Great Date Night Ideas – Although Steve and Cindy link to our blog on this post, there are many other websites mentioned offering creative ideas worth checking out.
Mom Life Today
Fun In Marriage – a great article that brings back the importance of having fun – whether you’ve been married one year or 42, like the writer of this post.
I Like Snow – What things have you written off in your life because at one time you didn’t like it? A challenge worth checking out! You may be surprised at the correlation he makes here. We were, but what a great metaphor!
Sex Her Way – We love this post! It’s good to change your perspective from time to time, and we believe most times sex happens “His Way.”
The Generous Wife
Be Yourself – Great advice showing the blessing of being completely known by your spouse and accepted as you are.
Imagine an afternoon together on a canoe. The weather is perfect. The water is crystal clear and there isn’t anything else on your agenda for the day except spending time together.
What could possibly go wrong?
Several things come to mind:
getting caught by an underwater limb
tipping over
losing a paddle
losing the current
Any one of those events could turn a relaxing day on the water into one of those stories you laugh about – later, of course.
A canoe can be great fun if you have someone who knows how to steer the boat, can steer it in the right direction, and who knows how to avoid the sides where the bugs and alligators live!
Staying in the current in marriage requires a commitment to steering the conversations in the right direction. It requires someone who knows how to avoid letting the topic veer from the subject at hand. And most importantly someone willing to protect the marriage from unwanted intruders.
How current are you with your spouse? Do you work hard to keep them “in the know” about what temptations, struggles, dreams and emotions you’re facing? Do they know what is currently weighing on your heart or occupying your thoughts? If you are expecting them to read your mind, you will most likely find yourself stuck on the side of the river and without a paddle.
We must be self-disclosing when it comes to our marriage relationship. It isn’t fair for us to expect our spouse to do all the work. And it isn’t fair for them to expect us to do it all for them. Just as paddling a canoe requires team work, so does a good marriage.
Are you staying current or have you ended up stuck in the brush on the side of the river? You may need to ask for help in getting the canoe out in the current again, and once you’re free, stay on guard to keep current. Not only will you be going in the right direction, you’ll experience the beauty of the river together.
On Saturday we celebrated our 3rd blogiversary by having 3 couples over for a very special dinner. We served our favorite too – Filet Mignon with Roquefort Sauce. It was a wonderful evening talking, asking questions, listening and most of all giving thanks to God for all He has done and is currently doing in our marriages. The three couples have 11 children combined and range in number of years married from 10 to 21. It was relaxing and so, so fun. Below is a slideshow of our time together.
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When was the last time you had some friends over to celebrate your marriages? Why not make plans over the holidays to do just that. Consider inviting couples whose marriages: you admire, who are in a similar season, who are way ahead of you in years or who are coming up behind you. Think ahead of time of some good questions to ask to keep the conversation from going to the default topics of work, children and/or problems. It doesn’t have to be a fancy meal either. The whole point is to get together and share your marriage and be encouraged by the marriage of others.
Bonnie Anderson with the Ship Bound For Tarshish blog is a good friend of ours. When we celebrated our third blogiversary she made the comment that three year olds are notorious for asking why this? why that? why? why? why?! So we thought this would be a good series to do where Tom answers the WHY questions about marriage. Today is our first installment with the following question:
Why is it important to study your spouse?
Because when you love someone you’re thinking about their highest good. It’s not about doing what I like as much as if it is what my wife likes or what will serve her best. How do you know what she likes and what pleases her unless you ask questions, pay attention to her comments and write down observations?
I have a folder on my phone where I can jot things down I want to remember. This comes in handy when I’m wanting to do something special without her knowing. You’ll soon discover, if you haven’t already, that women offer clues all the time. at least my wife does. She’s like a radio – always talking, but I may not always be tuned in. Tune into your wife, and you’ll learn a lot about who she is and what she likes.
Photo Credit: fashioningtech.com
Debi is on the computer most days – all day long. She had been using a regular chair and started complaining about her back hurting. I told her one night we were going to the store to buy her a good office chair. She was thrilled. Now each day when she sits down I hear her say, “Ah!” This was small way where I noticed her need and provided for her in the best way I could. Besides I didn’t want her to file a workman’s comp claim. 🙂
It doesn’t have to be big in order to be meaningful either. Simple things like her favorite candy bar or drink handed to her before she even thinks to ask for it will bring a smile to her face and a connection to her heart.
Tune into your wife and see if your marriage doesn’t benefit greatly by your efforts.
How have you studied your spouse and served him/her recently? Did he/she notice?
You’ve heard of Truth or Dare most likely, well this is cleaner and a great way to spend an evening outside on your next date. This post was originally a guest post on The Generous Wife blog last week, but we wanted to share it with you as well!
THE RULES:
♥ There is one dare per hole.
♥ The idea is to win each hole.
♥ If you don’t win then you have to do the dare for that hole.
♥ If there is a tie on a hole you push the dare to the next hole. Whoever loses has to catch up on all the dares.
♥ Keep track of who wins the most holes. The winner gets the treat of their choice.
THE DARES: (print them and take with you to the course.)
Hole 1 – Play the next hole with one hand behind your back.
Hole 2 – Sing “You Are So Beautiful” to your spouse out loud.
Hole 3 – Do the Tarzan call or imitate a monkey. Your choice.
Hole 4 – Play the next hole facing opposite direction. If you normally face left, face right or vice versa.
Hole 5 – Twirl in a circle 10 times like a ballerina.
Hole 6 – Do 10 jumping jacks.
Hole 7 – Get the signature of a stranger on your scorecard before starting next hole.
Hole 8 – Dance with your spouse to the next hole.
Hole 9 – Hit your first shot with your eyes closed.
