Yesterday we discovered Paul Byerly, of The Generous Husband, picked The Romantic Vineyard to be included on his first list (maybe annual) Hot Marriage Blogs for 2010. While this is solely his opinion, we find it quite the commendation since he and his wife, Lori have been blogging on helping Christian marriages longer than many of our readers have been married! Thank you, Paul. This really is an honor! We pray we can continue to offer hope, help and useful posts that are warm, but “not too fuzzy”. 🙂 (You made us laugh with the title!)
Here’s what he had to say:
Warm But Not Too Fuzzy Award: The Romantic Vineyard
I tried to come up with a better title for this, but failed. Tom & Debi do a lot of good posts on the romantic and emotional aspects of marriage without being so gooey that men shrink away. They have also done some great study series.
This being the first day of the New Year, we have decided to take the 31 questions we offered in this post, print them, cut them into individual strips and place them in a basket. We will pull one out to read each day to ponder and discuss during the month of January.
May your marriage be blessed, your endeavors prosper and your heart’s capacity to love others increase, as you love God and pursue Him wholeheartedly.
Today marks the last day of 2010 and our final list of 100 joys. It has been a wonderful diversion for a usually overwhelmingly hectic month. I honestly was afraid I wouldn’t be able to find so many, yet now I am finding Joy everywhere I look. As I drive down the road, being tempted to complain and grumble about the traffic, I silently look for the joy to be found. It is there when the driver in the car next to me thanks me with a wave and a smile for letting them pull in front of me. Sometimes joy is extended when it is offered first! Have you found Joy? Won’t you share a few you’ve found with us?
Here are our remaining joys…
85. Stewed Blackberries over hot buttered biscuits.
86. Grace – unmerited and free.
87. Candlelit dinners
88. History – watching a movie that tells a story I didn’t know before.
89. STORY – noticing the way God is writing MY story, and thinking of the many stories of people I pass everyday that only HE knows. We all have story – what’s yours?
90. Finishing three months of medication for vertigo and realizing how much it had affected my emotions. Joy in feeling myself again!
91. Seeing the word JOY everywhere I go and realizing I am changing because I noticed!
92. Route 66 Club – A group of friends from my church who travel this Ancient Road together. What a joy it has been to hear their view, motivating me to keep “traveling” (reading) the 66 books of the Bible.
93. The first day of a long weekend together.
94. Reading a new book to my three year old granddaughter about a mouse who writes stories! Thank you, Starbucks for creating such a cute mouse named, Huxley.
95. Finding the perfect Christmas ornaments for each of our children to represent 2010, and anticipating our special dinner when we will give them to them this weekend. 🙂
96. Reading the last chapter in the Old and New Testament. Thus closing out another year of God faithfully leading me through His Word. 97. Wagon rides around the block.
98. Blue skies after several dreary, cold days.
99. The quiet calm in our home after everyone has gone to sleep.
100. The comfortable place in marriage where Tom knows the worst of me, and I of him, yet our love grows ever stronger. Not because of us, but because of Christ, who for the JOY set before Him, endured the Cross despising the shame and has sat down at the right hand of the Father. This is the root of all joy, in life – in marriage, and it’s Indescribable!
We had the privilege of hearing Josh Wilson this month at our church’s 25th Anniversary Christmas Celebration. To close our segment on Joy, we thought it VERY appropriate to leave you with a song of hope, help and most of all JOY, titled, “Before The Morning!” Happy New Year – we will return to our normal posts on Monday.
2010 will soon be a memory. Amazing isn’t it, how quickly a year goes by? Even more amazing is how fast our lives pass. We have been given a few short years in this life to make a difference. This is why marriage matters. It matters when we hold a grudge. It matters when we choose to withdraw affection. Time is passing, and if we realized how quickly, we wouldn’t waste a single minute with our pettiness and complaints. Instead we would choose to be grateful, even for the little annoyances we experience day in and day out.
I’ve heard it said by a good friend how she gets annoyed by the fact that after 30+ years of marriage she is still picking up dirty clothes after her husband. But one day the Lord graciously interrupted her whining and complaining with this thought:
“You know, this is the very thing you’ll miss when he’s gone!”
It was something she had never considered. And this little interruption completely changed her heart towards this imperfection in her husband.
Image from laundryfreedom.com
Recently, we saw this video on another excellent marriage blog we frequent – Marriage Gems. We believe it speaks volumes, but we must warn you – grab a tissue. You’ll most likely need it! But more than this, we pray it will inspire you to actually thank God for the daily imperfections found in each other.
It’s time to plan some real one-on-one time together.
Asking questions is a great way to help each other understand the past year, interpret the present and plan for the new year. We’ve shared these questions before, but they always are appreciated reminders. To make the most of the New Year – in the midst of all the fireworks and parties – spend some time alone to talk and pray together.
Below are some great questions included in an excellent article by Donald Whitney to get you started. And remember – it’s of most importance that you listen twice as much as you speak. Happy New Year!
