5 Right and Wrong Reasons To Want A Healthy Marriage

Posted on May 23, 2012 by Tom and Debi

From a loving, lasting marriage blog

First, we want to share with you the wrong reasons to want a healthy marriage:

1. I want to be happy. While happiness is a by-product of a healthy marriage, it can never be the goal. Happiness is fleeting, especially if we’re grasping for it.

2. I want to feel better about myself. The focus should be on helping our spouse feel better about themselves–this is our job, and it is selfish to consider my needs above their needs.

3. I want my children to have a happy home. Our children must never be the main focus of why we do what we do in our marriage. This is elevating the parent-child relationship to a place God never intended it to be. We must remember our children will grow up and move away. Our marriage is for a lifetime.

4. I need to successful. If we’re driven to succeed in marriage like one is driven to succeed in business, there will most likely be a lack of grace-motivated encouragement. Success is measured by God differently than it is measured by us. We look at outward success and how we measure up to the standard, whereas God looks at the heart. Focus your attention inward and the outward will follow.

5. I crave the approval of others. Fear of man is one of those sins hard to define, but to those who are asking to see it, God will show them. If this is our main motivation for a healthy marriage, pleasing the opinions of others and/or seeking a good reputation, we are building on sand. Our marriage won’t endure when the storms of life come.

_____________________________

There is a fine line between the wrong reasons and the right reasons to desire a healthy marriage. This is why growing our marriage in the right way has to be done with an intentionality. If we are simply coasting, our marriage isn’t growing; it’s going downhill fast.

_____________________________

heartofthematteronline.com

And now for the right reasons to counter the above wrong reasons:

1. I want to add to my spouse’s happiness by treating them with unselfish love and respect.

2. I want to be the best person I can be for the glory of God and for the good of our marriage.

3. I want my children to see modeled before them on a daily basis what a godly marriage looks like in a real and honest way. They will see our sin, but they will see us fight that sin and work together to grow in godliness.

4. I need to fulfill my vows before God and my spouse because He will hold me accountable to the promises I’ve made.

5. I have the approval of God based on the finished work of Christ alone. His thoughts toward me are all that matters. I must grow my marriage for the audience of One.

What do you think? What does it take to grow a healthy marriage? 

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , , , | 13 Comments

Companion or Foe?

Posted on May 22, 2012 by Debi Walter

I love my flower garden. If we had the space I think I would love a vegetable garden too, but we opted for a backyard pool instead. Yet I still love to read about growing a garden. In fact, this is one of the reasons our blog has a vineyard theme–is it any wonder? 🙂

Jesus often used nature to emphasize deep truths of God. Consider the Parable of the Sower. It is one where Christ took the time to explain its full meaning to His disciples because they didn’t get it on first hearing it. How often we don’t get it either! What a blessing to have Christ explain to us this parable and its many applications so we can benefit from the truth it exemplifies.

I recently came across a very interesting gardening technique. It’s called Companion Gardening. The idea is to plant together plants that get along. Seriously? I had no idea there was such a method, but it intrigued me. I read the entire article and several more it linked to on the sidebar.

The premise is to plant together plants which help and nourish each other. As you may have guessed there are plants to avoid grouping together because of their competing nature. The most popular grouping was said to have begun by the Iroquois Indians and is called The Three Sisters–corn, pole beans and pumpkins or squash.

Photo Credit: The Plant Freak

In this method the corn is planted first allowing it to grow so when the beans are planted they will have the support they need. After the beans have grown a bit the pumpkin is planted. It’s roots help hold the garden soil and nutrients together as well as the clinging nature of it’s vine offers support to the corn. Amazing!

On the flip side, there are plants that don’t grow well together. They not only don’t support each other, but they work against each other:

Incompatible Plants (Combatants)

  • While white garlic and onions repel a plethora of pests and make excellent neighbors for most garden plants, the growth of beans and peas is stunted in their presence.
  • Potatoes and beans grow poorly in the company of sunflowers, and although cabbage and cauliflower are closely related, they don’t like each other at all.

This brings us to a question for us to consider and apply to our marriage–are we companions or foes to our spouse?

The truth is when we said, I Do, God determined we would be life-long companions. This means we do everything we can to support them, hold them, help them bear fruit for God’s kingdom as well as their careers, and live alongside them giving and receiving unselfishly and without grumbling.

So how does your marriage garden grow? Are you a companion or a foe? How would Christ apply this parable to your marriage?

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Love, No Matter How It Expressed, Is Still A Gift!

Posted on May 21, 2012 by Debi Walter

I recently heard of a couple where she went out of her way to serve her man in very practical and helpful way, but because his “love language” wasn’t gifts of service he told her it didn’t mean much to him–he barely noticed.

How painful those words must have been. Which got me thinking about the whole love language thing. There is truth to how we especially appreciate the love our spouse shows to us. Each of us are different, and it is by God’s design. We need to study our spouse. We need to look for ways to bless them in a way that is meaningful to them…

B.U.T.

If we use our “love language” to demand our spouse only love us in the way we think is special, isn’t this selfishness at its worst? Where is the gratefulness for the fact that our spouse is going out of their way to make our life a little easier? Where is the kindness and gentleness?

I am in no way condemning Gary Chapman’s best seller–it is profound in many ways and has helped countless marriages grow in better understanding their mate. However, if our spouse expresses love to us at all, we should be humbly grateful no matter how it is shown. Our spouse’s love is a gift to us from God. May we never take this gift lightly!

In what ways does your spouse show you love in unexpected ways?

♥ Things To Do In Orlando ♥

NORTH

  • Sanford – Art Walk is the fourth Friday of each month. It begins at 6p. and admission is FREE.

EAST

SOUTH

WEST

  • Celebration Town Center – Jazz Under the Starz on Thursday, May 24th from 7p – 8:15p. Bring your chairs and enjoy a live jazz performance by the Boone HS Band.
Posted in Christian Marriage, Mark Your Calendars (time sensitive), Orlando Date Ideas | Tagged , , , , , | 18 Comments

Happy Hour

Posted on May 18, 2012 by Debi Walter

It’s time for our Specials of the Week. We pray these marriage blogs will encourage you as you read some of their best posts from this week. Enjoy your weekend!