Hole 10 – Wild Card – your spouse gets to choose what you have to do, either now or later.
Hole 11 – Flamingo hole – play this hole while standing on one leg.
Hole 12 – Skip to the next hole or play an air guitar. Your choice.
Hole 13 – Kiss your spouse in 13 places (careful, you’re in public.)
Hole 14 – Twirl your golf club like a baton.
Hole 15 – Play the next hole sitting down for each shot.
Hole 16 – Play the next hole using your foot instead of your club.
Hole 17 – Kiss for 1 minute.
Hole 18 – Play this hole together with the husband standing behind the wife with his arms around her to hit his ball. The wife has to do the same reaching around her husband to hit her ball. Do this for every shot until the ball is in the hole.
Photo Credit: msn lifestyle
NOTE: The great thing about this game is that you can change the DARES to suit your personalities. Make it fun and memorable. And don’t forget your camera – you’ll most likely be talking about this date for awhile!
Have you ever noticed how after a big event or high point in life it is usually followed by a let down? Trying to adjust to normal life can make one feel downright blue. Why? Most likely it is because our adrenaline levels were working at top speed until the first day after the event and then the adrenaline levels off. It feels like a big hole, when in reality it is part of the normal ebb and flow of life.
I feel this way tonight.
It is largely because of the huge week we’ve had leading up to our 3rd anniversary on The Romantic Vineyard. The release of our app on iTunes has been a dream of ours for a couple of years. Seeing it finally come to fruition was pure joy. (See top of right sidebar to download this FREE app. for iPhone, iPod Touch, or iPad.)
In addition, we invited three couples over for a dinner party on Saturday night to celebrate what God has done. We picked three couples for our three years. We’ll post about this on another day, but suffice it to say we had an amazing time with some incredible food. Yet I am feeling blue, and for no reason other than the fact that I’m tired.
When I told Tom how I was feeling tonight you know what he did? He held me and let me cry. 33 years has taught us not to make too much of the “let down experience”. There were times when we would have had a long conversation over what it could be, etc. But now he knows all I really need is a hug.
Why am I sharing this?
I guess because we want to be real to you, our readers. We are human. We are sinners in need of a Savior. And we too, get tired. Thank you for the well wishes so many of you gave us. Wow. We have no reason to feel down. Look what God has done, and look what He will do for those whose trust is in Him.
Now let’s think about the week ahead and make plans to romance the love of our life!
♥ Fun Dates To Celebrate ♥
November 14
Operating Room Nurse Day – Hm, this one could be…interesting. How about a friendly game of “Operation.”
November 15
Clean Your Refrigerator Day – Ok. How in the world can we make this day romantic? Maybe if this is one of your spouse’s pet peeves. Doing it might make them feel a bit romantic.
November 16
Button Day – Celebrate by playing your own version of “Button, Button Whose Got The Button.” Hide it on your person and see if your spouse can find it. You may be unbuttoning those pants before the game is over. 🙂
November 17
Electronic Greeting Card Day – Send your spouse an e-card and be surprising. In other words let this card say something that totally distracts them for what they’re doing.
Homemade Bread Day – there is nothing that smells quite so good as homemade bread baking in the oven.
Take A Hike Day – If you can’t make it to a local park, try going for a long walk after dinner.
November 20
Beautiful Day – do something together to celebrate your beautiful life or the beautiful world which God created.
♥ Things To Do In Orlando ♥
CENTRAL
Orlando Museum of Art – Festival of Trees, now through the 20th of November. See site for hours and prices.
Altamonte – Crane’s Roost Park presents the Arts, Crafts and Wine Festival on Saturday, November 19th and Sunday, November 20th. Tickets can be purchased for wine tastings – $30 per person. See site for hours. Festival is FREE.
Winter Park – Music at the Casa Open House on Sunday, November 20th from 12p – 3p. FREE. This week’s music provided by Troy Gifford Classical Guitar.
Ivanhoe Village – Come enjoy Jingle Eve on Friday, November 18th from 6p – 10p. There will be live music, great food to purchase and a boat parade on beautiful Lake Ivanhoe. FREE.
We’ve made it three years, and we couldn’t be more excited about what God has done and is doing. We know you’re here because of the anticipation we’ve built, right? So we won’t make you wait any longer.
Simply click The Romantic Vineyard icon above, and it will take you to it. Our app was developed by our son-in-law, Seth Lytle, and we think he did an awesome job. 🙂
You’ll find a Healthy Marriage Tip that changes each day as well as a tab with over 100 Great Date Night Questions. You can even access The Romantic Vineyard by clicking the address at the top. It’s a great tool to use while on a date night or while sitting at home after the children are in bed. The best part is it’s FREE. We pray this iphone app will be a blessing to you and your spouse. After downloading won’t you take a few moments to rate the app? This will give us an idea of what everyone thinks. Thanks – enjoy!
And finally we have one more surprise – we made the following 3rd anniversary video to thank God for all He has done these past three years, and to thank EACH of you who have joined us on this journey. Thank you for the encouragements, for the comments, for the blog love, for the awards and most of all for sharing your lives and marriages with us. God is good! Have a blessed weekend!
I’m making a confession to you today. It has been something I’ve been afraid to mention for fear I would kill my progress.
I have been writing a book.
It isn’t about marriage per se. It’s an historical fiction based on the life of my grandmother. Her story is compelling, and I didn’t hear it all until after she died a month before my 20th birthday. I was filled with regret at all the things I didn’t know about her. By the time I was old enough to start caring, she was gone.
God began stirring in my heart a desire to know her story. I wasn’t a writer, but I loved writing – I always had. That was probably 25 years ago. And yesterday I finished the second draft of my manuscript. It has taken 10 years to actually write her story, because I really didn’t know what I was doing. There are many stories I could tell you in regards to this, but that will be for another time.
