Ten Ways to Not Waste This Time in Marriage

Posted on May 13, 2020 by Debi Walter

None of us expected this, but here we are. It has been the strangest worldwide event in my lifetime. We have been sheltering in place for a couple of months now, and social distancing whenever we venture out. Always going back and forth with these two questions, Is a mask really necessary? or Will a mask really help? It is a constant conversation in my mind.

This time can have benefits for our marriages if we don’t waste it.

  1. Take note of the ways you get on each other’s nerves. This is an indicator of an area in need of attention. Make time to talk about it when you are undistracted. See if you can come to a place of understanding. Repent of sinful attitudes if needed, and move beyond this speed bump.
  2. Encourage some of your time to pursue hobbies. I love to cook, so this time has been very beneficial for my hobby, and Tom loves to eat. It’s a win win! 🙂
  3. Practice kindness. Choose your words carefully when having a serious discussion. Find ways to say it with a smile–like we used to instruct our children.
  4. Remember to extend grace when your spouse is struggling.
  5. Pray for each other together or apart.
  6. Read aloud to each other. We highly recommend Cherish, by Gary Thomas. Or if you haven’t purchased our book, Cherishing Us, now is a good time to follow our healthy marriage tips each day.
  7. Don’t neglect date night. Order food delivery, or go out to a restaurant that’s opened to support their staff and community. Make love as often as you can.
  8. Limit how much news you watch or listen to. It can become very depressing to constantly fill our minds with the latest controversy surrounding COVID-19
  9. Play worship music and sing along. Let the words fill your heart and mind with God’s peace.
  10. Give each other space–time to be alone and relax.

It is a blessing to have each other to be home with each day. I remind myself often of friends who would love nothing more than to have their spouse with them still. Let’s not prove the old adage true–you never know what you have until it is gone.

We know what a gift it is to be married, the key is to show it in how we live day by day.

How have you made the most of this time at home together?

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Difficulty, Encouraging Your Spouse, Keeping It Real | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments

The Orlando Blessing

Posted on May 4, 2020 by Debi Walter
The Orlando Eye

I was born and raised in Orlando. I am privileged to still call it home.

When Tom and I were married in 1979 I moved with him to another city in Florida for the first 18 months of our life together. It was during this time that I realized how much I love Orlando – The City Beautiful. I missed it so much. When we moved back in 1980 I’ve never considered living anywhere else. I love my hometown.

Imagine this past Sunday when our church surprised us on our live feed with the following video? 85 churches in the Orlando area were invited to take part in a project called, The Orlando Blessing. It was led by The First Baptist Church of Orlando, which is the church my parents went to when I was born. So many touchstones leading up to this video, that when I saw the production I was moved on many levels. But none more so than realizing this is only a sampling of the churches in our area, and an even tinier snippet of the churches worldwide who could join in this throng. Then, lifting my eyes heavenward to realize that the great cloud of witnesses were joining in as well. This is a powerful glimpse of what I believe Heaven will be like. Come Lord Jesus!

We pray The Orlando Blessing will bless you and your children and their children and their children…

Posted in A Fragrant Aroma, Christian Marriage, Music, Worship | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

“Tap In” with Intention

Posted on April 29, 2020 by Debi Walter

We are watching a series on Hulu titled, Alone, (on the History channel if you have cable). It’s a reality show that takes it to the next level of all other reality shows. Ten people, trained in survival skills who pass the strenuous audition, are dropped off on a remote island to live for as long as they can endure. The last one standing wins $500K. The difference with this show is there are no film crews. Each participant is given a complete camera set-up in order to document their time alone. They are allowed to “tap out” at anytime they choose; if they don’t feel safe, if they are missing home too much or if they get hurt.

It has been fascinating to watch and listen to them discover more about themselves. Some are hoping to find answers to long-standing questions. Some are running from their past and end up having to face it. Some are there for the endurance. We have watched the first three seasons and it has made our time of sheltering in place seem insignificant compared to what they are facing.

They are each given a satellite radio to call in case of emergency or to say, “I’m ready to tap out.” Once they say those two words, “tap out” their journey is over. They simply wait on the shore for the boat to come pick them up.

In season 3 one guy was ready to leave and used his radio to say, “I’m tapping out!” Once the boat arrived, he explained his reasons. He ended it by saying something that really impacted me…

“I like to think that I’m not ‘tapping out’ from the show, but I’m ‘tapping in’ to my family and what matters most. I’m ready to be home.”

Isn’t that good advice? While we are sheltering in place we could be focusing on the negative aspects of being stuck at home all day every day. Or we can think of it as “tapping in” to our family, new routines, new habits, our health. We have more time to consider these things. Or if you have a house full of children you have time to notice areas of needed attention in their lives. Things we don’t notice when running from appointment to appointment.

I have tapped in to my love for cooking and baking. I can’t remember the last time I made homemade bread without my bread machine. But I did last week and it felt good to get my hands into bread dough again. Tom has been tapping in to caring for our yard and flower garden. It is more beautiful than ever! We have also been reading to each other more, walking daily, exercising and binge watching Alone :-).

I realize that many of you may be more busy now than ever, if you are first responders or are an essential business. Can we just say thank you? While we are waiting, watching and praying, you are going and doing all for our benefit. You are exemplifying the spirit that makes America great, and we couldn’t be more grateful. Thank you!

What can you focus on this week to “tap in” with more intention?

