The Christmas Pool

Posted on December 21, 2012 by Tom Walter

Today we want to share with you a very special metaphor about the meaning of Christmas as told by Thomas Kinkade – the famous “Painter of Light”.  This is a perfect story to share on Christmas Day as you gather together with family and friends to celebrate when “eternity entered time, permanently changing both”.

Merry Christmas!

The Christmas Pool

Imagine Christmas as a pool in the stream of time.  The autumn current flows cold and clear, but as it rushes and chatters around a long November bend, it falls into deep December.

And slows down.

Or seems to.

Just beyond the pool, the stream hurries on, tumbling into rapids and racing into the channel of a new year.  But at the pool, we may (if we wish it so) find a moment’s quiet.  Green in the long light of a winter afternoon, bottomless blue on a frosty morning, or mirroring the cold fire of stars in the stillness of a December night, the pool speaks of mysteries beyond our years and invites us to pause and ponder.

We don’t have to hurry through Christmas.

With a little forethought, with a little discipline, we can make time to take time.  We can stop running long enough to listen to the music, savor the lights, delight in the moment, remember the good days of seasons past, and think about enduring things — even as the stream of time glides on by.

There is something timeless about Christmas.

Perhaps it’s because of the way it came to us.  On a given day, in a given place, at a given moment, Eternity entered into Time, permanently changing both.  Timelessness intersected the temporal.  Everlasting life — enduring light! — pierced a closed system of darkness and sorrow, rendering it closed no more forever.  Heaven sent its best to earth, and He came to dwell among us.  Into time, through time, and at the right time.

A birth.  A Baby.  A Boy.  And then a Man.

Pondering Christmas won’t give us any more time, but gazing into the depthless pool just might help time stand still, if only for a season.  We might give ourselves to pursuits long overlooked in our preoccupation with deadlines, schedules, obligations, and incessant busyness.

Love of the season.

Love of family.

Love of neighbors and friends.

Love of strangers along the path.

And the love of the One who came and gave so much more than we could begin to imagine.

Posted in Holidays | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

A Time To Mourn

Posted on December 17, 2012 by Debi Walter

IMG_5551

I want to start off by thanking each of you who have prayed for us as we’ve cared for my Mom these past few weeks. What a huge support and help you’ve been to us. Thank you!

It is with sadness for me and gladness for her that I tell you my amazing mom left this world on Saturday, December 15, 2012, in order to join the great cloud of witnesses the Bible speaks about. I have one more treasure in Heaven that causes my heart to long all the more for the day when we’ll be reunited.

But what I really want to share with you is how Tom has helped me through this highly emotional and challenging season. For the sake of time I’ll put them in bullet points so you can read them quickly:

  • He has listened when I needed to talk.
  • He has held me when there were no words, only tears.
  • He has spoken wisdom when I was being distracted.
  • He has prayed for me when he lacked the words to encourage.
  • He has cleaned our kitchen, done the laundry, cooked meals and even ironed clothes.
  • He has guarded me by taking phone calls when I was too upset to talk.
  • He has helped me and my siblings as we made some really hard decisions.
  • He has loved my mom like his own.
  • He was willing to sleep on the couch so I could sleep in the only available bed at my Mom’s house.
  • He washed my car.
  • He understands this period of grieving is a necessary part of the process, and he is patiently helping me through it.
  • He has reminded me over and over how much he loves me.

With my Mom’s passing and my Dad’s passing 9 years ago, I no longer have parents to care for and love. It is a strange feeling, like being orphaned. Yet I know God is my Father, and He has promised He will never leave me nor forsake me. What a precious promise that has become even more valuable to me in these difficult days.

My life is consumed right now with helping my sister and brother settle her estate, something we’ve never done. God has blessed me with the best siblings–we get along very well and will work together towards the same goal–honoring my Mom’s wishes in every detail. I’m hoping to post now and then, but I can’t make a daily commitment at this point. I know you understand.

May your Christmas be filled with precious moments as you worship the One who came to earth and changed everything.

