Cut Off The Fuel That Feeds The Fire

Posted on March 4, 2019 by Debi Walter

Always be kind. That’s what our parents taught us growing up. “Kindness begets kindness,” they would say. But in the heat of the moment many forget to put their kindness on display.

I remember my husband telling me about an incident at work. There was an angry customer who was lighting in to our Service Manager, not sparing her the ugliest of adjectives. In a final huff of impatience he said, “Can I talk to your supervisor?” She sent the call to Tom warning him of the storm on hold.

When Tom answered he was ready for the confrontation.

“Hello, This is Tom, can I help you?”

“What’s your position there!” the irritated man demanded.

“Well, right now I’m sitting down.”

There was a pause on the other end and then laughter. The formerly angry man said, “You got me there!” And the argument was defused. Tom was able to (masterfully in my opinion) help him by bringing resolve to the situation that had riled him up in the first place. This doesn’t always work with humor. Sometimes it takes mere kindness and lots of patience. But being on guard and ready to offer kind words will most certainly keep the fight from escalating.

Kindness does that; It cuts off the fuel that feeds the fire.

I believe this would work in marriage as well. It takes two to fight, and if one of you comes to the table with kindness it might rewrite your typical ending. Of course this is only possible by allowing the Lord to work on your heart. Ask Him for help in controlling the angry outbursts. You may be surprised at how sufficient His grace is for you in your time of weakness. After all, it is a promise!

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Doing This One Thing Helps Anniversaries Become A Lasting Memory

Posted on February 24, 2019 by Debi Walter

40 years! Today marks our 40th wedding anniversary. I started a tradition I didn’t know was a tradition until I had been doing it regularly each anniversary. It’s one of those things that has become precious to us as the years have passed.

When I was planning our wedding in 1979 I was given a Bridal book to record the details of our plans.

Photo Credit: Etsy

It included a section to record gifts given and also served as the guest book for our wedding. In the back there were blank pages that I used to write how we celebrated our 1st anniversary when we went to the Florida Keys and stayed right on the water. It is a fun memory.

I continued to write what we did each year. Some years we went out to eat. Some we had a romantic dinner at home. Some we were able to getaway for a night or two. In 1984 (our 5th anniversary) I was recovering from the Caesarean birth of our second baby; a sweet girl who had been born two weeks prior. We made plans for us to celebrate later.

Our anniversary list has grown longer as the years have passed, and each one makes us smile as we remember.

Remembering is what anniversaries are all about. It’s looking back at the faithfulness of God in your marriage and thanking Him for how far you’ve come.

When is your wedding anniversary? How have you helped to make it a precious memory? It’s never too late to begin.

As for us? This year Tom is taking me away to a Vineyard near our daughter’s home since we are helping to care for her post surgery. Reminds me of our 5th anniversary when she was born. We are anticipating the real celebration later this year.

Happy Anniversary, Tom. Thank you for filling our lives with memories both difficult and wonderful. Each one brought us to where we are today, and I wouldn’t change any of it. Our story belongs to us alone. Love you, Babe.

Posted in Anniversaries, anniversaries, Celebration Dates, Celebrations, Christian Marriage | Tagged , , | 10 Comments

Lessons Learned in 40 Years of Marriage – Part II

Posted on February 22, 2019 by Debi Walter

Stinging words can impact a marriage in a negative way. The enemy loves to use this one tactic to bring division. Be aware of it and flee!

Has your spouse ever spoken words to you that had a sting to it? The kind that seemed out of character for them? Oftentimes our feelings override our reason and keep us from bringing the situation to a peaceful resolve.

A few years ago Tom said something that was totally out of character for him. Rather than believe the best about him and overlook it, I took it to the next level of conflict. I listened to the voice in my head that was using scripture in a way that seemed right at the time.

What I heard was, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks!” Luke 6:45B

I used this scripture to declare Tom guilty by the words he used. After all, he said it because it was in his heart. No matter what he said to me in remorse, I couldn’t let him off the hook. Had I realized one important fact, it would have spared us months of conflict.

What is the one fact? I had taken the Bible verse out of context.

This is a tactic the enemy of our souls used against Jesus while He was tempted in the wilderness. And the same tactic he used with Eve in the Garden. He chose only the second part of the verse to help me build my case against Tom. Had I read the entire verse I would have seen that this verse doesn’t apply to Tom at all, or the conflict we were having.

“The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”

This verse is talking about the difference between those who are good and those who are evil. To use this scripture the way I had done was unbiblical, even though it sounded right. Which brings me to another verse I should have remembered…

“There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death.” Proverbs 14:12 ESV

Our conflict lasted a year because of my misapplication of scripture.