Posted in Boredom, Christian Marriage, Keeping It Real | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

It’s Virtually Impossible to Not Have Fun

Posted on April 23, 2020 by Debi Walter

We recently had a great family night that helped make the distance between us seem insignificant. We scheduled a Zoom call and then used Jackbox.TV to play party games together. It was so much fun, we thought it would be a good suggestion to share with you.

If you’re like us we are missing interacting face-to-face with our friends. Date nights have continued from home, but we can’t get with our friends.

Until now…

Why not plan a Double Date using Zoom? Spend time catching up with your friends first, then move on to playing some of the games Jack Box offers. The cost for Zoom is around $15 per month; and the cost for a game pack on Jack Box is around $30. (There is their original Jackbox Party Pack on sale for $12.49–see below)

https://www.jackboxgames.com/party-pack/

Think about it–for the price of one date, you can have lots of fun with friends and/or family members. This is a great way to make special memories while we’re all sheltering in place. Hopefully this season will pass soon, but until then let’s be creative with our time.

What are some creative things you’ve done to keep your regular date night alive?

Posted in Date Night Ideas | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

Dealing with Conflict in Marriage

Posted on April 20, 2020 by Debi Walter

This post was originally published on our church’s website. We want to share it here as well.

It is unavoidable in marriage. How we deal with conflict makes all the difference in how healthy and strong our marriage becomes. 

  • There are couples who deal with conflict with shouting matches that could flatten a wheat field. Ken Sande in his book, The Peacemaker, calls these types, “Peace Breakers.”
  • There are couples who deal with it by ignoring it, “Peace Fakers.”
  • There are couples who deal with it by blame-shifting. 
  • There are couples who deal with it by giving the silent treatment to punish the other spouse.

We all have our natural, sin-born tendencies. But how to get beyond these tendencies to a mature response is our goal as Christians.

James 4:1-2a says, “What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have…” 

We often ask couples who are experiencing regular conflict, “What is it you want that you aren’t getting?”

Think of your most recent conflict. With our current Shelter-in-Place ordinance, this may be happening more often than normal. What was the issue? At what point did you feel irritated or angry? Can you identify what it was that you wanted that you weren’t getting? Were you able to talk about it? Did your conversation bring a resolve to the issue or did it make things worse? The best way to know the answer to this last question is if a similar incident happens again. If you refer back to this conflict, you’ll know there is unresolved conflict hiding in your heart. 

It may be that what you are wanting is a legitimate request, e.g. more quality time together vs. quantity time. The key to growing in your ability to deal with conflict is being willing to talk about it. But when you do, there are some important rules to follow.

Five Guidelines in Discussing Heart Issues 

  1. Make sure the time is right to have a good conversation. 
  2. Come with an inquiring mind not an accusing one. “Can we talk about something that is bothering me?”
  3. Lower your voice and speak softly.
  4. Ask questions instead of making blanket statements. “When you said this did you mean it this way?” 
  5. Treat your spouse as a physician would–looking to help heal, and not as a prosecuting attorney–looking to find fault and declare them guilty.  “How can I handle this situation in the future to help you?”

This last one comes from Gary Thomas in his book, Cherish. Such great advice. 

With all of us living 24/7 in such close proximity, facing the biggest challenge in our lifetime, let’s ask God to help us be kind to each other. Let’s ask for wisdom in how to deal with our conflicts so we may grow and mature. And let’s step back and remember what a gift our spouse is to us. It’s easy to forget when all we can see are the ways they are irritating us. 

Purpose to focus on the good and the good may be all you see.

“There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts,

    but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” – Proverbs 12:18 ESV

Links to reference books: 

The Peacemaker

Cherish

Posted in Christian Marriage, Conflict | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Good Seeds That Yield A Healthy Marriage

Posted on April 16, 2020 by Debi Walter
Questions, good questions, help a marriage grow strong and mature.
Photo by Evan Dennis on Unsplash

Questions, good questions, help a marriage grow strong and mature.

Think of a good question like a seed. It is sown on the soil of your marriage in the hopes of creating new life. You watch. You listen. You wait for the fruit–an honest answer. Sometimes the answer isn’t what you were expecting to hear like the answer to this age old cliche’ “Do these jeans make me look fat?” Anyone married for any length of time knows this is a slippery slope of a question. It isn’t a good question to begin with so it usually leads no where good.

In a Harvard Business Review article titled, The Surprising Power Of Questions, they share the findings of an extensive study on the power of questions. They discovered people hold back for many reasons, but below is their main conclusion:

“…most people just don’t understand how beneficial good questioning can be. If they did, they would end far fewer sentences with a period—and more with a question mark.”

This is an outstanding conclusion because we can easily begin doing this in our marriage. We may believe we know everything there is to know about our spouse, but we would be wrong. Humans are complicated and diverse. You may know more than anyone else about your spouse’s preferences, history and habits. But only God knows them intimately in every way.

How do we grow in our ability to sow good seeds (questions)? Seeds that will be sure to take root and grow?

  • Ask questions that require an answer other than yes or no. e.g. How was your day? Rather than, Did you have a good day?
  • Ask open ended questions that invite a story. e.g. What happened in your life that made you feel the most proud?
  • Be genuinely interested in the answer given. The best way to show this is by asking more questions to expound on what you’ve heard so far. e.g. What did you do when that happened? Rather than, “Uh-huh”.
  • Listen with your eyes. This has been said so many times, but it can’t be said enough. It makes a huge difference in the depth of your conversation if you give your spouse your undivided attention.
  • Realize that by asking good questions not only do you get to know your spouse better, but they grow in their understanding of themselves too.