Encourage Your Spouse

  • One Chair At A Time – I absolutely love this post. The story told is compelling and applies well to marriage. Make sure you read the comment at the end by the one who inspired this post.

Hot, Holy and Humorous

  • When His Kiss Tastes Bad – some practical and humorous advice for those married to smokers, dippers and/or chewers or those who love onions, garlic and other smelly things.

Journey To Surrender

Marriage Gems

Marriage Life

  • Crawl Spaces – I love analogies and this one is so good and so helpful.

Marriage Missions International

One Flesh Marriage

  • Defeating Delayed Desire – Wives, if you find yourself not wanting to have sex with your husband, there is help and hope for you. Kate offers sage advice to all wives here…a MUST read!

Stupendous Marriage Show

  • Does Marriage Have a Mission? – a podcast that is as entertaining as it is helpful. Stu and Lisa are doing a great job through their ministry. Enjoy!

The Generous Husband

The Generous Wife

  • Sorting Our Sexual Truth and Error – a simple exercise to do to help wives identify exactly what they are struggling with in regards to sexual intimacy with their husband.

To Love, Honor And Vacuum

  • Reach Out And Touch Someone – Technology is a great tool if we use it as we should. How do you stay connected with those you love?
  • Supporting Friends’ Marriages – If you only have time to read one post, make it this one. We all need to learn how to encourage strong marriages with those to whom we relate.
Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Happy Hour | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments Off on Happy Hour

Mortified – Tom’s Turn

Posted on May 18, 2012 by Tom and Debi

Debi has been sharing all week her battle in mortifying pride in her life. If you haven’t read them yet, please take time to. Here are the links: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

Today we’re going to do a post in the way our good friends do–Brad and Kate from the One Flesh Marriage blog. We’re using the format of He Said, She Said. Why? Because it is an important exclamation point to the significant work God did in Debi’s heart during this extended season in our marriage.

First, you’ll hear from me and then, Debi will finish with her closing thoughts. We have prayed earnestly for all who will read this series, that God will move in the hearts of marriages to mortify pride in all its forms and to help couples grow deeper in humility.

He (Tom) said,

Today I want to share with you how the Lord used me in the process of helping her. I wish I could say I saw this sin clearly and had been praying for God to reveal it to her for years, but I didn’t.

I wish I could say I purposed to overlook this sin in an effort to love her as Christ loved the church, but honestly, I didn’t. Well, I did overlook the sin when I saw it, but my love for Debi isn’t based on what she does for me or how she does it, for that matter. My love for her is based on the way Christ has loved me and gave Himself for me. I have been forgiven so much in my life that it is easy to extend loving forgiveness to her when what she does seems to pale in comparison to my offenses towards God.

When Debi confessed to me her list my first thought was, “You really think that way?” And secondly, “I never noticed this attitude in you.” The first caused her to cringed a bit when I shared it with her, but it was obvious God was doing a deep work in her heart because she didn’t react. I did the only thing I knew to do–I held her tight reassuring her of my commitment and love for her.

I have always known it isn’t my job to change Debi; my job is to listen and try to understand. Only God working in her heart can bring attention to sins she and I are blind to. I don’t know if I was blind to her sin because my love exceeded anything she could say or do, or if I was blind because I wasn’t leading her as I should. Debi assures me it was the former.

At any rate, I’m grateful for the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit in her life and in mine. We aren’t who we were 33 years ago by God’s grace. And we thank God He isn’t finished with us yet. We are in daily need of His grace to mold us into the person and couple He wants us to be. Our only duty is to obey Him in faith and trust.

She (Debi) said,

I have never once doubted Tom’s love for me. This truth was never more evident to me as when I was going through the wringer of God’s convicting love.

I was raised in a Christian home. I, for the most part, lived my life without rebellion or gross sins, typical of many from my growing up years. Unfortunately this paved the way for me to grow in pride and self-righteousness, rather than gratefulness to God for protecting me so many times and in so many ways. I used to think it was me being strong, arrogantly missing the work of the Lord in my heart.

When God brought Tom and me together, the thing that attracted me most to him, besides his love for the Lord, was his sincere love for me. He was an unselfish, grateful man willing to do whatever he could to make me happy. I knew then what a gift he was. I know now how much I needed this kind of love to help me see my sin.

I often think of how Tom could have reacted to my confession and what this would have done to my fragile heart. He never belittled me or made me feel ashamed for my sin. Shame has a way of tearing down relationships in a way nothing else can. I was tempted to feel ashamed, but Tom’s reassuring love and kind encouragements quickly diffused those thoughts. (If you are suffering from shame either for something that happened before you were married or after, we encourage you to get help. A post that will help you can be found here.)

So, as we finish this series, if you’re the one battling besetting pride and self-righteousness, let your spouse into the process. Trust them to be exactly what you need to be free from this suffocating grip.

If you are the spouse married to one who is confessing sin, remember these Scriptures and allow God to strengthen you by them:

Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends. – Proverbs 17:9 ESV

Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.  – 1 Peter 3:7 ESV (emphasis mine)

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. – 1 Peter 3:1-2 ESV (emphasis mine)

How have you helped your spouse in their fight against sin? Are you more of a help or a hindrance? God can work in you both according to His purposes, all we must do is ask and obey.

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Forgiveness, Growing Strong Marriages, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Mortified – Part 3

Posted on May 17, 2012 by Debi Walter

Photo Credit: Lisa Pressman

This is part three of a three part series on mortifying pride in my heart. I pray it will help you and help me as I remember this significant season in my life.

