Honoring Your Spouse On Facebook

Posted on July 30, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: Crazy Mom of 4 blog

Photo Credit: Crazy Mom of 4 blog

One of the things I love about Facebook is seeing how spouse’s honor one another by speaking highly of them in daily status updates. I thought it would be encouraging to all of us to read the ones I’ve found especially uplifting as of late. After you read these, why not write one of your own to your spouse in our comments? What a positive way to communicate the joy it is to love one another in all seasons of marriage life, and how glorifying it is to God to make much of our marriage for all the Facebook world to see.

Enjoy… 

  • Today celebrates 7 wonderful years with the greatest woman I have ever known. [To my wife] you are kind, generous, funny, charming, beautiful, and a wonderful wife and mother. My girls and I couldn’t be luckier you said “Yes” all those lifetimes ago.. 
  • Tonight the boys were both laying on me as we were getting ready to pray. Dan asked each of us what we were thankful for & I didn’t even have enough words to express my gratitude for that moment – a husband who loves the Lord & loves me (still boggles my mind), two sweet boys cuddled up on their Mom, our health, our jobs, our home, our Savior… Wow!
  • Huge family reunion dinner – 60 people, most of whom I cannot name. Sitting with the prettiest girl in the place (his wife.)
  • I’m glad we didn’t listen…Look at what we would be missin’
  • Just got home after a 13hr day at work and studying for his CPAT exam for standards tomorrow. He takes care of me as im throwing up and takes care of dinner. Baby is getting one amazing dad ‪#‎blessed‬
  • My wife is hot. Literally! In this heat she fixed the spark plug connection and cut the grass for me. ‪#‎bestwifeever‬
  • 8 years ago today I married my best friend. I love doing life with you and I am ready for another 60 years with you  Happy anniversary my man. I love you.
  • My sweet hubby put all the left overs away, washed all the dishes and cleaned the whole kitchen! How lucky am I?!
  • I love how he (her husband) enjoys grace. and lives it.
  • Grateful for my husband today. He works hard even when it’s painful, is cheerful when he has every right not to be, and loves and serves us when he’d rather be resting. His hope strengthens me. I love you, babe!
  • Finally, we want to end with a video that is precious. Grab a tissue though, you’ll most likely need it! Notice how this dear husband looks in his wife’s eyes at the end. ♥

Don’t forget to return here to honor your spouse in our comments. 

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Growing Strong Marriages, Showing Honor | Tagged , , , , , , , | 21 Comments

Celebrate National Lasagna Day

Posted on July 29, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: NY Daily News

Photo Credit:
NY Daily News

If you’re Italian you don’t need a day like this on the calendar. But if you aren’t–this is the perfect time to celebrate a classic dish.

Today is 

Graphic from: Self Taught Cook blog

Graphic from: Self Taught Cook blog

…and several restaurants in the Orlando area are offering the dish at half off for lunch or dinner. You might want to check your area to see if some restaurants are doing the same. We do know that Brio Tuscan Grill and Bravo Restaurants are offering the half-off deal, but quantities are limited and reservations are encouraged. Some are offering the deals today and some tomorrow. Be sure to check with your local restaurant before heading out.

But if you’re motivated to do so, why not plan a Lasagna Date Night with your spouse at home? It’s not that difficult and you might just start an annual tradition! Here’s how:

Planning A Lasagna Date Night

  • First, have fun with these facts about the dish. You can either read them together or make a trivia quiz out of them. Whichever your spouse would enjoy the most.
  • Second, make place cards using uncooked lasagna noodles. You can also use them to write out your menu.

lasagna

 

  • Third, cook your favorite version of lasagna and enjoy with a nice chianti from Italy. Don’t have a good recipe? Try some of these from Pinterest.
  • Finally, don’t forget to play some authentic Italian music on Pandora. Create a station using “Godfather Film Score” for some great music.

What else can you think of to make this night a perfect date? Maybe a red checkered table cloth and some tapered candles set in empty wine bottles?

Finish the night by watching a famous Italian Opera, a good foreign Italian film (use discernment in choosing. We have not watched nor do we endorse any on this list.) You might settle for The Godfather. Or you might want to read some beautiful Italian poetry. For more humorous entertainment try I Love Lucy’s “Lucy’s Italian Movie.” Whatever your taste, this Lasagna Date Night is sure to satisfy all your spouse’s cravings.

Below is a fun music video appropriately titled, La-Lasagna, by Weird Al Yankovic to help motivate you and hopefully make you smile.

Buon Appetito!