Posted in A Fragrant Aroma, Caring for Parents, Growing Strong Marriages, Seasons of Life, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , | 12 Comments

Taking Notes

Posted on December 8, 2012 by Debi Walter
My Beautiful Mom

My Beautiful Mom

I posted a couple of days ago on debigraywalter.com and thought you’d like an update as well. Thank you for your prayers for us during this time. What a difference God’s sustaining grace makes in such times!

Here it is:

In case you are wondering where I’ve been the past couple of weeks – my mom has terminal cancer. We found out a week and a half ago, and life hasn’t been the same since.

My days are spent at her house with my sister and brother caring for her every need. We sit and talk while she listens because talking wears her out. Sometimes she chimes in and shares a story I know I don’t want to forget. If you recall in my book I’ve mentioned my mom saying,

“Every time someone dies a library of information dies with them, unless some one takes the time to write their story down.”

This is why I’m taking notes…lots of notes. I don’t want to forget these precious stories. She helped me research Through The Eyes of Grace. What a blessing it was to take three separate trips with her to Oklahoma over the past decade. We made memories I will cherish for the rest of my life. Writing my next book will be easier because I know how the process works, but it will be harder because I won’t have her to help me. God help me face the future with faith, not fear.

We’ve been blessed to have family near and far come to visit. She is deeply loved by all who know her. Most days she doesn’t remember her diagnosis and is hopeful she’ll soon be well. But barring a miracle, we realize her days with us are few.

We are sad.

We cry a lot.

We hug a lot.

And we pray a lot.

I just wanted to take a moment for you to know why I’ve been silent–I’m busy taking notes.

Posted in A Fragrant Aroma, Caring for Parents, Seasons of Life | 7 Comments

Saying Goodbye

Posted on December 1, 2012 by Debi Walter

Before we went to sleep last night

Tom said to wake him if I needed to.

I did, at 3:30a.

You see on Monday my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given a short time to live. Her response to the news was not surprising given her realist nature and faith in God; She replied, “Well, I am 90!”

My brother, sister and I laughed through our tears.

When I awoke thoughts immediately came to mind about my mom. I met them with prayers to God for help. When the thoughts started coming faster than my prayers could keep up, I began to cry. It was then I reached out to waken Tom.

This is hard–the saying goodbye part. But Tom reminded me of the Truth that we do not mourn as those without hope.

But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep.
(1 Thessalonians 4:13-14 ESV)

Nine years ago, almost to the day, we went through this with my dad. It was hard as well, but we still had our mom. This time there is the passing of a generation, and my heart feels as if it will break in two. I know it won’t, but the pain remains.

I asked the Lord why at Christmas time again?

Out of twelve months a year, why am I having to let go of my mom at the exact same time of year I did with my dad? I believe He answered me with this thought:

I have chosen this time of year to call your mom home with Me as a reminder to you of the gift My Son gave to you, your mom and all who call on the name of Christ–a baby born in Bethlehem. He came and gave His all, including death on a Cross and rose again conquering death forever, so that when all who call upon His name take their last breath in this life will embrace life eternal in Heaven with all the saints who have gone before.

This includes my dad and my dear grandmother, we lovingly called Big Mama! I have a rich heritage. God has given me the most incredible husband to lead me through wave after wave of tears, and I am praying I can pass on to the next generation and the one following the amazing legacy my mom has given me.

Mom, Me and Stella

One story I’ve heard this week, that I didn’t realize is that my grandmother (my mom’s mom) prayed every night for each of her children, grandchildren, greats and great-greats by name. My mom confirmed she does this as well. I believe I’ve been given this mantle of prayer to keep the names of our loved ones ever before the Lord. He hears us when we cry to Him. He is as close to me as my husband was a little while ago letting me cry my heart out in His arms. God loves for His children to run to Him for strength in our weakness, joy in our sorrow, and peace in our fear, for He is our strong tower.

If you remember a few weeks ago our Healthy Marriage Tip photo came about as a result of this realization. I was even prompted to make this my desktop wallpaper. How kind of God to place this Truth before me as I write this very personal post.

strong tower

I don’t know when we will post again as we are spending as much time with my mom as possible, but we will be back. We appreciate everyone who has so kindly prayed for us during this time. We feel the strong support of God’s grace as a result. So thank you.