Part 3

I want to share with you a journal entry.  I wrote this after Tom had corrected me about seeing an area of pride.  I had asked him to point pride out to me whenever he saw it.  After confessing how God was revealing pride to me to another couple to whom we’re accountable, he said that I shared it all in a very animated, colorful way.  It seemed to him that I was prideful about seeing my pride!  This is what I wrote:

How right Tom is in correcting me!  My focus wasn’t on God who forgives, but on ME who saw my sin!  I was and am still impressed that I am seeing it, and I want others to know, so that they will see how I am mortifying pride – all the while pridefully enjoying the attention.  I see my pride as dirty laundry, thinking if I wash it, it will be okay.  This is a lie!  There is no such thing as “clean pride,” for this is what crucified my Lord.  God showed me that the vine that grows rampantly in my Secret Garden could have been the crown of thorns that Christ wore.  My pride was there on the Cross-that day, mocking and crucifying the One I say I love.  How can I so casually speak of it?  Father, help me to hate it!  Right now I just don’t like it, but I have no idea what it means to hate this sin.  May I not volunteer to casually speak of it or to give it an audience.  May I be ashamed of it, confess it and run from it.  Show me, Lord how to please You in my mortification of sin, instead of pleasing my reputation.  Help!

Original art on display at the Louvre in Paris

Another example was after an extended season of serving a friend, I learned that she was going to be publicly sharing her testimony on a Sunday morning.  I was nervous because I didn’t know how I would handle her commending me in front of the entire church!  I took this matter to prayer, wanting to seek humility when God interrupted my thoughts with this question, “Why are you assuming she’ll even mention your name?” See how quickly my heart can be deceived?  I was once again brought low by the realization of my sin.  That Sunday, God in His mercy didn’t let her say a thing about me, which is what God wanted. If she had, I think this quote from Josh Harris would have been my experience:

“In place of true humility we learn certain words or phrases that we believe make us sound humble.  ‘Oh, really?  It was nothing’, or ‘Anyone could have done it.’ We cast our eyes down and shrug our shoulders or maybe even blush.  Of course, we don’t really mean it – inside we’re congratulating ourselves for how humble we look and feel.  We want the reputation but don’t know how to get to the reality.  Like children playing dress-up in their parents’ clothes, we’re only acting humble, none of it really fits us.”

Photo Credit: The Stir Bloggers

I’ll share another example.  Our church produced a Christmas production for many years called, The Bash.  I was on the Bash Team and had spent many months writing, directing and rehearsing with the cast of the finale.  When it finally came – it was a huge success!  The cast did a great job – and the audience was moved to tears mainly because the focus was on saying good-bye to those who would be leaving our church for a new church plant in January.

The following Wednesday was our home group meeting.  Tom became very sick and said he didn’t think he’d be able to make it.  I told him that I thought maybe I should go anyway, since we were fairly new to the group, and we wanted to show our support.  Tom told me I could do whatever I wanted.  So, I hopped in the car and was on my way – leaving my sick husband to fend for himself!

I got about two miles down the road when the Lord asked, “Why are you going to home group and leaving Tom at home?”  I thought the answer had already been determined.  Then, He answered His own question, “You are determined to go tonight only because you want to hear the people commend you on the Bash!”  Ugh!  So strong was this craving in me that I was willing to leave my sick husband.  Needless to say I turned around, went home and repented to Tom.

How did I know that this was God speaking to me?  Because I wouldn’t have had this thought on my own.  It was a small voice that nudged at my conscience.  I could have easily blown over it and justified my actions, but because I had been praying for God to show me this sin, He was allowing me to see what I had been blind to for years–the motives behind my actions.

Only God can Himself or through others, reveal to me the pride that grows in my sinful heart.  I am incapable of seeing it on my own.  And only God has made a way for me to change.  He knew before I ever took my first breath what a proud piece of work I would be, yet He still chose to lavish His grace on me.  He desires to walk with me daily helping me to change, one confession of pride at a time.  Why?  Why has He been so kind to me…to all of us?  The answer is simple, yet profound–because He loves us. What a Savior!   Because of Him,  we have hope!

Has there been a time in your life when God was pursuing your heart with such intensity? How did it effect your growth in godliness? How did it effect your love for the Savior? For your spouse? For others?

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Testimonies, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 18 Comments

Mortified – Part 2

Posted on May 16, 2012 by Debi Walter

Yesterday I began sharing with you one of the most significant times of growth in my life. It effected my marriage in a powerful way, and my prayer is my testimony will help others who may struggle with similar besetting sins. If you didn’t read it, please take a moment or today’s post won’t make as much sense.

Part 2

Two weeks later my month was completed, and I attempted to record in my journal all that I had heard God speak to me over the past few weeks.  He asked me to make a list looking over my life of evidences of pride.  Some of them were things I had never told anyone, and there was a reason for that!  I would be embarrassed for anyone to know about those thoughts and temptations.  The Lord told me when I finished my list that he wanted me to share all of this with Tom.  My response: Ew!!!  I really don’t want to do that!  What would he think of me?  The Lord reminded me that I had been asking Him to help me mortify my pride.  Suddenly, I wasn’t so eager to do this, because I realized that mortifying pride also meant being mortified myself!  BUT at the same time God was changing my heart, and I knew now that this was an issue of obedience.  I couldn’t say “no” to confessing my pride to Tom and expect to move on with the Lord.  He wouldn’t allow it, because He loves me and is committed to completing the work He’s begun in me.

In my prideful heart I wanted to focus on the word “complete,” when God was focusing on the word “work.”  There was definitely a lot of work to be done in my heart.  The more I saw of my pride, the more I saw of my pride!!  That is not a redundant statement, but full of truth.

Here’s a short list of things I confessed to Tom:

  • I have seen that I have a craving to receive recognition and to have a good reputation – for my glory – not God’s.
  • I arrogantly believe that strangers notice me in a crowd.
  • I love attention.
  • I love being in control of my family, of projects, of my time–this list is endless!
  • I often make myself the standard in judging others by what they do or don’t do.
  • Even when I worship there are many times I’m more focused on how I look to others, rather than to God.
  • I hate receiving correction, but I desire to look good to others. Although it may seem I have received someone’s input well, what’s going on in my heart is a stench to God.

How could I have lived so long and not seen all this?  “You have not because you do not ask!”  Wow, I had never really asked God to show me my pride and waited long enough for him to show me.  He was faithfully answering the prayers I had prayed.

Everywhere I looked I saw pride, and I’m not exaggerating.