Posted in Creative Dates, Date Night Ideas, Dating Your Spouse, Dinner Dates, Fun Dates, humor, Orlando Date Ideas, romantic date nights | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Happy Hour

Posted on July 26, 2013 by Debi Walter

happy_hour_logo_cropped2Yes, it’s Happy Hour and time for our very special blog of the week. This week we want to introduce you to Ryan and Cassie, newlyweds (married in 2011), who have a passion to see marriages become all God has intended them to be. Together they started the True Agape marriage blog to help them to that end.

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I love Oklahoma, since this is where my family is from, and where my book Through The Eyes Of Grace, takes place. When I discovered they met at a 15K run in Tulsa, I knew I would enjoy getting to know them and their ministry. I call these touchstones!

Here are a couple we recommend:

Sharing Passwords With Spouse – a very important topic to discuss. Do you or don’t you?

How We Met – Both Ryan and Cassie share their recollections of that very first day.

You can find Agape Love on Facebook, on Twitter, and on Pinterest.

It’s inspiring to see a young couple who are embracing the importance of making their marriage strong from the beginning. We hope you’ll spend some time this weekend checking out Agape Love.

Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Happy Hour | 2 Comments

A Marriage That Lasts

Posted on July 26, 2013 by Debi Walter

mary

We have a friend, Beth, whose grandparents will celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary in September. She happens to be the twin sister to an amazing photographer named Mary Fields. They used the questions from the back of my book, Through The Eyes of Grace, to interview their Grandma and Grandpa on their life and marriage. We were told it was an amazing day to sit and listen to their stories and watch the sparkle of love still twinkling brightly in their aging eyes.

Mary said, “As someone who sees couples at the starting line every week, it was an incredible encouragement to witness two people who have been running the race for a very long time. Side by side. Hand in hand. A committed team. Still very much in love.

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What will your marriage look like when you are about to celebrate so many years together?

Will there be a sparkle of love still twinkling brightly in your eyes for each other, or will the years erode away your love? The choices you make today will determine what your commitment will look like then. Choose to work hard and hopefully you’ll find yourself being interviewed by the next generation to discover your secret for lasting love.

You can read Mary’s entire post here, as well as see this adorable couple. And if you happen to live in Oklahoma, Mary Fields Photography is one of the best around. Check out her site and you’ll see.

Posted in A Marriage Flight, Aging, Blog Love, Celebrations, Christian Marriage, Seasons of Life | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

9 Fun Dates to Heat Up Your Summer

Posted on July 25, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: Jennifer Prophet

Photo Credit: Jennifer Prophet

It’s the time of year when we all want new ideas on how to romance our spouse. The dog days of summer will begin shortly, so why not feed the dog something fresh. Maybe it will forego the normal doldrums.

Below are 9 of our most popular date night ideas from the past few years. Click the link to read the original post.

Romantic Scrabble

Clue Date With A Sexy Twist

10.5.1 Mall Date

Mystery Date

I.Heart.List Date

Spontaneous Rendezvous

The Masters Date (for the golf lover)

You Light Up My Life

Cultivating Our Friendship

Posted in Christian Marriage, Date Night Ideas, Dating Your Spouse, Vintage Posts | 2 Comments

New Venture With Engaged Marriage

Posted on July 24, 2013 by Debi Walter

engaged-marriage-travel-nursing-blog

I’m happy to announce that today marks the beginning of being a part of the Writing Team on the Engaged Marriage Blog. I’ll be posting once a month on the topic of Romance and Date Night Ideas. I hope you’ll click over and read today’s post! I’ll be writing the third Wednesday of every month.

A big thanks to Dustin Reichmann for the opportunity.

Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Date Night Ideas, Growing Strong Marriages, Guest Post, Romance in Marriage | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on New Venture With Engaged Marriage

If Only My Spouse Would ______________!

Posted on July 23, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: iveronicawalsh.files.wordpress.com

Photo Credit: iveronicawalsh.files.wordpress.com

If only my spouse would ______________! How you fill in the blank determines if you feed your spouse’s inner critic or inner encourager.

Imagine these inner voices living on each shoulder whispering thoughts into your spouse’s ear. It’s our job to strengthen the voice of the encourager and not the critic.

But what if my spouse fails to do something that’s important to me? That’s a great question. First you must remember that you also have an inner critic and inner encourager living on  your shoulders. In times like these it’s easier to hear the critic than the encourager. So it’s good to take our dilemma to the Lord in prayer. The critic hates prayer. It wants to isolate you so his is the only voice you hear. The encourager, on the other hand, loves prayer because the Author of prayer is the source for all our encouragement, either given or received.

Now back to the question. How do we approach our spouse with a subject that could be hard to hear? How do we help them hear our question as an encouragement and not a critical judgment?

First, make sure the timing is right for a serious conversation. They shouldn’t be rushed, tired or already irritated.

Second, pray for gentleness. The Bible says that a soft answer turns away wrath.