Ten Questions to Ask at the Start of a New Year
The beginning of a new year is an ideal time to stop, look up, and get our bearings. Even those most faithful to God occasionally need to pause and think about the direction of their lives. It’s so easy to bump along from one busy week to another without ever stopping to ponder where we’re going and where we should be going. To that end, here are some questions to ask prayerfully in the presence of God.
1. What’s one thing you could do this year to increase your enjoyment of God?
2. What’s the most humanly impossible thing you will ask God to do this year?
3. What’s the single most important thing you could do to improve the quality of your family life this year?
4. In which spiritual discipline do you most want to make progress this year, and what will you do about it?
5. What is the single biggest time-waster in your life, and what will you do about it this year?
6. What is the most helpful new way you could strengthen your church?
7. For whose salvation will you pray most fervently this year?
8. What’s the most important way you will, by God’s grace, try to make this year different from last year?
9. What one thing could you do to improve your prayer life this year?
10. What single thing that you plan to do this year will matter most in ten years? In eternity?
In addition to these ten questions, here are twenty-one more to help you “Consider your ways.” Think on the entire list at one sitting, or answer one question each day for a month.
11. What’s the most important decision you need to make this year?
12. What area of your life most needs simplifying, and what’s one way you could simplify in that area?
13. What’s the most important need you feel burdened to meet this year?
14. What habit would you most like to establish this year?
15. Who is the person you most want to encourage this year?
16. What is your most important financial goal this year, and what is the most important step you can take toward achieving it?
17. What’s the single most important thing you could do to improve the quality of your work life this year?
18. What’s one new way you could be a blessing to your pastor (or to another who ministers to you) this year?
19. What’s one thing you could do this year to enrich the spiritual legacy you will leave to your children and grandchildren?
20. What book, in addition to the Bible, do you most want to read this year?
21. What one thing do you most regret about last year, and what will you do about it this year?
22. What single blessing from God do you want to seek most earnestly this year?
23. In what area of your life do you most need growth, and what will you do about it this year?
24. What’s the most important trip you want to take this year?
25. What skill do you most want to learn or improve this year?
26. To what need or ministry will you try to give an unprecedented amount this year?
27. What’s the single most important thing you could do to improve the quality of your commute this year?
28. What one biblical doctrine do you most want to understand better this year, and what will you do about it?
29. If those who know you best gave you one piece of advice, what would they say? Would they be right? What will you do about it?
30. What’s the most important new item you want to buy this year?
31. In what area of your life do you most need change, and what will you do about it this year?
The value of many of these questions is not in their profundity, but in the simple fact that they bring an issue or commitment into focus. For example, just by articulating which person you most want to encourage this year is more likely to help you remember to encourage that person than if you hadn’t considered the question.
If you’ve found these questions helpful, you might want to put them someplace—in a day planner, PDA, calendar, bulletin board, etc.—where you can review them more frequently than once a year.
So let’s evaluate our lives, make plans and goals, and live this new year with biblical diligence, remembering that, “The plans of the diligent lead surely to advantage” (Proverbs 21:5). But in all things let’s also remember our dependence on our King who said, “Apart from Me you can do nothing” (John 15:5).
Today we share with you Vicki Taulbee’s final Passport Date idea for this year. Hasn’t it been a wonderful journey to see how one couple has implemented creative dates into their normal routine? We pray you have been inspired to think “out of the box” when it comes to dating your spouse! If you’ve missed these excellent posts, we’ve added a link to each one at the bottom of today’s post. Take time to read them, better yet, why not commit in 2011 to follow their example? Their ideas would work in any location, you simply have to do a little research and plan. As always, we’re here to help if you need it! Now here’s their post:
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This month our travels took another unexpected turn. For our year end travel date, I had originally planned for Jeff and I to spend the day at Epcot. However, with the unexpected passing of my mother-in-law, our plans changed. Instead, we spent that day with family as we helped clean her condo. It was certainly not what anyone would have chosen to do, but since we already had a babysitter in place for our kids, it really worked out well for us. We were able to work alongside Jeff’s siblings as we laughed, cried and reminisced about “Mutti”. I was really thankful that I could be there with Jeff and support him in this way.
Jeff's Mom - "Mutti"
That evening the two of us went out to dinner and then went shopping for Jeff’s Christmas present. I had anticipated this gift all year and was really excited we had a chance to do this together.
Prior to the evening, I had given Jeff this note:
Each month of this year
I’ve slowly removed
A few of our dollars
That we’ve budgeted for food.
I don’t think we’ve missed it.
We’ve seemed to survive
But I trust you’ll forgive me
When the purpose if realized.
For when Winter winds blow
And they bring cooler weather
Please Use the dollars and purchase
Your jacket of leather.
I love you honey!!!
During winter, last year, Jeff mentioned in passing that he would like to have a leather jacket. So with the cash in hand, we were able to purchase a really nice jacket. He loves it, and I think it looks great on him!!!
As it turns out, we were able to go out on a second date this month since some kind and generous friends offered to babysit for us! Jeff and I ended up going out with another couple and enjoyed some of our favorite cuisine…..Thai!