Are you mourning this Christmas? May the Christmas story give you hope, peace and the help you need to walk each day.

Posted in A Fragrant Aroma, Caring for Parents, Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, Seasons of Life, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Keeping Our Focus Where It Should Be

Posted on November 27, 2012 by Tom and Debi

Christmas season is upon us, and it’s easy to neglect the reason for the season. John Piper has compiled a free e-book devotional for each day of Advent that we believe will greatly help all who use it. What a privilege it is to approach the Throne of Grace for help in our times of need. If Christmas didn’t happen our access to God’s Throne would be impossible. We worship Christ for His accomplishment on the Cross for us.

May this Christmas season find you more in love with your Savior by using this FREE tool. 

Christmas blessings to you!

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Holidays | Tagged , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Keeping Our Focus Where It Should Be

One Lasting Answered Prayer

Posted on November 26, 2012 by Debi Walter

Have you ever considered how your marriage is the result of long-anticipated prayers said before you even met? It’s easy to forget as the years pass, but think about it; Your relationship with your spouse is the answer to prayers you prayed. And by God’s grace it has lasted, some of us for a few years, some of us are going on decades.

God has been faithful to allow this answered prayer to last.

We spent Thanksgiving week visiting Tom’s family. It was an unexpected, but wonderful time away. The day after Thanksgiving Tom took me out for breakfast to a place we discovered on Urban Spoon. It had 100% rating, so we figured it must have great food, and we were not disappointed. It was while we were eating that the following music video came on the TV.

We think you’ll be encouraged as we were by the lyrics. We truly are “one lasting answered prayer.”

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Music, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

With A Thankful Heart

Posted on November 22, 2012 by Tom and Debi

We want to pause today and thank God for the amazing privilege it is to do what we do. We thank Him for you. He has given us much, and we love sharing our abundance with others as our way of giving back praise and glory to Him.

Marriage is a privilege.

We never tire of encouraging others to continue living their vows out in the good and the bad seasons of life. It takes the strength of God to endure the hardship all relationships face. But He has promised all those who are His that He will never leave us or forsake us. What a tremendous relief!

We recently went to a Brandon Heath concert where he debuted his Blue Mountain album. There was one song that captured our heart from the start. It’s titled, Love Will Be Enough. We want to share it with you as our gift on this Thanksgiving Day. Please take a few minutes and listen to the words as well as the music. We believe you’ll be blessed.

We will be back on Monday ready to kick off the Christmas season with you. Have a blessed Thanksgiving!

Posted in Growing Strong Marriages, Slices, Thankfulness | Tagged , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

I Choose Thankful

Posted on November 21, 2012 by Debi Walter
Posted in Holidays, Priorities, Seasons of Life, Thankfulness | Tagged , , | 6 Comments

Prayer Prompts

Posted on November 20, 2012 by Debi Walter

As we gather in a couple of days with family and friends it’s good to have an idea on how to make God the center of our Thanksgiving. The best way to do this is to involve everyone at the table in a prayer of thanks.

Focus on the Family has an idea to help everyone offer a specific things for which they’re thankful to God for in the past year. The idea is to make little scrolls of prayer prompts. Each guest draws one or two scrolls between the main meal and dessert. Go around the table and share the thing for which you are most thankful using the prompt to help you think.

Following is a list of prompts to write in your scrolls:

  • God gives us the ability to learn new things. Thank Him for something you enjoyed learning this year.
  • The Lord gave us times of rest and relaxation this year. Thank Him for a special memory from a vacation, or special day of fun.
  • Even when we faced some difficult things this year, the Lord was with us. Thank Him for something that lead / is leading you to trust Him more.
  • God blesses us with surprises. Thank Him for something new and exciting that happened this year.
  • God has blessed us with a beautiful world. Thank Him for a place that’s special to you – whether you made it there this year or not.
  • God gives us the gift of progress. Thank Him for something that makes life easier than it was 100 years ago.
  • God gives us the gift of friendship. Thank Him for a new friend you made this past year.
  • God gives us the gift of laughter. Thank Him for something funny that happened recently.
  • God satisfies us with good things. Thank Him for a goal or dream you realized this year.
  • God gives us the gift of creativity. Thank Him for something you made, or an event you organized, that turned out well.