Lesson learned: If you are in the midst of conflict and using scripture to justify your stance, take time to look it up. You may discover the voice you’re listening to isn’t wisdom, but folly. Taking Bible verses out of context is a ploy of the enemy, and the remedy is to flee!

Posted in anniversaries, Biblical Encouragement, Celebrations, Christian Marriage, Keeping It Real | Tagged , , , | 5 Comments

Lessons Learned in 40 Years of Marriage

Posted on February 19, 2019 by Debi Walter

Lessons learned in 40 years of marriage.

This Sunday we will celebrate our 40th anniversary. Four decades of life lived side by side. This week we will take a look back on some of the lessons we’ve learned thus far. It has been worth every tear, every heartache and every disappointment, because on the other side of the hard times were unexpected joys!

The year was 1979.

When we first got married we didn’t realize the value this one thing was to a healthy marriage.

We were young. We were in love. We had our entire life ahead of us and the possibilities seemed endless. We had never lived in the same city since we started dating. So not having to say goodbye was wonderful.

Life came at us fast.

I had some unexpected health problems which required a hospital stay and surgery after only 3 months of marriage. Two months later we were relocated to the one city where I said I would never live–Miami, FL. We moved on my 20th birthday and because of this, Tom forgot about it. No gift. No card. No celebration. I was hurt, sad and lonely. This was just the beginning. My health continued to deteriorate requiring more doctor visits that lasted our entire first year of marriage.

Once we settled into our Miami apartment, we received a letter stating that our complex was converting to condominiums. Something that was happening everywhere in FL in the early 80’s. This meant we either had to buy or move. We had no choice but to pack up after only 4 weeks in our new place and move again. Ugh! The first move was paid for by Tom’s employer. The second move we had to not only pay for ourselves, but also we had to physically do the work.

Before we packed up and relocated, we were threatened by Hurricane David. He was heading right for us on Labor Day weekend. Had we taken a direct hit it would have been bad, since our 1st floor patio flooded from a normal rain storm. We were prepared though–a freezer full of Snicker bars and lots of Tab.

This is when we realized what we were missing–A church community.

I had grown up surrounded by church family and friends. This was the first time in my life that I didn’t have a community to help and support me through challenging times. I missed it.

We found a small bible-believing church where we got involved with the worship team, Tom on drums and me on vocals. It was a start. We were making friends, and we realized the benefit it was to have others in our lives. We also began growing closer to the Lord together. It was a foundation we had neglected and it felt good to be connected again.

We believe that we are who we are today in large part because of the investment our church family has made in us through the years.

We are grateful to God for this lesson learned.

Posted in anniversaries, Biblical Encouragement, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

Love Letter Discovery

Posted on February 18, 2019 by Debi Walter

We have talked for years about the lost art of writing heart-felt sentiments on paper. We came upon this report that will bring tears to your eyes.

May this inspire us to write our own love letters to each other. Such an intimate gift!

When Tom and I dated we lived 2.5 hours apart. We wrote lots of letter which helped to build our emotional intimacy. We cherish these letters.

We pray you will be inspired to write your heart on paper.

http://bit.ly/2MJusfS

Posted in Cherishing, Christian Marriage, Encouraging Your Spouse, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

Gratefulness

Posted on February 15, 2019 by Debi Walter
Giving thanks the day after Valentine's Day for the love we share as husband and wife.
Photo by Simon Maage on Unsplash

Today is the day after Valentine’s Day. You may be basking in the glow of an amazing night with your spouse. You may be disappointed in the lack of love expressed to you yesterday, or you may be indifferent to it all. At any rate, you are still married and your love matters as much today as it did on the day you said “I do”.

Valentine’s Day is just one day of 365 in the year.

It isn’t any more special, unless this is the only day you express your love. We pray this isn’t the case. Marriage is worthy of celebrating all year long. This is why we have written a book that offers 365 Marriage Tips to help you stay focused on the one relationship that matters everyday of the year.

Pause today and thank God for one thing you love most about your spouse. And then when you have a chance express your thankfulness to your spouse. Even if you have said it a thousand times before…say it again!

“But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.” – Hebrews 3:13 ESV

Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Cherishing, Christian Marriage | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

Happy Valentine’s Day

Posted on February 14, 2019 by Debi Walter


Posted in Holidays, Love Songs, Music, Valentine's Day | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

Your Past No Longer Defines You

Posted on February 13, 2019 by Debi Walter

Your past no longer defines you. For the Christian Marriage, this makes all the difference in how you relate to each other.