What I’m impressed with today is this thought – maybe giving a project a “deadline” is what holds me back. I like the idea of a “life line” instead.
Photo Credit: savvyvitality.wordpress.com
So many times I felt as if my grandmother was telling me her story as I wrote it. It was like a life line being thrown to me in the sea of my writer’s block. In reality I know it was God who was helping me in my weakness. He was the One who compelled me to write her story in the first place, because her life glorified Him. And it was out of obedience to His call that I set out on this journey, not knowing where it would lead.
Tonight we will have our monthly Writer’s meeting, and I can’t wait to share my news with them. They have encouraged me and prodded me on when I wanted to quit. Just because something is hard doesn’t mean it isn’t worth the effort. In fact, the mountains which loom largest before us are usually the ones which provide the best views. It’s worth the discipline, the pain and the time.
So, what areas in your marriage seem the most difficult? Have you been putting off talking about “that issue” because of the pain in causes? Has God inspired you to do something and it seems impossible? We have a lifetime to trust God and follow His lead. I had no idea it would take me 25+ years to hold my grandmother’s story in my hand, but last night I did – a life long dream come true.
Now comes the work of getting it published. I see another mountain before me!
I.T. stands for Indeed Thankful, and as we are now only two days away from our 3rd blogiversary, we wanted to take time to thank the people who have helped The Romantic Vineyard become what it is today.
If you are tagged below, all we ask it that you dedicate a post (or a Facebook status update, or Tweet) to those in your life for whom you are Indeed Thankful, and link back to us so we can see who you’re thankful for. Let’s cause thanksgiving to mount up as a wave of blessing on those who have helped us and may not even realize the contribution they’ve made in our lives.
Danny and Melodye Jones – Danny has been our pastor since we were first married. He and Mel are now our dear friends. Their encouragement, teaching of Biblical Truth on marriage, the example from their own relationship, and their infectious faith in what God wanted to do through us has pushed us forward in faith. Not a faith in faith, but a faith in God. Thank you for the rich deposit you’ve made in our lives. You are both dearly loved!
Benny and Sheree Phillips – We didn’t have a clue what a blog was until Sheree approached Debi about writing for a mom’s blog for our church. That was in 2007. Which was shortly after Benny approached Tom about getting involved with marriage counseling in our church. I (Debi) was shocked, afraid of the responsibility, and unsure. Tom simply said, “We would love to serve in this way!” Again, I couldn’t believe my slow-to-make-a-decision-for-wisdom’s-sake husband said YES and so fast! I was really afraid. Over the next couple of years we attended Nouthetic Counseling training and learned so much, and discovered how much more we needed to learn. It was a huge growing season in our marriage. Benny and Sheree, you have not only been our pastor for 11 years, but you have had faith for us when we didn’t see it ourselves. God has used you in more ways than we can count. But there is a day coming when it will all be revealed, and we hope to witness God’s commendation on your lives. Our marriage wouldn’t be what it is today if you hadn’t invested your time, your love, your care and your example to us. We love you dearly!
Paul & Lori Byerly – Better known as The Generous Husband and The Generous Wife. We can honestly say that although we have only known this couple for the past two years via the blogging world, they have been used by God to encourage us and strengthen our resolve to continue TRV. We jokingly call them the Grandparents of the marriage blog world because they make time to come alongside those who are new to help them get the word out about the importance of cultivating godly marriages for God’s glory. We enjoyed meeting them in September and being able to thank them in person for the investment they’ve made in us. They are the real deal, and genuinely love God and the mission He’s given them to strengthen marriages. Thank you, Paul and Lori, for being available, helpful, unselfish and most of all lovers of God. Our lives have been greatly influenced by you both. And thank you for naming us one of 2010’s Hot Marriage Blogs.
Stu and Lisa Gray – Although we’ve yet to meet in person, this couple loves life, loves each other, loves God and loves telling anyone who will listen about what God has done for them and their marriage. They started the Top Ten Marriage Blog Awards in 2009 when we first discovered Stu’s blog, The Marry Blogger. (Although now it is called The Stupendous Marriage Show). Stu always commented back whenever we commented on his posts. We became friends on FB, and in 2010 we were given the honor of being named a Top Ten Marriage Blog. He also allowed us to do a guest post this past year, which was quite a privilege to do. Thank you, Stu and Lisa. You have felt like a brother to me (Debi) in many ways, and how ironic that we share the same name – my maiden name is Gray. May God continue to bless your marriage as you have blessed our marriage as well as our blog.
Affaircare Blog – Although we haven’t known Cindy of the Affaircare Blog quite as long, we value what she is doing consistently for the good of all marriages. She recently awarded Affaircare’s Hot Marriage Sites Award to us, which was a huge surprise and tremendous honor. With so many marriages being devastated by an affair, her blog is a great deterrent for those who may not realize the warning signs. We pray your message will continue to reach couples before they enter into an adulterous relationship which will devastate their marriage and family.
Bonnie Anderson – You may know Bonnie from the Ship Bound For Tarshish blog. She is not only a dear friend, but she is in the same Writer’s Group as me, and has been for years. She is also a neighbor, so our lives connect on a daily basis. Words cannot express the encouragement she has been to me personally, as well as how God has used both her and Bob to encourage both Tom and me. We thank God for them and don’t know where we would be today without their influence in our lives. She is also my laughing friend. She is the same as her writing depicts – so laughter abounds whenever she’s around – “No more rhyming and I mean it!” See? She helps me see the humor in life and what a gift that is in this day and age. I also must mention she is one of our top commenters on TRV. For those of you who blog, you know how encouraging it is to get those comments. Thanks Bonnie for your friendship and your love.