Close your time of prayer with Thanksgiving for the gift of forgiveness through Jesus, and the gift of His presence with us, through the Holy Spirit.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Thankfulness | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Thank You To Who?

Posted on November 19, 2012 by Debi Walter

Photo Credit: KMFA

I’ve noticed a slight shift in the way our culture celebrates Thanksgiving. Maybe you’ve noticed it too. The majority of Thanksgiving cards direct their thanks to the person reading the card. We are encouraged via commercials to give thanks to those we love, tell our loved ones how dear they are to us, etc. While this is all well and good, we mustn’t forget the One from whom all blessings flow. God, our Father, is the Creator and sustainer of all things. It doesn’t matter whether you accept it or believe it. It is still true because Truth can be nothing else.

The saying is often said, “What’s true for you isn’t true for me.” Well, if that’s the case then nothing is true at all. How sad to celebrate Thanksgiving without a deep sense of gratitude to the One who made it all possible.

Truth must be true all the time or it it can’t be called Truth.

I enjoy watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade on Thursday and eating a delicious home-cooked meal with my family and friends, but let’s not allow football and all the modern traditions rob us of the things which really matter.

We’re going to spend tomorrow’s post sharing some practical ways to make sure this holiday is focused on God, Our Father. Enjoy the following worship song before going about the rest of your day.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Thankfulness | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

Flirting With Your Spouse 101

Posted on November 16, 2012 by Debi Walter

We had a reader ask an excellent question last week, and we’ve decided to toss it out for you to offer your thoughts on the subject.

How does one learn to flirt with your spouse after 10 years of marriage?

For starters I’ll share what Tom said to me tonight.

“I love it when you flirt with me because flirting is fun, and you’re the only one with whom I can or want to flirt.”

I look at flirting as anything you say or do that makes your husband/wife smile at you in a way that makes you smile back. It’s usually personal and something no one else in the room knows is going on but you. Flirting takes stealth, which is why it’s so much fun.

Have you and your spouse always had a flirting relationship? If not, how did you begin? Was it a difficult transition? What did you to begin flirting at first?

Please take some time to think it over and offer your answers in the comments. Let’s encourage one another day after day as the Bible so clearly instructs. Then, let’s practice what we preach this weekend before Thanksgiving!

 

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Romance, Romance in Marriage, romancing your husband, romancing your spouse, romancing your wife | Tagged , , , , , , | 26 Comments

Confessions of a Blessed Wife

Posted on November 15, 2012 by Debi Walter

I wake up every morning with an overwhelming sense of God’s blessing on my life. It isn’t because my life is perfect–it isn’t. It isn’t because everything has played out the way I’d hoped–it hasn’t. It isn’t even because I have the perfect husband–he isn’t.

I have an overwhelming sense of God’s blessing because of grace, unearned, unexpected and unbelievable. God is good. His grace is amazing. And the primary way I experience His grace is through the love my husband shows to me on a daily basis…thus the reason for this post.

I have a confession to make. I am blessed way beyond anything I could ever imagine, ask or think. God in His kindness chose to unite me in one flesh to a man who exemplifies unselfish love for me on a daily basis. I will attempt to capture these sacrifices as confessions:

  1. He considers my needs above his own.
  2. He pursues me, my attention, my thoughts, and my help, on a daily basis.
  3. He expresses his love for me in a variety of ways regularly.
  4. He looks at me as one who is lost in my gaze.
  5. He tells me I’m beautiful, and in his eyes I know it’s true.
  6. He prays for me taking my needs seriously before the throne of grace.
  7. He quietly leads me like a shepherd patiently on guard for any on-coming danger.
  8. His desire is for me alone. I have never once doubted this truth.
  9. He allows me time to pursue my dreams, willingly taking up the slack in our home.
  10. He is my biggest fan, and the only opinion that really matters.
  11. He has faithfully provided for me and our family for 34 years. God’s abundant blessings have poured out on him, and no one is more surprised than he is.
  12. Humility is the road he chooses to follow.
  13. He listens intently and acts slowly. Thus wisdom is given at the proper time.
  14. He loves me as Christ loves the church and gave himself for her.
  15. He washes the dishes when needed.
  16. He fixes things around our home.
  17. He keeps our windows sparkling clean.
  18. He offers a helping hand whenever he can.
  19. He excels in many ways outside of the home, but his excellence inside our home gives his work credibility.
  20. I know him best and love him most because he is faithful and true.
  21. I am a blessed wife indeed.

