Time To Pull Back The Curtain

Posted on August 7, 2013 by Debi Walter

Two Cups Of Coffee

Today I want to continue our conversation over a cup of coffee. You see, there are things that God has recently taken me through that I believe will help those of you who may be facing a similar challenge in your marriage. I want to pull back the curtain, so to speak, on my personal life in an effort to help others. I’m praying that as you read what I have to say you will feel the gentle nudge of the Holy Spirit revealing areas where my experience might resonate with yours.

It all started two years ago when our daughter moved to Georgia.

It was after helping them that I noticed unusual pain in both feet. My podiatrist diagnosed it as Morton’s neuroma, a benign tumor of sorts made up of a cluster of nerves. Without going into all the details, my foot pain only worsened. And there wasn’t anything the doctors could do to relieve it.

Photo Credit: sodahead.com

Photo Credit: sodahead.com

I could no longer go barefoot.

Being a Florida girl, the thought of never being able to go barefoot, even in my own home was very sad. I cried often at the things I could no longer do. Even walks around the block or on the beach with Tom were out of the question because even with shoes on, the pain was too much.

One day in my quiet time I sensed the Lord say that my feet were a physical manifestation of what was going on in my heart. Every step I took hurt, and every thing I had recently gone through in my life hurt as well. I was impressed that Christ was willing to endure great pain for my salvation. If He had called me to suffer pain in my feet as a way to glorify Him, I wanted to be able to do that. Yet I wanted my feet to be healed.

In March I had a friend over for coffee. We had a great time, and I enjoyed hearing her passion for what God was currently doing in her life. Then she asked me how my feet were doing. I was honest and told her not so good. She asked if I remembered when my pain began. I said it was when my daughter moved to Georgia. She asked more probing questions suggesting I might be angry with God over all the changes I had been through over the past few years, including her move.

I didn’t think I was angry with God.

I had often said how disappointed I was with so many things, but never saw it as anger. My friend looked me right in the eyes and said she could see the pain whenever I talked about it.

She prayed for me and then we parted. I sat down on the couch and began making a list of all the things in my life that I had classified as “disappointments.” I was surprised at how fast I was able to come up with a long list. And each one brought tears to my eyes. By the time I had finished writing, I was weeping! I knew the Lord was asking me to give them all to Him.

I asked God if I had been angry with Him, and I started to cry from deep inside.

It was the good kind of cry where you know the release is doing something good. I continued to allow the Holy Spirit to lead me to Scriptures, and worship songs. I told Him I could live with foot pain if it was His will, but to please not let my foot pain be a result of unconfessed sin in my heart. I repented of anger, jealousy, doubt, fear and not trusting Him. You must know that all my disappointments only began with our daughter’s move. There was much more disappointment in my heart concerning all kinds of changes we had experienced over the past few years.

I ended up being on the couch for over 4 hours. When I got up my feet felt different. A joy come over me that I can’t explain. That night I repented to Tom for the way my sin had affected our relationship. I repented specifically for all the ways I knew the past two years had put a strain on our marriage. He forgave me. What a wonderful gift it is to be granted forgiveness.

God in His mercy allowed me to see into my heart by using the rebuke of a friend and it wasn’t pretty, but it was so good. He provided the real surgery I needed, and it wasn’t in my feet but in my heart.

Today my feet are continuing to get better. I’ve even had days with no pain at all, which is nothing less than a miracle!

I can’t thank my friend enough for being a true friend to me, one who was willing to risk offending me by telling me the Truth I needed to hear, thus allowing God to do what He was wanting to do all along.

In what ways are you tempted to be angry with God? Has life seemed unfair leading you to great disappointment? If I could, I would look you in the eyes and tell you how much your Heavenly Father wants to set you free from your disappointments. Won’t you let Him have His way in your heart today?

Posted in Difficulty, Forgiveness, Prayer, Seasons of Life, Testimonies | Tagged , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Let’s Share An Afternoon Of Coffee And Conversation

Posted on August 6, 2013 by Debi Walter
Image courtesy of Nuchylee /FreeDigitalImages.net

Image courtesy of Nuchylee /FreeDigitalImages.net

If we could plan to meet for coffee one afternoon, I’m sure we would talk about normal everyday kinds of things. But there would be a moment when the conversation turned to the more personal side, where I would share heart to heart what is currently going on in  my life.  There would be tears of sadness, followed by tears of gratefulness, but always the main point of the communication would be biblical fellowship. What is that, you might ask? It’s when two Christians (friends or spouses) sit down and talk about life in light of eternity. It’s talking about the things that matter most in the midst of the mundane, and attempting to make sense of it all using the infallible words of Scripture as the framework.

So, grab a cup and let me share with you what’s on my heart and mind lately. I pray we’ll find biblical fellowship together and both be encouraged as a result. I’d love to hear your comments as well! The following was first posted at debigraywalter.com on my birthday.

♥

Last  month I turned 54. 54! How did that happen? I know, I know, the answer is simple–one year at a time. But wow.

This was my first birthday without my Mom and Dad (He died in 2004), who were used by God to give me life in July of 1959. My Dad led me down the aisle of our little baptist church in 1969. It is strange to no longer have parents here, but they’re not gone. They’ve just relocated to a better place. And because of God’s gift of salvation to me on December 19, 1969, I will see them again. Until that day I am resolved to live out the rest of my years in glorifying the One True God who gives life to all who call on His name and choose to follow Him.