Third, humbly say something like this: Honey, what should I do if I feel you have neglected something important to me? I know you have been busy, so I don’t want to assume why this is so.

Fourth, wait for their answer and then, believe what they say. If you have harbored bitterness or unforgiveness due to listening to your own inner critic, this is an absolutely necessary step in encouraging your spouse to do the same.

Finally, if this doesn’t bring resolve to your situation, either give it time as you choose to be more encouraging than critical. Or if it’s really serious, seek counsel.

What a privilege it is to live so close to another where we can actually help them grow stronger in their fight against the inner critic.

But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.
(Hebrews 3:13 ESV)

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Encouraging Your Spouse, Growing Strong Marriages, Roles In Marriage, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on If Only My Spouse Would ______________!

Recharging Your Date Nights

Posted on July 22, 2013 by Tom and Debi
Graphic Credit: Choosing Joy blog

Graphic Credit: Choosing Joy blog

We all know what it’s like to have our cell phone, camera or tablet die on us right when we need it most. This can happen to our date nights too if we’re not careful.

Imagine life has gotten too hard and busy. Weeks, maybe even months, have passed since your last intentional date together. Or worse the last one you had bombed out because you didn’t plan it well or you didn’t plan it at all.

You, my friend, are in need of having your date nights recharged!

It’s not that difficult. All it takes is a few minutes of your time.

Today we want to ask you a few questions to help you evaluate where you are and hopefully stir those embers of romance.

  1. Think of your first date before you were married. What did you love most about it? a) the conversation   b) his/her looks  c)  the atmosphere   d)  what we did  e) all of the above  f)  none of the above
  2. Have you ever had a regular date since you were married? Yes          No
  3. If you could plan a night together what would be the most romantic for you? For your spouse?
  4. What is the hardest part of planning regular dates? a) finding a babysitter  b) lack of ideas  c)  can’t agree on what to do   d)  financial strain  e)  spouse has no interest
  5. What is your favorite part of the dates you’ve had? What is your spouse’s favorite part?
  6. Do you find it easy to talk to your spouse without bringing up work, the kids, church life?  Yes        No
  7. When was the last time you purposed to not talk about the above while out together?
  8. Would you say you’re adventurous or more reserved? How about your spouse?
  9. Do you enjoy the same things?  If not, would you be open to discovering new areas of interest?
  10. Do you like surprises, or would you prefer to know so you can plan? 
  11. A regular date night to me is a)  once a week  b) once a month  c) on special occasions  d)  I’d rather not go out. I like being home.

As you answered the questions above, we encourage you to have your spouse answer them as well. Then, plan a night out where you can purpose to talk about your answers together in an undistracted way. Remember it’s of most importance to not criticize your spouse’s answers. You want them to be honest, so you know what areas are in need.

It’s true that opposites attract, and as time passes the magnetic pull to be together can become weaker.

Date nights are your time to reconnect and recharge in whatever ways your spouse is feeling depleted. What works one week may not work the next. Date nights can’t be set in stone, but require flexibility.

The healthy marriage learns to recharge their spouse on a regular basis, which helps to keep their attraction for one another strong to last a lifetime.

Are you date nights in need of recharging? What have you found helps re-ignite the attraction?

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Date Night Ideas, Dating Your Spouse, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

Happy Hour

Posted on July 19, 2013 by Debi Walter

happy_hour_logo_cropped2

This past week J, of Hot, Holy and Humorous, wrote a post that we simply must share with you. The title alone compelled me to share it, but when I read the post in it’s entirety? Wow.

Tom and I humbly ask that you would pray for us in the ways in which she lists.

keyboard

Last week, I heard from marriage bloggers who had their site hacked and taken down, received suggestive emails from a creepy follower, got personally attacked for word choice, sifted through loads of spam, and more.

Yep, it’s a typical week.

I love what I do here, and the marriage bloggers I know are also passionate about reaching out and ministering to couples in any way they can. But yeah, there are moments when it feels like we’re at an archery range with apples on our heads, and I ask myself, What did I sign up for?!!

So today I want to suggest ways you can pray for marriage bloggers. (continue reading…)

Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Happy Hour, Prayer, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

I’ll Do It If You Notice

Posted on July 18, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: artur84 from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Photo Credit: artur84 from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

In a marriage it’s important that each partner knows what is expected of them in order for the home to work well. You may do most of the inside tasks, while your spouse takes care of the ones outside. Or you may do the kitchen and laundry, while your spouse mops and cleans the bathrooms. There may even be some who do most all of the work themselves while their spouse rarely lends a hand to help. That’s another post.