Did you know that if you are a Christian your past sins no longer define you? You are a new creation! If this is true, which I believe it is–why do we live as if our sin is who we are? I hear people say, “I’m lazy!” or “I’m no good!” or “I’m an idiot!” Our words have power to speak life or death and these words are not life giving!

I remember a season when I disqualified myself from helping other young moms because I felt all I had to offer them was a bad example. What I was really doing was allowing my sin to silence God’s grace in my life. We are all imperfect sinners saved by the grace and mercy of God. We can boast in our weaknesses and failures because of what Christ has done!

Am I perfect? Absolutely not! But I am His and that makes all the difference. If God sees me in Christ, shouldn’t I?

So many times I see the look of defeat and discouragement on faces. It can be men, women, or marriages. They are listening to the wrong voice. Our sin has a remedy and it is found in the cross of Jesus Christ. He nailed everyone of them there on that dark day in history. Who are we to take it back down and lament what has already been crucified?

Are you discouraged today in your marriage? Does it seem as if the same besetting sins are having their way with you and/or your spouse? Then I encourage you to repent if needed. But if you are being tormented by the accuser who constantly reminds you of the past, then stand tall and declare you are no longer bound by that sin! You are beautifully bought with the precious blood of Christ.

If it seems too much to unpack yourself, then seek help. Don’t delay. Your life and marriage is too precious to waste it wallowing in self-pity and despair.

I realize that if you are not a Christian, this post can be confusing. That is not in my heart for you. If you would like to know more about being free from the past and its failures please email me. This year I will celebrate my 50th year as a Christian, and I can’t imagine living any other way.

“He whom the Son sets free is free indeed!” – John 8:36

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This is our last post for our National Marriage Week Challenge to post each day leading up to Valentine’s Day. #NationalMarriageWeek2019 🙂

Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, Forgiveness, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments

6 Last Minute Valentines Ideas To The Rescue

Posted on February 12, 2019 by Debi Walter

There are couples who go all out for Valentines Day because they enjoy it. Whether you spend a ridiculous amount of money to dine out with the crowds (hardly romantic in my humble opinion), or maybe you buy stereotypical gifts because that’s what you are told you’re supposed to do. Valentines Day does not have to be a major expense. In fact, you can do it for no cost at all.

Thoughtful Valentine Ideas that are FREE:

1. Write a note to your sweetie on the mirror in your bathroom so they see it first thing in the morning. Or cover the mirror with red hearts using lipstick.

2. Send your spouse a secret message throughout the day by texting one word each hour. Send them out of order so they have no idea what you are saying until they unscramble the words at the end of the day. You could tell them what you want to do with them after the kids are in bed. You could tell them what you are making for a special dinner. Or you could make it a coupon to be redeemed at a later date. The key is to make it something that will make your spouse smile with anticipation.

3. Using red construction paper cut out hearts, then write out an attribute you love about your spouse on each heart. Tape them all over the house or the inside of their car. You could even hide them letting them find them throughout the day or following week. Make it easier on yourself and use Post-It Notes.

4. Send your spouse the lyrics to a love song along with the link for them to listen to it on You Tube.

5. Go for a drive outside the city after dark. Find a place to park. Take a blanket and sit on the hood of your car (or bring folding chairs) and look up for shooting stars. If you can’t afford a babysitter, take the kids with you. It is good for our children to see us doing romantic things together we enjoy.

6. Watch movie clips on You Tube to make each other laugh. See who can make the other laugh the hardest.

These are a few easy ideas to let your spouse know how much they mean to you. Taking the extra effort on days like this gives them something special on which to think.

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This is our sixth post for our National Marriage Week Challenge to post each day leading up to Valentine’s Day. #NationalMarriageWeek2019

Posted in Christian Marriage, Date Night Ideas, Free Dates, Holidays, Valentine's Day | Tagged | 2 Comments

The Necessity Of Light

Posted on February 11, 2019 by Debi Walter

We have two three-way lamps in our bedroom on either side of our bed. Each light setting provides a different purpose.

If I just want to make our room look nice and inviting, I’ll put it on the lower light.

If I’m wanting to read I’ll put it on the second light.

But if I need to take a close look at fine print or sew a button on a shirt, I have to put it on the brightest setting.

There was a day when no lamp was needed for any of these tasks. I can still hear my grandmother reproving me for reading in the dark. “You’re going to ruin your eyes!” She would say. I wonder if my need for reading glasses and bright lights to read is her prophecy fulfilled, or if it’s just what happens as we age. At any rate, light is necessary.