Jonathan Edwards was considered to be one of the greatest American philosopher/theologians of his time and was a key figure in what has become known as The Great Awakening of the 18th century. He has been quoted as saying:

“Resolved, that I will live so, as I shall wish I had done when I come to die.”

The Trayvon Martin and George Zimmerman trial has received unbelievable media coverage this past month. We live only a few minutes from Sanford, FL. so it was with great interest that we stayed up with the trial. When that February night occurred in 2012, neither Trayvon nor George knew that their lives were going to be permanently changed as a result of the choices they made. My point isn’t to discuss which side was right/wrong, for both lost in my opinion. But their case stands as a stark reminder of Mr. Edwards quote. I ask myself,

  • Am I living today as if it were my last?
  • What do I want to be known for?
  • If my epitaph was to be written tomorrow, what would it say?
  • Better yet, what would I want it to say?

I heard someone suggest that we take time to write the epitaph we would want written about us today. Then, make our choices based on that goal. Of course, even those who have the best intentions can’t always guarantee their life will play out as planned. This is why my epitaph should reflect God’s work in my life and not my own plans.

Photo Credit: Josh Martin Ink blog

Photo Credit: Josh Martin Ink blog

Some of my favorite epitaphs include:

George Washington

Looking into the portals of eternity teaches that the brotherhood of man is inspired by God’s Word; then all prejudice of race vanishes away.

Benjamin Franklin

The body of Benjamin Franklin, printer (like the cover of an old book, its contents worn out, and stript of its lettering and gilding) lies here, food for worms. Yet the work itself shall not be lost, for it will, as he believed, appear once more in a new and more beautiful edition, corrected and amended by its Author.

Evangelist Billy Sunday

“I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith, henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness.” – 2 Timothy 4:7

Wife and Mother, Frances Lowe – died November 28, 1877

A loving mother and devoted wife has gone to her rest, and the light has gone out in the happy home. Graces with those rare virtues which are peculiar only to her sex, the deceased was all the wife and mother could be. Her sorrowing husband to whom she had been a faithful and loving companion for so many happy years, now that she is gone will cherish her memory and children whom she has tenderly reared will arise up and call her blessed.

John T. Whitehead – died September 11, 1860

In All Life’s Relations He Exemplified The Virtues Of The Christian And Gentleman, And Won The Love Of All. He Was Beloved By His Family, Cheerful In Company, Conscientious In Spirit, Successful In Business, Patient In Affliction, And Victorious In Death. The Love Of This Community Claimed A Longer Stay, But Higher Attraction Prevailed, Earth Yielded, And Heaven Bore Away The Prize. The Key To His Most Triumphant Death Is Found In His Dying Request, To Be Put Upon His Tomb, “I Am A Man Of Prayer.”

(source for some epitaphs: Southern Graves blog)

After taking the last delicious sip of my latte, I would look in your eyes and ask, so what about you? What’s going on in your life and how can I pray for you? What would you want your epitaph to say?

Posted in Aging, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Seasons of Life, Thankfulness | Tagged , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Keeping Our Final Destination In View

Posted on August 5, 2013 by Debi Walter

plane

Paul David Tripp is one of our favorite author/speaker/teachers of all time. His latest post speaks to the reason we find ourselves disappointed, disheartened, and disillusioned when it comes to all aspects of life, including marriage. He makes seven points that we’ve listed below. We hope you’ll click over to his website to read what he has to say about each one, and we pray it will lift your eyes to where God had intended for them to be all along.

God bless you richly!

Mr. Tripp says…

Life is a struggle. The Lord, in His wisdom, has left us in a fallen world. But perhaps our struggles are not primarily about the brokenness that surrounds us. Could it be there is something we bring to each of these struggles that makes them harder to bear?

There is something often overlooked that has the power to alter the way you experience your life in this fallen world. If you’re going to stay sane, thankful, motivated, and hopeful, you must live with your final destination in view. Only here will you be protected by the right values, balanced by proper expectations, and motivated by sturdy hope. Consider seven effects that functional eternity amnesia can have on your everyday life:

1. LIVING WITH UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS

2. FOCUSING TOO MUCH ON SELF

3. ASKING TOO MUCH OF PEOPLE

4. BEING CONTROLLING OR FEARFUL

5. QUESTIONING THE GOODNESS OF GOD

6. LIVING MORE DISAPPOINTED THAN THANKFUL

7. LACKING MOTIVATION AND HOPE

Click here to read his entire post.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Priorities, The Gospel & Marriage | 2 Comments

Happy Hour

Posted on August 2, 2013 by Debi Walter

happy_hour_logo_cropped2

This week’s Happy Hour special comes from a blog I just discovered. The writer, Lisa-Jo Baker, knows how to tell a story so well that you won’t want the post to end.

This particular one is the perfect follow-up to our post this past week on Honoring Your Spouse On Facebook.. Lisa-Jo not only honors her husband, but she perfectly demonstrates how a husband can care for his wife day-in and day-out and all through the night. We pray this post will challenge us all to love this way!

___________________________________________

Screen shot 2013-07-30 at 11.35.35 AMScreen shot 2013-07-30 at 11.37.28 AM

“My love life will never be satisfactory until someone runs through an airport to stop me from getting on a flight.” ~Teenager post of the week via the Huffington Post.