Today I want to talk about something we went through earlier in our marriage. It was the whole idea of having to have my husband notice every little thing I did for him. I remember when we were first married that I worked really hard to clean our apartment from top to bottom. When Tom came home, not only did he not notice, but he proceeded to vacuum the carpets even though I had already done it! As a new wife I was devastated.

We didn’t handle that conflict very well, but over the years we’ve learned what should have happened.

Tom’s side:

He had lived alone for 5 years before we were married. He had a routine to keep his place clean. He wasn’t used to having a wife who was willing to help. So, he didn’t vacuum because he didn’t think I did a good enough job. No. He vacuumed because that was his routine.

My side:

When Tom didn’t notice how hard I had worked to bless him, I was hurt. Then, to add insult to injury he vacuumed where I had already. I felt worthless!

I know it was an immature response, but I was only 19. :-/

Now that we have 34 years behind us, I realize that what I was doing was working for Tom’s approval. This was mistake #1. Mistake #2 – I was wanting Tom to notice something I had done even though it was my regular job.

How many times I used to do something that was my responsibility only to be offended if Tom didn’t notice. This proved my need to understand the Truth found in Colossians 3:

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. (ESV) emphasis mine.

If I’m working as to the Lord, then I will find my joy and satisfaction in doing it for Him.

It is a small way to glorify Him as I go about my day. If I’m working for my husband’s approval, then I will be on a roller coaster of emotions–happy when he notices and makes much of my hard work or sad/mad when he doesn’t notice. I might even be tempted to stop doing something just to see if he notices! (Sad to say, I’ve done that too–I don’t recommend it!)

See how the downward spiral happens so quickly? It’s best to focus on the eternal value of our daily work, than the temporary. Our work matters to God. If we do it with joy then our reward will be great in Heaven. If we grumble and complain, God receives no pleasure in that.

So the next time you work really hard doing something you’re supposed to be doing anyway, avoid the temptation to draw attention to it. Let it be between you and God. And if by chance your spouse does notice with appreciation? You’ve received what Solomon penned in Proverbs:

Let another praise you, and not your own mouth;
a stranger, and not your own lips.
(Proverbs 27:2 ESV)

Have you ever been tempted to get upset when your spouse doesn’t notice something you’ve done on your To Do list?

Posted in Christian Marriage, Conflict, Growing Strong Marriages, Newlyweds, Roles In Marriage, Seasons of Life | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Thou Shalt Laugh

Posted on July 17, 2013 by Debi Walter

romeo-paco-piano

We happened upon a Comedy Show broadcast on TV that was held at a church in L.A. titled Thou Shalt Laugh. It started out somewhat funny. We chuckled, and laughed out loud here and there, that is until we got to the final act. Comedian Taylor Mason was introduced, and I kid you not–I haven’t laughed so hard in years! I laughed so hard I thought my sides were going to split! It did my soul good too!

We want to share with you one segment of his routine to whet your appetite for more. You can find the entire show on Netflix. Turn up the volume, call your spouse to come watch and N-Joy! 🙂  By the way, this would be a fun at-home date sometime, if you want to save it and not show your spouse yet. 🙂

Posted in Dating Your Spouse, humor | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on Thou Shalt Laugh

Are You A Weed-Puller Or A Weed-Ignorer?

Posted on July 16, 2013 by Debi Walter
IMG_3785

Warning: The objects in this picture are larger than they appear.

I’m sitting at my computer and I can hardly move. Why? Because I spent and hour and a half weeding my garden this morning before it got too hot. Every time I weed I wonder why it is that I wait until they’re nearly up to my eyeballs before doing so.  Ok, I’m exaggerating, but my body feels as if I was in a boxing match and lost. I even have scratches from my rose bushes. Why do I wait until weeding is so hard, instead of doing it each week when the weeds are little? <sigh>

The answer is simple. I don’t like getting dirty and sweaty, but I love having flowers in my garden. I love taking a bouquet to unsuspecting friends just to brighten their day.

I was praying while weeding, and I sensed the Lord remind me of the fact that weeds need no cultivation.

All one must do to have them is–nothing. They grow healthy and strong with no attention whatsoever. But my roses on the other hand need constant care, pruning, deadheading, fertilizing, etc. How I wish it were the other way around. Gardening is hard work, but the results are rewarding. It’s certainly not for the lazy or slothful. Anything worth growing is going to take hard work, and your marriage is no different.

It’s true. Marriage is so much like a garden, or a vineyard for that matter. 🙂

Those who give it the care it needs on a daily basis will be able to capture the weeds of trouble before they have a chance to go to seed. When a weed goes to seed you can be sure they’re multiplying at a fast rate. All it takes is a little summer breeze for them to germinate elsewhere. My yard is proof positive!