This is in no way an exhaustive list on how to have good communication skills, but it’s a healthy start.

Imagine a meadow where good seeds have been sown. In time the maturing trees will begin to grow providing shade for all who come near. This is the benefit of good questions. It helps us grow and mature becoming all we were meant to be.

Many times our worst enemy is lack of time.

We don’t think we have the time to have a long conversation, so we don’t go there. But isn’t our marriage worth the extra effort it takes to lean in and learn. In this season where we are mostly all home with more time than ever, let’s purpose to sow some healthy seeds of communication. Get to know your spouse in a deeper way. Use our Date Night Questions found in our book, Cherishing Us, as a springboard if you don’t know where to start. (The Kindle version is on sale until Friday for only 99 cents) Or you can click our tab above to get started right away.

We have discovered that the more we ask questions, the better we get at asking them.

Date Night Prompt – Plan a night this week to ask each other good questions. After each initial question ask another to go deeper. Do this until there are no more questions to ask. See who can ask the most follow-up questions as a challenge to continue. Do this and you’ll both be winners.

My friend and blogger, Bonnie Anderson at Life on the Lighter Side, also has a book published through our publisher Prevail Press. I share with you her post about the 99 cent sale for all Kindle books purchased before Friday. These are some great book selections for all types of reading. Enjoy!

Posted in Christian Marriage | 1 Comment

Separate Together

Posted on April 14, 2020 by Debi Walter
Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

Social Distancing Does Not Apply Inside Your Home

We have had several people ask us about how social distancing applies in marriage. Our answer is–it doesn’t! We share everything as husband and wife–let nothing put asunder.

However, there is one exception; We don’t share our personal relationship with God. That is where we each stand alone. Of course we share what God is showing us, how He is encouraging us, and what we are learning in our study of the Bible. But there must be time for us to separate and seek Him alone.

“I pray because the need flows out of me all the time, waking and sleeping. It doesn’t change God, it changes me.”

C.S. Lewis

There is an intimacy I share with Christ that I share with no one else. And the same goes for Tom. This is where we are separated, but together. My relationship with Jesus enhances my marriage more than anything else.

In this season of being home all the time together, let’s not neglect separating regularly to seek Him. Then when we come back together we can offer our best selves to each other.

What are you doing differently now in seeking the Lord that you weren’t doing before the pandemic hit? We’d love to hear your story.

Posted in Christian Marriage | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

A Day Is Just Another Day Unless We Make It Special

Posted on April 9, 2020 by Debi Walter
Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash

Now that we are home, all day, every day, it’s easy to lose track of what day it is. For someone who enjoys planning, this is a challenge. I made a decision to add variety to our days by changing up what’s for dinner. I love to cook and Tom loves to eat. We get along quite well this way. 🙂

Walter Weekly Menu:

Sunday – Grill (This is also Tom’s night to cook)

Monday – Date Night (We order from one of our favorite local restaurants to support them through the crisis)

Tuesday – Steak or Seafood (Since this is our one day to go grocery shopping we can buy this fresh, if available)

Wednesday – Chicken

Thursday – Leftovers (We actually eat them now.)

Friday – Wild Card (We can choose whatever sounds good)

Saturday – Italian

Walter Daily Chores:

I have also assigned different things to do each day like when to clean and where, when to write blog posts, when to do the laundry (although there isn’t much these days), and when to weed our garden.

I have found that having something different to do each day helps keep me from becoming bored. And it keeps every day from looking exactly the same.

And there are a variety of fun things we can do too:

  • Put together a puzzle. Spice it up by putting rewards under certain pieces. Whoever finds where that piece fits in the puzzle gets the prize.
  • Play Gin Rummy.
  • Go for daily walks and keep track of how many steps you’re getting in each day.
  • Binge watch your favorite movies like James Bond, Mission Impossible, Star Wars, The Godfather, Lord of the Rings, etc. Or Hallmark movies if you’re so inclined.
  • Set up an air mattress out under the stars and enjoy the…crickets 😉
  • Hide Easter Eggs in the house for your spouse to find. Put one word in each egg and once they find them all, unscramble the message. Make this as hot as you wish.
  • Have a spa night complete with massage, bubble bath and soft music. Don’t forget the candles.

We have also made a Prayer Board that is getting longer each day. Whenever we hear of someone in need of our prayers it helps us to write it down so we are faithful to pray as we said we would. We like to begin each day reading our daily devotional from the You Version app. We are also enjoying Paul Tripp’s New Morning Mercies, one we highly recommend!

I am reading Jay and Katherine Wolf’s book, Suffer Strong. It has been a timely read for me on many levels. I will share more about it when I’m finished.

Tom is reading Tim Lane and Paul Tripp’s book, Relationships: A Mess Worth Making, again. This is one of his favorite books on how to do community. It has been timely for him as well, since we are missing community so much.

I am also involved with helping our neighborhood children (and adults too) have something with which to look forward. We have had events like Chalk The Walk, Peek and Seek Teddy Bear Hunt, and we are planning something really fun for Easter weekend. I can’t share it yet–it’s a secret.

How are you making the best of this time at home? I would love to hear your ideas. Let’s spur each other on as we lean in to our family during this crisis. We pray you will be well through it all.

Blessings.