Marriage is similar in that we need to shed more light on our relationship the older we get.

When we were newlyweds, it didn’t take much to talk or to romance each other. It was all fresh, new and fun for the most part. Maybe it was because we were on the lower setting only and everything had a warm glow about it.

As the years pass we get to know each other on a deeper level. More light is shed on areas that may have not been noticed before. Things irritate us, and we have to talk more and learn what motivates our disagreements. And when we don’t like what we discover? We must turn the light of God’s Word upon our hearts and see what He want us to see in the conflict. The brightest setting is for those who wish to grow their marriage beyond the “we look good, so we must be good,” stage. That is superficial and leads no where.

What setting is your lamp currently? It may be time to take it up a notch and see what you discover. Check out our Date Night Questions on the tab above to help you in the process.

“No one after lighting a lamp puts it in a cellar or under a basket, but on a stand, so that those who enter may see the light. Luke 11:33 ESV

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This is our fifth post for our National Marriage Week Challenge to post each day leading up to Valentine’s Day. #NationalMarriageWeek2019

Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Caution vs. Impulse

Posted on February 10, 2019 by Debi Walter

We are opposite in many ways and none more so than in this area of caution vs. impulse.

We will celebrate 40 years of marriage on the 24th of this month. Does this make us experts in all things pertaining to marriage? Not by any stretch of the imagination! What we are is experienced. We have learned many valuable lessons by living with each other.

Since Tom and I are opposite in many ways, it provides fertile ground for various conflicts to grow. None more so than his cautious approach to life and my impulsive nature.

I like to think I’m spontaneous! 😊

Of course there are times when being spontaneous or impulsive is good, fun even. I like to tease Tom how boring his life would be without me. He agrees. However, I shudder to think how my impulsive nature would have played out if left unchecked. I’m forever grateful for Tom’s solid, well-thought out way of doing life. Together we are better individuals.

In this day and age people tout their individual rights as if it is a godly virtue. But I believe God calls us to need the help and support of others to help bring us to a place of maturity in Him.

Tom’s patient weighing out of all options used to make me crazy!

Why can’t he just decide already, was a constant thought pattern. But I have discovered there can be much wisdom in his caution, as well as much foolishness in my impulse.

I asked him recently how he was able to decide to marry me after only three months of dating. He says he knew after our first date, but thought it would scare me away if he asked me that night; He would have been right. Funny isn’t it? Tom showed no caution when he knew God had given him clear direction to marry me. I guess that’s where we get the saying “leap of faith!” When God speaks we are ready to jump.

Don’t throw caution to the wind however, let it inform you when it is the best time to take the leap, then jump in with all you have. I’m so glad we did!

In what ways are you and your spouse different? Has it made you bitter or better?

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This is our fourth post for our National Marriage Week Challenge to post each day leading up to Valentine’s Day. #NationalMarriageWeek2019

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Wisdom in Marriage | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

Every Marriage Deals With It

Posted on February 9, 2019 by Debi Walter

How much do you think deeply about the things that matter most? One thing required to think deeply is choosing to slow down. Thoughts are like timid animals–you must be still in order for them to make themselves fully known.

Today I am sitting on our couch thinking deeply about many things. One in particular is our commitment to marriage ministry, both online and in person. We carry this burden daily. It is our life’s focus to help marriages become all God intends them to be. People often look at us and get the wrong impression–thinking we just have a good marriage and that it’s been easy for us. You would be wrong. Not that our marriage isn’t good, but that it has always been easy. This is the greatest disadvantage of having an online presence. It gives a false sense of perfection if this is all you see.

How I would love to sit across the table from you at our local coffee shop and tell you stories of the struggle. Behind every struggle is a story of God’s faithfulness to grow and mature us, both individually and as a couple.

We have the privilege of getting to know married couples in our church through a 6 month community group that Tom leads. The couples commit to focus on their relationship for this specific amount of time and it has been quite fruitful. Especially for those couples who lean in with purpose and make the time to think deeply about where they are currently in their marriage and where they want to be.

One wife mentioned recently that she realized she had been comparing the fine print in her marriage to the highlights of all her friends’ marriages shared on Instagram and Facebook. It left her feeling discontent with what God had given her in her marriage and in her husband as well. This is not the way to live. We can’t compare our struggles with everyone else’s strengths! It’s like comparing apples to steak, two completely different types of food that are necessary to grow, but have different purposes.