In our marriages we bump up against each other in so many ways, and I’m not talking about physical intimacy, we like that kind of bump. 😉 Conflict comes in so many ways and for so many reasons. And it seems to always come when you don’t have the time to talk about it. Or worse, it comes late at night and sleep gets the best of you both. There’s nothing worse than waking up the morning after an unresolved conflict. Talk about a hangover!

So how can we purpose to go after the weeds of conflict in our relationship?

One way is by asking good questions. When you notice your spouse is quiet, don’t assume they’re just in a bad mood. Try to find out when their thoughts took them to a place of doom and gloom. Many of us don’t pay attention to the thoughts that race through our minds. We should.

We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ,
(2 Corinthians 10:5 ESV)

So much conflict comes from dwelling on the negative or critical. We make assumptions thinking we’re right, but the only way to know for sure is to have that talk. Your spouse may be reluctant to speak out. Encourage them by leaning into them rather than pulling away. It may be that what’s bothering them has nothing to do with you or your marriage. By assuming the worst, rather than think the best of our spouse, we stir up a lot more weeds than necessary. Kind of like taking a dandelion and blowing the seeds in your spouse’s face. Not the picture of an encourager is it?

We are each other’s partner. When we said I do, part of it was committing to be the one available to help, serve and love more than anyone else. Remember? When you looked in their eyes on your wedding day, you had no idea this would be back breaking work, but it is.

The adage is true that says, “Anything worth doing is worth doing well.”

We couldn’t agree more. And since marriage was God’s idea and it’s for His glory, there isn’t anything more important to tend to on a daily basis, excepting your personal relationship with the Lord.

Does this seem too hard? Do you dislike confrontation? Would you prefer to close your eyes to the trouble until things calm down? If you do, it may seem that things have been resolved, but unless you get both hands in there and pull the weed out by the roots, this issue is sure to come back and bring all kinds of other weeds with it. Just ask my aching back!

So, are you a weed-puller or a weed ignorer? How about your spouse? What would it take to get your hands dirty in your marriage? 

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, Priorities, Troubled Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Are You A Weed-Puller Or A Weed-Ignorer?

The Unselfish Server

Posted on July 15, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: teleburst.files.wordpress.com

Photo Credit: teleburst.files.wordpress.com

Tom and I went to a restaurant after our church service yesterday. It was a busy place with people everywhere. One of the servers (not our’s mind you) walked passed our table and noticed our two empty paper straw covers. He grabbed them and threw them in the trash. Why did I notice this? I don’t know, maybe because I thought it was unusual that a server from another station would take the time to remove trash from our table when, #1 –  our server wasn’t around to notice, and #2 – he wouldn’t get a tip from us. This proved one thing – he was a server with real character. He was doing his job with the big picture in mind–if the restaurant does well, he will keep his job. If he goes above and beyond his sphere of responsibilities, it will help everyone succeed.

Imagine hypothetically that you are a server in a restaurant, and the way you treat your spouse at home would determine how well you did your job.

Would you be a server who did jobs that weren’t your responsibility simply because it helped the house function as a whole? Or would you be one who walked passed the trash on the table because it wasn’t your station? Would you be demanding that other servers do things for you to make your job easier, but fail to give back?

In marriage it’s important to remember we are a team.

If one spouse is constantly working while the other is free to do the things they want to do, then the marriage is off balance. God has called us to prefer one another in love.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
(Philippians 2:3-4 ESV)

I realize this is an unusual metaphor, but I think it’s worth considering. Who knows? If you take this idea a bit further and do a really great job, you might just get a good tip! 🙂 The more you give yourself away in self-sacrifice, the more likely your spouse will take notice and do likewise.

In all things I have shown you that by working hard in this way we must help the weak and remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he himself said, ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”(Acts 20:35 ESV)

In what ways can you go out of your way this week to serve your spouse in a sacrificial way? Maybe you’re already doing this. If so, do you sense God’s pleasure in your willingness to give yourself away? 

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , | 8 Comments

What If My Marriage Has Disappointed me?

Posted on July 11, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: Quotes Tree

Photo Credit: Quotes Tree

This post continues the conversation that began with our post You Could Be Dissing Your Marriage And Not Know It.

I’ve been thinking a lot about disappointments and how detrimental they can be to a marriage. If you have a normal marriage there will be disappointments because God intends to use our disappointments to teach us in ways we would never learn without them.

We all have expectations. But is this bad? It’s a good thing when we’re expecting realistic things from our spouse, like faithfulness, provisions, strong work ethic, and a willingness to fight sexual temptations on a daily basis. But sometimes our expectations go too far. A wife may expect her husband to come home from a long day at work and be 100% at her service. A husband may think his wife should always be ready for hot and heavy sex without regard for her day or emotional state, after all this doesn’t hinder his desire.

There are many other examples, but these are two that can be a continual drip.