Posted in Christian Marriage | 1 Comment

Just Another Day Sheltering In Place

Posted on April 7, 2020 by Debi Walter

At Home mini golf course date.

We are really enjoying our time together at home during this crisis, and we are grateful to be in good health. But four weeks in and we’re having to get creative with our time. So far we have:

  • Walked daily around our block
  • Weeded, fertilized and watered our garden
  • Cooked a lot of meals
  • Baked a lot of treats
  • Ordered take out from some of our favorite locally owned restaurants
  • Read books
  • Hosted our first Zoom Marriage Community Group meeting
  • Played cards
  • Put together a jigsaw puzzle
  • Drawn encouraging chalk drawings on our driveway
  • Hidden teddy bears for our neighbors to spot from the street
  • Prayed. Worshiped and read our Bibles

It has been like a staycation only with the added reminder to care and pray for those on the frontline of this horrible pandemic. 

Monday we tried our hand at mini golf…inside our house. We set  up nine holes using styrofoam cups as our “hole”.  We placed many obstacles in the way to make it even more challenging. But the most difficult part of the course was our unleveled floor. Tom would hit the ball right next to the cup, only to watch it roll and roll and roll faraway from the cup. But don’t feel sorry for him; never feel sorry for Tom when he’s losing. He always makes a comeback and this time was no different. He beat me by one point. ;-/

And here are some photos of our mini golf challenge:

What have you been doing with your time? We’d love to hear.

 

Posted in Christian Marriage, Dating Your Spouse, Difficulty, Keeping It Real | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

How Will We Respond In Crisis? The Choice Is Ours

Posted on April 6, 2020 by Debi Walter

How will you respond in crisis? The choice is yours. Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash[/caption]

Today is a guest post by Sheri Bybee Mitchell with Good Job, Mama on Facebook. I met her a while ago after she left an excellent, thought-provoking comment on a post. Since she doesn’t have a blog that I can share with you, I asked her to share this excellent post she wrote on Facebook about a crisis she and her family went through a decade ago. What God showed her is applicable to us today. That is if we have ears to hear what God may be saying to us in our current crisis. 

The Choice Is Ours

Anger
Fear
Mistrust
Confusion
Accusation
Chaos
Division
Complaining
Dissension
Selfishness

That is what I see played out day after day on Facebook during this crisis.

What do we NEED in this time?

More…

Compassion
Kindness
Gentleness
Understanding
Humility
Faithfulness
Gratitude
Grace
Hope
Joy
Truth
Mercy
Love

Every situation we face in life reveals our hearts and gives us the opportunity to make a choice. We either go deeper into what has been revealed, becoming entrenched in what has been revealed, or we seek to change and become something better. This current circumstance is no different.

When our family went through homelessness from 2010-2013, that struggle revealed that I had NO trust in the goodness of God, nor in the fact that He knew what He was doing. I was angry, afraid of everything and everyone, ungrateful, self-centered, and willing to cast blame. I wanted to be in control and I wanted my life to be easier.

That crisis in our lives SHOOK me to my very core. It was EXTREMELY difficult and it lasted a LOT longer than I ever thought possible.

And it was good, so good for me.

Being homeless stripped me of any pretense and revealed the truth of my heart. And what was revealed was not good!

In that struggle God revealed the truth of my heart and then He set out to redeem, restore and renew all that He wanted to be in my heart….

Faith
Hope
Joy
Grace
Mercy
Humility
Gratitude
Compassion
Love

Every day, through the many circumstances of life, God continues to show me areas of my heart where I have yet to fully surrender. Areas where I choose fear over faith, control over trust, accusation over understanding, irritation over compassion, anger over love.

Yet, I can also see how much I have grown and changed since those years of homelessness. I can see where I have grown in trusting Him and the goodness of His heart. I can see where I have less fear of people and what they might think of me. And I see where I have grown in the ability to love, which is the mark of those who truly follow Christ.

God continues to use the circumstances of my life to draw me to His side and teach me of His heart.

He continues to be faithful and true, worthy of my trust and my love, for He continues to make me into the woman He created me to be…one who reflects the image of His Son.

Crisis and struggle can cause us to become ugly, angry, fear-filled, hopeless, bitter, selfish people.

Or crisis and struggle can be the scalpel that reveals and removes the ugliness and sin that has taken up residence in our hearts, and allows us to look and act more like Jesus.

Which one will this current crisis be for you?

____________________________

Sheri has been married for 27 years, 20 of which were incredibly difficult. Had four kids in four years, which was chaotic and wonderful, but never easy. Life has included health challenges, family challenges, financial struggles, and relationship struggles. Through it all, God was faithful and good, and He redeemed, restored and renewed health, marriage, family and finances. Sheri is a diehard introvert who enjoys being alone, but God continues to stretch her to share her life with others through social media, magazine articles and, eventually, a book, in order to bring glory to His name and help others in their own journey of life. You can follow her on Good Job, Mama on FaceBook.

Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Conflict, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, Troubled Marriage | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

To Love and Cherish

Posted on April 1, 2020 by Debi Walter

We were asked to share the following post with our church family. We wanted to share it with you as well…

Most of us included this line in our marriage vows. And if you are like us, you have probably assumed love and cherish are the same. This is not true.

Gary Thomas in his book, Cherish, expounds on this in great detail. We encourage you to read it together as a couple if you haven’t yet.

Today, as we are all spending much more time together as couples, we want to give you something to help strengthen your relationship.