In what ways are you a blessed husband or wife? Add your confessions in the comments below. 

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Testimonies, Thankfulness, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

The House Our Marriage Built – Part 2

Posted on November 14, 2012 by Debi Walter

Yesterday we began the analogy of seeing our marriage as a house with many different rooms. If you missed it, we encourage you to read it before continuing with today’s post.

Image Credit: blackpearlsims

The next room we want to explore is the bathroom. This is the place where most of us go first thing in the morning to make an assessment of ourselves in the mirror. We take a close look at our hair, face, and teeth, etc. to make sure everything looks presentable. Sometimes our spouse helps us see things we would otherwise miss.

In our marriage this is the time when we take a close look at our own life and how we’re doing in regards to, well…everything. Sometimes we are well aware of the areas in which we need to change, but oftentimes we need the input of our spouse who knows us better than anyone else in this life, to help us see blind spots.

Imagining a home without a bathroom seems ridiculous.

So should the thought of a marriage without this kind of personal examination. We need to take a close look in the mirror of our marriage on a regular basis. It may require replacing an old mirror for a newer mirror in order to help us see accurately, without distortions.

Photo Credit: gentleshepherdbaptist blog

Are you open to hearing constructive criticism from your spouse? Do you feel they are after your best interest in doing so, or do you feel they are being overly critical? When was the last time you received their input with gratefulness, instead of disregarding it?

Our last room is the bedroom.

This is the room reserved only for the two of you. It represents your intimacy on all levels–emotionally, spiritually and physically. It should be free from the clutter of everyday life and be a place where rest is encouraged and love is expressed.

Neglecting this room can be the most detrimental to the marriage house, affecting every other room. Intimacy must be guarded and cultivated on a regular basis or your marriage will drift. A little drift results in getting way off course in the future.

Can your spouse share with you anything that concerns them? Do you offer them a listening ear and caring heart whenever they need your support? Do they offer this to you? If not, know that the bedroom of your house needs attention.

Finally, it’s important to remember the foundation of our marriage house is Christ.

He alone is able to sustain us through every situation we face. He is faithful–always has been and always will be.

We end with this story by Matt Redman.

It was told that his family was moving from Atlanta back to the UK. After packing everything and sending his family on a plane ahead of him, he took a final walk through their empty home. It was standing here, inside the walls that had been their marriage house, that he began worshiping God. The following song is the result of his encounter with God, remembering His faithfulness to them in all they had faced together in their marriage. May God give you the strength to continue working on and making your marriage house everything God desires.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Intimacy | Tagged , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

The House Our Marriage Built

Posted on November 13, 2012 by Debi Walter

Building a healthy, God-glorifying marriage can be compared to building a house, it takes planning, effort, lots of long days of communication about miscommunications, and hammering away at sin as it’s revealed. After years of hard work you hopefully end up with a comfortable place in which to live and love that becomes more valuable as the years pass.

We would like to explore this analogy further.

Did you realize your marriage has rooms, much like a house? The first thing others see is the front door of the marriage house.

It speaks volumes to those who are passing by whether or not your marriage is welcoming. The front door should be an invitation to come inside for more, not a false front that hides the reality in which you live.

The first room inside the home is usually the living/family room – the place where life happens.

Image Credit: The Sims Social

It is your comfortable place where you spend lots of time together relaxing and doing the things you love to do. This could be compared to the area of your relationship that comes easy to you, your comfortable place. It’s the part of your marriage you really didn’t have to work on to get where you are today.

For us, our living room is our friendship.