Then, the Lord gave me this word picture:

I saw a secret garden that was overgrown with vines.  Underneath was a tiny plant that was being choked out by the vine.  I saw the gate open and others were invited in to help pull up the vines by their roots so that the little flower could begin to grow strong.

Photo Credit: Secret Garden by Eileen

This secret garden represented my heart.  I had secretly allowed prideful thoughts to grow, unchecked and unexposed.  The Lord opened the gate and bid me to invite others in to help me in pulling up the vines of pride; for they see things I would never see on my own.  And I can confess things that are in my heart that they would never see otherwise, another way to mortify the roots of pride.  Doing this will allow the little plant of humility to take root in my heart.

Photo Credit: Nino Barbieri (Wikimedia Commons)

The most important key for me is confessing my sin.  I have always heard the verse in 1 John 1 that says:

“8 If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

As I committed to confess my pride whenever I saw it, not only to God, but to those to whom I’m accountable, I had the assurance that God would forgive me of my sin, and cleanse me from all unrighteousness.  This gave me hope that I could make progress against this sin that had entangled my heart.  I was weak, but He was strong.  These are all truths found in God’s word that I know by heart, but suddenly they made much more sense.  I had fresh revelation that was giving me the grace I needed to say “No” to pride and pursue humility.

However, I had no idea that pride was rooted even deeper in my heart than I had seen. More about that tomorrow!

What sin/sins are you battling of which your spouse is unaware? Do you realize confession is a key component to forgiveness and freedom? What has kept you from inviting others into your secret garden?

Posted in Christian Marriage, Forgiveness, Growing Strong Marriages, Testimonies, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Mortified

Posted on May 15, 2012 by Debi Walter

Tom gave me a new garden for Mother’s Day. Planting everything took a lot of back-breaking work, but the results are beautiful. It was worth every pain. I have learned things that are important are always worth what it costs us to accomplish.

As it is in nature so it is in our hearts.

I mentioned briefly last week about an extended season God took me through of mortifying sin in my own heart. It was quite the process, and I believe God is wanting me to share it with you in an effort to help me remember and to hopefully help you and your marriage grow as well.

I was privileged to share this testimony with a group of ladies a few years ago, so I will use what I wrote then to share with you over the next couple of days.

Part One

Now that my children are grown the last few years have been a season of looking back at what has been and of looking forward to what will be.  Looking back has sadly brought much regret for the things that I didn’t do that I should have done and regret for the things I did do that I shouldn’t have done.  I felt much shame for what seemed to me to be failures.  I was frequently feeling discouraged.  I know this doesn’t sound very encouraging, but let me remind you that God’s ways are not our ways.  God was at work softening my heart, and preparing me for a wonderful work of His Grace.

Then, the Lord led me to read a book called Humility, by Andrew Murray.  It isn’t a very big book, but it is one that must be read slowly to digest.  I have been a member of this church for years!  I have heard most of the messages on Pride and Humility!  I should be well on my way to being a humble person, and I might add, I thought I was.  I was greatly deceived.

At the end of the book the author presents a 30-day challenge for those who truly desire to mortify pride and grow in humility.  As I read this page I felt as if the Lord was challenging me to do this:

The challenge was basically to put aside all reading, projects, journaling, and to focus on only one thing – asking God daily to reveal evidences of pride and to give grace to not only see it, but to repent of it.  Andrew Murray said that if I would do this then at the end of the month, I would begin seeing change in this area.

This is sadly where my journey of mortifying pride began.  I say sadly because I have been a Christian since December 7, 1969, and can honestly say that I am just beginning to see this sin.

First, let me explain to you that the first two weeks into my 30-day sabbatical I felt nothing.   In my pride I truly thought that maybe I was more humble than I realized.  The opposite was true.  After two weeks of continually asking God to show me evidences of pride in my life, Tom and I had a conflict.  It was on a Sunday morning while we were up front praying for people.  Tom was kneeling down praying behind a man, and a couple came up to me for us to pray for them.  I leaned down and tapped Tom on the shoulder.  When he looked up I TOLD him to come pray for this couple.  He looked at me like he didn’t understand, so I said it again!  He “obeyed” and joined me to pray for this couple.  On the way home, he said that I put him in a very awkward position.  He was praying earnestly for this man in response to the Holy Spirit’s leading, that is until I interrupted what God was doing and insisted he join me!   I was feeling justified in my mind about what had happened, while Tom stopped to fuel up the car.  I was sitting alone when I clearly heard the Lord say, “ your reaction to this conflict and what you did this morning is a demonstration of pride in your heart!  You assumed you knew better than Tom what I wanted him to do! I want you to humble yourself and repent to Tom.”  I  began to cry because I didn’t want to be the proud person that I was showing myself to be.  When Tom got in the car, he didn’t know what was wrong!  When I repented specifically for my pride, for assuming I knew what God was telling him to do the conflict seemed to dissolve.  From that day on the Lord began whispering in my ear evidences of pride as they happened in my thoughts, actions and motives.  It was quite overwhelming.  How could I have been so blind!

_____________________________________________

I ask you, how is God answering your prayers to grow in godliness? Are you seeing evidences of God’s hand at work in your own heart? How are you responding as He whispers to your conscience?

Posted in Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Little Messages

Posted on May 14, 2012 by Debi Walter

Mother’s Day was yesterday. It was a fun day, but our daughter and family, who live in Atlanta were greatly missed. I don’t think I’ll ever adjust to the distance between us, yet God in His kindness took thought of me in a very special way.

I love flowers of all kinds, but dahlias have a special place in my heart. Each year I anticipate what this year’s plants will look like. On Sunday morning I looked out our bedroom window and noticed a special surprise–three dahlias had opened over night, one each from separate plants. I have three children, each unique in the joy they bring to our family, so to see these three flowers each beautiful but different, was like God saying,

“You may not have all your children with you today, but here is a reminder for you from Me. Enjoy!”

How often God sends us little things like this to comfort us and let us know He sees, He hears, and most of all He cares for us. In what ways has God shown you His special attention lately? Oftentimes we miss it if we’re not paying attention, so let this be a reminder to keep your eyes open for little messages from your Heavenly Father.