Gary compares the difference between love and cherish as follows:

  • Love thinks about others with selflessness…Cherish thinks about its beloved with praise.
  • Love doesn’t want the worst for someone…Cherish celebrates the best in someone.
  • Love puts up with a lot…Cherish enjoys a lot.
  • Love is about commitment…Cherish is about delight and passion.

He asks the following:

“If you believe your marriage has all but died or even just gotten a little stale, the hope behind learning to cherish each other in marriage is found in this, God is more than capable of teaching us and empowering us to treat and cherish our spouses the way he treats and cherishes us.” page 22

Marriage is hard work. And if you’ve been married longer than a minute, you know this to be true. Your spouse is unlike you, which causes great delight at times and other times great distress. How you handle the differences is what makes your marriage “for better or for worse.”

If you are in a “worse” season of marriage, we have very good news for you. Your best days are just around the corner. We have seen it time and time again. Couples who lean into the winds of adversity and allow God to deal with them as He sees fit, discover God was preparing a sweet blessing for them on the other side.

What does it look like when a couple leans into each other as husband and wife?

They listen to each other’s perspective, pray for God’s wisdom and allow Him to lead them through the storm. They humbly ask forgiveness when sin has been revealed. They ask questions to understand rather than point fingers to condemn. They discover what being cherished looks like to their spouse.

Christian married couples should  acknowledge the Holy Spirit’s involvement in your marriage. What is He wanting to do to strengthen and grow your marriage for His glory? What area is a hot spot? Have you asked His perspective on the struggle?

We encourage you to make the most of the time God has given you to be together in this season.

Plan a regular night each week to talk about these things. Make it your “at-home date night.”Read together, talk openly about your fears, hurts, and discouragements. Celebrate areas where God is giving you faith and hope. Ask what you can do to cherish your spouse during this season of COVID-19.

We are in this together, but no one is as close to you as your spouse. Let’s cultivate our marriage so it will stand this test. Our prayer is that the marriages at Metro will bring great glory to God and be an outstanding example for our children. They are watching and learning by our example.

Posted in Cherishing, Christian Marriage, Difficulty | 1 Comment

Vintage Post – Emoceans

Posted on March 30, 2020 by Debi Walter


(Originally posted April 8, 2017)

We’ve had a front row seat to the magnificent ocean off the coast of Mexico all week long. It has been a soothing rhythm providing peace to our souls. 

I was praying and God reminded me how much the ocean is like Him:

  1. He is constant in His love, wave after wave.
  2. He is powerful, able to fell the mightiest of ships with wind and water alone
  3. He is merciful, keeping His power reigned in for our sake.
  4. He is beautiful, providing nourishment to all who enter in.
  5. He is vast and more than we can fathom, but He is good.

Such Truth that informs my heart!

Emotions can seem much the same for those who are held captive by its torment.

  • They can come upon you in waves.
  • They can bring you to your knees.
  • They can be difficult to reign in.
  • They can feed our souls with lies and distortions
  • They can be more than we can handle at times.

I have been tossed about on a sea of “emoceans” more than I care to admit. Tormenting and even frightening at times.

This can cause even strong marriages to struggle! A marriage on the brink before an emotional test comes can capsize causing all hope to disappear of ever finding a safe marriage haven.

But there is hope! God in His ocean-sized mercy is greater than our fickle, storm-tossed emoceans. The key is finding the time to talk with each other about the emotions which torment us. 

It could be a job change or loss, financial insecurity, difficult children who don’t sleep, hormone fluctuations, etc. or it could be something lacking in your marriage. This type of emotional torment can be the hardest to reign in unless someone you know and trust is willing to help.

The first step is seeing the problem, then second, admitting you need help. There is no need for you to continue tossed about on the sea of emoceans. Jesus calmed the storm tossed sea and He can do the same for your marriage. 

Posted in Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Vintage Posts | 3 Comments

Happy Hour – Five Friday Favorites

Posted on March 27, 2020 by Debi Walter
Five Friday Favorites to Grow Your Marriage

We  haven’t shared a Happy Hour post in a long time. We thought since we’re all home now, we could use some encouragement for our marriages. Here is what many of our dear friends from the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association are writing.

Grab your favorite beverage and enjoy….Cheers to Us!

  1. The Forgiven Wife

2. One Flesh Marriage

3. Hot, Holy and Humorous

  • How Sex Can Help Us Cope – This post is from February, but it applies very much in our current pandemic. Thank you J.

4. The Generous Wife

5. The Generous Husband

  • Get Naked – This post is exactly what you might think. In this current crisis what can sooth the soul more than sexual intimacy with the lover of that soul? Be inspired!
Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Five Friday Favorites, Growing Strong Marriages, Happy Hour, Sexual Intimacy | Tagged , , | Comments Off on Happy Hour – Five Friday Favorites

Living History – What Will Be Remembered?

Posted on March 26, 2020 by Debi Walter

I know we are all in the midst of biggest crisis we’ve ever faced in my lifetime–and I’m 60. It is unprecedented, which adds to the temptation to be anxious. In times like this it is good to pause and look up. Instead of focusing on what’s for dinner or if your symptoms are serious or just allergies, why not look up at the big picture?

As long as the earth has existed there have been challenges, diseases, wars and uncertainty. One thing that has always happened is that life goes on. We will recover from this pandemic. There will be Summer and Fall and Winter, unless the Lord returns. So how will we remember this crisis?