From the moment we met our compatibility in this area was strong and always has been. We realize this isn’t the case for every marriage. Many couples may have to work at being good friends, but may excel in serving the church together, or in studying God’s Word together, etc. Your living room is the one place where friends come to spend time with you and learn from you and your example.

Next, we want to talk about the kitchen of the marriage house.

This is the place where your relationship is fed. You can feed it junk with lots of processed food, or a healthy balance of quality food. It is important to consider with what food you’re feeding your marriage.

A healthy marriage diet consists of:

  • good books
  • consistent Bible reading
  • regular times of prayer together
  • quality fellowship with other Christian marriages
  • well-read on a variety of topics from which you can learn and grow
  • commitment to the local church.

The Marriage House has two more rooms we’ll explore tomorrow, but in the meantime ask yourself the following questions:

How inviting is the front door of your marriage? Does it welcome others in for more? What is your living room? How has God used you in this area of strength in your relationship? Finally, with what types of food are you feeding your marriage? How has this helped strengthen your marriage?

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , , , , | 6 Comments

Our 4th Blogiversary!

Posted on November 12, 2012 by Debi Walter

Photo by Walter

Have you ever had expectations for the future and then have them not play out in the way you had hoped or dreamed? I’m afraid in the current environment this has become much more the norm for many of us.

When Tom and I started The Romantic Vineyard our children all lived within 25 minutes of us, we had two (one-year-old) granddaughters, we owned a business where Tom had worked since 1982, I had been working on my book for eight years thinking I’d never live to see it published, we were primarily caring for marriages of those we knew and loved from our local church where we had been members since it’s beginning in 1985. Life was full and quite satisfying, I might add.

Today is our 4th blogiversary, and in these four short years our life has changed quite a bit in ways we never expected.

One of the most difficult was watching our daughter and son-in-love pick up and move to Atlanta with their family a year and a half ago. Tom and I have always told our children they need to discover where it is God wants them to go. They can’t base their future on what pleases us, as much as I would love that! They need to follow God’s will for their lives, and it has been a good move for them.

Change is hard, especially when you don’t see it coming.

But if we believe God is sovereign over all the circumstances we face, we know there is good in store for us in one way or another. It’s not always obvious right away, but knowing it’s coming gives hope in the midst of the challenges.

I know this is a strange way to celebrate our 4th blogiversary, but this has been a strange year for us. We are working on a special project that isn’t quite ready yet, but will be soon. We think you’ll like it too! In the meantime, we thought you might enjoy looking back at how we celebrated our past blogiversaries.

Thank you all for the way you have encouraged us, made us laugh, cry and think hard on how to answer difficult questions. Walking with you through The Romantic Vineyard is a privilege we don’t take lightly. We love what God is doing and pray He will continue to help us do this in a way that glorifies Him.

Third Blogiversary

Second Blogiversary

First Blogiversary

How is God helping you face changes you never thought would come? Have you found some of the good in the change? Or are you still waiting for it?

Posted in Celebrations, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Purpose | Tagged , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Happy Hour – Are You Bored With Sex?

Posted on November 9, 2012 by Tom and Debi

The final post in our Boredom in Marriage series focuses on one of the most common issues in marriages–boring sex. Since many other respectable marriage blogs have addressed this issue in full detail, we thought we’d use our Happy Hour post to link-up with them as our Specials of the Week. We’ll leave these up all week-end so you can spend time browsing the topics featured to help you if this is an area of boredom in your marriage right now.

Intimacy In Marriage

One Flesh Marriage

The Marriage Bed

Posted in Blog Love, Boredom, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Happy Hour, Sexual Intimacy | Tagged , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Boring Communication And How To Avoid It In Your Marriage

Posted on November 9, 2012 by Debi Walter

Photo Credit: Arina Nikitina blog

Have you ever been in conversation with someone who was obviously bored with the topic? I have. In fact the person actually closed their eyes while I was talking. It wasn’t until his head fell backwards that he was shaken awake. Talk about a yawner! And no, it wasn’t Tom. 🙂

I admit I talk a lot. Sometimes I use too many words to express what could be said much faster. But when it comes to romance we can never use too many words in expressing our sentiments to the love of our life!