He drove us all home 18 hours over two days.

Three kids and hundreds of miles and potty breaks and princess pull-ups, the car covered in the markers I’d bought for window art. Turns out the soft beige ceiling of a mini van makes a perfect canvas. Rainbow swirls color the door panels and there are goldfish crackers crushed so deep into the seats that they will likely be there come next summer and this same road trip all the way to Northern Michigan and the lake that his family have been coming to for decades.

He’s never run through an airport for me.

Three times he’s held my hands, my shaking legs, my head, my heart as I’ve bared down and groaned a baby into being. He has run for ice chips and doctors and night shifts and laid himself low to help me hold on through the hard rock and roll and push and pull of labor and I’ve never drowned holding onto his hand.

There is a rumor, an urban myth, a fiction, a fantasy, a black and white screen cliché that love looks like the mad, romantic dash through airports for a last chance at a flailing kiss.

And then the credits roll.

And the lights come on.

And we must go back to our real lives where we forget that love really lives.

– Finish reading at: http://lisajobaker.com/2013/07/when-you-think-your-love-story-is-boring/#sthash.V7V3tZ3h.dpuf

Posted in A Fragrant Aroma, A Marriage Flight, Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Encouraging Your Spouse, Growing Strong Marriages, Happy Hour, Parenting, Seasons of Life, Showing Honor | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on Happy Hour

Plan Now For A Special Labor Day

Posted on August 2, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: http://sp.ask.com

Photo Credit: http://sp.ask.com

Labor Day is only a month away. This day is a time to celebrate the value of work, the reward or rest and the honor it brings. This year let’s not only celebrate the gift it is to have a job and work hard, but let’s allow the truth found in the short movie below inspire our commitment to work hard making our marriage everything God intends it to be.

Why not plan to have a few married couples over to celebrate the holiday? Let them bring their children and spend time together celebrating the gift of marriage!

Or choose some ideas from our Only Husbands and Only Wives drop down menu above. Click on the Romantic Labor Day Ideas. Make the most of every holiday by adding some romance! 🙂

Posted in Holidays, Labor Day | 4 Comments

25+ Ways To Bless Your Spouse When You’re Expecting

Posted on August 1, 2013 by Tom and Debi

gilland

There is nothing that changes the dynamic of your marriage so quickly as hearing these two words: We’re pregnant!

Within days the morning sickness (or all day sickness, in some cases) kicks in and the wife is taken out of her normal routine leaving the rest of the family to fend for themselves. This is a great opportunity for husbands to lay down their lives for their wife and their other children, but it isn’t easy. Self-sacrifice always comes at a cost, but realizing this before you get there will help you keep your thoughts focused on what’s of most importance–loving your wife as Christ has loved you. And wives this isn’t the time to dismiss yourself completely either; God desires to still use you in your weakness to love, bless and serve your family.

What does it look like to love your wife during this season?

What does it look like to honor and love your husband when you feel so horrible?

We’ve asked several expectant moms and have also drawn from our own experience to come up with a list of 25 practical ways to love your spouse during pregnancy. Some of these will apply only to the husband. Some will apply to only the wife, but many will apply to both.

Read them and allow the Holy Spirit to help prepare your heart and mind for this season, if you haven’t experienced it already. 

  1. Smells are often the first thing to nauseate women. Do what you can to keep her from having to smell unpleasant things.
  2. Keep the garbage in the can outside with the lid on.
  3. Be willing to change diapers whenever you’re home.
  4. Be there. Now is not the time to take on new projects at work. You have a new project and it’s helping your wife as she carries your next child to a healthy birth.
  5. Order take out when your wife simply can’t bear the thought or smell of cooking.
  6. Cook on the grill and set the table to eat outside.
  7. Prefer your spouse over your own feelings. Be mindful to love them more than you love yourself.
  8. Speak words of kindness and gratefulness for the things they are doing to bless you.
  9. Pray for your spouse on a daily basis, and do it together so they can hear their heart for you.
  10. As much as possible give them space. Allow for a night to do what they want to do after the kids are in bed.
  11. Ask questions to draw them out in regards to how they’re doing. And when asked be open, honest and kind. This isn’t the time to dump, but to help your spouse understand your perspective and the challenges you’re facing.
  12. Avoid being overly sensitive.
  13. Eat well and stay hydrated.
  14. Go together to doctor appointments as much as possible. It’s important to remember you’re both expecting and both of you being present at such appointments is a great reminder of your support for each other.
  15. Surprise your spouse in unexpected ways, using their love language.
  16. Dream about your new baby and what he/she will look like.
  17. Talk about names and their meaning.
  18. Don’t take things personally when your spouse says something that hurts. Instead talk about it. Resolve hurts quickly.
  19. Ask your spouse what you can do that will bless them on this day. Don’t assume that what you think is a blessing, is a blessing. The only way to know is to ask.
  20. Be faithful to do the things that you say you’ll do. Having to be reminded doesn’t bless your spouse.
  21. Empathize. This means to put yourself in your spouse’s place. How would you feel if you were going through what they are? This thought will help you serve them with the right mindset.
  22. Don’t expect your spouse to make much of the things you’re doing for them. Let your work be as unto the Lord. He notices when you humbly lay down your life for another, for this is reflecting His character in your marriage.
  23. Avoid having a pity party. No one likes to be around someone who is feeling sorry for themselves. How do you do this? By taking captive every thought during your pregnancy. Each morning realize your need for the Holy Spirit and He will provide fresh mercy.
  24. As your baby (the fruit of your love) grows, purpose to grow in the fruits of the spirit: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. There are 9 fruits of the Spirit and 9 months of pregnancy. Why not do a personal study on one each month?
  25. Don’t neglect your relationship with your Heavenly Father. He cares for you and there is no one like Him who can come alongside you in your weakness. He is giving you a gift, and let this gift be used by God to change you in the process.
  26. Allow your wife to take naps as needed. Maybe even take one with her on days off.
  27. What would you add to this list? Please comment…