It’s no surprise that we will face disappointments. The important question to ask is how should we handle them?

It’s good to look at the Bible for our conclusions. When Moses came down from the mountain after receiving God’s commandments etched in stone by His very hand, he found the entire nation whoring after other gods. Sure, Moses had been gone a long time–over a month–but that time was short when measuring the faithfulness of one’s heart.

One of my favorite accounts in the Bible is the story of Jesus comforting Mary and Martha after the death of their brother, Lazarus. They knew Jesus was the Son of God, so they couldn’t fathom His unwillingness to come heal their brother when he became sick. What did this mean except that Christ didn’t care for them. Based on this false assumption Mary and Martha were greatly disappointed.

Yet in both of these circumstances, God was doing something bigger in order to display His glory on a larger scale. He promised He will never leave us. When we are disappointed in the way our marriage is going, the first thing most of us do is pray. We know that He is a present help to us in our times of need, but what do we do with disappointment when God seems to be silent? Does this give us a license to take matters into our own hands?

Going back to the story of Moses, Aaron was disappointed that his brother had delayed so long in returning. The people were even more disappointed and demanded action. Instead of encouraging the people to wait on their faithful God to send Moses back, they quickly ran after other gods, even gods they had crafted with their own hands. And Aaron not only allowed it, but did what he could to please their demands.

Wow. It’s hard to believe they couldn’t trust Moses for 30 plus days. Yet if we’re honest we do this with our spouse. If they have told us they’ll do something and there is a longer than expected delay, we’re tempted to assume the worse and attach motives to their lack.

How do I know? Because I do this to Tom far more than I care to admit. If we want to change and grow our marriage for God’s glory we MUST admit, confess and repent of our disappointments that turn to critical demands.

In what ways are you disappointed, right now, with your spouse?

Is it a reasonable expectation? Have you attached motives that you assume are the cause of their lack? May I encourage you to stop. Give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. There may be things hindering them that you don’t realize. The only way to know for sure is to talk. Don’t let your disappointments cause an unhealthy separation between you. Instead use them to discover more about your own heart. These times are intended by God to help us see what we’re craving. The Israelites were craving a God who was more comfortable that they could see, feel and control. We may be craving to control our spouse as well, but that’s another post for another day.

What disappointments is the Lord highlighting in your heart right now. Will you purpose to talk with your spouse about your struggle? Here’s a helpful hint: Let the conversation be focused on you and your heart rather than on what they have or haven’t done. After all God uses the lack in our spouse to reveal lack in our own trust of Him and His ability to do what seems impossible.

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Growing Strong Marriages, The Gospel & Marriage, Troubled Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

I.Love

Posted on July 10, 2013 by Debi Walter

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We live in an age where we can stay connected with our spouse even when we’re not physically together. Social media has made the world so much smaller, and it can be a good thing when used to communicate our love and our commitment to each other. We found this fairly new video by the band, August Rain. It’s titled simply, I Love.

The singer is obviously singing to the Lord, but as we watched it we realized how applicable it is to married couples as well.

We encourage you to watch it and notice all the different ways love is expressed. It’s fitting to say, “I LOVE this song!” 🙂

As an assignment we invite you to choose one of these ways to tell your spouse of your love for them on this Wednesday!

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Music, romancing your spouse, Worship | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on I.Love

You Could Be Dissing Your Marriage And Not Know It

Posted on July 9, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo Credit: Sodahead.com

Photo Credit: Sodahead.com

To diss someone is to: —v.t. 1. to show disrespect for; affront. 2. to disparage; belittle. 

As you can see to dis your spouse is not the way God intends for husbands and wives to relate. We are to show high regard and honor for each other.  Christ even goes so far as to tell the husband to love his wife as he loves himself! It is a high calling and one that takes the indwelling work of the Holy Spirit to accomplish.

Believe it or not, there are many varieties of disses in marriage. This is why we think they could be alive and well in many marriages and neither the husband or wife are aware of it. We want to share with you some common disses:

DIS-RESPECT – To disrespect someone is to have contempt for them and to treat rudely. However, many times disrespect isn’t so obvious to those who are being disrespected. For example, a wife could ask her husband to do something for the umpteenth time. When he hears the same old request he turns his head and rolls his eyes. This is disrespect on full display. The wife too will roll her eyes when her husband offers a suggestion on how to do something in a different way. This dis should have no place in marriage. However, we are both sinners in need of a Savior. We will disrespect one another. The thing is, we must be quick to confess our sin, not cover it up and hope they didn’t notice. Only you know when there is disrespect in your heart toward your spouse. Don’t delay. Go to your spouse and talk about it. If that sounds impossible, then ask for a godly friend or pastor to meet with you.