Rob Swanson – Oh my. I don’t know where to begin to share with you the influence Rob has had on my writing life. We began our Writer’s Group probably close to 8 years ago and started a blog to unite us when we weren’t meeting 5 years ago. On our first blog post he wrote, “Our intent is to Encourage, Inspire, Motivate, Inform, and Generally Bless one another in our writing endeavors.” I can honestly say Rob has lived up to and exceeded his goals, at least in my life. He urged me on when I wanted to quit. He was used by God to challenge me when I needed to hear it most. And he continues to believe I can do more than I think I am capable of doing. He has invested countless hours of teaching and encouragement to our group, and it is an honor to tag him with this post. He has a blog called Swanstuff, where he posts random thoughts, which are usually quite thought-provoking. But what I want to highlight the most is his recent book release. It’s titled, Do Angels Still Fall? and is well worth the read. So, Rob, thank you for leading me in my writing all these years. I pray God will bless you abundantly for the way you have blessed me.
Michelle Shaeffer – You may recognize her as the co-founder of The Ultimate Blog Challenge. But she also has her own blog you can visit for ideas and help. We did our first challenge in July of this year, and just completed our second one in October. Michelle, thank you for creating such a wonderful environment for bloggers to connect on FaceBook. We have seen TRV grow considerably as a result of both challenges. Not only is the UBC a great service, but you stay actively involved in the challenge as well by encouraging us to keep going. You provide great writing prompts for when we’re feeling empty and your consistent example has had a profound effect on us. Thank you for your diligence. Thank you for your encouragement. And thank you for sacrificing your time to help us in countless ways. May God richly bless you and yours this Thanksgiving season!
Sharon O. for being the top commenter on TRV. You have continually encouraged us by your uplifting comments of affirmation and grace. Thank you for taking the time to read TRV, and then for taking more time to share with us how God is using it in your marriage. We value your thoughts and thank God we’ve met. (Sorry, I didn’t have a picture.)
Paul David Tripp – Finally, we owe a huge debt of thanksgiving for this man’s influence in our lives personally, in our parenting and in our marriage. The wisdom he has learned after a lifetime of Biblical counseling is a gift to us and to the church at large. If you are a regular reader of our blog, you will know how much we admire this man. Mr. Tripp, thank you for your faithfulness to write encouraging books that are not only easy to read and understand, but full of faith to actually do what it says. Your writing has fueled our passion for marriages to grow for the glory of God. May the Lord return to you richly all the blessings your ministry has had on us. We thank God for you!
And of course we can’t forget…Two Days And Counting…
We return to our joint post with Lisa Graf of Mom Blog today. We are sharing practical tips on how to encourage your spouse. Lisa’s post is in purple and mine is in wine. And if these aren’t enough we refer you to the Encourage Your Spouse blog where Lori Ferguson always has a fresh idea on how to do this well!
In between wiping dirty butts, helping spell words, volunteering for various things, keeping up with a household of 6 worth of chores; sometimes I forget about the relationship that requires the most effort; but seems to be easily forgotten. My husband can wipe his own butt, spell his own words & feed himself so all too often he takes a back seat.
In today’s Wedded Bliss Wednesday here is a practical, day to day, children, no children, grandchildren, every kind of stage of life way to encourage your spouse.
– Pray for him or her. I have it set up to repeat monthly on my google calendar and use the daily reminder option to start my day out praying for my husband.
– Purpose to only say positive things about him/her to others. Women need to talk everything out, but I have yet to come away from a husband bashing session feeling encouraged. Of course your spouse has and will mess up, but spreading their failures and shortcomings will definitely not build them up or strengthen your marriage. Surround yourselves with like minded people! There’s even challenges going on that you could join in for some extra accountability!
– Do all you can to turn the heat down. Sometimes it’s important to agree to disagree, but it’s also as important to remember that your spouse loves you and wants what is best for you & the relationship. I often catch myself wondering if my husband is purposefully trying to tick me off and that is really the farthest from the truth.
– Pack him/her a lunch and slip a note, or jot a note on a napkin (and hope it’ll be used)!
– Do things you normally wouldn’t do, but know your spouse enjoys. In my house that would be me sitting down watching some auction, pawn shop, motorcycle building kind of shows with my husband. Take it to another level and actually sit through a This Old House or whatever those corny PBS home improvement shows.
– Work together on projects or to meet personal goals. You will not find a better accountability partner than your spouse.
– Support the other’s goals and dreams and ambitions as though they were your own.
– Model what being a loving spouse looks like for your kids. Be a servant and serve him or her. Respect your husband’s authority with the kids and don’t interfere. Love your wife and care for her. Our kids will have 1 step up in this thing called marriage if they have lived out childhoods with loving and supportive parents.
Not that this is anywhere near being an exhaustive list of things you can do to encourage your spouse, but it is definitely a good start. What are you waiting for?
I’ve come up with an acrostic for the word “ENCOURAGE.” By following each letter I know my husband would be greatly encouraged whatever challenge he is facing. Would these work for your husband as well? If not, share with us what would. All men are different, so what works for my husband or Lisa’shusband may or may not work for yours. The key is to study your spouse so you know how best to encourage him.
E – Embrace when he leaves in the morning and when he comes home at night. It’s important for him to know you are there for him each and every day.
N – Nudge him when he is unsure or lacking confidence about a decision. As his helper it is your privilege to help him make difficult decisions. Giving him a nudge may be the encouragement he needs.
C – Clean your space. My husband loves to walk into our room and see it beautifully in order. This encourages him by allowing him to relax.