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
    the fruit of the womb a reward.                                           – Psalm 127:3 (ESV)

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Diapers, Toddlers & Romance, Oh My, Encouraging Your Spouse, Growing Strong Marriages, Husbands, Newlyweds, Parenting, Priorities, Roles In Marriage, Seasons of Life, Showing Honor, The Gospel & Marriage, Wives | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Beware Of These 6 Little Foxes

Posted on July 31, 2013 by Debi Walter
Art by Carl Brenders

Art by Carl Brenders

Marriage is a privilege, a gift from God that allows us to reflect the love Christ has for the church.

In our culture oftentimes the most important part of getting married is the wedding itself! Imagine if a vineyard owner spent all his time, attention and money on setting up a great vineyard only to neglect the vines after they’re in the ground? It would be foolish and a wasted investment.

Yet many marriages give more thought to the wedding than they do to the marriage.

In Song of Solomon it says:

“Catch the foxes for us,

                        the little foxes

            that spoil the vineyards,

                        for our vineyards are in blossom.”

                               (Song of Solomon 2:15 ESV)

A fox doesn’t come and only eat the fruit of the vine–they do much more damage. They like to gnaw on the trunk, dig holes around it and expose the roots. They don’t simply eat the grapes, they like to destroy the entire vine!

So the question begs itself–What foxes are chewing on your marriage vine?

  • Fox #1: Unresolved conflict–this includes unforgiveness.
  • Fox #2: Uncharitable judgments–not thinking the best, but assuming the worst.
  • Fox #3: Neglect
  • Fox #4: All work and no play
  • Fox #5: Idols of the heart–video games, shopping, children, addicted to work, selfishness, pleasure, etc.
  • Fox #6: Lack of purpose

All of the above can cause lasting damage to the marriage if they aren’t caught and dealt with quickly. So how do we trap these little foxes? How do we recognize them in our own marriage?

We have found that the best way to assess the health of our marriage is to examine how we’re relating to each other.

  • If there is tension or short responses to each other then there is most likely a fox of unresolved conflict lurking around.
  • If you are quick to judge your spouse’s motives as to why they did or didn’t do something before asking them why, then there may be a fox of unforgiveness chewing at your heart.
  • If you have not been purposeful in setting aside time alone together either at home, or on regular date nights, then you should look more closely for the fox of neglect.
  • Maybe you find your mind constantly going to your job, even when you’re “off”, and it keeps you from being totally “there” for your spouse. You don’t look at them when they speak and you only listen to them halfway. This could be the fox of all work and no play.
  • The fox of idols of the heart can be much more difficult to catch. This is because our idols are the things that have not only caught our attention, but our affection. To discover them we must examine where our thoughts go when we have nothing else to think about? Or what do I want to do more than anything else with my free time? Just because we desire to do something doesn’t necessarily mean it’s an idol, but it could be. The only way to know for sure is to ask God to help you discover this little fox. He will be faithful to help you see it.
  • The last fox is lack of purpose. He loves to get us to fall asleep in the vineyard, so he can work his damage on the vine. This is why we love this Hot Summer Nights event. If it helps a husband or wife take notice of their marriage in a fresh way, it will do more to chase away the little foxes than anything else can. And it’s fun!

What foxes have you discovered today prowling about your marriage vineyard? We encourage you to do the work necessary to chase them away. If you do, we believe the fruit produced in your vineyard will be not only good today, but make for a great wine that others will enjoy for years to come.

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. – Mignon McLaughlin

This post has been featured on the Hot Summer Nights series on the Enter Under My Roof blog

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

Honoring Your Spouse On Facebook

Posted on July 30, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: Crazy Mom of 4 blog

Photo Credit: Crazy Mom of 4 blog

One of the things I love about Facebook is seeing how spouse’s honor one another by speaking highly of them in daily status updates. I thought it would be encouraging to all of us to read the ones I’ve found especially uplifting as of late. After you read these, why not write one of your own to your spouse in our comments? What a positive way to communicate the joy it is to love one another in all seasons of marriage life, and how glorifying it is to God to make much of our marriage for all the Facebook world to see.