Have you thought that your children and grandchildren are living in days they will talk about for the rest of their lives? This pandemic will be studied in history classes 50 years from now. It is a history making event. This makes how we display our response to our children critical.

Will they see you both making the most of the time together, or worried and anxious? Will they remember quality time spent? Or will they wish they could escape for some much needed peace? Take some time and consider your honest answers to these questions.

I have learned that most often our response to difficulty is more important than surviving the difficulty itself. What has been your response so far?

Our daughter’s neighborhood is doing a fun thing to make this experience a memorable event for their children. Residents were invited to place teddy bears in the windows of their homes (see photo above) looking out at the street. As people were out taking a much needed walk, they were encouraged to “spot the bears” from the street, take a photo and send the total number of bears spotted to one email address. What a great way to add some fun the kids will remember.

Another neighborhood had neighbors write positive encouraging messages on the road and sidewalks using chalk, so neighbors could read them as they walk around the block.

How about setting up lawn chairs in your driveways and visiting with neighbors from your own property? Social distancing, but still interacting neighbor to neighbor.

If you don’t have children at home, this is a great opportunity to get some much needed projects done around the house: painting, organizing, spring cleaning and gardening. We don’t have to let the stress of COVID-19 penetrate our every waking thought. God is in control and we can trust Him.

Let’s be smart and make the most of the time. Remember the big picture and how this event will be remembered by our children and grandchildren–long after we’re gone. It matters more than we know.

“What greater thing is there for two human souls, than to feel that they are joined for life – to strengthen each other in all labor, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in silent unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting?” – George Eliot

Posted in Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Finding Joy, Keeping It Real | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

Patiently Waiting And Watching

Posted on March 24, 2020 by Debi Walter

Spring is a time for pruning allowing new growth to come.

Photo by Marina Mazur on Unsplash

Spring. It’s the time when I brave my rose hedge (thorns) to prune it to half it’s size. It is always difficult to start because they look healthy, but they’re not. They need to be cut back to grow healthier shoots. I’m always amazed at how well they do after the cuts.

Pruning is necessary for new growth

We bought another plant a couple of years ago–a crepe myrtle. It also requires pruning. But I am not as familiar with this bush as I am my roses. So my cuts were a bit more trepid. I’ve seen others do it, but this didn’t help me make confident cuts.

I waited weeks for those first signs of new growth. Nothing. Did I kill it? Were my cuts harmful rather than helpful? I was sad to think I had killed it. Still I waited. Tom checked almost daily.

Finally, we were rewarded with that for which we’d hoped…new growth. Our little bush had survived it’s first hard pruning and I am relieved and thrilled!

Like my crepe myrtle we are all facing a hard pruning of sorts. And this is a first for many of us. We are wondering if we’ll make it. Will new growth appear? Will our favorite restaurants survive? Will the economy recover? Will my job still be there when the dust has settled?

My parents endured the Great Depression and WWII. They came to be known as The Greatest Generation, and I would agree. Everyone I know whose parents were of similar age as mine, said their parents didn’t talk about it. It was something they lived through and endured, but once it was over, it was over. Their willingness to submit to the pruning, and the new growth that came as a result of their sacrifice was worth it. We have lived on that new growth our entire lives. Now it is our turn to be pruned.

What will be said of us? Did we rise to the occasion and do the right thing? The brave thing? I pray it will be so. God in His wisdom is doing what only He can do. And because He is God, we can trust Him in the process.

I have found a refuge each evening at sunset. I go to our backyard and look to the sky. I watch as the stars come out one-by-one–the very ones that God created and knows by name. I give my burdens of the day to God and ask Him for help and wisdom. I pray for all my family who seem farther away than ever. I acknowledge my lack and His sufficiency. I worship Him for who He is and for the promises He’s given us. And I give Him thanks!

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your heart and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7 ESV

And you know what I’ve discovered? God’s peace has wrapped itself around me. I feel this hedge of protection allowing me to rest when all the world is in turmoil. It is a peace that is without understanding. But God.

We have been pruned. Now we must patiently wait and watch for the new growth. It will surely come.

 

 

Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, Prayer | Tagged , , , , | 10 Comments

Will You Pray With Us?

Posted on March 22, 2020 by Debi Walter

Will you pray with us?

Today is Sunday. The day most of us are used to a very different routine–getting up and ready to go to our local church to fellowship with friends, worship God and hear the preached Word. But today most of us will gather our family in our living rooms to watch our local church service on Facebook Live. What a strange shift in our routine, but one I am freshly thanking God we have. If this had happened only ten years ago, this option would have been impossible. It’s healthy to look for the good in difficult situations, and this is very good!

Before the day gets underway, will you take a moment and pray with us? 

Dear Father,

You know all things from the beginning to the end, and we know that Your plans for us are good. But in the waiting, in the struggle, life can seem hard and circumstances difficult to understand, much less endure. We remember the words in Lamentations that say,

But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

This is something we must do–call to mind the truth that Your steadfast love never ceases. It continues through famine, sickness and plagues. Your mercy never comes to an end–in fact it renews every morning. Regardless of the news of the day, or how far the spread of COVID-19 goes…

You are our faithful God, and we choose to praise You.

We don’t know what to do through this unprecedented pandemic, so our eyes look to You. As we wait, would you envelop our marriage, family and home with peace?

We ask that You set a guard at the door of our homes that prevents worry, fear and torment from entering in and causing turmoil.

