Step Up To Greatness

Posted on December 13, 2018 by Debi Walter

Photo Source: WKRN.com

President George H.W. Bush has been honored well in his death by family, friends and even foes. I’m grateful that we, as Americans, haven’t lost our dignity in showing honor to whom honor is due. It has been refreshing to hear uplifting tributes to our 41st president no matter which side of the aisle you stand.

The Washington Post quoted the following about President Bush and his passion to see a manned mission to Mars succeed.

“In 1990, President Bush urged his fellow Americans “to step forth with the will that the moment requires. Don’t postpone greatness. History tells us what happens to nations that forget how to dream.“

How we view life has a huge impact on how we live. And how we live impacts those we love.

One thing our 41st President did well was love his wife, Barbara for 73 years.

Photo Source: The Washington Post

They were a team and no one could deny it. His vision for reaching Mars was inspiring yet never fulfilled. His vision for being committed to a life-long love to Barbara was not only attained but flourished.

How willing are we to “step forth with the will that the moment requires” in our marriages?

  • It could be an uncomfortable conversation that needs to take place.
  • It may be we need to give in and let our spouse have their way in the matter.
  • Maybe we don’t have to prove our point.
  • Let the conflict diminish by overlooking the offense.
  • Have the will to think of your spouse as more important than winning the fight.

The time to have a great marriage isn’t at the end of life. It is found in the day to day choices we make toward greatness. “Don’t postpone it,” as H.W. advised. Today is ripe with opportunities for greatness.

He ends with the reminder of what happens to nations who forget how to dream. We have courtrooms full of marriages that have forgotten how to dream as well. How you think and act today will be the foundation your marriage is built upon in the years and decades to come. May we all follow President Bush’s advice in our marriages and step up to greatness! It is a privilege to take part in his lasting legacy of enduring love.

President Bush, Thank you for the example your marriage provides us. May you Rest In Peace.

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Are You Hunkered Down?

Posted on December 6, 2018 by Debi Walter

We have been watching the weather forecast for Northwestern North Carolina. They are predicting a huge winter storm to hit the area this weekend. We have friends who are taking their family to our cabin for a week, and they won’t be lacking in the snow department. Since they’re going to ski this is the best of news. The problem is getting there before the storm hits.

Weather forecasts help us know how to prepare. Thanks to the science of meteorology we can anticipate and prepare for the road ahead.

This is an important aspect of growing a healthy marriage. Some live each day without regard for what’s coming. They don’t think about a storm until it hits. Then the damage and necessary clean-up is massive.

But even strong marriages, like weather forecasters, can’t be accurate in discerning what’s coming. What do we do when the storm hits?

Hunker down.

This is the phrase The Weather Channel uses incessantly when a hurricane is approaching FL. I have heard it so many times that it has become a mockery in our family. “I hear thunder…better hunker down!” To hunker down is to take your position and squat. In other words, you are in this for the long haul and you need to prepare yourself.

Our marriages face many storms through the years. Some are self-inflicted and some are born through circumstances we face. A snow storm can be beautiful. We even call it a Winter Wonderland. Last week Tom and I enjoyed it for a few days, but we were happy to get in our car and drive home to The Sunshine State.

The reason is the wonder of the snow’s beauty quickly fades when the ice melts. It’s then when you see the damage the storm wreaked underneath all the ice. It’s a muddy mess!

Winter storms in marriage are when we pretend everything is okay, but the chill is palpable. Things look great on the outside, but underneath the damage is there waiting to be dealt with.

Summer storms in marriage are those that blow in fast and pass through just as fast. We see it, experience the damaging winds, and then get to work cleaning up the debris left behind.

Storms are necessary. God uses the wind to clean away damaged limbs in trees, and waters the ground supplying needed nutrients.

What kind of storm is your marriage facing? Is the cold winter chill making it tempting to hunker down and hide? Is your first inclination to protect yourself, rather than seek to resolve the issue for the good of your marriage?