Most of us are good at supporting Hallmark. We pick out the perfect card for birthdays and anniversaries. Valentine’s Day cards are an annual romantic tradition for most couples. But what about a typical day? How romantic is your communication on an average day?

My husband excels in communicating his love for me in various ways.

Just a couple of days ago I found a card hidden next to my phone charger. He knew I’d find it before going to bed. I asked him his thoughts on how to keep our communication alive and romantic, rather than boring. He didn’t hesitate in sharing the following list:

Communication that is romantic must:

  • be undistracted by electronic media
  • keep eye contact to show your interest and help stay engaged
  • genuinely express love and care using songs, letters, notes, etc.
  • consist of well-thought-out words
  • have variety – notes on the mirror, in refrigerator, tucked inside a bible
  • be unexpected

Boredom in communication is probably the easiest to overcome. With a little attention it will dissipate quickly. The only reason we get bored with it is when we have an idea of what our spouse is going to say and/or do to express their love. That’s when the temptation is great to tune out.

Another aspect of not being bored in our communication is to be well-read on a variety of topics.

Read up on the things that interest your spouse. Be able to draw them out about the things they care about i.e. their favorite sports team, current events, their favorite author’s latest release, or a favorite movie.

Ashley and Jason competing in the kitchen.

Our son and his wife bless us regularly with their bantering. For instance, on Facebook he’ll say something he knows is going to spark interest or a reaction in his wife and so it begins. The comments fly back and forth quicker than most of us can read. It’s obvious they adore each other. They excel in romantic communication by knowing exactly what will make the other smile, laugh or react.

Do you know your spouse this well?

If so, when was the last time you bantered with them. Bantering means good-humored, playful conversation. Kind of like flirting with your words.

Our culture has this idea that married love is boring love. May we prove them wrong in how we display our love for each other. Let’s grow in the art of bantering with our spouse in whatever way we can. There is a world watching who will find this kind of love expressed  curious for sure, and hopefully contagious.

Life is quite serious these days. What a blessing to have someone with whom to share each day who can help lighten our load with nothing more than a “word fitly spoken.”

How would you describe your communication of late? Boring? Interesting? or Bantering?

Posted in Boredom, Christian Marriage, communication, Growing Strong Marriages, Romance in Marriage | Tagged , , , , , | 6 Comments

Bored With Romance

Posted on November 8, 2012 by Debi Walter

Romantic expressions are usually at their highest during courtship and diminish greatly after marriage. Many believe romance isn’t as necessary as it once was. Others believe it isn’t as important as it once was. We disagree with both views.

Romance is what adds the fun and adventure to an otherwise predictable routine.

It doesn’t replace it. Marriage can’t stand alone on it, but it is an important part of a healthy marriage. And this is often the first thing lacking when a marriage becomes boring.

Romantic expressions to one couple may be as simple as a thoughtful card, helping with chores unexpectedly, or going out to dinner so you don’t have to cook or clean the mess. But it can also include a regular date night, a weekend getaway when the budget allows for it, or a surprise vacation to a place of your dreams.

I love to plan romantic surprises for Tom.

And he loves it when I do. One of the best surprises I ever pulled off took a lot of stealth planning on my part. 🙂 I enjoyed the planning and the anticipation of his response as much as the actual surprise.

I had an idea, but I needed the help of his boss’ wife. I needed to secure a babysitter for overnight. And I needed the money to pay for the surprise. I had to start planning for it way in advance so I could save the money without Tom missing it. Since I stayed at home full-time with our three small children, the only way I could save extra money was through having garage sales and savings from my grocery budget.

Once I had saved enough money to pay for a night away at a nice hotel, I got to work on the other factors. A dear friend agreed to watch all three children and Tom’s boss’ wife whom I’ll call “J”, worked out a perfect plan with me.

Here’s how it went down:

J asked Tom if he would mind taking a part out to one of their technicians at 3p. on a Friday afternoon. He was told to drop it off at the hotel’s front desk and also to collect a check from Gladys, since the customer didn’t have an account with them. He agreed to go, but reluctantly because traffic can be terrible in that part of town on a Friday afternoon.