Enjoy… 

  • Today celebrates 7 wonderful years with the greatest woman I have ever known. [To my wife] you are kind, generous, funny, charming, beautiful, and a wonderful wife and mother. My girls and I couldn’t be luckier you said “Yes” all those lifetimes ago.. 
  • Tonight the boys were both laying on me as we were getting ready to pray. Dan asked each of us what we were thankful for & I didn’t even have enough words to express my gratitude for that moment – a husband who loves the Lord & loves me (still boggles my mind), two sweet boys cuddled up on their Mom, our health, our jobs, our home, our Savior… Wow!
  • Huge family reunion dinner – 60 people, most of whom I cannot name. Sitting with the prettiest girl in the place (his wife.)
  • I’m glad we didn’t listen…Look at what we would be missin’
  • Just got home after a 13hr day at work and studying for his CPAT exam for standards tomorrow. He takes care of me as im throwing up and takes care of dinner. Baby is getting one amazing dad ‪#‎blessed‬
  • My wife is hot. Literally! In this heat she fixed the spark plug connection and cut the grass for me. ‪#‎bestwifeever‬
  • 8 years ago today I married my best friend. I love doing life with you and I am ready for another 60 years with you  Happy anniversary my man. I love you.
  • My sweet hubby put all the left overs away, washed all the dishes and cleaned the whole kitchen! How lucky am I?!
  • I love how he (her husband) enjoys grace. and lives it.
  • Grateful for my husband today. He works hard even when it’s painful, is cheerful when he has every right not to be, and loves and serves us when he’d rather be resting. His hope strengthens me. I love you, babe!
  • Finally, we want to end with a video that is precious. Grab a tissue though, you’ll most likely need it! Notice how this dear husband looks in his wife’s eyes at the end. ♥

Don’t forget to return here to honor your spouse in our comments. 

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Growing Strong Marriages, Showing Honor | Tagged , , , , , , , | 21 Comments

Celebrate National Lasagna Day

Posted on July 29, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: NY Daily News

Photo Credit:
NY Daily News

If you’re Italian you don’t need a day like this on the calendar. But if you aren’t–this is the perfect time to celebrate a classic dish.

Today is 

Graphic from: Self Taught Cook blog

Graphic from: Self Taught Cook blog

…and several restaurants in the Orlando area are offering the dish at half off for lunch or dinner. You might want to check your area to see if some restaurants are doing the same. We do know that Brio Tuscan Grill and Bravo Restaurants are offering the half-off deal, but quantities are limited and reservations are encouraged. Some are offering the deals today and some tomorrow. Be sure to check with your local restaurant before heading out.

But if you’re motivated to do so, why not plan a Lasagna Date Night with your spouse at home? It’s not that difficult and you might just start an annual tradition! Here’s how:

Planning A Lasagna Date Night

  • First, have fun with these facts about the dish. You can either read them together or make a trivia quiz out of them. Whichever your spouse would enjoy the most.
  • Second, make place cards using uncooked lasagna noodles. You can also use them to write out your menu.

lasagna

 

  • Third, cook your favorite version of lasagna and enjoy with a nice chianti from Italy. Don’t have a good recipe? Try some of these from Pinterest.
  • Finally, don’t forget to play some authentic Italian music on Pandora. Create a station using “Godfather Film Score” for some great music.

What else can you think of to make this night a perfect date? Maybe a red checkered table cloth and some tapered candles set in empty wine bottles?

Finish the night by watching a famous Italian Opera, a good foreign Italian film (use discernment in choosing. We have not watched nor do we endorse any on this list.) You might settle for The Godfather. Or you might want to read some beautiful Italian poetry. For more humorous entertainment try I Love Lucy’s “Lucy’s Italian Movie.” Whatever your taste, this Lasagna Date Night is sure to satisfy all your spouse’s cravings.

Below is a fun music video appropriately titled, La-Lasagna, by Weird Al Yankovic to help motivate you and hopefully make you smile.

Buon Appetito!

Posted in Creative Dates, Date Night Ideas, Dating Your Spouse, Dinner Dates, Fun Dates, humor, Orlando Date Ideas, romantic date nights | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Happy Hour

Posted on July 26, 2013 by Debi Walter

happy_hour_logo_cropped2Yes, it’s Happy Hour and time for our very special blog of the week. This week we want to introduce you to Ryan and Cassie, newlyweds (married in 2011), who have a passion to see marriages become all God has intended them to be. Together they started the True Agape marriage blog to help them to that end.

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I love Oklahoma, since this is where my family is from, and where my book Through The Eyes Of Grace, takes place. When I discovered they met at a 15K run in Tulsa, I knew I would enjoy getting to know them and their ministry. I call these touchstones!

Here are a couple we recommend:

Sharing Passwords With Spouse – a very important topic to discuss. Do you or don’t you?

How We Met – Both Ryan and Cassie share their recollections of that very first day.

You can find Agape Love on Facebook, on Twitter, and on Pinterest.

It’s inspiring to see a young couple who are embracing the importance of making their marriage strong from the beginning. We hope you’ll spend some time this weekend checking out Agape Love.

Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Happy Hour | 2 Comments

A Marriage That Lasts

Posted on July 26, 2013 by Debi Walter

mary

We have a friend, Beth, whose grandparents will celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary in September. She happens to be the twin sister to an amazing photographer named Mary Fields. They used the questions from the back of my book, Through The Eyes of Grace, to interview their Grandma and Grandpa on their life and marriage. We were told it was an amazing day to sit and listen to their stories and watch the sparkle of love still twinkling brightly in their aging eyes.

Mary said, “As someone who sees couples at the starting line every week, it was an incredible encouragement to witness two people who have been running the race for a very long time. Side by side. Hand in hand. A committed team. Still very much in love.

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What will your marriage look like when you are about to celebrate so many years together?

Will there be a sparkle of love still twinkling brightly in your eyes for each other, or will the years erode away your love? The choices you make today will determine what your commitment will look like then. Choose to work hard and hopefully you’ll find yourself being interviewed by the next generation to discover your secret for lasting love.