We encourage you not to wait until the Spring to deal with the issues. Hunker down but in a healthy way. One that says, “I’m hunkered down and I’m not going anywhere until we deal with the issues at hand. Let’s talk!”

This is how healthy marriages deal with conflict–like a weather forecaster–you see, are prepared and take necessary action.

We pray your hunkering down this winter will be warm and cozy providing safe comfort from the winds that blow. It’s also a great time to talk about the things weighing on your heart concerning your relationship. Don’t wait. Your marriage is too important to ignore and no one is going to care about it or your spouse more than you.

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It’s December – Enjoy

Posted on December 1, 2018 by Debi Walter

Click on photo for a special treat!

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Date Night Challenge 2018 – The Letter “W”

Posted on November 30, 2018 by Debi Walter

What a better way to celebrate this date than WALKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND.

Being at our cabin this was easier for us than when we’re in Orlando. Tom took me to Sugar Mountain Ski Resort to watch the skiers doing what they do. We enjoyed walking in the snow and having an unexpected snowball fight. I loved it.

But being a Florida girl born and bred, I’m grateful we don’t live in this all winter long. I love a WARM WINTER.

Merry Christmas season!

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Date Night Challenge 2018 – The Letter “X” – Xtra Special Advent Calendar

Posted on November 28, 2018 by Debi Walter

I love it when November has an extra week after Thanksgiving. It makes it easier to transition from one big holiday to the next. If you’re like us, it’s easy for our marriage to take a back seat to all the planning, shopping and parties of the season. Before you know it you’re packing the decorations away and never had one special moment together.

With this extra week, why not purpose to do something each day for your marriage? Kind of like an advent calendar. Sound romantic? It can be. Or make it practical. Whatever your marriage needs most to stay intentional, purpose to do it.

Here is a peek at what we’re planning to do in no particular order…

1 – Fix your favorite breakfast and sit down together and enjoy it.

2 – Watch a Christmas movie with your beverage of choice.

3 – Go to the mall and each pick out a new ornament for your tree. Let it remind you of something you both enjoyed the past year.

4 – Declutter your bedroom and add some lights for ambiance. Decorate a small tree on which to hang each day’s advent idea.

5 – Go out for ice cream. Something about ice cream when its cold outside makes it taste better.

6 – Take a drive to see the Christmas Lights.

7 – Each assemble and decorate gingerbread house. Make it a competition and let your kids vote on the winner the next day. Don’t have kids? Let your friends on FB be the judge.

8 – Watch a Christmas Concert on You Tube or Netflix.

9 – Find live Christmas Carolers and pause to enjoy their gift of music.

10 – Enjoy a fire outside under the stars if weather permits.

11 & 12 – Plan a surprise date for each other.

13 – Watch another Christmas movie together.

14 – Spend an evening looking back over the year. Talk about some of your favorite memories. Talk about how you have changed.

15 – Host a dinner or ugly sweater party with a few of your closest couple friends.

16 – Give each other a massage followed by a hot bath/shower.

17 – Buy a special Christmas-scented candle that you light every night in your bedroom.

18 – Read a Christmas Classic out loud together.

19 – Put together a Thomas Kincaid puzzle while enjoying conversation.

20 – Watch another Christmas movie together.

21 – Meet at a nice hotel decorated for Christmas after work. Order an appetizer and drink before heading home for dinner. Or have dinner instead if the budget allows.

22. – Pick a name together off a tree for children in need this Christmas. Go shopping together for the child you chose.

23 – Take in a live show in your town. Many are offered for FREE.

24 – Go ice skating or watch others do it.

25 – Make it a point to hold hands and kiss often. Touching builds intimacy.

The important thing to remember is to be intentional together this December. We must not waste these moments for one day they will be the memories we cherish.

__________________________

Our book Cherishing Us makes a great gift for your married friends and family members. A perfect way to begin the new year helping those you love be intentional in their relationship as well.