Behind every positive post on social media, there is a lot of mess not shown. We do this all the time to make a photo look it’s best. We choose what to crop and what to keep. Take this photo for example…

I took this picture just now from my garden and it looks beautiful. It gives the impression that I am quite the gardener always pruning, weeding and fertilizing. But the following is what the garden really looks like at present…

Same photo, but the first was cropped to show only the good. Am I being deceptive in not showing the whole photo? Not intentionally.

This is what we do all the time on social media. Not necessarily because we want to hide the reality, but because we want to make much of the beauty. Think of what your friends share as “rejoicing with those who rejoice”. Realize there has been a lot of weeping if you were able to sit and talk with them at length as to how they got to where they are today.

Life is messy for all of us. Putting two people together to live under one roof who come from different backgrounds and traditions is also messy. We don’t have to highlight the messes on social media, but we must realize they are there, behind every beautiful shot captured. And the mess is what brings the beauty if you stay the course and push through it.

One Scripture that always makes me laugh is from Proverbs 14:4. It is written by King Solomon who was the wisest of all Kings to ever live.

Yes! Every marriage is going to have messes to deal with, but what you do with the mess makes all the difference. I’d much rather have the potential an ox provides than a clean manger. Wouldn’t you?

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This is our third post for our National Marriage Week Challenge to post each day leading up to Valentine’s Day. #NationalMarriageWeek2019

Posted in Christian Marriage, Keeping It Real | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

A Dozen Valentine Ideas 4 U

Posted on February 8, 2019 by Debi Walter

A Dozen Valentine Ideas for you to try.

Valentine’s Day. Many people roll their eyes just thinking of it. You may think it hokey. You may think it a gimmick instigated by the card and chocolate industries to get you to part with your money. But what if you chose instead to use this holiday to help you express your love to your spouse in a fun and creative way?

Introducing our Top 12 Romantic Valentine Ideas just in time for you to plan this year and make it special.

1. Plan a romantic dinner at home. Do it after the kids are in bed. If your kids are older, set up a nice table in your bedroom if you have the space. This allows you to enjoy a quiet meal together even if everyone is still awake.

2. Watch a romantic concert on TV. One of our all-time favorites is Jim Brickman’s My Romance. I rearranged our living room furniture so that the loveseat was right in front of our TV. It gave the feel of a front row seat at the concert. Find an artist you both enjoy and look for DVD’s of live concerts. It is a great way to spend an evening together at home.

3. If the weather is nice where you live, plan an evening picnic under the stars. This can be just dessert and coffee, or go all out with a full dinner basket.

4. Buy an inexpensive jigsaw puzzle with no more than 100 pieces. On the back of some pieces write numbers that represent certain prizes earned when you find where that piece fits. Ideas include: Do one of your chores for a week, back rub, activity of their choice on next date, make love when, where and how you want, dessert of your choice, etc… Make it more fun by numbering the puzzle pieces that coincide with a list, so you don’t know what you won until the puzzle is finished.

5. Learn something new together using how-to videos on You Tube. Examples: Swing Dancing, Pizza making, Line Dancing, etc. Or watch funny video clips to make each other laugh.

6. Play Win or Dare Putt-Putt.

7. Have a photo shoot together. You can make this silly or sexy. The important thing is to have fun. Gather different outfits and props to use to make it even more creative.

8. Make a playlist of your favorite love songs and slow dance together. Turn the lights down and light a few candles to make it romantic. As a challenge see if you can look each other in the eyes for one entire song as you listen to the words. We did this once to the song, You Must Love Me, by Madonna. It is such a special memory for both of us.

9. Make this day and No Techie Day. Put away your devices and talk. Read aloud to each other from books you both enjoy.

10. Have your own video game tournament. If one of you is better than the other, make a handicap for the stronger player, like using only their weaker hand.

11. Use washable markers to draw tattoos on each other where no one else can see.

12. Buy a bouquet of flowers to give your wife a message using the meanings of flowers as your guide.

We encourage you to make the most of every opportunity you have together. We never know how many memories we will get to make in this life. Let’s not waste a single opportunity to connect and express our love.

Happy Dating!

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This is our second post for our National Marriage Week Challenge to post each day leading up to Valentine’s Day. #NationalMarriageWeek2019

Posted in Christian Marriage, Creative Dates, Date Night Ideas, Holidays, Valentine's Day | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

National Marriage Week 2019

Posted on February 7, 2019 by Debi Walter

Today marks the beginning of a seven-day focus on the importance of marriage in our nation.