O – Organize his stuff. This goes with the above point, but takes it a step further. If I shove the mess in a drawer it only prolongs the job. Doing it right the first time helps me as well.
U – Understand he is human; he is a sinner; and he has weaknesses. It doesn’t help to point out every weakness by nagging. Instead come alongside and fill in the gap. This is helping your husband when they need it most.
R – Romance him by initiating sex. Guaranteed your husband is most encouraged when you let him know you want him as much as he wants you.
A – Allow him to vent when he is under pressure. I’m not talking about sinfully letting him blow up in anger. Allow him to talk about what concerns him without interrupting with advice. Just listen.
G – Go out of your way to do what he asks. Making this a priority helps lighten the load he is carrying.
E – Engage in his world. If he loves golf, learn how to golf. If he loves fishing, go with him. If he loves to read, listen when he’s telling you about the storyline. Be his best friend by caring about what he loves.
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Have we mentioned how excited we are about…oh, we can’t tell you yet… 😉
On Sunday night we watched 60 Minutes. We don’t normally watch this CBS program, but with the death of Andy Rooney we decided to watch the tribute they paid to him after so many years of giving “the last word.” What we didn’t know was how another story would affect us.
Meet Cpl. Steven Cornford.
He was only 18 years when his unit was deployed to Iraq. That was 2007, and what he experienced nearly took his life in more ways than one.
His unit was caught in a firefight when Cpl. Cornford was hit in the shoulder. His Commanding Officer, Lieutenant Neil, made an attempt to rescue him when he was shot and killed. Cpl. Cornford was flown home to recover. His injury would heal completely, but the pain caused inside by what he experienced would take more than medicine to heal. His Lieutenant was like a father to him, and he was overcome with guilt that he couldn’t help him.
Cornford: I–I see his face– every time I close my eyes to go to sleep at night. I blame myself a lot, because I got hit first, and he was comin’ to get me. I– I just– I wanna be able to lay it to rest, like he is. ‘Cause I know he’s in a better place. I just– I know he would want me to.
These thoughts would haunt him night and day for the next four years.
Finally he heard of Operation Proper Exit, where wounded soldiers are taken back to Iraq to close the door on the events that caused them to exit prematurely. His wife said she was afraid what would happen to her husband. “What if it makes you worse going back there?” She was rightfully concerned.
Cornford: I know I’ll be a lot less angry. I’ll treat my wife with a little more respect. I won’t be so– I guess snappy with people. I’ll– I’ll be a little more understanding ’cause I always hear people complain about stuff, and it just makes me mad because a lotta people don’t understand. They don’t see the stuff that– they just go about their daily lives, while there’s still people dyin’ every day. For them. And it– it upsets me a lot. And it– just I– I’m startin’ to feel a little better about it.
Each man came for a different reason– to remember peace of mind– to see again–to walk out of Iraq. Before their return, the enemy had had the last word. But now, after a week, they’d rewritten that history. This was their proper exit. They were guided by the eyes of others or walked on artificial legs – those things would not change. But as they left on their own terms now – the enemy was retreating from the battlefield of their minds.
So, the question we must ask ourselves, “Are there areas in my own life that I have kept from my spouse? Am I afraid to let them know what thoughts are chasing me? What war is being fought on the battlefield of my mind?” Open up. Seek help. Do whatever it takes to give a proper exit to this way of thinking. Your marriage and your family depend on it.
This Friday is Veteran’s Day. Will you join us in praying for the many soldiers who are battling similar issues as the ones of Cpl. Cornford. Let’s ask the God of Peace to draw them to Himself – Who alone is the source of all peace and comfort. And may the marriages of these wounded soldiers grow strong and healthy as a result.
How do you celebrate your wedding anniversary? Is it a special date on the calendar every year where you know you’re going to have quality time together? Or do you simply exchange cards? For the most part we have celebrated every anniversary in a special way from year one. In fact, I used our wedding guest book to record what we did each year to celebrate so we wouldn’t forget. It has become a fun tradition for us, and seeing each year bridges the years together into one grand celebration of our marriage as a whole. God has been good, and this list is proof of His blessing on our life.
But even if we were unable to celebrate in a special way, we would still marvel at the kindness of God. The fun isn’t in what we do as much as it is in wanting to be together.
I remember when our daughter was born 2 and a half weeks before our 5th anniversary. I was 10 days past my due date and ended up having an emergency C-section after enduring 12 hours of intense labor. I was in no shape or frame of mind to think about our anniversary. We had a son who wasn’t even two yet, so our life was incredibly full. I remember Tom buying me flowers saying we would celebrate later when we were both up to it. It was thoughtful on his part to remember, but kind for him to take into consideration what I had just gone through.
This Saturday marks another special anniversary for us – 3 years of The Romantic Vineyard. We are incredibly excited to celebrate. It is a chance to look back and see what God has done and to thank Him for His kindness to us. So after you read through our normal Mark Your Calendar features today, be sure to enjoy our Countdown Video for 5 days and counting. We hope you’re enjoying them as much as we enjoyed finding them.
♥ Fun Dates To Celebrate ♥
November 7
Bittersweet Chocolate with Almonds Day – Can you say Almond JOY!?
November 8
Cook Something Bold Day – the idea of this one is to cook something which fills your home with the best scents of fall. Try these Autumn recipes.
November 10
Forget Me Not Day – Yes, there are flowers by this name, but you could make a letter telling your spouse all the reasons you will never forget them. Or give them something of yourself to make sure they’ll never forget you. 😉
November 11
Veteran’s Day – It also happens to be 11.11.11! This won’t happen for another 100 years.
November 12
Chicken Soup for the Soul Day – Make some homemade chicken soup and read a few stories or poems aloud to one another.