Posted in 2018 Date Night Challenge, Alphabet Dates, Christian Marriage, Christmas, Date Night Ideas, Holidays, Priorities, Romantic Ideas | Tagged , , , , | Comments Off on Date Night Challenge 2018 – The Letter “X” – Xtra Special Advent Calendar

Thank Full

Posted on November 20, 2018 by Debi Walter

As I write we are on the road heading to our daughter’s home for Thanksgiving.

Much has changed in our lives over the past 10 years, and Thanksgiving isn’t celebrated in the same way as we did for years!

Parents have passed away; children have married and moved to different states, siblings families have grown making it harder to gather, and we’ve grown older.

But I am thank full.

While our circumstances look different and not at all what I would have chosen, God has stayed constant. He hasn’t moved or changed or passed on. He is closer than I know and loves me more than I can imagine.

Our marriage too, has been a constant. Having many friends who have experienced their spouse dying in the past few years, I am mindful to not take a single breath for granted. We aren’t guaranteed tomorrow, so each day must be appreciated for what it is–a gift!

As we gather this Thursday around the table I know there will be a moment when I pause and notice NOW. It is all we have and it is enough.

This Thanksgiving I can look back with thanks for what God has done, and I look forward with thanks for what I hope He will do. But most of all I will Be Thank Full for every smile, every hug, every provision God has provided right now.

Happy Thanksgiving from our table to yours!

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Marriage Fertilizer

Posted on November 15, 2018 by Debi Walter

Two years ago I inherited my late Mother-in-law’s Christmas cactus. It was small and in a temporary container when I brought it home from her house. But the blooms were beautiful. I knew it had potential to be more than what I could see. But there were steps I needed to take to make it happen.

I replanted it into a nice ceramic dish, fertilized it and made sure it was in the proper place to flourish. And I am happy to say, it is! I am looking forward to seeing it bloom this year.

Years ago Tom and I began pouring fertilizer on our marriage in the way of Healthy Marriage Tips. Each day I would share a new tip on our Facebook page as a daily reminder to be intentional in your relationship. They became a favorite on our page, which eventually led us to publish, Cherishing Us, 365 Tips for a Healthy Marriage.

Today is the final day of our Countdown Sale.

For $2.99 you can enjoy the benefit of adding fertilizer to your marriage, and we pray your marriage will grow stronger as a result.

Here is a tip for you to consider and goes along with this post:

Work on your relationship when things are going well, so your foundation is strong when the winds of adversity blow. ❤

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2018 Date Night Challenge – The Letter “V”

Posted on November 14, 2018 by Debi Walter

For our “V” date we decided to VOLUNTEER. This is a great way to invest in your marriage while giving to a cause that interests both of you.

Tom and I had the privilege of VOLUNTEERING for our state elections by helping to distribute VOTER guides around the state. We loaded up and left on a Friday afternoon covering the NE part of the state.

It was a fun road trip with stops every couple of hours. We were able to meet lots of fine people who serve our state heroically and thank them for all they do.

Here are some other ideas for VOLUNTEERING:

  • Soup Kitchens
  • Boys/Girls Clubs
  • Homeless shelters
  • Disaster Relief
  • Habitat for Humanity
  • Humane Society

There is a website called Volunteer Match, where you can type in your city and find out what opportunities are in your area.

We also enjoy Date Night Orlando’s Do Good Date Night feature. Kristin Manieri shares:

We make it fun and easy to volunteer together by facilitating a date night activity that’s unique, fun and connective but also rewarding. Couples are having oodles of fun, laughing together, reconnecting, making me friends, and discovering new sides to each other that even decades of togetherness can’t often reveal.

Another bonus is that our volunteer experiences are commitment-free. Event attendees aren’t obliged to do orientation or commit to ongoing volunteer hours.

We’ve created a blueprint for expanding Do Good Date Night beyond its hometown of Orlando, FL, and have already facilitated events in Ohio, Indiana and Louisiana.

Click on her picture to hear more about Do Good Date Nights.

Why not plan to VOLUNTEER together as a couple. We had a blast giving of our time to something that matters. And we made a memory that will last.

______________________________

It’s Day Two of our Countdown Sale. Purchase our book, Cherishing Us, kindle version for only $1.99. Now through tomorrow morning at 8a.

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Countdown Sale Day One

Posted on November 13, 2018 by Debi Walter

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10th Blogiversary Calls For A Countdown Sale

Posted on November 12, 2018 by Debi Walter
Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

Where were you 10 years ago? Tom and I embarked on our blogging journey a decade ago thinking it was primarily for our friends and church family to use and enjoy. But God had bigger plans in store. He intended to increase our sphere of friends who would encourage us in our marriage vineyard just as much as He would use us to encourage others. It has been an amazing journey that has given us much for which to be thankful.

In this time we also met many marriage bloggers around the country who also shared our passion to see God encourage and strengthen marriages. Our relationship has grown as a result of their influence in our lives. We are a part of an amazing community called the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association. To them we say, “Thank you!“

10 years!

We are grateful for the opportunity we have had to help marriages stay the course for a lifetime. The beginning of this year we published our first book, Cherishing Us, And to celebrate our 10th blogiversary we are hosting a Countdown Sale beginning tomorrow morning at 8a.

How It Works

Our Kindle edition will go on sale for only .99 cents 

8a. Tuesday morning.

If you don’t have a copy of our book yet, this is the deal you’ve been waiting for, but don’t delay. Each day the price will go up a dollar – Wednesday – $1.99 and Thursday – $2.99. Mark your calendar and get ready to grow in the area of cherishing your spouse the way God intended.

Special thanks to Prevail Press, our amazing publishers!

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Posted in Celebrations, Cherishing, Christian Marriage, Purpose | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

2018 Date Night Challenge – The Letter “U”

Posted on November 9, 2018 by Debi Walter

It’s been a while since we’ve posted about our date challenge. That’s due to the fact that the two letters for October were a “challenge” to plan.

  • I had an unexpected trip to GA to help our youngest daughter who was babysitting for our oldest daughter. One weekend gone.
  • Tom volunteered to help with this year’s election, Get Out The Vote, initiative. This took him away for another weekend.
  • We traveled the northern part of the state distributing Voter Guides to different counties requesting them. Three weekends gone.

And in the off time when we were together, we were too tired to plan anything. We understand when you say you’re too busy to think, much less plan a date. But we must if we are to lean into our relationship during busy seasons. Otherwise we drift!

We decided to make our “U” date – Unplugged.

We spent an entire day not using our Smart Phones, computers or tablets. It was a challenge in the truest definition of the word. It forced us to think and ponder, which is hard to do with the distractions always available to us. As we pondered we talked, and as we talked we grew in our Understanding of what is on our minds and why. There was a moment when Tom made a conclusion about something that I don’t think he would have reached without being Unplugged. It was worth it!

Unplugging is a hard, but necessary choice to make from time to time. It is good for us personally and relationally. If you’ve not tried it, we encourage you to do so. You may discover what is really weighing on your heart. It takes pondering and being Undistracted to hear the whisper.

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Erasing Your Spouse

Posted on November 5, 2018 by Debi Walter

Have you ever shared something with your spouse and realized they hadn’t heard a word you said? Either they were distracted by their gadgets or the TV, but it was obvious they weren’t listening to you.

If we’re honest we have all done this from time to time. Why? Why is it so easy to ignore, intentionally or not, the one with whom we share the deepest bond?

We tend to let our guard down when we are in our own home. We know that our spouse loves us so what’s the big deal?

It’s a big deal because this little habit can be the start of erasing the priority your spouse has in your heart. If you make them feel invisible, they will believe they no longer matter to you.

Gary Thomas in his excellent book, Cherish, tells how one husband and wife shared a home office together. One day she finished her work before he did, and began clicking on social media updates. She found something interesting about a friend and began sharing it with her husband.

He was in the middle of substantial project and felt his project was much more important than her friend’s current FaceBook status. However, he cared more about his wife than he did his work project, so he stopped for a moment and listened to what she had to say.

Leaning in and listening to your spouse lets them know that they matter to you.

What if we made a conscious effort to keep the lines of communication open at all times? What if our spouse knew without a doubt that they have our ear whenever they need it? This is one mark of a healthy marriage–one with a firm grip on esteeming, not erasing, the other.

Don’t be an eraser!

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Have You Been Nudged?

Posted on October 31, 2018 by Debi Walter

This morning as I was getting ready I felt a nudge from the Lord. I was compelled to tell Tom how grateful I am for the way he takes care of our finances. He is faithful in this area and has been our entire marriage. And it is because he is that I sadly often fail to tell him.

I stopped what I was doing and went to his office where he was ironically paying our bills. I shared with him what was on my mind and my gratitude for never having to worry about money. I could tell the encouragement was not only appreciated, but needed.

God knew this; that’s why I was nudged. I’m grateful I took the time to listen.

This begs the question, how often have I missed opportunities like this to encourage my husband in the exact moment when he needs it?

May we all listen in and respond to those little nudges. Our marriages will be the stronger for it!

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A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes

Posted on October 26, 2018 by Debi Walter

The title of this post is a famous line from a Disney movie, Cinderella. But it begs the question, what do you dream of? This is the kind of question that makes for a great date.

I’ll never forget sitting with Tom around a fire pit one night when the topic of dreams came up. Tom had to pause because he wasn’t sure what he dreamed of doing. He had seen many of his earlier dreams come true, and hadn’t given much thought to making new ones. We talked a bit more and then it felt as if the sky opened up with possibilities. We talked about everything we could imagine. It was one of those nights when we connected on a deeper level and we’ll never forget it.

Dr. Julie Conner has written an excellent post titled, 7 Reasons Why It’s Crucial To Have A Dream. She says,

“Passion fuels dreams. Commitment fuels action. Get clear about what you want to do and why you want to do it. Allow time to regularly reevaluate and refine your goals. Make adjustments within your schedule to engage in goal-related activities. And, most importantly, commit to the work of pursuing your dream. Take action.”

What if we were to apply her steps to creating the marriage of our dreams?

Passion fuels dreams.

Have you lost the passion to grow your marriage that you had at first? Maybe you’ve never thought about growing your marriage once you made the commitment on your wedding day. It is crucial to a healthy marriage to continue to be passionate about it.

Commitment fuels action.

Being committed to make your marriage the best it can be is essential for a healthy marriage. If one spouse is committed and the other is not your marriage will not become all God intended it to be. Make a decision each day as if it were your wedding day. Decide that you want to do your part to be the best spouse you can be so that if your husband/wife had to choose again whom they would marry, it would still be you.

Get Clear on the What’s and Why’s of a Good Marriage

We have spent out lives helping couples realize the what’s and why’s of pursuing a strong marriage that lasts. Our blog is full of posts to inspire and help you develop the areas where you are weak into strength worth emulating.

Regularly Reevaluate and Refine your Goals

This is the one that requires the most crucial aspect of a healthy marriage–communication. Your intentions may be good, but if you fail in communicating it to the point of understanding then you may still miss the mark. If you aren’t good at communicating in a positive way we encourage you to seek help either through books, or through a pastor or friend who excels in this area.

Make Adjustments in your Schedule to Meet Your Goals

Our pastor often said you can tell what your priorities in life are by looking at two things: your calendar and your checkbook. So true! We make time for the things that are important to us. And the Bible says, “Where your treasure is, your heart will follow” Invest time and money in making your goals for a healthy marriage a reality.

Commit to the Work Necessary

This one may seem a given, but commitment in this day in age is waning. It seems no one wants to commit to anything that lasts longer than a minute.

  • You see it in how young people are choosing to wait to get married
  • You see it in couples waiting longer to have children,
  • A hesitancy to join church small groups or church membership,
  • A lack of job loyalty,
  • A hesitance to respond to a party or event.
  • People hesitate to commit because something better may come along, or worse, they may get hurt.

    • Take Action

    Be faithful to do the things you say you’ll do. “A heart deferred makes the heart sick…” the Bible declares. Don’t make your spouse’s heart sick! Be a doer of all the things you say you’ll do. Even the little things matter because they speak volumes to your spouse of your love, care and commitment.

    What is your spouse dreaming will come true? Maybe it’s that your marriage will be all God intended it to be.

    Josh Wilson has a new song out titled, Dream Small. Take some time to listen to it and see if it doesn’t inspire you to continue dreaming together about what could be.

    _________________________

    (Photo Credit: https://unsplash.com/@wbayreuther)

    Posted in Christian Marriage, Encouraging Your Spouse, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

    Is Your Marriage Like This?

    Posted on October 17, 2018 by Debi Walter

    It seems more and more couples are sharing with us the current lack of health in their marriage. We can see the pain and disappointment in their eyes. It grieves us because we know this is not how marriage is supposed to be. God intended marriage to be the one relationship we could count on in this life to allow us a safe place to grow and mature.

    Why is marriage so difficult if it’s supposed to be so good?

    The answer is simple–we aren’t perfect, our spouse isn’t either! But our differences are intended to help strengthen us not tear us apart.

    Most couples are opposites on every level. You may share common interests, but most likely the way you go about doing things is completely opposite.

    Tom and I have learned to laugh at how opposite we are. For example, we are getting ready to make deliveries to different counties in our state. As we were discussing the route we would take, it was no surprise that Tom imagined us covering the counties in a North to South pattern. I had envisioned us going East to West! It’s this way with nearly every decision we make or task we complete.

    If we don’t communicate about our differences these lighthearted disagreements can become full-blown irritations. I know because we have been there many times, I’m sorry to say!

    How is your marriage in regard to:

    1. Your finances?
    2. Your communication?
    3. Your parenting?
    4. Your schedules?
    5. Your goals?
    6. Your intimacy?
    7. Your priorities?

    If any of the above caused your eyes to roll or your heart to sink, please seek help! Even if you’re committed to a life-long marriage, don’t settle for mediocrity. Pursue the best marriage God designed for you for the sake of your growth as a couple, for the sake of your children and most of all for the example your marriage is to the watching world.

    If you’re not sure how to begin, please feel free to contact us with your questions. We will do our best to point you in the right direction. This time I’m quite sure Tom and I will be in agreement. It’s one area where we really do think alike! And I thank God for that!

    Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Keeping It Real, Perspective in Marriage, Priorities | Tagged , , | Comments Off on Is Your Marriage Like This?

    2018 Date Night Challenge – The Letter “T”

    Posted on October 15, 2018 by Debi Walter

    We are a bit behind on our monthly date challenge, but that hasn’t deterred us from pressing on.

    Tom, who happens to be my favorite “T” planned a special afternoon TEA for me at a local TEA shop.

    I am currently eating GF and this tea provided a GF option for my portion.

    On our way to TEA we had a little TIF that TEMPTED us to distance ourselves from each other. Do you do this? Rather than lean in and work out the struggle, you look the other way and stew in your anger?

    It takes will power and determination to lean in when the TENSIONS rise.

    Gratefully, we have learned the benefit it is to make ourselves do this, for the good of our marriage and to “Save The Date”, so to speak. 😊 Tom shared how something I said effected him. I realized I was wrong and we were able to TALK it out and reach understanding. That’s what most conflicts are–a misunderstanding in what we heard our spouse say.

    To TOP it off–the tea wasn’t that good. We were glad we got it on Groupon which made it not as expensive.

    Sometimes a date is a hit,and sometimes a date is a TEST.

    I think we passed this one but sadly, the TEA left much to be desired.

    What dates have failed for you and how did you respond? Did you lean in towards understanding or pull away in anger?

    (Funny side note: Our next date is the Letter “U”. I hope we have the understanding part down on this one before we leave the house!)

    Happy Dating!

    Posted in 2018 Date Night Challenge, Alphabet Dates, Christian Marriage, Date Night Ideas, Growing Strong Marriages, Keeping It Real | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

    Have You Ever Asked Your Spouse This?

    Posted on October 1, 2018 by Debi Walter

    Yesterday we had lunch with friends and this question came up…

    When have you been the most afraid?

    It was a good question that led to an hour-long discussion involving lots of emotion. Some had had near-death experiences involving themselves or a child. I shared a couple–one was, like theirs, where I was fearful for my life. The other is the one I’d like to share with you.

    It was the week of our wedding, and I didn’t know how ill prepared I was for our life together. You see no one had taken the time to prepare me for sexual intimacy with my husband. The anticipation of the big day was more than I could bear. My stress showed itself by the acne on my face. I had never struggled with this until my anxiety reached it’s max. I was nervous, afraid and embarrassed at how I looked. But there was nothing I could do, but trust God to lead me through the wedding.

    And He did.

    My husband understood my reluctance and didn’t push me. He cared for me patiently and helped me overcome my inhibitions. I knew after our first night together that my husband was exactly who I had hoped he’d was. Because of his care I felt safe to be myself and share my struggles. He listened and we talked.

    Thankfully, I had no abuse or shame in my history causing my reluctance. My fear was due to the unknown. Once I discovered how our sexual intimacy was an overflow of our emotional intimacy, it seemed natural to express my physical love to him.

    I realize that sexual intimacy can open the door to a lot of past pain. Having a spouse who is willing to listen, understand and lead you through the struggle makes all the difference.

    I’m grateful that the only thing I really had to fear was the fear itself. Once I faced it, the fear dissipated.

    What is the most afraid your spouse has ever been? If you don’t know take time to ask, and then listen to their heart. This is an open door to deeper intimacy.

    Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Intimacy, Newlyweds, Seasons of Life, Sexual Intimacy | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Have You Ever Asked Your Spouse This?

    Vintage Post – Clinging Vines

    Posted on September 28, 2018 by Debi Walter
    Originally posted on 8.10.10

    The Clinging Vine

    The image was clear the minute I read the sign, “The Clinging Vine”.  It was one of those signs where a business sponsors a certain section of road in order to keep it clean from trash. It was probably the name of a business who had paid for this particular road sign in an effort to draw people to their store.  It drew me – that’s for sure, but not to them.

    Two memories quickly surfaced in my mind:

    Tom and I just returned from a week in North Carolina.  He was on business; I went for a writing retreat.  As we drove the interstate we noticed a vine that had spread across all the trees on both sides of the road.  It was so dense you couldn’t see the forest because of it, only the outlines letting you know they were still there. At first it seemed beautiful because it was so green, but then I realized I couldn’t see what type of trees they were clinging to.  I didn’t like the fact it was taking over the landscape, hiding from view the native trees.

    Photo credit: Star, Simplified blog

    The Supported Vine

    Contrast this picture with another trip we made several years ago to Napa Valley, California.  It was our first time to see a vineyard, and I wasn’t expecting what I discovered.  There in the field, in neat rows were crosses.  The trunk of the vines revealed their age – they were thick and sturdy.  The vines themselves clung to the wires branching to the right and left making what looked like a cross.  It was magnificent in it’s simplicity and consistency.  Each vine looked the same – beautiful!

    Photo credit: Vineyard and Orchards

    I share these two pictures because they are metaphors of our marriage.  The first picture is a vine that has no strong support of its own; it must latch onto trees to gain height or crawl along on the ground.  It suffocates.   If continually climbed upon by the vine, mature trees will eventually die for lack of air and sun.  We can be this type of vine to our spouse, clinging to them for our support and strength; we can be demanding, overbearing and in essence suffocating.

    In the vineyard the metaphor is one worth emulating.  We have been grafted into the vine of Christ.  He is the one we cling to, and He provides strong support.  He can carry us when life takes us one way and then another.  Regardless of where we go or what season we are facing, this vine has stood the test of thousands of years.  His trunk is strong and secure.  When we step back to admire marriages of this kind, what we see isn’t the vine, but the cross. He is the reason our marriages succeed and bear fruit.

    We are all clinging vines – the question is – to whom are you clinging? 

    • Clinging to our spouse will not produce fruit that will last.  It will suffocate the love God intended us to share and leave us gasping for help in great need.
    • Clinging to Christ will provide rich nourishment and strength in our marriage allowing us to produce fruit that will remain.

    “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”  John 15:5 (ESV)

    Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , | Comments Off on Vintage Post – Clinging Vines

    5 Women – 1 Marriage – And Now This!

    Posted on September 24, 2018 by Debi Walter
    Our Engagement Photo circa 1978

    My husband shares often that he has been married to five different women, but only one marriage. People always look baffled and/or shocked when he says this. But it’s true. What he means is that over the course of our marriage I have changed and it has been an adjustment for him to get to know the new me. 

    What Caused The Changes?

    1. I changed when we got married and I moved away from the only town I had ever known including friends and family.
    2. I changed when we had our first baby and had to learn how to juggle being a wife with motherhood.
    3. I changed when I began homeschooling our three children.
    4. I changed when we were dealing with raising teenagers and the intense emotional strain that put on me day in and day out.
    5. I changed when I entered that dreaded season referred to as menopause.

    I admit it hasn’t been easy for Tom because he didn’t usually know the changes were coming. Neither did I for that matter, and it has made our relationship challenging in those transitions.

    Recently Tom was sharing this story with our Marriage Community Group when I had an “Aha” moment. I realized that Tom hasn’t changed nearly as much as I have. All the above transitions affected me on a greater level because I was the one home with our children 24/7. Tom worked outside of the home providing for our family so I could have the privilege to educate our kids. He had kept the same job for the majority of our marriage, which didn’t cause him to transition as much.

    He did change when we bought the company after working there for 16 years. Going from being an employee to an owner of the company brings a whole new set of responsibilities which caused him to change.

    But that was really the extent of it. Until now…

    Tom retired in April and this has changed him in ways I had no way of anticipating. It is good, but it hasn’t been as easy as we thought it would be. I’ve been home and managing our household for our entire marriage. Now Tom, who has been an excellent manager his entire career, is home too, and in the habit of managing people. Except the only “people” around is ME.  Another transition!

    We have had quite a few arguments over silly things like,

    • which knife I’m using and how the bigger knife would work better.
    • How I organize cabinets.
    • When I’m doing the laundry.
    • Why I buy this brand over another brand at the grocery store.
    • Writing vs. talking – I can’t do both at the same time.

    None of these things are crucial. They’re preferences. But it has really rocked my world. We have had to communicate often about why this bothers me, and I’ve learned a lot about myself and Tom in the process. We are learning to laugh at ourselves and not take things so seriously.

    I’ve even embraced some of Tom’s ideas.

    I’m happy to say I’m enjoying using a bigger knife at times, and smile when I choose to use my little one instead . It’s not an important issue, but it has revealed much about our marriage and how we needed to adjust to a new norm. 

    Change happens. The big changes can either help us fall in love with who our spouse has become, or it can cause us to become resentful and pull away. I’m grateful we have purposed to lean in and get to know the new spouse to whom we’re married.

    It’s a fresh beginning for us after nearly 40 years! Maybe we should plan a honeymoon to get to know the new “retired” us and fall in love once again! But first, I need to finish the laundry…

    What transitions have you faced as a couple? Did it draw you closer or pull you apart?

    Posted in Christian Marriage | Comments Off on 5 Women – 1 Marriage – And Now This!

    Happy Hour

    Posted on September 21, 2018 by Debi Walter

    We haven’t shared some of our favorites in a while. So this week we’re focusing on Fall Date Ideas we’ve come across. Enjoy…

    Les and Leslie Parrot

    CambriaWines.com

    The Romantic Vineyard Vintage Posts

    Posted in Blog Love, Christian Marriage, Date Night Ideas, Happy Hour, Romance in Marriage | Comments Off on Happy Hour