As marriage bloggers for the past decade, it has been our passion to sound this call every week, not just one week a year during the month of February. And we are privileged to be a part of the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association where hundreds of marriage bloggers do the same.

It is a privilege to be able to share with you what this ministry is doing to help us help others. The following is the national press release provided by the National Marriage Week organization.

NEW YORK – Jan. 15, 2019 – PrZen — Numerous studies show that marriage is the number one solution to poverty and helps children and families thrive. National Marriage Week (February 7-14) is an ideal time to highlight the importance of marriage for individuals, families, and our nation as a whole.

National Marriage Week USA is:

1.     A movement to increase marriage education all across the U.S.

2.     The only national clearinghouse calendar for locating and posting marriage events

3.     A public education campaign to promote the benefits of marriage for reducing poverty and benefiting children

4.     A place to find help for your own marriage – whether you are struggling or not – in your community

“We exist to strengthen marriages around the country and to support those in every community who are seeking to be ‘marriage champions’,” said Executive Director Sheila Weber. “Marriage benefits children in extraordinary ways, and like any public health campaign, we want to have a sustained campaign to help marriages succeed.”

ABOUT NATIONAL MARRIAGE WEEK USA

National Marriage Week USA was founded in 2010 to encourage many diverse groups to launch individual and simultaneous efforts in order to raise the issue of marriage to the national agenda and support marriages across the country. We seek to build cooperation with houses of worship, businesses, education, the media, and governments.

Source: National Marriage Week USA

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This is our first post for our National Marriage Week Challenge to post each day leading up to Valentine’s Day. #NationalMarriageWeek2019

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Seven Romantic Quotes From (Can You Guess?)

Posted on February 4, 2019 by Debi Walter

When Tom and I first started dating he lived two and half hours away from me. Long-distance phone calls were very expensive inside the state, so we wrote each other often. We spent one anniversary reading through them, and it was hilarious and special at the same time. Hilarious in the words we chose, and special in the heart expressed early in our relationship. We cherish those letters!

With the arrival of social media and emails, letter writing has become a thing of the past. But love notes are no less appreciated when one takes the time to write their own sentiments on paper.

I recently discovered quotes from the love letters of some famous couples. I won’t tell you right away who penned them. I would rather you simply enjoy the way they expressed their heart on paper. I’ll reveal the answers in a comment later. For now just read and enjoy.

One

“Every day and every night I want to see you and be with you, yet I have no feeling of selfish ownership or jealousy. Let’s go for a long ride Sunday; let’s go to the mountains on weekends; let’s read books in front of fires; most of all, let’s really grow together and find the happiness we know is ours.”

Two

“It made me terribly home sick when I talked with you yesterday morning. It seemed as if you were just around the corner, if 6,000 miles can be just around the corner.“

Three

“Miss Adorable, By the same Token that the Bearer hereof sat up with you last night I hereby order you to give him, as many Kisses, and as many Hours of your Company after 9 O’Clock as he shall please to Demand and charge them to my Account.”

Four

“With an indescribable pleasure I have seen near a score of years roll over our Heads, with an affection heightened and improved by time, nor have the dreary years of absence in the smallest degree effaced from my mind the Image of the dear untitled man to whom I gave my Heart.”

Five

“Sweetest little wife, I think all the time of my little laughing, teazing beauty, and how pretty she is, and how she goes to sleep in my arms, and I could almost cry I love you so,”

Six

“Why, my darling, I can’t tell you how completely I am yours, in my every thought,” he declared in one ebullient example. “I did not know myself how much I loved you until I found out that you love me.”

Seven

“Feb. 14 may be the date they observe and call Valentine’s Day, but that is for people of only ordinary luck. I happen to have a Valentine’s life, which started on March 4, 19__ and will continue as long as I have you.”

These lovers took time to think long and well of their love and what they meant to them personally. When was the last time you purposed to write your heart for your spouse with pen and paper? If you can’t remember, this Valentine’s Day may be the perfect chance to give it a go. There are tutorials to help you pen your best. I encourage you to make this Valentine’s Day one of personal expression rather than the mass-produced message bought from the store.

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As a Valentine gift idea, consider our book, Cherishing Us, for you to read through in 2019. It consists of marriage tips, date night questions and ideas, as well as lots of inspiration. Great marriages are constantly looking for ways to grow and improve. Great books help to that end. Make your marriage great!

Posted in Encouraging Your Spouse, Holidays, honor, Valentine's Day | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

It’s That Time Again – Are You In?