Once he arrived he went to the hotel desk and asked for Gladys. The clerk handed Tom a sealed envelope saying this was the check to open it and make sure the amount was right. When he opened the envelope there was a note from me with a key to our room.

I must tell you, he was a bit taken back by the key at first thinking Gladys had something else in mind for payment! 🙂 Once he read the note in my handwriting he saw it was signed by “Gladys” aka Debi! He met me in the room a bit more flushed than I expected, but it was so worth it.

He still talks about this as being one of his favorite surprises. It cost me about $100 to pull this off, but the lasting memory and the smile it brings to us both was priceless.

As you know, we devote our time on this blog and through our church helping couples come up with creative ways to keep the romance alive in marriage. It is important and will help you enjoy your relationship in fresh and new ways.

When was the last time you enjoyed a really romantic time together? A romantic surprise? A romantic anything? Plan to do something special this month and see if your relationship doesn’t benefit. You will most likely feel a bit awkward if you haven’t done this in awhile, but don’t let this stop you. Your marriage is worth it!

Posted in Boredom, Christian Marriage, communication, Growing Strong Marriages, Romance, Romance in Marriage, romancing your spouse, Romantic Ideas | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

3 Types of Boredom in Marriage

Posted on November 7, 2012 by Debi Walter

Photo Credit: dailymail

We heard recently of a study conducted in Canada of 88 married couples. They were asked to write down words to describe the current state of their relationship. The majority of the words indicated boredom to one degree or another.

Boredom is common, but it is serious. It may indicate an area lacking attention. Oftentimes one spouse is bored and the other isn’t, and it is more likely to be the woman than the man. The one who isn’t may not even realize the boredom crouching at the door of their marriage. They may be comfortable with life as it is.

If this is you, and your spouse often shares their dissatisfaction or boredom in an area of your marriage–let this be a huge red flag!

It should not be ignored.

Sadly, many marriages end because the boredom becomes too much, and they seek companionship and adventure with someone else.

Let this not be us!

How do we cure boredom in marriage? Ask God to show you what area of your marriage is causing this sense of boredom in your heart? Then go after it! Here are a few to consider:

  • Bored with Romance and Fun (Soul)
  • Bored with Communication (Mind)
  • Bored with Sex (Body)

We will talk about these three types of boredom beginning tomorrow. We hope you’ll come back and join the conversation.

In which of the three areas listed above would you most likely be tempted to boredom? Have you realized this before? What have you done to counter the temptation?

Posted in Boredom, Christian Marriage, communication, Growing Strong Marriages, Seasons of Life, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Bored With Marriage?

Posted on November 6, 2012 by Debi Walter

Photo Credit: Trophy Wife blog

Anytime life becomes predictable there can be a temptation to find it boring. This in itself isn’t necessarily bad. It’s okay to be bored from time to time. It’s what we do to fill the boredom that matters.

Consider King David. When he was in Jerusalem one afternoon while all his soldiers were out fighting the Ammorites, he went for a walk on the rooftop.  He noticed a beautiful woman bathing below. Her name was Bathsheba, and the story goes downhill from there. Had David gone to battle as he should have, this temptation would have never happened. But he chose to stay behind. We don’t know if it was because he was bored, but he certainly could have been.

Procrastination can be an indicator of boredom as well. If there is something in your marriage you know you should be working on, but you keep putting it off, this can pave the way for all sorts of trouble in your relationship:

  • It could tempt your spouse to be angry with you.
  • It could show a lack of consideration and selfless love for your spouse.
  • It could reveal an area of unfaithfulness in the little things.

The adage is true: Don’t put off until tomorrow what you could do today.

Does your marriage seem boring right now? Has it become predictable? With what are you tempted to fill the emptiness boredom creates? Talk with your spouse about your answers, and see if they feel the same way.

Healthy communication is a married couples’ greatest weapon. Use it often and watch your relationship grow.

Posted in Boredom, Christian Marriage, communication, Growing Strong Marriages, Seasons of Life, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment