Love Does Not Insist On Its Own Way!

Posted on February 9, 2012 by Debi Walter

by Kim Casali

As we continue our discussion of what Love is and isn’t as defined in the Bible, we are learning simple adjustments to make in how we relate to one another.  So far we’ve discussed these points:

  • Love is patient and kind.
  • Love does not envy or boast.
  • Love is not arrogant or rude.

Today we’ll talk about how easy it is to insist on our own way!

Seeing this attitude as a way of NOT loving our spouse will help us change this detrimental habit.  As life happens we develop ways of relating to one another that we may not realize are unloving.

Looking at my own life, I see this way too often.  I don’t like it when my husband doesn’t come home when I want him to, or help out the way I want him to when he does walk in the door.  I see it when I’ve planned a special date night and those plans get altered in one way or another.  I see it when I’m tired and hoping for a break, and Tom gets a headache or is sick! I see it when we’re in the middle of an argument and Tom doesn’t see it my way.  I see it when Tom makes decisions that effects my life in ways I wasn’t expecting.  I’m confident my way is best, and I struggle with letting go.

Truth be told, what I’m really seeing inside my heart is the temper tantrum of a spoiled child competing for attention, wanting nothing  more than for things to go MY WAY.

Photo from More4kids.info

In order to grow in loving this way it’s important to realize it is two-fold;  I must not insist on my own way, but I must also embrace the way of another.  This can be my spouse’s way, God’s way, or someone else’s way (like cranky babies, unruly toddlers, or rebellious teens).  Love demands that I set aside my own agenda to serve another.

Now we’re not talking about being a door mat.

This kind of love must be committed to on both sides of the relationship to truly work.  However, it is possible to love an unloving spouse, we’ve seen it happen time and time again.  But today we’re talking about those in healthy relationships who choose the unloving way too often.  Embracing this kind of genuine love will deepen the bonds that unite our hearts as one.

It’s good to discuss at length with our spouse how they think we’re doing with this kind of love.  Objective communication about such topics helps tremendously when the subjective emotions give vent in our thinking tempting us to react in an unloving way.

Most importantly, we must pray and ask God for help!

Only He can enable us to deny ourselves and love our spouse in the same way He has loved us.  He was willing to lay His life down for me – am I willing to do the same for my spouse?

This is true love!

How does this scripture affect your marriage?  Are you walking in the truth of it, or are you just now seeing changes that need to take place?

Enjoy this video titled, “I Won’t Give Up,” by Jason Mraz:

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Growing Strong Marriages, Love is, Music | 3 Comments

Love is Not Rude

Posted on February 8, 2012 by Debi Walter

Rude

Just saying the word sounds rude – like you’re interrupting someone without saying “excuse me”.

Rude behavior can be as simple as belting out a loud burp or forgetting to open the door, as demeaning as speaking harshly, or as disrespectful as rolling our eyes when our spouse does something we don’t like or doesn’t do something we want them to.

Face it.  We all have moments of temptation to be rude, but we don’t have to choose to be so.  We can instead “put on love”.  How?  By thinking and deciding before the heat is on, when the way is clear and uncluttered by our selfishness; by praying to the Lord for help in our weakness, and then…believe He will help us.

Rude behavior is the outflow of a selfish heart.

Consider the times when you’re most tempted to react rudely:

  • when your spouse calls saying they’ll be late requiring you to put the kids to bed alone – again!
  • when your spouse falls asleep on the couch infringing on your plans and/or desires.
  • when your spouse fails to do the one thing you asked them to do for you and you have to do it yourself!
  • when your spouse isn’t telling the story the way you would, so you interrupt.
  • fill in the blank….

1 Corinthians 13 is not a hard chapter to understand, yet why do we so often fail to truly love in this way?  If we knew the answer to this simple question we wouldn’t need God.  He wants us to cry out to Him for help in turning our selfishness into charity; our rude behavior into kindness.

So let’s practice loving our spouse by resisting the temptation to be rude, crying out to the Lord for help in our weakness and watching Him change us for His glory!

Posted in Christian Marriage, Love is | Tagged , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

If Love Is In The Air…

Posted on February 6, 2012 by Tom and Debi

…then let’s take a deep breath! 

Photo Credit: givecourage.net

This is the last full week leading up to Valentine’s Day. It’s not too late to plan something special for your love. We’ve heard couples say, “Oh, we don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day – it’s too commercial.” To this comment we say, “How sad!” Not that they choose to not participate in the over- romanticized holiday, but that they choose to not romance their spouse in a way that blesses them.

Imagine if we chose to not celebrate Christmas because of how commercial it has become? We don’t have to participate in the way everyone else does, but we can participate in a way that becomes US. It is OUR tradition, OUR memories which matter to US.

We have enjoyed Valentine’s Day in a way we wouldn’t trade for anything else. What could you and your spouse do to make this a holiday you look forward to because of the memories you’ve made together, rather than, avoiding it at all costs? Don’t miss such a great chance to celebrate the love that is in the air–the love between you and your spouse.

We would love to hear what your plans are–simply comment to this post and let’s share our creativity! Who knows? Your idea may just spark another couple to celebrate in the same way. If you are looking for ideas around Orlando–below is our Mark Your Calendar list.

♥ Things To Do In Orlando ♥

Celebrating Valentines Day the weekend before? Here are some unique ideas:

Romantic Dining, Orlando’s best

Romantic Places in Orlando

CENTRAL

  • Winter Park – Free Fridays at the Morse Museum of Art from 4p – 8p. There will be live music provided by Romanze Due featuring the flute and guitar.
  • Winter Park – Second Annual Valentine Concert in the Park on Sunday, February 12th, from 4p – 6:30p. Michael Andrew and Swingerhead will be performing live. FREE.
  • Winter Park – Popcorn Flicks in the Park will be on Thursday, February 9th in Central Park. This month’s feature is Sleepless in Seattle. Showtime is 7p and it’s FREE.
  • Winter Park – Albin Polasek Museum is open all weekend for FREE during ArtsFest weekend.
  • Sanford/Lake Mary – Seminole State Planetarium features Heavenly Love: Love Stories In The Night Sky on Friday, February 10th and Saturday, February 11th. Doors open at 8:00p. and the cost is $6 per person. Come hear the stories told from centuries past.
  • Maitland – Enzian Theater presents Saturday Matinee Classic showing of Romeo and Juliet on February 11th starting at 12p.
  • Winter Park – Peterbrooke Chocolatier of Winter Park will be hosting it’s first installment of Chocolate 101, an interactive class which lasts 90 minutes and is limited to 8 guests. It includes samples and wine pairings.  Cost is $25 per person. Hurry, space is limited!
  • Winter Park – Casa Feliz has its weekly open house on Sunday, February 12th from 12p – 3p. This weeks music provided by Lisa Ferrigno Violin Ensemble. FREE.

SOUTH

  • Sea World’s Discovery Cove is offering special romance packages for Valentine’s Day. If you are looking for something extra special–this one would certainly fit the bill.

Posted in Date Night Ideas, Holidays, Mark Your Calendars (time sensitive) | 9 Comments

Love is Not Arrogant

Posted on February 6, 2012 by Debi Walter

We are continuing our Love Is series…

Arrogance is easily detected by those who are observing it in others, yet it is hardly noticed by those who are themselves arrogant.

I should know because I lived completely unaware of my own arrogance for years until the Lord in His mercy decided it was time to give me a good look at myself in the mirror.   It was a painful reality to see my reflection as others always had.  And the realization that my husband loved me in spite of my arrogance brought me to tears.

One evening, while Tom and I were away on a business trip, we were slow dancing to a Bette Midler song when I sensed the Lord give me a glimpse of how Tom loved me despite my arrogance.  I had oftentimes judged Tom uncharitably based on my expectations and my plans.  I didn’t consider that the Lord was speaking to him too, giving direction and guidance.  I figured if he wasn’t seeing things as I was then he must be missing God!  This, my friends, is sheer – unadulterated arrogance.  This thought was impressed on my heart, “So who made you the standard for what a godly life should look like?”

Of course I had never actually said I was the standard, but after considering my thoughts and motives – this is how I treated Tom.  And most likely how I treated others as well.  It was an ugly truth I had to face.  I am grateful beyond words that I did!  I am even more grateful for a husband who has committed to love me for better or worse for he was seeing me at my worse yet loved me all the more.  How like Christ is his love for me. and this is what led me into true repentance.

My love for the Lord and respect for Tom increased seemingly overnight!  This is the way love grows in a humble heart, simply and without effort.  Of course, I didn’t notice, but others did.  Arrogance and humility are both undetected by its possessors.  The proof comes from the observations of those who are closest to us.  Only the humble person will ask!

Posted in Christian Marriage, Love is | 4 Comments

Love Does Not Boast

Posted on February 5, 2012 by Tom Walter

Today our focus is on one thing love is not – boastful.  Boasting is a manifestation of pride, and pride concerns itself with self – not others.  We can’t truly love our spouse if we are boasting in our selves and what we’ve done or plan to do.  We must look out for the interests of our spouse – what pleases them, what would serve them.  This is how we turn from being boastful and proud to love and serve our spouse.

John Piper says:

Is it not surprising that the opposite of love in 1 Corinthians 13 is not hate but pride. The main category of what love does not do is arrogance (boasting, seeking its own way).

Love is to lay our lives down for someone else – pride refuses such a thought.

Imagine if both of us are loving in this way?  If I look out for what is best for Debi and Debi does the same for me then we are moving towards a God-glorifying marriage.  If I do the opposite and think mostly of my plans and my accomplishments – I am moving away from a God-glorifying marriage.

Doing this is impossible in our own strength; we need God’s help to love our spouse in the way He intends.  This is the only thing in which we are permitted to boast  – our weakness! God loves to help us in our weakness for then He is sure to receive the glory.

Posted in Growing Strong Marriages, Love is, Purpose | Tagged | 1 Comment

Happy Hour

Posted on February 3, 2012 by Tom and Debi

Encourage Your Spouse

  • Building Strength – Rest – This is part of a series Lori is doing on building a strong marriage. We purpose to do many things well in our lives, but are we purposing to build a strong marriage?

Hot, Holy and Humorous

  • When My Sex Life Sucked, Part 2 – very  helpful post for those struggling in this area or for those who are too busy raising a family to give this area much attention.

Intimacy In Marriage

 

  • Why I Cried When We Made Love – Julie shares another great post on the purpose and benefits of sexual intimacy in the midst of difficulty and pressure.

One Thousand Gifts

  • How to {Make} Love {Into a Marriage} – Since we’re spending these two weeks leading up to VD about defining true love, Ann Volcamp says it better than I ever could! If you only have time for ONE post to read, make it this one. It will bless you, heart and soul!

The Generous Wife

  • Be Generous – great motivation as to why we do what we do. And if you have an anniversary this month, be sure to comment.

The Pioneer Woman

  • Top Ten Food Picks For Super Bowl Sunday – the pictures alone will make your mouth water. Imagine how good this food will taste! Bless your husband and make something special for this annual American tradition!

To Love, Honor And Vacuum

  • 29 Days To Great Sex – Day One – Another excellent series that is sure to cover all the issues surrounding this vital part of a healthy marriage. Follow this blog to read all 29 posts. She’s on day three!
Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Happy Hour, Intimacy | Tagged , , , , , | Comments Off on Happy Hour

Love Does Not Envy

Posted on February 3, 2012 by Tom and Debi

Today we continue our look at 1 Corinthians 13 to understand more clearly what love is.  This post is a bit more weighty than usual, but it is important in marriage to look deeper into the soil of our hearts to see what nutrients, or lack of, are there.  Our hope and prayer is that as you look you’ll be motivated to cultivate true love as Biblically defined, not culturally.  This is the only love that matters, and it’s the only love that will last.

We have found Noah Webster’s Dictionary from 1828 to be the most accurate in defining Biblical terms.  Why?  Because Noah was the first American to take the time to define the words used at this time in American history.  His source for the word’s definition?  He used scripture to determine accurately what each English word meant.  In case you have never studied his story…it is quite inspiring!  But that’s not what our post is about today.

The word is envy!

Envy – Pain, uneasiness, mortification or discontent excited by the sight of another’s superiority or success, accompanied with some degree of hatred or malignity, and often or usually with a desire or an effort to depreciate the person, and with pleasure in seeing him depressed.  Envy springs from pride, ambition or love, mortified that another has obtained what one has a strong desire to possess.

Given the definition, I don’t think many of us would confess publicly to envying our spouse, yet we do.  I (Debi) can think of a specific time in our marriage when I didn’t like the fact that Tom was able to leave for work – alone in his car – while I was left at home with three children age 4 and under, to care for and train minute by minute!  I was full of envy, wishing I could have the freedom to go and do without the demands motherhood required.  I’m ashamed to admit it, but it was true.  These thoughts left unchallenged and repented from produced strife and all kinds of discord in our home.

Pretending envious thoughts aren’t present in my heart accomplishes nothing good!

If I don’t see envy as sin, I have no hope!  Seeing it for what it is allows me to repent to my Savior – the only place I’ll find forgiveness and hope to move on free from its grip!

As my children have grown I don’t feel the pull of envy as strongly as I used to, yet I am always aware of the temptation to compare myself with others – be it my husband or friends who have more or do more than I am able to at this time in my life.

Love does not envy [period].

It’s that simple!  If I am allowing myself to think envious thoughts, I am NOT loving my husband/wife.  See it.  Admit it.  Confess it.  Repent of it.  And be free from it!  We don’t have to live this way.  Christ has set us free from the bonds of slavery to sin; this includes envy.  What glorious news!

“He whom the Son sets free, is free indeed!”

**IT”S YOUR TURN – Have you found yourself fighting temptations to be envious of your spouse?  How has God helped you fight this temptation?

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Love is | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Love is…Kind

Posted on February 2, 2012 by Debi Walter

Cartoon by Kim Casali

To accurately define love we must go to the source – God’s Word.  Here is where we’ll find the definition we NEED to hear, not just WANT to hear.

1 Corinthians 13:4 says, “Love is patient and kind…”

What motivates kindness in marriage?  The answer we give reveals whether our kindness is genuine or self-serving.  True kindness takes no regard for how it is received; for kindness that is real flows from a heart that longs to please God, not man.  It has no strings attached.

A perfect example is found in the classic movie, Gone With The Wind.  Melanie personified this fruit of the Spirit.  She constantly thought of others as more important than herself.  She truly loved, so she was truly kind.

Photo Credit: TheFashionSpot.com

On the other hand, Scarlet O’Hara gives us a clear picture of what kindness that is disingenuous looks like.  She would say what she perceived others wanted to hear, only because she was trying desperately to get her own way.

Buy at allposters.com

Now consider marriage – I have a fresh example from this morning; (how like God to give me an opportunity to practice what we’re talking about here on the blog.) as Tom was getting ready to leave for work, I wanted to talk with him about something important to me.  I started to dive into the conversation when I realized Tom was distracted.  Rather than plow through regardless, I stopped and asked him if he had time to listen…he honestly didn’t.  He suggested we talk tonight, and then added,  “Could you make me some breakfast to go?”

Selfishness would say, “Ugh! You’re not going to listen to me AND you want me to make you breakfast? Hmph!”

Today was one of those days when I chose be kind – maybe it was because I knew I was going to be writing this post!  🙂  But for whatever reason, God in His kindness to me (He is always kind although I don’t deserve it), helped me to be kind to Tom.

This is how we practice – moment by moment in the little choices we make.

Left to ourselves we would never choose genuine kindness, but God has given us a way of escape from our selfish and manipulative ways.

Kindness is a fruit of the Spirit, and since we are cultivating our own Romantic Vineyard, let’s purpose to fertilize this fruit.  I hear it makes the best wine when crushed!

Posted in Love is | Tagged | 1 Comment

Love is…Patient

Posted on February 1, 2012 by Debi Walter

We are re-posting the “Love-Is” posts we did back in the Spring of 2010. It is still one of our most popular series, and well worth revisiting. With Valentines Day only two weeks away, these posts will help us remember what true love looks like! It has nothing to do with a chubby cherub who goes around shooting arrows of love. 🙂

I remember growing up in the 70’s with a little cartoon that captured my teen-aged heart.  It was “Love Is…” cartoons by Kim Casali.  She created the strip as a way to express the love she had for her husband, Roberto.  It grew to be a famous symbol of that era when it was syndicated by The Los Angeles Times in 1970.

However, as cute as these characters are, they are only sentiments of a wife towards her husband.

The Bible gives us a more concrete definition of what love is, and it is found in the 13th chapter of 1 Corinthians:

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

Let’s consider the first one:

In examining my own heart, I realize how often I am not patient towards Tom.  I may ask him to do something for me, and if it doesn’t get done in the time frame I was hoping, I have a choice to make: will I show love to Tom by being patient or will I resort to becoming angry?

Or yet another example happened last December…I have a favorite perfume that was nearly gone, so I hinted to Tom hoping he’d buy me more for Christmas.  Since the perfume can only be purchased on-line; Tom found it only to discover that the perfume was on back order.  Christmas came and went with no perfume!

Around February I checked the website to see if the perfume was available – to my delight, it was!  I quickly told Tom, not knowing that he had already bought and received the perfume.  His face looked disappointed at my discovery as he said, “You’re impossible to surprise!”

I felt horrible; Tom was planning to surprise me for Valentine’s Day, and

my impatience spoiled everything!

Tom said a big temptation for him is when I am running late.  He is very punctual and loves to arrive anywhere at least 5 minutes ahead of schedule!  In the early years of our marriage I remember getting myself and our three children ready for Sunday service with a strong awareness of the ticking clock!  Tom, in a way to help me realize the countdown, would go sit in the car with it running as a way to encourage my punctuality!  Hardly, the patient husband; needless to say, this was a source of many arguments in our marriage.

Everyday we’re faced with temptations to be impatient.

Even last night we joked when I was impatient about the way Tom was using the remote control!  But, there is hope!  If the Bible tells us love is patient, we must look to it’s Author for help.  The Holy Spirit who is perfectly patient with us helps us in our weakness to grow so our marriages become a reflection of Him!

We’ve provided a few examples of what impatience looks like – what does it look like in your marriage?  How is God helping you to grow?



Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Love is | Tagged , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

A Fragrant Aroma: A Realization and A Confession

Posted on January 31, 2012 by Debi Walter

Our Grandchildren!

I keep thinking that life is getting in the way of writing. BUT. Life is what I’m called to live. Writing is simply an outlet to share our life with others. Somehow I think I’ve switched the two.

This is not good.

Maybe this is why it has been a difficult month for me. God is wanting to make sure my priorities stay where they should be. Here is a list of my priorities:

1. God

2. Spouse

3. Family

4. Church Life

5. Ministry i.e. The Romantic Vineyard

Ah! When I measure the past month in regards to my priorities I HAVE been living by them. But my heart has been drawn to put the blog third on the list. I’m grateful the Lord has shown this to me, and I’m even more grateful that my life is reflecting the proper order of priorities. So it’s a heart issue I need to go after.

The Bible says, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” But I also believe it applies to say, Out of the abundance of the heart the mind thinks!

God, please help me think right when it comes to my life. May I not make more of one aspect of my life than you want me to. This is why You desire me to prioritize my life and then live according to it. Thank you for being a God of order. May I learn to live this way.

In Jesus’ precious name,

Amen

How are you doing with your priorities? Do you enjoy them? Or do you grudgingly do them because it’s the right thing to do? May God help us do them WITH joy!

Posted in A Fragrant Aroma, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , | 13 Comments

What Your Shopping Cart Says About You

Posted on January 30, 2012 by Debi Walter

As Tom and I were leaving Costco recently, the check-out clerk commented he wanted to come to our house simply based on what we were buying. It made us laugh as we realized how different seasons require different purchases from the store.  For instance, we spent years buying diapers, formula, apple juice and wipes. No one was commenting then that they wanted to follow us home. But we enjoyed that season as much as we are enjoying this season.

You can tell a lot about a person by “reading their shopping cart,” so to speak. And you can learn a lot about yourself based on what you purchase. I haven’t done any deep research on this topic – that would be my friend Lori Lowe’s department – But next time you’re shopping see how much of what you’re buying is because you love your spouse. Make it a habit to pick up one thing that if your spouse were working the check out lane, they’d ask to come home with you!

♥ Fun Dates To Celebrate ♥

The month of February is…National Hot Breakfast Month – Why not plan to bless your spouse with a hot breakfast every morning in February.  Not sure you can commit to this?  Then try going out for a hot breakfast one morning to celebrate!

Following are the individual dates this week that have special meanings:

31 Backward Day – send you spouse an e-mail typed completely backwards.  Or try your hand at writing in cursive backwards – my sister and I learned how to do this during church services when we were little.  It was our way of passing notes we didn’t want anyone else to read!  I think this little secret would work great between husband and wife too!

31 Inspire Your Heart with Art Day – Some guys may go for a visit to the local ceramic studio to make a special piece together to remember this day!

1 National Freedom Day – watch your favorite war movie and thank God for those who have been willing to sacrifice for our freedoms.

2 Ground Hog Day – Punxsutawny Phil’s website has some fun e-cards you could send your spouse to celebrate this tradition.

2 Heavenly Hash Day – Plan to bake something special like brownies or fudge.  Or go out to your favorite ice cream parlor!

5 National Weatherman’s Day – Make plans to do something outside and enjoy the weather together.  Or you could watch your favorite weather movie likeTwister!

♥ Things To Do In Orlando ♥

Super Bowl Sunday is February 5th. Check out all the places hosting parties for this annual event!

CENTRAL

  • Orlando – ArtsFest takes place beginning Feb. 1st – 29th. See site for details. Admission is FREE.
  • Orlando – 1st Thursdays at the Orlando Museum of Art on Feb. 2nd. Admission is FREE from 6p – 9p. The theme this month is Sci-Fi and Fantasy Art in the 21st Century
  • College Park – Monday Night Jazz Jam at Taste Restaurant from 8p – midnight. No Cover charge.

NORTH

EAST

  • UCF Wind Ensemble will perform at St. Luke’s Lutheran Church in Oviedo. The concert is FREE and begins at 7p. on Saturday, February 4th.

Posted in Christian Marriage, Date Night Ideas, Mark Your Calendars (time sensitive), Orlando Date Ideas | 10 Comments

Happy Hour

Posted on January 27, 2012 by Debi Walter

It has been a few weeks since we’ve been able to highlight some of our favorite blogs. This isn’t because there haven’t been good ones to read – on the contrary! It seems the marriage blogs we frequent are growing and maturing in their writing and testimonies. This is excellent news!! The more couples encouraging godly marriages the more marriages that will be strengthened.

We simply haven’t had the time to read other blogs, but today we’ll share a few. If you have the time this weekend, visit the blogs highlighted and check out their other posts. We value what they have to say.

But first we want to share with you a powerful video on the importance of taking our marriage vows seriously. You will be affected so be prepared!

Encourage Your Spouse

  • Love Is – Lori takes the very familiar passage from 1 Corinthians 13 and shares a picture you may never forget on how to apply these verses to your daily life.

Hot, Holy and Humorous 

  • When My Sex Life Sucked, Part 1 – In this post, and this blog for that matter, “J” tackles the rarely talked about topics that all marriages need to face and communicate about. This post in particular will greatly help young couples who are in the midst of raising a family. Please, take the time to read it! Your marriage will thank you for it, and maybe your kids will too – one day! 🙂 Be sure to watch this blog for Part 2. It’s sure to be just as good!

Journey To Surrender

Marriage Gems

Marriage Missions International

  • This Isn’t Fair – Cindy share their personal struggle and how God is helping her to think rightly – very much like a post I will share tomorrow!

One Flesh Marriage

  • Relationship Energy – A great metaphor comparing the energy found in your marriage with the energy you had while dating. Brad asks some very insightful questions to help you discern your marriage.

The Generous Husband and The Generous Wife

  • Twenty Seven Years and Counting – Happy Anniversary to a couple who knows how to do marriage right. How? By following the Lord each step of the way – through peaks and valleys. We gladly highlight them today, and you’ll see…they LOVE to kiss! 🙂
Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Happy Hour, The Gospel & Marriage | Tagged , , , , , | 7 Comments

Ordinary Days

Posted on January 27, 2012 by Debi Walter

This post was originally posted in April of 2010. I happened upon it last night as I was looking for something else. What affected me is we’re in a season where life is NOT ordinary. It has been a challenge to keep up with the demands of life since the beginning of the year. And the worst part? As the year progresses it seems to be getting busier. I have been longing for an ordinary day. How about you? How do you handle those not-so-ordinary days? How is your marriage affected – for better? or for worse?

__________________________________________

I love ordinary days.

Days when the first thing I hear is the whirring of the coffee grinder as Tom brews a fresh pot of aromatic energy – just for him.  He prefers his coffee strong and black.

Days when I steep hot tea in my favorite Starbucks mug  – PG Tips to be exact – with a bit of sugar and cream; pure comfort in a cup!

From there Tom finds his place at the kitchen counter.  I settle in on the sofa, and we commune with the Lord – reading His word, reading a book together and/or by journaling.   There is a rhythm to our mornings that seems ordinary, but in reality they are far from it.  The fact is that after 31 years [now 33] having found such a rhythm to our days is nothing short of a miracle.  We enjoy being together as we seek the Lord.  We enjoy communing with the Author of our faith…our love…our lives. Because He first loved us, we are learning to enjoy the security His love brings to us individually and as a couple.

We have learned that such ordinary days are what make life extraordinary.

Predictable, everyday routines are like foundations that support us on the days that are not so routine.  God gives us Himself on the ordinary days so we might give of ourselves sacrificially to His will when things aren’t going as planned.

He is always there when our feet first touch the floor in the early morning light, and as we reach to turn off the lamp before kissing goodnight.  He is the reason we have any days at all, the ordinary as well as the not-so-ordinary.

How do you spend your ordinary days?

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

I Envy Smokers

Posted on January 26, 2012 by Debi Walter

Photo Credit: Buffalo Electronic Cigarettes

I see it all the time, and it usually makes me sad for the habit they have. You’ve most likely seen it too – a group of nicotine addicts gathered outside on a beautiful day to have their fix. It may be they’re facing a challenge and felt the need to smoke. It may be their regular coffee break where they choose to remove themselves from inside in order to enjoy a cigarette outside.

Smoking is bad for you. I get that. Being dependent on nicotine can be life-threatening. This is true.

So why do I envy smokers?

Simply because they have a habit of pulling themselves away for a short breaks throughout the day. Indoor smoking laws have caused them to go outside in order to pause and smoke.

Imagine if we were to have the same “habit” of seeking the Lord throughout the day? When the pressure builds and we sense anxiety, instead of grabbing a cancer stick, we grab hold of God by pulling away to pause, reflect and regroup.

Our post yesterday about stillness, made me notice two smokers outside our local convenience store in a completely different way. They were talking. They were enjoying  the weather. And they were smiling.

Why not emulate the smokers by taking up a praying habit? Not one where you add it to your busy schedule, but one where you get up and walk outside for a few moments. You may find this is a habit you simply can’t kick! And who would want to?

Praying–unlike smoking–is good for your health!

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Still

Posted on January 25, 2012 by Tom and Debi

When was the last time you were still? Sleeping doesn’t count! Stillness is something with which most of us are not comfortable. Why? Because when we’re still all we have is our thoughts, and sometimes our thoughts aren’t encouraging. Sometimes our thoughts can be quite frightening.

Yet stillness is necessary. We must take time to be still. The Bible says in Psalms 46:10 –

“Be still, and know that I am God.”

If this is what it takes to know God, and if we avoid being still, then aren’t we avoiding knowing God? How sad. When we say “yes” to one thing, we are saying “no” to something else. When we constantly choose to fill our down time with social media and entertainment, stillness isn’t possible.

It is Wednesday. Our time to pause halfway through the week to check who it is we are worshiping. Are we worshiping God or our own agenda? Pausing long enough to be still and consider this question will actually help us worship God. For in the stillness we will find HIM.

Here is a challenge: plan some time to sit and be still this week. Listen for God. Wait on Him. Enjoy being with Him even if you have nothing to say. Then, see if you don’t sense His nearness more than you did before. To help you experience some stillness here in this moment, enjoy this song by Watermark appropriately titled, Still.

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Hit Or Miss

Posted on January 24, 2012 by Debi Walter

Photo Credit: Dribble.com

When schedules are demanding and time to connect is lacking, it is easy to find our communication either hitting or missing the mark.

Have you ever said one thing only to have your spouse interpret what you said, how you said it or why you said it, in the wrong way? There is a choice to make in such moments: Either overlook the miscommunication, react to it, or purpose to talk about it later.

After nearly 33 years of marriage we still find ourselves reacting to each other when we are tired or our schedules are overextended. This is one such time. Our posts have been less frequent because of life. But this life is what God has called us to! It is in the mundane moments when we realize what is in our hearts. These moments help us see the areas which need to change, and God is there in those moments to help us, grow us and to bring us to a place of reconciliation.

The work marriage requires never ends. But the seasons of struggle don’t seem to last as long. We have learned how to read one another more accurately, but we’re still sinners in need of a Savior. The good news is – we have a Savior who is able to help us in every season we face in our marriage.

So, be encouraged. If you are hitting or missing the mark of communication, God is with you. He will help you. Cry out to Him for help in your time of need then watch and see what He does. He is faithful!

Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Romantic Orlando – West Orange Bike Trail

Posted on January 23, 2012 by Debi Walter

We had the opportunity to spend an afternoon bike riding together on the West Orange Trail in West Orange County. It was a beautiful day, and the cost was minimal thanks to a Living Social Deal. We pedaled for 12 miles, stopping to take pictures along the way.

There are many rails which have been converted to trails throughout Central Florida. If you love to be outdoors and enjoy biking, walking, running, skateboarding or in-line skating, this may be a great way for you to see the real side of Florida. We sure enjoyed our time together as you’ll see in the pictures below!

Happy Trails! 🙂

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♥ Fun Dates To Celebrate ♥

January 23

  • National Pie Day – This is a great day to bake your favorite or go out together and order one slice or two.
  • National Handwriting Day – Why this day? Because today is the birthday of John Hancock, the first signer of our nation’s Declaration of Independence. Why not write your love a handwritten note on a napkin and place it under their plate at dinner. Be sure to sign your “John Hancock,” so they know it’s from you! 🙂

January 24

  • Compliment Day – Everyone needs at “atta boy” now and then. Especially from the one you love most.

January 25

  • Opposite Day – Have fun with this one…and finish it with some great sex – after all opposites attract, right?

January 26

  • Spouse’s Day – That’s right – every spouse should have their own special day. Make this one so special they’ll never forget it. Plan by making a list of all their favorite things, and then do all you can to give them the list in one 24 hour period. The fun part – don’t tell them you’re doing it. See how quick they catch on that it’s all their favorites day!

January 27

  • Chocolate Cake Day – no explanation needed.

January 28

  • National Kazoo Day – if you’re inclined to play one, serenade your spouse and see if they can “name that tune.”

January 29

  • National Puzzle Day – Combine both holidays by putting together a jigsaw puzzle…
  • National Corn Chip Day – …while munching on nachos!

♥ Things To Do In Orlando ♥

CENTRAL

  • Downtown Orlando Partnership presents it’s monthly social at the Grand Bohemian on Thursday, January 26th from 5:30p – 7p. Cost is $10 for non-members, $2 for members. See site for details.
  • Orange County History Center presents Retro Night on Friday, January 27th from 7p – Midnight. There will be classic board games, video games, retro snacks, as well as pizza and a cash bar for your enjoyment. Sunny FM 105.9 will provide the music to complete the feel of visiting the good old days!
  • Winter Park – Music at the Casa on Sunday, January 28th from 12p – 3p. FREE.
  • Winter Park Playhouse – presents “I Love You Because,” on stage this weekend. See site for reviews, times and prices.

NORTH

  • Sanford – Sanford Art Walk will be on January 27th in downtown Sanford. Cost is FREE and begins at 6p.
  • Blue Springs – Manatee Festival on Saturday and Sunday, Janaury 28th and 29th. See site for times and admission prices.

WEST

  • Clermont – Lakeridge Winery Winter Music Series will offer it’s final day on Saturday, January 27th from 1p – 4p. This weeks artist is Little Mookie and the Half Pints. FREE.
Posted in Date Night Ideas, Fun Dates, Mark Your Calendars (time sensitive), Orlando Date Ideas | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

“Go Fish” Fryday

Posted on January 20, 2012 by Debi Walter

Photo Credit: Humor and the Holidays

I was in a meeting this week with some other wives, and this idea came to us through laughter and tears, the good kind of tears from laughing too hard.

One friend had her toddler in her arms eating a cupful of gold fish crackers, when she spilled the whole cup – all over the table, floor and few down her shirt. We laughed as she was trying to recover them, when I suggested she just wait until tonight and let her husband “go fishing!”

Haha!

Then, we had the idea to hide a gold fish somewhere on your body and invite your husband to “go fish!” Wouldn’t he have fun talking about THIS fish story! Well, maybe not talking to anyone else but YOU, but guaranteed he would have fun.

Photo Credit: Professional Chicks blog

From there the comments continued:

  • Put a sign on the door that reads, “gone fishing.”
  • Put a bumper sticker on his car that says, “I’d rather be fishing.”
  • Hearing him talking about a real fishing story of the “one that got away,” then winking at him and whispering, yeah but what about that Big One you caught!”

Photo Credit: Squidoo


So, you can see how our conversation went from there. Who knew that a little box of gold fish crackers could be so much fun. I’ll bet you smile the next time your kids ask to play Go Fish! Just tell them only if  their daddy will play! 😉

Posted in Date Night Ideas, Fun Dates, humor, Wives | Tagged , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Vintage Post: Raining Romance

Posted on January 19, 2012 by Tom and Debi

This post was originally shared in July 2010. We believe it is worth sharing again:

It is raining outside as I write this post.  I have always loved the rain – the gentle shower as well as the violent storm.  God expresses His love and care for the earth with the shower, and He reminds us of His majesty and power in the storm.

Tonight it is a gentle shower, but there is thunder rolling in the distance.  It’s like an echo whispering of God’s ever present power to water the earth however He chooses.

In the same way God cares for the earth, He is at work caring for our marriages.  The fact that you are taking the time to read a blog about it shows your desire to learn and grow.  Flowers left to themselves would wither and die.  They have no desire nor ability to pursue the rain.  The rain must come to them.

We are unlike the flowers of the field.

God has given us the ability to think, reason and learn.  We can seek out the rain when we are going through a dry season.  We can soak up the rich water of His Word to remind us of why we got married in the first place.  We can change and become more passionate about our spouse even if years of indifference have left our hearts feeling cold and unromantic.

How?  How is change possible?  One raindrop at a time.

If you have not pursued your spouse romantically in a long time and the thought of doing so makes you nervous, then read on!  You don’t have to plan an elaborate night away, or extend yourself way beyond what seems natural.  Start with one rain drop.  Here are a few for you to consider:

  • Write a personal note and mail it to them.
  • Find your wedding picture and place it your spouse’s dresser saying, “I still do!”
  • Rub your spouses neck after a long day.  When you finish kiss the same spot.
  • Talk to them about your desire to change and what they would like to see change too.  While you’re at it – ask them what romance means to them.

Following such simple gestures are sure to water the dry soil of romance in your marriage.  There are seeds waiting to come alive in your hearts towards each other and each drop you absorb will be refreshing to you and fruitful for those who are following after you.  You see, the way we love our spouse isn’t only for our pleasure or for God’s glory, but it’s also for the generations who are following after us.  They are watching to see if marriage God’s way really works.   God will help us prove the answer is a thundering YES!

So, is it raining romance in your heart?

Posted in Romance, Romance in Marriage, Vintage Posts | Tagged , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Keep Me Near

Posted on January 18, 2012 by Debi Walter

Photo Credit: prozac1

January is  the month when people often purpose to be consistent in their devotions. It is Wednesday. The month is over half passed, and maybe you’re needing to be reminded, like me, who it is we need most to help us accomplish our goals.

Enjoy this worship song – one of our favorites – to bring perspective back to its proper place!

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Music, Worship | Tagged , , | 1 Comment