Help us find resolve to long-standing conflict. Give us patience with our children who are home and unable to play with friends.

Provide for our needs financially and give us our daily bread.

May we be salt and light to our neighbors around us, and be generous with all who are in need that You bring our way.

We pray for those who are on the frontline of this battle. Give them endurance, wisdom and most of all health.

Help us, O Lord, to honor You not only with our lips, but with our whole heart. You are worthy of all praise. You are Lord over all including this virus, and we choose to trust You.

In Jesus’ Holy Name,

Amen

Let this song wash over your troubled soul today. It is our prayer for you. 

Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, In Sickness, Keeping It Real, Music, Prayer, Seasons of Life, Worship | Tagged , , , , | 5 Comments

10 Ways To Avoid Cabin Fever

Posted on March 13, 2020 by Debi Walter

10 Ways To Avoid Cabin Fever

Photo by Per Lööv on Unsplash

Cabin fever is the term used for those who can’t leave their house. In our current crisis brought on by COVID-19, we must be smart and prepare. However, that doesn’t mean we have to forego pursuing our spouse. In fact, it is in times like these when we need to lean in and connect heart to heart. Who needs to go out to enjoy time together when you have all you need at home to provide a great memory.

Here are 10 Ways to make the most of cabin fever:

  1. Plan a dinner and a movie night. Pick a favorite movie or TV show you both enjoy. Plan a meal using the location of the movie as your inspiration. Examples: Blue Bloods (New York-style pizza), Forest Gump (Shrimp Recipes), Julie and Julia (Anything French)
  2. Backyard Picnic under the stars. After you have put the kids to bed, move outdoors by candlelight, soft music and your favorite beverage with dessert.
  3. Indoor Putt-Putt course – This takes a bit of planning, but could be so much fun. Make it even more so by incorporating some of our Romantic Putt-Putt rules to your course.
  4. Hide and Go Seek – This one is the Mall Version, but you can alter it to fit your home/yard/neighborhood.
  5. Make Your Own Pizza – have fun in the kitchen making pizza. Try kneading the dough together – very sensual.
  6. Step back in time and watch old TV shows like Andy Griffith Show, Bonanza, or Hawaii Five O. If possible buy store bought Frozen dinners and eat on trays while watching your favorite. Or if you like to cook, make your own version of a TV dinner. It includes an entree, starch, veggie and dessert.
  7. Using You Tube learn how to ballroom, salsa or square dance. Whatever you want, it’s available on You Tube.
  8. Set up a tent in your bedroom. If you’re able set it on your bed. Add lots of pillows and a flashlight. Tell each other scary stories you remember as kids. Don’t forget the s’mores.
  9. Walk Down Memory Lane – This is a great time to watch the old home videos you never seem to do. Or pull out old photo albums. Any diversion from the current state-of-affairs is good therapy.
  10. Pray and Worship together. How often we neglect the basics in the busyness of life. Now is the time to seize these moments to redirect our focus from fear to faith and hope.

It is our prayer that you will all stay at peace as we ride out this storm together. God will not leave us on our own to figure this out. He has promised to walk with us through the difficulty. Coronovirus is no exception.

Posted in Boredom, Christian Marriage, Creative Dates, D.R.A.B., Date Night Ideas, Romance in Marriage | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments

Do You Believe The Truth Or Lies In Your Marriage?

Posted on March 10, 2020 by Debi Walter

What lies have you believed about yourself that your spouse say aren't true?

I was praying about this post not sure exactly what needed to be said. That’s when the above rhyme came to me. I had to read it, write it, think about it and then I realized the truth in its simple meter.

I came into our marriage with many life experiences both good and bad. The thing is I didn’t know the difference. I had formed opinions of myself that were not true. The way I discovered this was hearing how Tom saw me. My first reaction was to discount his thoughts as I clung to the lies I had always believed.

The same was true for him. He immediately felt comfortable with me on our first date. Things that made him self-conscious on other dates didn’t happen with us. Why? I have no logical answer other than we were meant to be together.

I don’t believe in soul mates, per se. At least not in the way many define them. I know God has called me to be with Tom, but he isn’t the one who fulfills me or completes me. Only God can do that for me. And it’s the same with him.

However, God uses marriage in a marvelous way to take two sinners and make them more like Christ as they learn to lay their lives down for each other. I used to think only about me and my own interests. Now Tom and his interests have just as much priority in my heart and mind. It has taken years to get him to that place in my heart. Not because I didn’t love him, but because I had to unpack all the lies about myself that was taking up so much space.

Do you realize the compliments your spouse says about you are true to them? Whether or not you believe what they say, it is still true. 

How do you respond when you spouse compliments your appearance, your accomplishments or your character?

Do you disbelieve them? If you do, can I encourage you to reconsider why? Who told you the opposite of what your spouse is saying? Was it you or someone who was supposed to love you? Remember you have an enemy that wants nothing more than to keep you caught in this trap.

Once you are married the only opinion that matters is what your spouse thinks of you.

If you struggle to believe the compliments they give you, please take this matter to heart. Pushing it away only keeps the lies active. It’s time to push the lies away and trust that your spouse loves you and wouldn’t lie to you about such things. Ask God to help you see yourself as your spouse sees you.

Beautiful!

Smart!

Kind!

Important!

One of my favorite scenes from the movie, The Help, shows a little girl that she must believe the truth of who she is, not what she hears or believes inside her…

Of course, if your spouse belittles you or puts you down on a regular basis, you need help. Do not delay. A spouse should never be the source of the lies we embrace. This is not normal and it is not healthy. Seek help, even if you are the only one willing to go. Your mind and heart need the truth.