DIS-REGARD – To disregard is to pay no attention to or to leave out of consideration. This happens when one spouse makes big decisions without consulting the other. It could be with financial matters, career decisions, hobbies, etc. Our spouse should be included on all decisions regarding the family. There should be nothing hidden from the other. We even encourage husbands and wives to connect throughout the day as much as possible. A quick phone call gives you both insight into the pressures the other is facing.  This one thing does more to divert this “dis” from taking place than anything else. Talk deeply, talk often and watch how it helps you regard more highly each other’s opinions.

DIS-MEMBER – Ok, this one may sound gruesome, but we’re not talking a physical dismemberment here. What we’re talking about is the habit of cutting your spouse off when they’re talking, or cutting your spouse down in front of others. Do you interrupt your spouse when they’re telling a story to friends? Do you correct them for every little thing? Do you have unresolved conflicts? Do you bring attention to them while in public in a condescending way? Are you quick to point out your spouse’s failures, and all the while you’re failing to admit your own? Then, you are dismembering your marriage. Tom has often counseled couples saying our cutting words are like tiny arrows that pierce our marriage. One cutting word alone won’t do much damage, but over a long period of time these sharp words can kill a marriage. It’s best to be aware of this temptation, and confess it quickly when you find yourself doing it.

DIS-ENGAGE – I learned how to drive a stick-shift VW bug when I was 16. It was my first car, and I loved it. However, I found it challenging to learn how to smoothly disengage from one gear to the other while pushing in the clutch. It took lots of practice to do it well. But I was determined. This metaphor fits well with this “dis.” We disengage when we no longer listen intently to our spouse. We assume we know what they’re going to say and don’t bother pushing in the clutch to hear them out. Every conversation becomes a grinding noise, instead of smooth communication. Good listening skills take practice, and if we’re committed to our marriage, we’ll take the time needed to help us do this well.

DIS-HEARTEN – This one is heartbreaking, literally. It means to take the courage out of someone, to dispirit them. How does a couple go from their wedding day when they vow their life and love to their spouse, to someone who is responsible for disheartening them? It’s not surprising for those couples who are trying to live out their vows in their own strength. It is nearly impossible. I say nearly because there are some marriages that seem to fly above such temptations, but they are the exception and not the rule. Marriage is hard. It requires recommitting yourself to your vows each and every day. And for those who succeed you will most likely hear of their dependence on the God who created marriage in the first place.

After reading this list, have you discovered you’re dissing your marriage and didn’t even know it? If so, what do you do? Simply acknowledge your sin. Repent to your spouse and God. Commit to resist dissing, and watch God restore what the locusts have tried to destroy.

Are there other disses you can think of? How have they affected your marriage?
Read more: dis: meaning and definitions | Infoplease.com http://dictionary.infoplease.com/dis#ixzz2YTiagkPU

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Difficulty, Forgiveness, Growing Strong Marriages, The Gospel & Marriage, Troubled Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 21 Comments

Mark Your Calendar Is Back!

Posted on July 8, 2013 by Tom and Debi

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Happy Monday!

We hope your holiday weekend was one full of special times and great memories together as a couple and with friends and family. We asked you if you missed our Mark Your Calendar posts each Monday, and we heard a resounding YES. So today we begin this weekly feature to help you make plans if you live here, or even better–know where to go if you’re planning a visit. We’ve divided the city into four sections to help you have a general idea of where the activity is located in Central Florida.

For a complete list of what’s happening each and every week around O-Town we also recommend Great Dates Orlando website.

CENTRAL

NORTH

  • Sanford – Alive After Five on Thursday, July 11th from 5p – 8p. Cost is $7 and includes samples from several vendors.

EAST

SOUTH

  • St. Cloud – Movie At The Lakefront on Friday, July 12th. FREE. Movie this month is Oz The Great And Powerful, rated PG.

WEST

We would love to hear your thoughts about our weekly Mark Your Calendar post. What sounds like a fun date night to you? 

Posted in Christian Marriage, Date Night Ideas, Mark Your Calendars (time sensitive), Orlando Date Ideas, romantic date nights, Romantic Orlando | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Mark Your Calendar Is Back!

Happy Hour

Posted on July 5, 2013 by Debi Walter

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This week we celebrated Independence Day in the United States of America. It was our nation’s birthday, and everywhere you looked you could see signs of the nationwide party about to take place.

For our Happy Hour feature we wanted to share with you a very special post that let’s us take a closer look at dependence and independence in marriage.

Our Special blog of the week is:

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J, who blogs anonymously, shared a comparison that we believe is a healthy one to use in examining our own marriage. We hope you’ll take to heart what she’s comparing and see where your marriage lines up with it.

It’s Independence Day in the United States–the day we celebrate the signing of the Declaration of Independence on July 4, 1776. America was intent on gaining its freedom, but it didn’t earn it until 1782.