Zazzle.com

♥ Things To Do In Orlando ♥

CENTRAL

NORTH

  • Uptown Altamonte – Jazz Jams Uptown will take place on Saturday, May 19th from 7p – 10p. Admission Charge.
  • Eustis – Magnolia Stroll on Saturday, May 19th from 5p – 9p. Tickets are $20 in advance and $25 at the door.

SOUTH

Posted in Mark Your Calendars (time sensitive), Orlando Date Ideas | Tagged , , , , , , , | Comments Off on Little Messages

Happy Hour

Posted on May 11, 2012 by Debi Walter

We have been in the process of replacing the drain field for our septic system, not a fun project to spend money on, but necessary–oh, so very necessary. It’s necessary because we want all of it to work properly in order to dispose of things we don’t want bubbling up inside our home.

Once the roots were removed, the old system pulled out, the new pipes installed and covered with fresh dirt, something amazing happened. Our yard looked beautiful! We have a new yard with fresh sod. We have new dirt to plant new shrubs. We are certain whatever we plant will grow because the ground is no longer root-bound.

What seemed like a yucky thing to spend time doing has ended up being a beautiful thing.  In fact, we sat outside on our front porch last night just so we could look at how nice it all appears. The best part is knowing not only is what we see nice, but what we don’t see is nice too.

This reminded me of the time when God chose to move on my heart in a significant way. It was regarding my pride and God’s desire to help me cultivate humility. I plan to talk more about this next week, because I’m sensing God’s pull to revisit this season from my life. I believe it will help your marriage for it helped mine greatly. And I pray it will freshly impact my life as I need to be reminded of where I was and what God has done.

Now it’s time for Happy Hour and our Specials of the Week. We want to start with the new blog of a dear friend. Sheree has had more impact on my life in regards to going after the sinful cravings of my own heart, than anyone else. Not only has she demonstrated what the mortification (death) of sin looks like, but she has lovingly helped me learn how to do it myself.

Faith Rising

  • Shrinking Giants – An excellent metaphor on allowing the love of other things to replace the love of God in our lives. This could include the love for your spouse and the craving of their attention. All I can say is WOW!
  • Finding Goodness In Disappointment – Another reminder of how God’s goodness and sovereignty go hand-in-hand, always! Are you facing disappointment–this is a must read to readjust your thoughts to line up with the Truth of the Gospel.
Encourage Your Spouse
  • Cutting Through The Crap – Are your routines helpful or binding? It may be time to take a fresh look at what you’re doing and see if it’s still working for you.
  • Encouragement Barriers – An honest look at your own heart and whether or not you’re really encouraging to your spouse. Warning: You may be really convicted on this one.  
Journey To Surrender

Marriage Gems
Marriage Missions International
  • Love Needs Nurturing – Comes with a helpful compilation of tips on how to do this practically. Excellent!
Marriage Works
My Beloved Is Mine
  • Inner Demons – An honest, heart-wrenching post about the struggles after adultery in marriage. Read this whether this has occurred in  your marriage or not. We are all  susceptible to temptation and what better way to arm ourselves than to hear the testimony of others who have gone this way and regretted it. 
One Flesh Marriage
  • Sex With A Bun In The Oven – If you are expecting a baby there is hope and help for your sex life. And excellent post with great advice.
  • Then Comes Baby In A Baby Carriage – A must read for both husband and wife who are about to become parents or who have already entered into this fast-paced, exhausting lifestyle.
The Generous Husband
  • What She Wants For Mother’s Day – An extensive list if you’re still not sure what to give the mother of your children. Hint: Mother’s Day is this Sunday, in case you’ve forgotten.  

The Generous Wife
  • Build And Guard – the importance of protecting and fighting for what’s yours.

Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Happy Hour, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , | Comments Off on Happy Hour

Pick-A-Year Date Night

Posted on May 11, 2012 by Debi Walter

Photo Credit: Home Grown blog

Today I was in the grocery store when I paused to talk for awhile to an elderly man who has worked there for as long as I can remember. I mentioned to me his age, and I honestly had to ask him to repeat what he said.

“I’m 96.”

“96? Are you serious?” I couldn’t believe it!

He pulled out his driver’s license to confirm he was indeed born in 1916. That’s incredible on so many counts. He was born during World War I–unbelievable. And he’s still working loading my groceries in a bag with a huge smile on his face. I told him he had made my day; he had!

This gave me the idea for our featured date night idea.

Each year is full of it’s own highlights from history, sports, food and entertainment. Why not pick a year–any year–and celebrate it in a memorable way with your spouse? You can do something low-key at home, or go all out and enjoy a night on the town. The possibilities are endless. 

First, do some research about the year you’ve selected. After you’ve discovered lots of interesting facts, choose what sounds fun to you. It could be doing something together that was invented that year. Or fixing a meal based on a recipe from a favorite TV show. Whatever you do, have fun talking about the unusual events of the year.  I discovered that in 1977 France executed their last person by guillotine–certainly not an idea for your date, but an interesting fact to discuss nonetheless. The People History is a great resource where you can choose a year and find all you ever wanted to know about a specific year, and more.

The whole purpose is to have fun doing something together out of the ordinary. We can all use some inspiration, can’t we?

Following is an example of lists you could pull from to spark ideas for your date. We’ve chosen the year 1977 because this is the year I graduated from high school.

What year stands out to you as one worth exploring?

The year – 1977

Best Movie: Annie Hall. (Star Wars and Close Encounters of the Third Kind were all box office hits although they didn’t win an Oscar.)

Grammy Awards

Record of the Year: “Hotel California” … The Eagles
Best Song: “You Light Up My Life” … Joe Brooks
Best Album: “Rumours” … Fleetwood Mac
Male Vocalist: James Taylor … “Handy Man
Female Vocalist: Barbra Streisand … “Love theme from ‘A Star Is Born’ (Evergreen)”

Most Popular Television Shows

1. Laverne & Shirley (ABC)
2. Happy Days (ABC)
3. Three’s Company (ABC)
4. 60 Minutes (CBS)
5. Charlie’s Angels (ABC)
6. All in the Family (CBS)
7. Little House on the Prairie (NBC)
8. Alice (CBS)
9. M*A*S*H (CBS)
10. One Day at a Time (CBS)

Most Popular Books

Fiction:
1. “The Silmarillion” by J.R.R. Tolkien
2. “The Thorn Birds” by Colleen McCullough
3. “Illusions” by Richard Bach
4. “The Honourable Schoolboy” by John Le Carre
5. “Oliver’s Story” by Erich Segal

Nonfiction
1. “Roots” by Alex Haley
2. “Looking Out for #1” by Robert Ringer
3. “All Things Wise and Wonderful” by James Herriot
4. “Your Erroneous Zones” by Dr. Wayne Dyer
5. “The Book of Lists” by David Wallechinsky

Posted in Creative Dates, D.R.A.B., Date Night Ideas, Dating Your Spouse, Free Dates, Fun Dates, Unique Dates | Tagged , , , , | 8 Comments

Stop Grey From Becoming The New Black And White

Posted on May 9, 2012 by Tom and Debi

Last week we talked about Sexual Intimacy and what it takes to cultivate this closeness in marriage. In a culture that craves sex it is ironic that marriages are often sex-starved. Either for lack of sex or because of the quality of sex we’re experiencing.

There is a new book climbing the best-sellers list at lightning speed. The first in a trilogy of books titled, 50 Shades of Grey, it is a fictional story about a young, college student and her encounter with a successful, attractive businessman. I have read only a few sample pages available on Amazon, but it is obvious the hook is intended to draw women into Ana’s world as she begins a relationship with Christian Grey. Below is the book description on Amazon’s website:

Shocked yet thrilled by Grey’s singular erotic tastes, Ana hesitates. For all the trappings of success—his multinational businesses, his vast wealth, his loving family—Grey is a man tormented by demons and consumed by the need to control. When the couple embarks on a daring, passionately physical affair, Ana discovers Christian Grey’s secrets and explores her own dark desires.

Erotic, amusing, and deeply moving, the Fifty Shades Trilogy is a tale that will obsess you, possess you, and stay with you forever.

Why mention this obviously secular book? Because shockingly, it is growing in popularity among Christian women–women who enjoy reading a good book. But this book is hardly good, nor is it innocent. It has the ability to entice unsatisfied wives with a desire to have something more. It is discontentment unabated.

We write this post today as a warning; If you are not happy in your relationship with your husband, then seeking to fulfill this unhappiness in a fantasy world is only going to cause your marriage more harm.

When we were first married I loved to watch soap operas. It was a world totally separate from Tom. He had no idea of my afternoon obsession. I knew it wasn’t portraying a godly lifestyle, but I figured what harm could it do? It wasn’t real.

How deceived and naive I was. It wasn’t until I had a dream about this fantasy world (that was more like a nightmare), that I realized these shows were having a strong influence on me and my emotional state. By God’s conviction and His grace to say no to it, I haven’t watched one since!

How I wish I had had someone to warn me of the danger, the darkness, lurking in these fantasy worlds. These demons are invited into our homes and hearts and begin the process of dismantling our contentment.

1 Timothy 6:6, “But godliness with contentment is great gain…”

We understand there are women hurting in marriages led by distant husbands. They neglect their calling to lovingly lead and to lay down their lives for their wife as Christ did for the church. This is a real problem which causes real pain, but the answer can never be found in the fantasy world. This is a lie by the enemy who wants nothing more than to destroy every Christian home he can.

We are a part of a larger group called The Christian Marriage Bloggers Association. Together we are addressing this issue with the hope of helping wives say no to this temptation by providing knowledge about the danger of what some are calling, “Mommy Porn.”

Mommy Porn is on the rise in large part because of the anonymity available through e-readers. No longer can others see what you’re reading on the plane, in the mall, or even as you lie in bed next to your husband at night. This is providing easy access and a greater temptation to these genres of books, in much the same way as pornographic movies have enticed men and women through personal computers.

Are you drawn to romance novels? Do you find yourself longing to experience what the heroine (if you can call them that) does? This is a dangerous road, so we’re sounding the alarm. Please talk to someone. Confess your temptation. Acknowledge to God your discontentment. And most of all seek the grace of God to change. Only He can empower us to resist sin and it’s pull on our hearts. But we can choose not to open the book in the first place. This is a call to fight hard for the health of your marriage. It won’t be easy, but nothing worth fighting for ever is.

Following are more posts on this topic from members of CMBA:

Intimacy in Marriage – Fifty Shades of Great Sex With Your Husband

To Love, Honor and Vacuum – Finding God After Pornography and Why Kindles Can Wreck Your Marriage

Mystery32 – Porn for Women

The Alabaster Jar – O Be Careful Little Eyes What You Read

The Generous Husband – A Disturbing Trend In Female Sexual Preferences (Husbands, please read this post. You may be surprised to find your wife is tempted in this way.)

The Generous Wife – Escape Into Grey – Lori provides a great metaphor that may open your eyes to the danger of these types of books in a powerful way.

Marriage By Divine Design – Lead Us Not Into E-Book Temptation

AffairCare- 50 Shades and Infidelity, There Is A Connection

Finally, we want to share with you a video Josh McDowell has produced for his 1 Click Away campaign against pornography. We must warn you, it is graphic and powerful, but the message may just rock the hearts of those who are most addicted to pornography, and it may scare away those who are playing with soft porn.  This is our hope and prayer.

May God use these posts to rescue marriages from the sin that so easily entangles us!

How are you doing at resisting temptation? 

Posted in Christian Marriage, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, Sexual Intimacy, Temptation, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 30 Comments

Missed Connection

Posted on May 8, 2012 by Debi Walter

We had it all planned. I would visit our daughter and her family for a couple of days until Tom finished with a trade show. On his way home he would pass through Atlanta where I would meet him at the airport and board the same plane for home.

All worked out great, that is until Tom’s original flight was delayed. With only a 35 minute connection time between flights–guess what? We missed our connection and ended up spending one more night at our daughter’s home.  We were grateful for a plan B.

How like marriage! We can make the best of plans thinking all is going to go perfectly and then, someone doesn’t communicate or show up on time. What was supposed to be one way ends up being a completely different plan.

How do you handle missed connections in your marriage? It’s important to have a plan B before the need arises for one. If you don’t have one most likely an argument will ensue.

Plans change, but God is sovereign. Realizing this will help you go with the flow, instead of missing your connection. Why carry such unnecessary baggage? Nowadays you have to pay for extra luggage on airlines, no sense carrying the weight of conflict around in your relationship–that will really cost you in the long run, and it’s a weight we weren’t meant to carry.

How do you handle things when plans change? What happens when your spouse is late or when there is a miscommunication?

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Growing Strong Marriages, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Super Moon Day

Posted on May 7, 2012 by Debi Walter

Photo Credit: Tim McCord

Many couples were able to enjoy the phenomenon on Saturday night together. It was the closest the moon would be to the earth this year and coincided with the full moon, making what NASA scientists call a Super Moon. And it was spectacular from my vantage point–Marietta, Ga. Unfortunately, Tom was in Chicago and unable to “moon-gaze” with me, but that didn’t keep him from seizing the romantic moment. Following is the text and picture he sent me:

Not the same without you!

This made me smile and miss him all the more. How did you spend Saturday evening’s moon-watching event?

As a bonus we’ve compiled a new video using a variety of photographs from all over the world. It’s set to a song we love by John Elefante, That’s Why God Made The Moon. We hope you enjoy it!

Click here to watch video on Vimeo.


Posted in Music, Romance in Marriage, romancing your husband, romancing your spouse, romancing your wife, Romantic Ideas | Tagged , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Happy Hour

Posted on May 4, 2012 by Debi Walter

Here are the posts we deem as Specials of the Week for your weekend enjoyment!

Encourage Your Spouse

  • Encouraging Words: Bless – How do you use this word…bless your heart. Read this for some southern inspiration. 🙂

Intimacy In Marriage

Journey To Surrender

Marriage Missions International

  • Praying Over Hangers – a great lesson on turning our complaints into prayers for our spouse. It also includes a tool to help you pray more effectively for your spouse.
  • Opportunities At Our Doorstep – if you’re feeling tired and lacking hope in your marriage, please read this post. It will greatly encourage you!
My Beloved Is Mine
  • Marriage Bloggers Day Off – A fun story of how two marriage bloggers met for the first time. We don’t think it will be the last either.

Mystery32

  • In The Bedroom – a helpful post on how to spruce up your bedroom for sex and romance. 🙂

One Flesh Marriage

  • The Radical Wife – an excellent appeal to all wives. Are you willing to join the revolution?

The Generous Husband

The Generous Wife

Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Happy Hour | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on Happy Hour

Spiritual Intimacy

Posted on May 4, 2012 by Debi Walter

Photo Credit: nathandahm.com

Today is the National Day of Prayer. It was established on the first Thursday in May beginning in 1988 by President Reagan when he signed it as a law in order to help America pause and consider the true source of help and hope for our country. This being the case, it seems appropriate to talk about the importance of spiritual intimacy in marriage.

As I write this I am flying over the Southern U.S. en route to Chicago. It is one of my favorite destinations, a place that holds many memories for Tom and me. We are cruising at an altitude of 35,000 feet, which always offers a unique view of the earth.

When we go about our daily routine it is easy to get caught up in the drama of the day. Our emotions play into our stresses, which can be a real source of anxiety, even fear in our hearts, thus affecting our marriage relationship. But from this vantage point the storm that looms large on the horizon seems small and insignificant. I am more aware of the beauty of the clouds than I am the effect of the storm.

In a similar way prayer helps us.

When we neglect this spiritual discipline as a couple, life and the problems that come with it can loom large causing us to worry. But when we choose to pray together about the things that trouble us, it’s as if the Lord raises our eyes above the trouble. He helps us notice the clouds of His faithfulness and makes the storms of life seem insignificant.

Do you and your spouse pray together? Is this something you purpose to do, but haven’t made time for? When was the last time you had the privilege of hearing what was on your spouse’s heart based on the prayer he/she prayed?

The Bible quotes Jesus as saying, “when two or more are gathered together in My name, I am there with you.”

Do we really believe that when we lie in bed at night, holding hands and offer a sincere prayer to God that He is right there with us? He is.

I think if we really believed we had His attention when we prayed together we would pray more regularly and fervently. In those moments God allows us to see our life and marriage from His vantage point—which is much higher than 35,000 feet.

So as we gather together to pray for our country this week, make time to pray with your spouse about the things closer to home; pray for your children, your parents, your co-workers, your church family. Pray for your pastors and your neighbors, but don’t forget to pray for each other and your marriage. Take time to linger in the presence of God and allow Him to give you both a fresh vision for what the next year can be. He sees it all, and He loves to help us see the future with eyes of faith, not based on what we see, but Who’s we are, and this makes all the difference!

Do you and your spouse pray together on a regular basis? If not, would you like to begin?

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Spiritual Intimacy, The Gospel & Marriage | 2 Comments

Sex vs. Sexual Intimacy

Posted on May 3, 2012 by Debi Walter

Everyone is doing it, or so it would appear based on what television and Hollywood portray on a daily basis. But there is a huge difference between sex and sexual intimacy. Animals have sex for the sole purpose of procreating. It doesn’t require a marriage certificate to procreate–this accounts for the large number of abortions as well as unwed mothers.

Sheila Gregroire, from To Love, Honor and Vacuum, has an excellent post titled, Experiencing Spiritual Intimacy While You Make Love. She said:

One of the reasons that our culture has become more pornographic–and why things that were once considered sexually taboo are now pretty much mainstream–is that our culture has made sex into something only physical because they don’t have anything else. And yet they know they’re missing something, so they try more and more extreme things.

As Christians we can go beyond the physical act into the spiritual realm where Christ is glorified through our covenant relationship together. In order for us to experience true sexual intimacy it requires commitment, trust, vulnerability and covenant love. To put it another way, there must be a confidence that your spouse loves you and is committed to your relationship for life. There is a trust that is willing to be exposed both physically and emotionally, and in that moment a bond occurs between husband and wife that lets you know you are one flesh. This is the ultimate celebration of the unique relationship God created when He instituted marriage. And it is one we desire for all marriages to experience.

“We Christians need not approach the bedroom as the world does. Sex isn’t merely physical or all about oneself. The apex of intimacy is not multiple orgasms or more and more kinky sexual acts. The goal isn’t to have sex when we want, with whom we want, however we want, wherever we want without regard to others. We have the ultimate instead: a Gospel-driven life that shows a better way in every area — including the marital bedroom. And guess what? With God’s perfect design, we can end up having the most amazing sex!” – J, from Hot, Holy and Humorous blog. 

There are times when a husband and wife simply have sex; it is what many call a quickie, perfect for when you are limited on time. However, if this is all you are experiencing, then we want you to know there is a deeper level of intimacy you’re missing.

In order to reach this deeper level of intimacy there are things you can do:

  • Pray together asking God to bless your intimacy before you begin. This may seem awkward at first, but sexual intimacy was God’s idea. Trust Him to help you grow your physical relationship into all it can be.
  • Focus on your spouse and how to please him/her, rather than how good it feels for you. This is a simple way to love your spouse more than yourself. Doing this opens the door for greater intimacy. (Read The Gospel and the Bedroom by J, from Hot, Holy and Humorous, it is in our opinion, one of the best articles we’ve ever read.)
  • Take time. Don’t be in a hurry. This is where it is good to plan time away together for the purpose of having extended time for sexual intimacy.

We want to end by agreeing with J:

I pray for each married couple to experience the Gospel in their bedroom — to know the overwhelming love of Christ and to share it with their spouse.

“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:17-19


Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Sexual Intimacy, The Gospel & Marriage | 9 Comments

It Takes Time To Make Time

Posted on May 2, 2012 by Tom and Debi

Before we were married it took no effort at all to plan our next date. We wanted to be together as much as our time would allow. But once we were married this began to gradually change; it had to. Life demanded we move on, so to speak. But moving on in the wrong way can actually damage our relationship.

It’s common for couples to relax their intentionality once they’ve started a life together. After all you’re always together. What needs to be planned? The answer is simple:

R.O.M.A.N.C.E.

Romance before marriage has limits, that is if you’re committed to a moral, God-honoring relationship. But romance after marriage is when it gets really fun. Flirting is actually encouraged in order to grow a healthy marriage. So let’s list out some practical ways to incorporate genuine romance in our daily routine:

  • Tell your spouse you love them daily.
  • Kiss often and kiss long.
  • Hold hands when walking–anywhere.
  • Send unexpected texts to your spouse letting them know you’re thinking of them.
  • When they call during the day, make sure there is a smile in your voice reserved for them.
  • Plan regular date nights. They can be away from home or in your own backyard. Figure out what works best for the season you’re in, and do it.
  • Play with your spouse’s hair, feet, hands, or whatever body part they like caressed.

Trying these ideas may help you recover those romantic feelings you had before you said, “I do.” And they will most likely lead to more–we’ll talk about that tomorrow! 🙂

What ways do you plan for romance? Do you still flirt with your spouse?

Posted in Christian Marriage, Date Night Ideas, Dating Your Spouse, Romance, Romance in Marriage, romancing your spouse | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Lost

Posted on May 1, 2012 by Debi Walter

Have  you ever lost something precious to you? I have–just this past weekend as a matter of fact. I lost my journal. It’s ironic after posting about my journal-writing last week, to realize I had no idea where it was. You see, I’ve spent the past week helping my daughter move, so I haven’t had any time to sit and journal. I didn’t have a clue as to when it went missing. The last time I remembered having it was on our last date night which was a week ago Monday!

My journal is like my heart, for this is where I pour out my life to the Lord. He has used this small notebook to help me sort out my deepest thoughts. And to say I miss it is a huge understatement. So Tom and I prayed last night that the Lord would help me find it. He knows where it is, so for Him to show me is not a difficult task.

Imagine my delight when I listened to our voicemail this morning. A woman called to say she had found my journal and left her phone number for us to call her back. Wow! I am thrilled to say the least!

This whole scenario got me thinking about how often we can lose something precious in our marriage and not even realize it. Things like: time together, sexual intimacy, romantic dates, spiritual intimacy, friendly conversations. This happens in all marriages from time to time. We are human and our relationship is ever growing. The most important question to ask yourself is do you notice when you’ve lost it? Or do you continue on with life oblivious to what’s been left behind?

Think of this post as your phone call telling you to look around and see if something precious is missing from your marriage? If there isn’t anything missing, then thank God for His work in your relationship. If you find there is something missing, then there’s work to be done.

Sadly, many couples choose to quit at this point, hoping to find what’s missing in another relationship. But this is a lie from the enemy. If your marriage is lacking, know that whatever you walk away from in this relationship will simply follow you in your next relationship. It is better, by far, to stay the course and work on recovering what’s been lost.

Tomorrow we’ll continue this topic on a deeper level, but in the meantime, ask your spouse if they sense anything is missing from your relationship. Just because you don’t think there is doesn’t mean your spouse hasn’t come to a different conclusion. You want to be on the same page when it comes to assessing the condition of your marriage. Better to know now, than to be surprised at how far you’ve grown apart in the years to come.

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Mark Your Calendar

Posted on April 30, 2012 by Debi Walter

♥ Things To Do In Orlando ♥

Cinco de Mayo is this coming Saturday. We offered a list of things to do to make this Mexican holiday romantic last year. Check them out HERE.

CENTRAL

NORTH

  • Eustis – Friday Night Street Fest on May 4th from 6p – 10p. There will be live music, vendors, children’s areas as well as food and drinks for purchase.

EAST

SOUTH

WEST

  • Winter Garden – The Garden Theatre presents The Music Man now through May 27th. See website for dates, times and prices.
Posted in Date Night Ideas, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, Mark Your Calendars (time sensitive), Orlando Date Ideas | Comments Off on Mark Your Calendar