Take a few minutes and think of the times your spouse has said something kind or complimentary to you. Do you believe them or brush those positive thoughts aside? May I nudge you to ask God what He thinks of you? You may be surprised to hear that He sees you perfect in light of Christ in you.

Maybe it’s time to surrender the lies and begin walking in the truth of who your spouse and God says you are. 

This is how the Good News of the Gospel invades our reality and makes all the difference. We are fearfully and wonderfully made, and our marriages are created to model how Christ sees us and loves us.

Emotional Intimacy Prompt: Ask your spouse, in what ways do I disregard the things you say about me? What can I do to reverse this pattern? 

 

 

 

Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, Emotional, Encouraging Your Spouse, Growing Strong Marriages, Intimacy | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

Today’s Moments Make Tomorrow’s Memories

Posted on March 6, 2020 by Debi Walter

Today's moments make tomorrow's memories

Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash

It happens every Spring. Sitting outside for dinner on our back porch I hear the crickets chirping their greeting to us. It immediately reminds me of going to my grandmother’s home when I was a child.

They lived on 12 acres in Clermont, FL, with a grove of orange and grapefruit trees surrounding their home. The crickets loved living there, at least it seemed so based on how loud they sang.

Now whenever I hear them I’m reminded of those days and how much I loved my grandmother. This made me wonder what things remind my spouse of times we have shared together?

We just returned from our anniversary trip to Hilton Head Island, South Carolina. We had lots of time to talk and enjoy being together. When we travel we will often ask each other what are the things we are doing today that we will remember fondly in the years to come? It helps us be mindful of our choices and make the most of the time.

In regard to practical everyday ways to bless my husband, I know Tom loves the smell of chocolate chip cookies baking in the oven. Actually he loves the smell of anything baking, cooking, sautéing or grilling. He is a real foodie and since I love to cook, it’s a win-win.

His Mom was full-blooded Sicilian and had the best Italian sauce recipe. For years I tried to get her to share it with me. She would always smile and say, “I don’t measure. I just make it.”

Ways to bless my husband through cooking family traditions

Fortunately, I don’t give up easily. I watched her one day and wrote down all the ingredients she used as well as guessed at the amounts. After lots of practice I finally got it. She passed away three years ago, and we still miss her.

I’m happy to report that her sauce is continuing to make my husband’s sense of smell smile, if that’s possible. I also secured his German grandmother’s Mustard Pickle and Chili Sauce recipes. It’s important to discover the things that will make your spouse’s day, and then do all you can to make them smile. For my husband it’s food. For your spouse it could be any number of things. If you don’t know, ask. Pay attention to their desires, often mentioned under their breath while thinking aloud. This is a small way to celebrate who your spouse is and what helps them enjoy life.

Here is a poem I wrote years ago titled, The Cricket’s Will. It came to me not surprisingly, in the Spring.

The sky is filled with singing

Every moment of the day.

Birds of every kind partake,

For God has planned it this way.

He calls the birds to praise Him.

They are compelled to obey.

They never hold back a note,

But faithfully give away.

Oh!  That we were like the birds

To sing whate’er the weather;

Responding to our Lord’s call,

Our praise daily unfettered.

As the sun begins to fade

A sadness draws nearer still;

Who will fill the air with praise?

Ah! The crickets will!

Posted in Celebrations, Cherishing, Christian Marriage, In-Laws, Romantic Ideas, Travel, Vacations | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Do You Practice This In Your Marriage?

Posted on February 24, 2020 by Debi Walter

Do You Practice This In Your Marriage?

My word for this year is Contentment. Imagine my excitement when I discovered, The Contentment Journal, by Rachel Cruze. It’s a 90 day devotional where she gives prompts everyday to help you discover how you’re doing in three areas:

  1. Gratefulness
  2. Humility
  3. Contentment.

She says,

“Before we can be content, we must be humble. And before we can master humility, we have to be grateful. After all, there’s no room for comparison and discontentment in a heart filled with gratitude.”

I’m realizing how much this is helping our marriage. Spending 30 days focusing on gratitude opened up a new appreciation for Tom and the things he does for me without thought. He’s not thoughtless, he’s formed a habit of being intentional to care for me in practical ways. If I’m not paying attention this could easily be taken for granted.

In what ways does your spouse care for you on a regular basis? Has it become unnoticed because they have done it for so long? Have you developed an expectation in this regard?

If so, can I encourage you to take a 30 day gratitude challenge? Make it a point at the end of each day to thank them for something they have done, said or planned to bless you. It can be as small as doing a mundane task daily, or as big as finishing a huge project you’ve asked them to do for months. Whatever it is, the point is to notice.

We all want to be noticed and appreciated. But no one more than by our spouse.

Today is our 41st wedding anniversary, and we have not arrived. We are still learning and growing in this area of gratefulness. It’s especially crucial now when so many in this season settle into their comfortable lives and hit auto-pilot. Please don’t do this! Make this a priority everyday as long as you both shall live. After all, gratefulness glorifies God and lifts our eyes above what troubles us. It makes us value what is invaluable.

May your days be filled with gratefulness to God for the spouse with whom you share life and love.

Happy Anniversary Tom! I thank God for the miracle of YOU. I love our story and I love us.

41 years ago today.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , , , | 10 Comments