music at the Casa continues on Sunday, January 22nd from 12p – 3p. FREE. This week’s featured artist is harpist, Christine MacPhail.
NORTH
Mt. Dora – Renninger’s Antique Extravaganza – Friday thru Sunday, January 20th – 22nd. This happens only three times a year – a great date day! See site for times and prices.
WEST
Clermont – Lakeridge Winery presents the Winter Music Series on Saturday, January 21st from 1p – 4p. FREE.
Downtown Winter Garden – Fridays on the Plaza features live music playing in the city’s gazebo from 7p – 9p. Check out JR’s Attic Door for a great place for dessert and coffee after dinner.
This weekend we were privileged to host a Bridal Shower (Saturday) and a Graduation Party (Sunday) in our home. We love doing this and have learned how to get our home ready to welcome visitors together as a team. We love entertaining, especially when it involves blessing someone else.
So, we thought it appropriate to open our blog to new visitors today as well – an Open House of sorts. We invite you to extend an invitation to your married friends to visit our vineyard today so they can enjoy a tour of all the things we have to offer.
Keefer's Animated Candles
Before we begin no open house is complete without music to set the mood and a little candlelight to warm the space. Click the video below and then, start scrolling to see links to other parts of The Romantic Vineyard with which you may not be familiar.
First of all, we want to share with you the app we have created for all who have iPads, iPods, iPhones or iTouch. (See the top of the sidebar for the link.) It is free and provides a Healthy Marriage Tip as well as great date night questions to help you communicate on a deeper level when you have the time alone. There is also a link to the blog included at the top of the app in case you were unable to read the post on your computer. (Sorry we don’t know anyone who can write Droid apps at this time.)
The photograph at the top of our blog is from a trip we were able to take to Southern France in 2007. It was taken in the countryside of Provence on one of our morning walks. Little did we know when we took this picture that God had this blog in store for us in the future. What a gift this trip was and what a blessing The Romantic Vineyard has become as well. We love following the Lord and the paths He has marked out for us.
Underneath the picture you’ll notice tabs to different rooms in our Vineyard:
First, is our Best Cellars Store – this is where we list our favorite resources for marriage. Books, DVD’s and CD’s are all listed for your convenience.
Next is our newest room called “Courageous.” If you have seen the movie by the same name, this room offers more information to help you formulate your own resolutions in regards to establishing a family for God’s glory. If you haven’t seen the movie – we highly recommend it to you.
Fireproof Your Marriage – is the room where you can find help in working on a marriage that isn’t doing well. There is a forty day love dare challenge where you are given one thing to do to bless your spouse for a total of 40 days. This idea came from the movie called, “Fireproof.” If you haven’t seen this movie it is another one we highly recommend.
Husbands Only – is for the men to enter without their wives. This room provides date night ideas, romantic ideas and lots of ideas on the drop down menu for each of the annual holidays. We welcome your input here. If you have romanced your bride in a way that others would find helpful, please leave your comments. This room is a men’s club only and one the wives will be sure to encourage you to enter as often as you like!
Our Story is obviously how God brought us together. We love giving testimony to something He has done in our lives. And it is marvelous in our eyes!
Soil Samples is the room where you can find lots and lots of date night questions. There is no need to be bored in your relationship. You simply need to know the right questions to ask to get the conversation going. This room is here to help you communicate on a deeper level.
The Tasting Room is the room where you can find help in regards to romance and sex in your marriage. The Bible makes it clear that the love shared between a husband and wife is beautiful. These resources will help you grow the physical expression of your love in a God-glorifying way. And it’s FUN!
The Wine Press – this room helps couples who are finding themselves in very trying circumstances either from within their marriage or outside their marriage. Trouble is something God promises we will face in this life – how we handle it determines the health of our spiritual and marriage relationship. The topics discussed include: Anger, Forgiveness, Honor, Cravings and Conflict, Defining Sin, Biblical Roles, etc. Take some time in this room to squeeze out all the good God has for you in the difficult places.
Vintage Collection is the storehouse of some of our favorite date night ideas in the Orlando area. However, there are a other ideas listed that anyone could use.
Wine Train – Offers a drop down menu where you can see date night ideas from contributors to our Vineyard. Click on the Wine Train link to see the list of our favorite marriage blogs. We are not alone in our quest to help marriages become all that God desires them to be.
Wives Only – is for the wives to find great ideas to surprise and romance their husbands. Click on the drop down menu to see ideas for all the holidays throughout the year. We welcome your ideas as well – tell us by commenting what has worked for you and your husband.
You’re Engaged – This room is for all who are about to enter into a lifetime of marriage covenant. This is the most important time for the health of your marriage. Like preparing the soil before planting a vineyard. If you can prepare yourselves now, your marriage will grow all the stronger and sooner.
We pray you’ve enjoyed our Open House. We’d love it if you would take a moment to sign our guest book by commenting on this post. Tell us:
where you’re from
how long you’ve been married
If you’ve been a part of our Vineyard for a while, why not share the part you enjoy the most.
Thank you for visiting. We pray you’ll come back again and again. In fact, sign up to receive our new posts by e-mail so you don’t miss a single one.
Also, you can follow us on Facebook by clicking HERE. Follow us on Twitter by clicking HERE. Follow us on Pinterest by clicking HERE.
As I am writing this post our blog is “Off the Air.” It is a strange feeling and one I’ve never experienced since becoming a blogger.
We’ve had a minor issue with some people not being able to access our site. I’ve been in communication with our tech support for the past couple of weeks trying to fix the problem, but each time I call the problem only gets worse. I don’t think it can get much worse than “off the air.”
I’m waiting for customer support to open, and since they’re on the west coast it seems I’ve been waiting forever! Hopefully, this problem will be resolved. If not, we may be support shopping very soon. An option I am glad I have.
Our marriage can face times of being disconnected too. A conflict arises that is too big to resolve in one sitting. It takes lots of time listening, asking questions, doing what needs to be done and committing to the required changes. We can go “off the air” with each other, so to speak, but when we do we are no longer connected the way our covenant requires.
Photo Credit: isavemymarriagetoday
I remember many nights early in our marriage when Tom and I would go to sleep with our backs to each other. Not because that was the most comfortable position, mind you, but because we wanted to create distance – even as we slept. This is wrong! After 33 years of marriage we have learned to stay on-line with each other and not put the other On Hold. This isn’t easy when you’re upset, but it is the grown-up way to behave.
Too many of us act like children when we don’t get out own way – we pout and hide. How can we change? Only by God’s grace enabling us to say NO to this behavior. God desires us to grow up in all things – to be mature – to be weaned from needing milk and eat the solid word of truth. Yes, it takes time. No, it isn’t easy. But being disconnected for long periods of time from the one with whom you’re in a covenant relationship is even worse.
Now I’m just praying we get back On The Air so you can actually read this post!
The Romantic Vineyard 