I started thinking about independence in marriage. Early in our marriage, my husband and I would debate about how dependent or how independent we should be.

Dependence. Some contend that we are one flesh, joined completely in all ways, and thus entirely dependent upon one another. Dependence advocates focus on how we complement one another, how we are like two halves of the same unit. As famously said in Jerry Maguire, “you complete me.”

Yet we all sense this can be taken too far. Like the couple who can’t seem to make the simplest move without the okay of the other. The couple who can’t spend a minute apart, as if doing so might rock the very foundations of their relationship. It can resemble that high school relationship between those two inseparable teens who had summarily dumped all of their friends in exchange for spending every waking moment with each other.

Given that our independence was earned by soldiers, I’m reminded of the number of military families today who must spend day after day apart. Are their marriages a sham? Of course not. Plenty of couples must be able to live independently yet still enjoy solid and long-lasting relationships.

So maybe “one flesh” doesn’t mean entirely dependent. (continue reading…)

You can find J on:

Facebook

Twitter

Pinterest

And don’t miss her personal testimony.

Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Happy Hour, Intimacy, The Gospel & Marriage, Troubled Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Happy Hour

50 Daily Kindnesses

Posted on July 5, 2013 by Debi Walter
Photo: Kindness Is A Daily Think, FB page.

Photo: Kindness Is A Daily Think, FB page.

 

  1. Pour their coffee in the morning and take it to them before they get out of bed.
  2. Write an encouraging Bible verse on the shower wall.
  3. Pray specifically for your spouse’s day and write a note telling them you did so. Place it where they’ll find it.
  4. Make breakfast using a heart-shaped cookie cutter for the toast or pancakes.
  5. Wash your spouse’s car.
  6. Put gas in their tank when it’s low.
  7. Buy their favorite snack and give it to them when their hungry for something.
  8. Do something on their chore list that they’ve been dreading.
  9. Make their favorite meal for dinner.
  10. Buy or Bake their favorite dessert.
  11. Record a movie you know they’ve been wanting to see.
  12. Organize their clothing drawers or closet.
  13. Do something you know they love for you to do without them mentioning it.
  14. Plan an outing with a few of their friends.
  15. Buy a book they’ve been wanting to read and put it where they’ll find it, like on their bed-side table.
  16. Make an appt. for her to have a manicure/pedicure.
  17. Draw a bath with their favorite music and beverage.
  18. Give an unexpected, romantic kiss.
  19. Buy Starbucks.
  20. Write a note and put it in their Bible.
  21. Let them sleep in.
  22. Men, hold the door open for her.
  23. Ladies, let him.
  24. Bake something for your spouse’s co-workers to enjoy.
  25. Be quick to ask for or extend forgiveness.
  26. Buy flowers for no special reason.
  27. Plant flowers in the yard while they’re away.
  28. Foot massage.
  29. Make a CD of all your favorite romantic songs.
  30. Visit their office right before they get off work. Put a cold drink and favorite snack in their car with a note to enjoy their ride home. Don’t let them see you do this either.
  31. Compliment them both privately and publicly.
  32. Don’t interrupt them. Listen while they speak without thinking what you’re going to say next.
  33. Hold hands.
  34. Sit together in church with your children to the side. This communicates your commitment to each other and to not let the children come between you.
  35. Play with their hair.
  36. Snuggle on the couch.
  37. Dance.
  38. Ask about their day and listen.
  39. Pray together.
  40. Plan for your next time away. Save for it. Talk about it. Dream about it.
  41. Be faithful to do the things you’ve said you’d do.
  42. Go get the car to pick her up when it’s raining.
  43. Carry a handkerchief to wipe her tears.
  44. Anything that is unexpected.
  45. Make your bed everyday. Or do it for the one who normally does it.
  46. Keep the laundry clean.
  47. Find a way to make your spouse laugh.
  48. Initiate sex.
  49. On a cold night, use a blow dryer to warm the sheets for her while she’s washing up.
  50. Say, “Thank You, I appreciate you.”

What would you add to this list? Let’s purpose to show daily acts of kindness to the one with whom we are called to love the most.

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Growing Strong Marriages, Romance, Romance in Marriage, romancing your husband, romancing your spouse, romancing your wife, Thankfulness | Tagged , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Happy 4th of July

Posted on July 4, 2013 by Debi Walter

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Today is known as America’s Independence Day. What if we were to celebrate today by remembering our Dependence on one another and on God to make our marriage what He desires it to be?

Let’s be grateful today for such dependence! Make the most of what you have planned and be all there!

Happy 4th of July!

 

Posted in Celebrations, Christian Marriage, Holidays | Tagged , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Happy 4th of July