You can read Mary’s entire post here, as well as see this adorable couple. And if you happen to live in Oklahoma, Mary Fields Photography is one of the best around. Check out her site and you’ll see.

Posted in A Marriage Flight, Aging, Blog Love, Celebrations, Christian Marriage, Seasons of Life | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

9 Fun Dates to Heat Up Your Summer

Posted on July 25, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: Jennifer Prophet

Photo Credit: Jennifer Prophet

It’s the time of year when we all want new ideas on how to romance our spouse. The dog days of summer will begin shortly, so why not feed the dog something fresh. Maybe it will forego the normal doldrums.

Below are 9 of our most popular date night ideas from the past few years. Click the link to read the original post.

Romantic Scrabble

Clue Date With A Sexy Twist

10.5.1 Mall Date

Mystery Date

I.Heart.List Date

Spontaneous Rendezvous

The Masters Date (for the golf lover)

You Light Up My Life

Cultivating Our Friendship

Posted in Christian Marriage, Date Night Ideas, Dating Your Spouse, Vintage Posts | 2 Comments

New Venture With Engaged Marriage

Posted on July 24, 2013 by Debi Walter

engaged-marriage-travel-nursing-blog

I’m happy to announce that today marks the beginning of being a part of the Writing Team on the Engaged Marriage Blog. I’ll be posting once a month on the topic of Romance and Date Night Ideas. I hope you’ll click over and read today’s post! I’ll be writing the third Wednesday of every month.

A big thanks to Dustin Reichmann for the opportunity.

Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Date Night Ideas, Growing Strong Marriages, Guest Post, Romance in Marriage | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on New Venture With Engaged Marriage

If Only My Spouse Would ______________!

Posted on July 23, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: iveronicawalsh.files.wordpress.com

Photo Credit: iveronicawalsh.files.wordpress.com

If only my spouse would ______________! How you fill in the blank determines if you feed your spouse’s inner critic or inner encourager.

Imagine these inner voices living on each shoulder whispering thoughts into your spouse’s ear. It’s our job to strengthen the voice of the encourager and not the critic.

But what if my spouse fails to do something that’s important to me? That’s a great question. First you must remember that you also have an inner critic and inner encourager living on  your shoulders. In times like these it’s easier to hear the critic than the encourager. So it’s good to take our dilemma to the Lord in prayer. The critic hates prayer. It wants to isolate you so his is the only voice you hear. The encourager, on the other hand, loves prayer because the Author of prayer is the source for all our encouragement, either given or received.

Now back to the question. How do we approach our spouse with a subject that could be hard to hear? How do we help them hear our question as an encouragement and not a critical judgment?

First, make sure the timing is right for a serious conversation. They shouldn’t be rushed, tired or already irritated.

Second, pray for gentleness. The Bible says that a soft answer turns away wrath.

Third, humbly say something like this: Honey, what should I do if I feel you have neglected something important to me? I know you have been busy, so I don’t want to assume why this is so.

Fourth, wait for their answer and then, believe what they say. If you have harbored bitterness or unforgiveness due to listening to your own inner critic, this is an absolutely necessary step in encouraging your spouse to do the same.

Finally, if this doesn’t bring resolve to your situation, either give it time as you choose to be more encouraging than critical. Or if it’s really serious, seek counsel.

What a privilege it is to live so close to another where we can actually help them grow stronger in their fight against the inner critic.

But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.
(Hebrews 3:13 ESV)

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Encouraging Your Spouse, Growing Strong Marriages, Roles In Marriage, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on If Only My Spouse Would ______________!

Recharging Your Date Nights

Posted on July 22, 2013 by Tom and Debi
Graphic Credit: Choosing Joy blog

Graphic Credit: Choosing Joy blog

We all know what it’s like to have our cell phone, camera or tablet die on us right when we need it most. This can happen to our date nights too if we’re not careful.

Imagine life has gotten too hard and busy. Weeks, maybe even months, have passed since your last intentional date together. Or worse the last one you had bombed out because you didn’t plan it well or you didn’t plan it at all.

You, my friend, are in need of having your date nights recharged!

It’s not that difficult. All it takes is a few minutes of your time.

Today we want to ask you a few questions to help you evaluate where you are and hopefully stir those embers of romance.

  1. Think of your first date before you were married. What did you love most about it? a) the conversation   b) his/her looks  c)  the atmosphere   d)  what we did  e) all of the above  f)  none of the above
  2. Have you ever had a regular date since you were married? Yes          No
  3. If you could plan a night together what would be the most romantic for you? For your spouse?
  4. What is the hardest part of planning regular dates? a) finding a babysitter  b) lack of ideas  c)  can’t agree on what to do   d)  financial strain  e)  spouse has no interest
  5. What is your favorite part of the dates you’ve had? What is your spouse’s favorite part?
  6. Do you find it easy to talk to your spouse without bringing up work, the kids, church life?  Yes        No
  7. When was the last time you purposed to not talk about the above while out together?
  8. Would you say you’re adventurous or more reserved? How about your spouse?
  9. Do you enjoy the same things?  If not, would you be open to discovering new areas of interest?
  10. Do you like surprises, or would you prefer to know so you can plan? 
  11. A regular date night to me is a)  once a week  b) once a month  c) on special occasions  d)  I’d rather not go out. I like being home.

As you answered the questions above, we encourage you to have your spouse answer them as well. Then, plan a night out where you can purpose to talk about your answers together in an undistracted way. Remember it’s of most importance to not criticize your spouse’s answers. You want them to be honest, so you know what areas are in need.

It’s true that opposites attract, and as time passes the magnetic pull to be together can become weaker.

Date nights are your time to reconnect and recharge in whatever ways your spouse is feeling depleted. What works one week may not work the next. Date nights can’t be set in stone, but require flexibility.

The healthy marriage learns to recharge their spouse on a regular basis, which helps to keep their attraction for one another strong to last a lifetime.

Are you date nights in need of recharging? What have you found helps re-ignite the attraction?

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Date Night Ideas, Dating Your Spouse, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

Happy Hour

Posted on July 19, 2013 by Debi Walter

happy_hour_logo_cropped2

This past week J, of Hot, Holy and Humorous, wrote a post that we simply must share with you. The title alone compelled me to share it, but when I read the post in it’s entirety? Wow.

Tom and I humbly ask that you would pray for us in the ways in which she lists.

keyboard

Last week, I heard from marriage bloggers who had their site hacked and taken down, received suggestive emails from a creepy follower, got personally attacked for word choice, sifted through loads of spam, and more.

Yep, it’s a typical week.

I love what I do here, and the marriage bloggers I know are also passionate about reaching out and ministering to couples in any way they can. But yeah, there are moments when it feels like we’re at an archery range with apples on our heads, and I ask myself, What did I sign up for?!!

So today I want to suggest ways you can pray for marriage bloggers. (continue reading…)

Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Happy Hour, Prayer, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

I’ll Do It If You Notice

Posted on July 18, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: artur84 from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Photo Credit: artur84 from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

In a marriage it’s important that each partner knows what is expected of them in order for the home to work well. You may do most of the inside tasks, while your spouse takes care of the ones outside. Or you may do the kitchen and laundry, while your spouse mops and cleans the bathrooms. There may even be some who do most all of the work themselves while their spouse rarely lends a hand to help. That’s another post.

Today I want to talk about something we went through earlier in our marriage. It was the whole idea of having to have my husband notice every little thing I did for him. I remember when we were first married that I worked really hard to clean our apartment from top to bottom. When Tom came home, not only did he not notice, but he proceeded to vacuum the carpets even though I had already done it! As a new wife I was devastated.

We didn’t handle that conflict very well, but over the years we’ve learned what should have happened.

Tom’s side:

He had lived alone for 5 years before we were married. He had a routine to keep his place clean. He wasn’t used to having a wife who was willing to help. So, he didn’t vacuum because he didn’t think I did a good enough job. No. He vacuumed because that was his routine.

My side:

When Tom didn’t notice how hard I had worked to bless him, I was hurt. Then, to add insult to injury he vacuumed where I had already. I felt worthless!

I know it was an immature response, but I was only 19. :-/

Now that we have 34 years behind us, I realize that what I was doing was working for Tom’s approval. This was mistake #1. Mistake #2 – I was wanting Tom to notice something I had done even though it was my regular job.

How many times I used to do something that was my responsibility only to be offended if Tom didn’t notice. This proved my need to understand the Truth found in Colossians 3:

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. (ESV) emphasis mine.

If I’m working as to the Lord, then I will find my joy and satisfaction in doing it for Him.

It is a small way to glorify Him as I go about my day. If I’m working for my husband’s approval, then I will be on a roller coaster of emotions–happy when he notices and makes much of my hard work or sad/mad when he doesn’t notice. I might even be tempted to stop doing something just to see if he notices! (Sad to say, I’ve done that too–I don’t recommend it!)

See how the downward spiral happens so quickly? It’s best to focus on the eternal value of our daily work, than the temporary. Our work matters to God. If we do it with joy then our reward will be great in Heaven. If we grumble and complain, God receives no pleasure in that.

So the next time you work really hard doing something you’re supposed to be doing anyway, avoid the temptation to draw attention to it. Let it be between you and God. And if by chance your spouse does notice with appreciation? You’ve received what Solomon penned in Proverbs:

Let another praise you, and not your own mouth;
a stranger, and not your own lips.
(Proverbs 27:2 ESV)

Have you ever been tempted to get upset when your spouse doesn’t notice something you’ve done on your To Do list?

Posted in Christian Marriage, Conflict, Growing Strong Marriages, Newlyweds, Roles In Marriage, Seasons of Life | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Thou Shalt Laugh

Posted on July 17, 2013 by Debi Walter

romeo-paco-piano

We happened upon a Comedy Show broadcast on TV that was held at a church in L.A. titled Thou Shalt Laugh. It started out somewhat funny. We chuckled, and laughed out loud here and there, that is until we got to the final act. Comedian Taylor Mason was introduced, and I kid you not–I haven’t laughed so hard in years! I laughed so hard I thought my sides were going to split! It did my soul good too!

We want to share with you one segment of his routine to whet your appetite for more. You can find the entire show on Netflix. Turn up the volume, call your spouse to come watch and N-Joy! 🙂  By the way, this would be a fun at-home date sometime, if you want to save it and not show your spouse yet. 🙂

Posted in Dating Your Spouse, humor | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on Thou Shalt Laugh

Are You A Weed-Puller Or A Weed-Ignorer?