Posted on February 1, 2019 by Debi Walter
Is your master bedroom a place of refuge from the craziness of life? Take this challenge and make it so.
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Are you up for a challenge? It will require you to put on fresh eyes to see something familiar in a new way. Still interested?

If you are at home do the following:

1. Get up and walk into your Master Bedroom.

2. Go no further than just inside the door.

3. Look around and take in all the parts you love about your room, those parts that bring you joy.

4. Now make note of the parts that don’t add to the ambiance of your space, like bills, work papers, laundry, clutter, and toys.

This post is meant to help you recapture your space for you and your spouse. If you have children they have the rest of the house to play in. Don’t let them take the only space reserved for you!

Trust me! Having your own, grown-up space where you can both retreat to at the end of each day brings intimacy back into focus. It gives you a place where you can breathe a sigh of relief and remember what romance feels like.

Not sure if this would be true for you? Give it a shot. The worst that could happen is your room gets a much needed cleaning. The best is your marriage gets a boost, which we all require from time to time.

For step by step help along the way check out How To Sizzle Your Space!

Let this Valentine’s Day be your deadline by which to complete this challenge. Are you willing? If so, leave a comment so I know. Then take a photo of how your room looks today. Once finished take another photo and admire the results! If you’d like, feel free to share your before and after photos on our FaceBook Page.

For more inspiration check out our Pinterest Board of Romantic Bedrooms

Posted in Christian Marriage, Finding Joy, romanticizing your master bedroom | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

The Role Of Faithful Friends

Posted on January 30, 2019 by Debi Walter
A mountain stream provides the perfect metaphor for the importance of friends in marriage.
Photo by Will Swann on Unsplash

I love watching water in nature. Whether it be the ocean in its vastness, the waterfall in its power, the lake as it shimmers in the sunshine, or the rain pelting on a tin roof. But there is something about a mountain stream that calms my soul like nothing else. It is as if it giggles as it moves.

The Lord often speaks to me in word pictures to bring home a truth that I’ll remember. This morning He had me consider a leaf floating down a mountain stream. It makes its way without having to do anything but yield to the current. It has movement and purpose, yet it glides over rocks and tree roots without effort, or so it seems.

As I was considering this the Lord impressed on me that this is like marriage. There are days when it is effortless. No conflicts. No problems to overcome. The days are enjoyed floating together taking in the beautiful surroundings. And then out of nowhere a conflict arises like a large boulder creating a dam of sorts in the stream. It requires time to wait for help in order to proceed.

Tom and I have been in this place many times. This is why we feel strongly about being involved in community with other believers. Those who know us well and are willing to speak the truth to us in our time of need. I don’t know where we would be today if it weren’t for the faithful input and correction of friends whom we love and respect. Our marriage success is owed in large part to their faithfulness to befriend us.

What boulders are you facing in your marriage today? Do you have friends who are aware of your predicament, or are you trying to go it alone? We encourage you to seek help for it is from a place of humility that the Lord can grow your marriage best. This is not weakness, it is strength that God provides which rises from the lowest places.

“6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, 7 casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” – 1 Peter 5:6-7

Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , , , | 6 Comments

Try This With Your Married Friends For Valentine’s Day

Posted on January 24, 2019 by Debi Walter
A Victorian Valentine similar to the one we had the men in our small group write to their wives.
Photo Credit OldLouisville.com

The year was about 1990. Valentine’s Day was near, so we decided to celebrate with the couples in our Small Group. We had an older couple who was a part of our group from the beginning. They practiced hospitality to perfection. The rest of us marveled at what they did, how they did it, and how relaxed they were in the process. I didn’t know it then, but God was using their example to stir a similar passion in our marriage.

Lester and Dolores not only prepared the entire meal, but they served us on on tables beautifully set with their finest china. We felt spoiled whenever we were invited to dine at their home. This party would be no different.

What we didn’t know was the “activity” Lester had planned for us to do following the meal. He had purchased identical, blank Valentine’s cards and handed them out to all the husbands beforehand. The instructions were to write a romantic Valentine to your wife, but without using any nicknames, or inside jokes that would give your identity away. They were told not to sign their name.

After dinner Lester read each Valentine aloud, and it was the wives goal to identify which one their husband had written. It wasn’t as easy as you would think. The one that really stumped everyone said, “Honey, your all the woman I’ll ever need!” We all laughed at that one, but none of us could guess who said it.

Lester gave a coy smile that let us know he was the one who had penned those words. Dolores blushed and said, “Oh, Les!”

This dear couple was old enough to be our parents, yet they made it clear to us that romance doesn’t wane as the years pass. It only grows more precious..and that’s what they did week after week; They showed us what lifelong love looks like and it was compelling.

Sadly, Lester and Dolores are no longer in our lives, Les went to be with the Lord shortly after Tom’s 50th birthday. Dolores relocated to be near her daughter. Yet there isn’t a Valentine’s Day or Christmas that passes where I don’t think of them both and offer a prayer of thanks to God for blessing us with their example. I miss them!


Posted in Growing Strong Marriages, Holidays, honor, Valentine's Day | Tagged , , | 4 Comments

2019 Is Bringing With It An Unexpected Direction From God

Posted on January 16, 2019 by Debi Walter

An unexpected direction from God this year. We are excited and ready to follow His lead.

The view from our cabin’s front porch

It happened last week. I didn’t see it coming, but God knew all along.

Most of you know that Tom and I have a cabin in Banner Elk, NC. You may also know that I have had the privilege of hosting Barefoot Ladies Retreats each summer there since we bought the cabin in 2013. It has been such a rewarding experience to watch as God, our Father, loves on His daughters. And Tom has been so supportive through it all, making sure the cabin is in good shape for our guests.

In my quiet time last week I was praying about the dates and topic for this year’s retreats. It was at the moment when I was impressed by God to not have retreats this year! What? At first I rejected the idea; certainly God couldn’t be calling me to do nothing! But as I considered it further I realized this was my 7th year; I had hosted 15 retreats thus far, and God was indeed calling me to a year of rest. I felt an immediate peace.

When I mentioned this to Tom he said he had had similar impressions but didn’t think I would like the idea. This led us to discuss why he thought I would not accept it. It was a good conversation about my tendency to react rather than listen, and his tendency to avoid unnecessary conflict. Hearing that God had spoken the same word to both of us was a comfort and as well as a confirmation. I was also glad to bring clarity to my need for Tom’s input in my life, and to repent of reacting to His lead. We agreed to work on this area in our marriage.

As I’ve considered the significance of this year, there are four great reasons for me to rest:

  1. We will celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary (February 24),
  2. I will turn 60 (July 17)
  3. Tom will turn 65th (August 18).
  4. It will also be the 50th year since I asked Jesus to be my Savior in December.
  • Quite a year to pause and reflect on the goodness of God.

    • I share all this with you to bring home the fact that we never stop finding new ways to grow and change in our marriage. Let me ask you, how open and honest are you about such topics in your relationship? Can you talk about areas of resistance and learn from them? Or do you avoid the conflict altogether?

    Healthy marriages are constantly growing and changing as the years pass. We pray this describes your marriage.

    Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Keeping It Real | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

    6 Questions To Evaluate The State Of Your Union

    Posted on January 5, 2019 by Debi Walter

    It’s January, but more surprising than that–it’s 2019! It seems like yesterday when we were concerned about Y2K. We blink and time flies by at record pace. Yet it stays the same. Seconds turn to minutes. Minutes turn to hours. Hours turn into days, and then we ring in another New Year.

    This begs the question, how do we spend our time?

    Octavius Winslow said, “Time is a solemn and priceless gift, and involves a responsibility and an account of a most tremendous character.”

    It is good at the end of the year to contemplate how we spent our time. It is also good to think of how we have invested in our primary relationship–our marriage. This is why we should consider the following questions in order to determine the state of our marriage union. Don’t delay. Before you know it 2020 will be knocking on our door. Today is the only day we can influence for either good or evil. Let’s choose the former.

    1. What significant discoveries have you made about yourself? Think on what you’ve learned in personal Bible study. Talk openly with your spouse about the challenge this has been for you or the victories you have had.

    2. What are at least three ways God has blessed us this year? Spend time thanking Him specifically together in prayer.

    3. What has been the biggest challenge for us and our marriage this past year? How have I helped or hindered you in dealing with it?

    4. When we consider how we communicate, how are we doing in terms of openness and depth of conversation? How do our needs and expectations differ?

    5. In what ways have you felt cherished by me? Spend time evaluating this question together.

    6. In regard to our sexual intimacy, how satisfied are you with our relationship? In what ways can we grow in our love and understanding of each other?

    May we all purpose this year to be more intentional in how we spend our time.

    We close with another quote from Mr. Winslow, “Time is the preface to eternity. And as the preface indicates the character of the volume, so our present use of time is the foreshadowing of our future eternal history. ”

    Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, communication, Encouraging Your Spouse, Growing Strong Marriages, Priorities | Tagged , , | 6 Comments