November 13
World Kindness Day – Do something together for someone other than yourselves. Volunteer at a soup kitchen, visit a nursing home or a hospital for children. Then, eat together at an international restaurant of your choice.
♥ Things To Do In Orlando ♥
First of all, we want to share with you an extensive list that includes 100 ways to celebrate the Christmas season. It’s good to know these dates in advance, so you can reserve the dates.
CENTRAL
Downtown Orlando – Veteran’s Day Parade will take place on Saturday, November 12th beginning at 11a. Wear your red, white and blue and come celebrate 11.11.11. on the 12th.
Uptown Altamonte – Friday Night Live on November 11th from 7p – 9p. Free outdoor concert in a beautiful setting.
Winter Park – Morse Museum of American Art presents Music in the Gallery and Open House. Every Friday evening from November through April the museum will be free from 4p – 8p. There will be live music as well.
Loch Haven Park – Festival of Trees will begin on Saturday, November 12th and run through the 20th. Visit Orlando Museum of Art website for details.
NORTH
Sanford – Alive After Five will take place on Thursday, November 10th from 5p. – 9p. Cost is $5.
EAST
New Smyrna Beach – BBQ Festival on Thursday, November 10th from 5p – 9p. The event will take place on Flagler Avenue.
WEST
Mt. Dora – Movie in the Park on Friday, November 11th. The movie will be Atlantis: The Lost Empire and will be shown in Donnelley Park. Show begins at dusk.
Downtown Disney – Festival of the Masters will take place Friday, November 11th through Sunday, November 13th. Stroll the sidewalks while enjoying the artists at work. Cost is FREE.
Celebration – A Taste of Celebration will take place on Saturday, November 12th from 5p – 10p. Fireworks at 9p.
Six more days until we celebrate our 3rd anniversary. It’s hard to believe 3 years have passed, and to think we didn’t know most of you prior to our first post. Thank you for following us. We are blessed!
Now for our promised video devoted to the number S.I.X. We love this one.
If you missed yesterday’s Happy Hour post, please go back and read it. We are counting down until our 3rd Anniversary on November 12th because we have a big surprise we’ll reveal on that day. So watch this video dedicated to the number 7. 🙂
In eight days we will celebrate the 3rd Anniversary of The Romantic Vineyard. November 12, 2008 is when we first launched this blog. It has been unbelievably rewarding allowing us to meet some incredible people. You’ll meet some of them in our Happy Hour list to follow. BUT we want you to know we have something HUGE planned for the 12th. This is why we are starting a countdown today. EIGHT DAYS!!! Each day from now until the 12th we will have a special video for you to enjoy, so check back each day and let the anticipation build! Have we mentioned we are so E.X.C.I.T.E.D.!!!
Now for the posts we’ve named our Specials of the Week:
Take Off The Mask – Are you real or are you wearing a mask of who you want to be? This post has some excellent points worth reading.
Marriage Missions International
Marriage: A Vow Of Small Things – an excellent article on the importance of caring for your spouse in little, but meaningful ways.
One Flesh Marriage
Retreat Alone – Advance Together – How does your spouse handle stress? Do they tend to retreat into themselves? Do you feel left out of the struggle? Brad offers great advice on how to help the retreating spouse.
As I Walk Alone – Kate offers encouragement for marriages who are facing difficult times. The Truth she shares will lift your eyes and encourage your heart.
The Generous Husband
Stop Fighting Over Memory Differences – the picture on this post alone is worth clicking over. Most of us have had stupid fights like these – and they usually happen when we’re with other people. A good reminder to stop!
1001 – Do you know what this number represents? It means Paul Byerly is the grandfather of all marriage bloggers. He’s been doing this and doing it well for over a decade. One of the reasons we love his blog – his faithfulness to help marriages grow.
The Generous Wife
Gratitude and Thanksgiving – A great post on making the most of this season. Plus, a creative idea to help you remember all you’re thanking for.
Planning For His Holiday Needs – I love the practical aspect of Lori’s posts. This one encourages us to get a jump start on marking our calendars before our calendars take on a life of their own.
Three times Tom went to “look up something” while we talked, but there was nothing in his pocket to use. It was a night full of conversation and even – dancing! The band playing was thedownbeatband.com, and they were amazing. When they started to play Gato Barbieri‘s song, Europa, we knew we had to dance. It is one of our all-time favorites!
What made tonight even more special was the completion of a project I’ve been working on for over 10 years. Tom called this afternoon to check on me, and the first words out of my mouth were, “I’ve finished!”
“What?!” He said, “You really finished? Well, then we’re celebrating tonight! Be ready when I get home.”
I love this about Tom. He finds as much joy, if not more joy in my accomplishments. And he wasn’t happy because he wouldn’t have to hear me lament anymore about “not finishing.” He was genuinely happy because he believes in my project. He is my biggest fan, and I love him so much.
Have you ever had a naked date night? You might want to try it. It was quite freeing! 😉
About nine years ago we did an addition on our house after much deliberation as to whether we should do it or move. Since we live in a neighborhood with about a dozen close friends from our church, we decided to stay put. We hired a contractor who helped us draw up the plans that would best suit our needs, and construction began in earnest.
I remember telling Debi – You know we’ve heard a lot of people say doing a construction project is one of the most stress-filled things a marriage can go through. We looked at each other and laughed because ours was a breeze – did I mention they had only cleared the land and started the framing? We were naive, and yes it ended up being a huge ordeal of which I’ll spare you the details. I will say it wasn’t a breeze and there wasn’t much laughter in our house during those nine months.
A year later I noticed one of the baseboards in our bedroom had a black smudge on it. When I reached down to scrape it off, my finger went into the baseboard. The black smudge was a hole. I literally rolled over on the floor and said, “Oh no!”
“What’s the matter?” Debi asked.
“Termites.”
We had termites coming up between the slab of the existing house and the new addition. After all we had been through we didn’t want to face what this was going to require. But we had no choice.
We called our “friendly” Termite exterminator who managed to give us a science lesson on the life-cycle of a termite. We didn’t really care. We just wanted him to kill the ones trying to eat our house. After listening and yawning a lot, we got around to scheduling to have our entire house examined and treated. What we weren’t ready to hear was there was worse termite damage than we knew; they had been feasting on the front of our house for years. In fact, the guy said the subterranean termites had eaten their way from the ground all the way to the rafters!
Yes, this was gross, but we were grateful to have found it before it was too late. The front of our home could have collapsed, if it weren’t for the bricks in front of the frame.
In marriage we can have existing problems we know nothing about because there has never been attention drawn to it. When tension mounts we realize something is not right. As we begin talking about it, the Lord allows us to discover other issues, deeper issues, the ones we had no idea were issues. This is God’s kindness leading us to go and examine places we would have never done on our own. This is how He works in and through our lives. Left to ourselves the very foundation and structure of our marriage would be at risk due to our inattention. But God comes along side us and exposes the areas which need to be addressed.
How do we know the areas He’s after?
By listening to our conscience for this is where God is placing His finger of conviction exposing the wood rot. In order to deal with it, we must realize it’s going to get messier before it gets better. But to do nothing is to actually choose to destroy the very foundation on which our marriage was built – a promise to love and honor in all seasons and all circumstances – both good and bad.
We have been through many seasons like these in our marriage. Each time we have changed for the better and our relationship has grown as a result. If we had it to do over, we wouldn’t change a thing, except maybe our initial resistance to the struggle.
I don’t wish termites on anyone, but like the termite guy said over and over – it’s not,if you ever get them, it’s when! And the same is true for marriage. All of us will face huge struggles and difficulties, but digging deep and cutting out the damaged wood will enable us to rebuild and strengthen what the enemy was trying to steal.
After thirty three years of being together, I still love to hold Debi’s hand. I love touching her, and it’s one way I can that is acceptable in public. While holding hands we can give each other signals that no one else sees or knows. It’s just us, connecting as husband and wife in an everyday, ordinary kind of way. Do you like to hold hands?
I had no idea that there was actually a technique to master. Read the top ten techniques below to see how many you and your spouse have mastered.
Top Ten Hand Holding Techniques:
1. The Passive Hand Hold
This is hand holding in its simplest form: your sweetheart’s hand gently but firmly cupped in yours. It’s most appropriate for public environments where you want to remain tasteful and avoid looking “clingy,” but is still a great, effective way to add physicality to your romantic relationship.
A step up from the Passive Hand Hold, Intertwined Fingers provides a firmer grip and an increased sense of intimacy. This type of hand holding is perfect while taking a romantic walk together, but it can have a downside of sweaty palms!
Holding just one of your lover’s fingers is a more romantically playful method for times when you’re feeling flirtatious. This is the easiest hand hold for your sweetheart to pull away from, but is still a great way to add some fun intimacy to the mix.
4. The Massaging Hand Hold
Turning a simple hand-holding session into a relaxing massage is a wonderful romantic surprise to give your sweetheart. There’s an art to romantic massage, and an unlimited number of ways you can caress your lover’s hands and give attention to each finger. This hand-holding method is best used while sitting down!
5. The Two-Hand Hold
Here’s another technique that is tough to do while standing, but one of the best ways to add some serious physicality and intimacy to hand holding. Taking your sweetheart’s hand in both of yours will give them a deep sense of security, importance and calm.
6. The Palm Caress Hand Hold
This method is an intimate, secret way to tastefully caress your lover without being noticed by others around you. Starting with the Passive or Intertwined Fingers technique, use one of your fingers to gently rub your sweetheart’s palm in an up-and-down or swirling fashion.
7. The Kissing Hand Hold
The Kissing Hand Hold is perfect for intimate situations when you’re alone with your special someone, and is often combined with the Two-Hand Hold. Clean hands are perfect for kissing, and you should never be afraid to shower your lover’s fingertips, palms and wrists with romantic pecks!
8. The Gentle Pinching Hand Hold
This one isn’t right for every romantic relationship, and can be a little too playful and rough for some couples. But gently pinching your lover’s fingertips and palms, if done correctly, can be an exciting, fun experience for you and your sweetheart, as long as you make sure you don’t do it too hard.
9. The Warm-Up Hand Hold
When it’s cold outside, there’s no better way to warm up your fingers than by having them caressed and rubbed lovingly by your favorite person in the world. Don’t make your sweetheart use a heater when you have two perfectly good, warm hands to help them out! Combine this technique with the Massaging Hand Hold for a great effect.
10. The The Morse-Code Hand Hold
This is the most unorthodox and interactive hand-holding technique, but can be a heck of a lot of fun if you and your lover can master it. Agree ahead of time of a phrase that you want to share with each other silently–such as “I love you”–and assign it a number of squeezes that correspond with the syllables in the phrase. Your sweetheart will remember that when you squeeze three times it means “I-love-you” . . . and can respond with a four-squeeze “I-love-you-too”!
Next time you hold hands consider the connection you are demonstrating and thank God for it. Not only do you have the privilege of holding your bride’s hand, but you also have the honor of holding her heart.
When we first said, “I do,” it was easy to be faithful in all things, because our love was fresh and new. We were like the leaves on the vine in spring. There was promise of life to come and each day was a new adventure in discovering what our marriage would look like.
As we added children the focus turned from how can I make my husband happy, to how do I care for a new life completely and totally dependent on me for survival? It was more demanding than being a wife. Being a mother required sleepless nights and tireless days. It was like the heat of a summer afternoon. I often didn’t feel like loving my husband. He got what was leftover at the end of the day. Not fair to him, but being in my early twenties God was using this season to mature me and make me less selfish. I learned my dependence had to be on God, otherwise I would certainly fail. Because of God’s faithfulness to me, He helped me remain faithful to my marriage vows in this season.
As our children grew into teens, the burdens grew heavier as the day-to-day interruptions diminished. I no longer was up in the night caring for a sick infant; I was now up in the night praying for the hearts of my teens. They were being pulled and drawn into the world, and I was afraid for their souls. My husband shared my concerns, which united our hearts to face this challenge together. With such weighty matters, it was easy – almost natural to set aside our marriage for the sake of our children. But, this was when God helped knit our hearts even closer. No one understood my fear like Tom. We cared and loved our teens more than anyone else, and we were the primary ones God wanted to use to help them reach adulthood. Often they didn’t want our help. This reality was painful. Yet God was faithful to meet us in our desperate need, and because of His faithfulness we remained faithful to our marriage vows during the violent storms of summer.
Now we have been married almost 33 years. Our children are grown; we have 4 grandchildren with another one on the way, and we are reaping rich fruit in our marriage. We are enjoying the autumn of our love. The fruit we have is not because of our faithfulness, but because of God’s faithfulness to help us cultivate our vineyard called marriage.
Photo Credit: Meghann Roberts
We planted the seeds in the spring, and it was God who caused the growth through the heat of summer and through the changing colors of fall.
As we anticipate growing old together, we know God will be faithful to us in the winter of our love as He was in spring, summer and autumn. This is what fuels us to continue pursuing one another and reaching back to help those coming along behind us. God desires marriages that will be faithful in all seasons. And He knows the only way this is possible is by our complete dependence on Him. This way He receives all the glory, and we are able to produce lasting fruit which remains decades after our “I do’s” were spoken.
I’m glad today is finally here, because it means tomorrow it will be over. I’m talking about Halloween. I don’t mind the candy, it’s the evil pictures and horrifying commercials that seem to be everywhere that I hate. And soon it will all be packed away for another year. I’m thrilled.
Today also marks the end of the Ultimate Blog Challenge we’ve participated in this month. This is our second go around, and we’ve loved the new friends we’ve made in the process. We’ll return to our regular schedule of posting 5 days a week, instead of 7. It’s nice to have the weekends off, and it allows our Happy Hour post to stay up Saturday and Sunday giving you time to read the other great marriage blogs out there. Now it’s time to make plans for some special time with your spouse. The weather is beautiful, so there are lots of great ideas to choose from. Have fun!
♥ Fun Dates To Celebrate ♥
Since November begins on Tuesday we are sharing the monthly holiday designations as well.
Did you know November is:
Aviation History Month – Watch one of those good movies about the Wright Brothers or Amelia Earhart.
National Model Railroad Month
National Novel Writing Month – this one is dear to my heart!
Native American Heritage Month
Real Jewelry Month – who knew? What a great thing to celebrate. 😉
November 2
Look for Circles Day – here’s a twist, cut out a bunch of circles and write things you love about your spouse. Hide them all over the house. Plan dinner to be with all circles i.e. ravioli, garlic bread rounds, tomato and mozzarella cheese salad, served on round plates of course. Have your favorite round cake or pie for dessert, and then, enjoy a round of cards. Or put together a round puzzles…okay, you get the idea. No sense in going round in circles about it.
Deviled Egg Day – if only they were round.
November 3
Sandwich Day – celebrate by eating a sandwich for every meal. Or pack your sweetie a sandwich they’ve never had before.
November 4
King Tut Day – if you think of a way to make this romantic, please post it on the comments.
November 5
Book Lovers Day – plan a date at your local bookstore and find a couple of favorites to read together while sipping coffee or tea.
November 6
Saxophone Day – watch a DVD of Kenny G in concert together. Or listen to the great music byDavid Sanborn or Dave Koz.
♥ Things To Do In Orlando ♥
CENTRAL
Orlando Museum of Art – 1st Thursdays on November 3rd from 6p – 9p. The theme for this month is Surrealism Lives!
Leu Gardens – Date Night in the Garden on Friday, November 4th. The garden opens at 6p. The movie begins at 7:30p. This month’s feature film is Sherlock Holmes. Bring your blanket, chairs, picnic and bug spray. It’s a beautiful setting for a great night out. Cost is $7. FREE for members.
Winter Park – Park Avenue presents Concours d’Elegance on Saturday and Sunday, November 5th and 6th. FREE.
NORTH
Altamonte Springs – Uptown Altamonte presents Friday Night Live on November 4th from 7p – 9p. FREE.
Sanford – Jazzed in Sanford on Saturday, November 5th from
Lake Mary/Heathrow Festival of the Arts on Saturday and Sunday, November 5th and 6th. FREE.
EAST
Deland – Volusia County Fair begins on Thursday, November 3rd at 4p. and runs through November 13th. See site for prices and details.
SOUTH
Kissimmee – Bluegrass Jam Session at the Osceola County Historical Society on Sunday, November 6th. FREE.
Lake Wales – Bok Tower Gardens presents the Sunset & Symphony Fall Concert on Saturday, November 5th from 6p – 8p. The Orlando Philharmonic Orchestra will perform. Bring a picnic and enjoy great music while watching the sun set.
WEST
Celebration, FL – Town Center presents the Alpha Romeo Car Show on Saturday, November 5th from 10a – 3p. FREE.
The Romantic Vineyard 