Posted on July 16, 2013 by Debi Walter
IMG_3785

Warning: The objects in this picture are larger than they appear.

I’m sitting at my computer and I can hardly move. Why? Because I spent and hour and a half weeding my garden this morning before it got too hot. Every time I weed I wonder why it is that I wait until they’re nearly up to my eyeballs before doing so.  Ok, I’m exaggerating, but my body feels as if I was in a boxing match and lost. I even have scratches from my rose bushes. Why do I wait until weeding is so hard, instead of doing it each week when the weeds are little? <sigh>

The answer is simple. I don’t like getting dirty and sweaty, but I love having flowers in my garden. I love taking a bouquet to unsuspecting friends just to brighten their day.

I was praying while weeding, and I sensed the Lord remind me of the fact that weeds need no cultivation.

All one must do to have them is–nothing. They grow healthy and strong with no attention whatsoever. But my roses on the other hand need constant care, pruning, deadheading, fertilizing, etc. How I wish it were the other way around. Gardening is hard work, but the results are rewarding. It’s certainly not for the lazy or slothful. Anything worth growing is going to take hard work, and your marriage is no different.

It’s true. Marriage is so much like a garden, or a vineyard for that matter. 🙂

Those who give it the care it needs on a daily basis will be able to capture the weeds of trouble before they have a chance to go to seed. When a weed goes to seed you can be sure they’re multiplying at a fast rate. All it takes is a little summer breeze for them to germinate elsewhere. My yard is proof positive!

In our marriages we bump up against each other in so many ways, and I’m not talking about physical intimacy, we like that kind of bump. 😉 Conflict comes in so many ways and for so many reasons. And it seems to always come when you don’t have the time to talk about it. Or worse, it comes late at night and sleep gets the best of you both. There’s nothing worse than waking up the morning after an unresolved conflict. Talk about a hangover!

So how can we purpose to go after the weeds of conflict in our relationship?

One way is by asking good questions. When you notice your spouse is quiet, don’t assume they’re just in a bad mood. Try to find out when their thoughts took them to a place of doom and gloom. Many of us don’t pay attention to the thoughts that race through our minds. We should.

We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,
(2 Corinthians 10:5 ESV)

So much conflict comes from dwelling on the negative or critical. We make assumptions thinking we’re right, but the only way to know for sure is to have that talk. Your spouse may be reluctant to speak out. Encourage them by leaning into them rather than pulling away. It may be that what’s bothering them has nothing to do with you or your marriage. By assuming the worst, rather than think the best of our spouse, we stir up a lot more weeds than necessary. Kind of like taking a dandelion and blowing the seeds in your spouse’s face. Not the picture of an encourager is it?

We are each other’s partner. When we said I do, part of it was committing to be the one available to help, serve and love more than anyone else. Remember? When you looked in their eyes on your wedding day, you had no idea this would be back breaking work, but it is.

The adage is true that says, “Anything worth doing is worth doing well.”

We couldn’t agree more. And since marriage was God’s idea and it’s for His glory, there isn’t anything more important to tend to on a daily basis, excepting your personal relationship with the Lord.

Does this seem too hard? Do you dislike confrontation? Would you prefer to close your eyes to the trouble until things calm down? If you do, it may seem that things have been resolved, but unless you get both hands in there and pull the weed out by the roots, this issue is sure to come back and bring all kinds of other weeds with it. Just ask my aching back!

So, are you a weed-puller or a weed ignorer? How about your spouse? What would it take to get your hands dirty in your marriage? 

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, Priorities, Troubled Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Are You A Weed-Puller Or A Weed-Ignorer?

The Unselfish Server

Posted on July 15, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: teleburst.files.wordpress.com

Photo Credit: teleburst.files.wordpress.com

Tom and I went to a restaurant after our church service yesterday. It was a busy place with people everywhere. One of the servers (not our’s mind you) walked passed our table and noticed our two empty paper straw covers. He grabbed them and threw them in the trash. Why did I notice this? I don’t know, maybe because I thought it was unusual that a server from another station would take the time to remove trash from our table when, #1 –  our server wasn’t around to notice, and #2 – he wouldn’t get a tip from us. This proved one thing – he was a server with real character. He was doing his job with the big picture in mind–if the restaurant does well, he will keep his job. If he goes above and beyond his sphere of responsibilities, it will help everyone succeed.

Imagine hypothetically that you are a server in a restaurant, and the way you treat your spouse at home would determine how well you did your job.

Would you be a server who did jobs that weren’t your responsibility simply because it helped the house function as a whole? Or would you be one who walked passed the trash on the table because it wasn’t your station? Would you be demanding that other servers do things for you to make your job easier, but fail to give back?

In marriage it’s important to remember we are a team.

If one spouse is constantly working while the other is free to do the things they want to do, then the marriage is off balance. God has called us to prefer one another in love.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
(Philippians 2:3-4 ESV)

I realize this is an unusual metaphor, but I think it’s worth considering. Who knows? If you take this idea a bit further and do a really great job, you might just get a good tip! 🙂 The more you give yourself away in self-sacrifice, the more likely your spouse will take notice and do likewise.

In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”(Acts 20:35 ESV)

In what ways can you go out of your way this week to serve your spouse in a sacrificial way? Maybe you’re already doing this. If so, do you sense God’s pleasure in your willingness to give yourself away? 

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , | 8 Comments