Wow! I cant believe our year of “traveling” has come to an end! What a great year full of adventures and new experiences. It was worth every effort to make time with Jeff fun and enjoyable. God has been so good to provide. From creative ideas to grace for unexpected changes…..from babysitters to the finances available. It has all come from Him, and our prayer is that through it all we’ve been able to grow in our marriage for the Glory of God.
Thanks for traveling with us! The best part of “traveling” this way? No unpacking! 🙂
It began one year ago and has been a wonderful challenge to date your spouse one night a week for an entire year! We finished and had a great time together. Special thanks to Tiffany for opening up this challenge to us!
Next year we are going to continue in this vein with a “once a month” challenge beginning in January. We’re working on all the details, so stay tuned! We’ll clue you in when it’s time!
We pray you have enjoyed celebrating Christmas with your family. We had an amazing time filled with all sorts of mixed emotions. Yet through it all we experienced great joy. We continue recording it as we find it…
70. Joy when I don’t feel happy. Like watching my friend sign papers tying her to a new city and state. Not happy, but filled with joy knowing they are following God’s will.
71. Knowing my prayers are heard by my Father in Heaven.
72. Giving of ourselves to those in need.
73. Driving away from our good friend’s home for the last time who will be moving away this week. There is joy to be found in such sadness. I would have missed it had I not been looking. It was in the looks given without words. Those agreements and memories which bind friends together for a lifetime – 24 years to be exact.
74. Open homes in our neighborhood on a luminary-lit sidewalk. Gathering together as neighbors to bring some joy, cheer and a cup of steaming hot wassail!
75. Books – all kinds of books available for us to read. What joy is found between two covers inviting us to consider our ways and change for the good.
76. Capturing the perfect moment on my camera.
My mom enjoying my two granddaughters
77. Those special moments with Tom only he knows about! 🙂 Yeah, there’s real JOY there – but NO pictures!
78. Giving encouragement to long time friends.
79. Reading God’s Word in my personal devotions only to hear a message the same day on the same passage.
80. Welcoming a new pastor to our church, caring for their two-year old daughter in Sunday School and realizing we will watch her grow up here. Joy anticipated…
81. Planning weddings with dear friends and their grown children. Entering into their Joy brings us great joy!
82. Hugging and comforting my crying granddaughter.
83. Praying together with another couple as we are standing in their brand new, yet empty home, asking for God’s blessing on all the memories that will be made there.
This is part of the Finding 100 Joys Project from Sarah Markley’s blog – The Best Days Of My Life. It has been an incredible journey, and one for which we thank God!
Back row, left to right: Seth & Tracy Lytle, Heather Walter, Jason & Ashley Walter.
Front row: Norah & Bradley Lytle, Debi & Tom Walter, Willow & Bristol Walter
We love in light of His love! May this Christmas find you and your spouse more in love with each other and with God who created you both. We look forward to another year of sharing our life and love with you all. May your marriage be blessed in the coming year!
We discovered this video by The Florin Street Band. It depicts the beauty of the Christmas season in such a heartwarming way we had to share it with you. The song lasts a little over 4 minutes, but is worth your time. (Be sure to watch in HD for the clearest picture and best sound). May your marriage be strengthened in the love of Christ this Christmas and in the coming year.
We offer you our warmest greetings! Merry Christmas, Tom and Debi
This is the Eve of Christmas Eve. We are always looking for ways to make the most of our time together with friends and family, but more often than not, the day passes without any real or meaningful conversation. It takes time to make time. We found some great questions to ask at your family gathering this year from biblicalspirituality.org. We believe they are perfect starting points to bring the focus of your time together to what matters most and provide some meaningful conversation.
Ten Questions to Ask at a Christmas Gathering
Many of us struggle to make conversation at Christmas gatherings, whether church events, work-related parties, neighborhood drop-ins, or annual family occasions. Sometimes our difficulty lies in having to chat with people we rarely see or have never met. At other times we simply don’t know what to say to those with whom we feel little in common. Moreover, as Christians we want to take advantage of the special opportunities provided by the Christmas season to share our faith, but are often unsure how to begin. Here’s a list of questions designed not only to kindle a conversation in almost any Christmas situation, but also to take the dialogue gradually to a deeper level. Use them in a private conversation or as a group exercise, with believers or unbelievers, with strangers or with family.
What’s the best thing that’s happened to you since last Christmas?
What was your best Christmas ever? Why?
What’s the most meaningful Christmas gift you’ve ever received?
What was the most appreciated Christmas gift you’ve ever given?
What was your favorite Christmas tradition as a child?
What is your favorite Christmas tradition now?
What do you do to try to keep Christ in Christmas?
Why do you think people started celebrating the birth of Jesus?
Do you think the birth of Jesus deserves such a nearly worldwide celebration?
Why do you think Jesus came to earth?
Of course, remember to pray before your Christmas gatherings. Ask the Lord to grant you “divine appointments,” to guide your conversations, and to open doors for the gospel. May He use you to bring glory to Christ this Christmas.
Thomas Kinkade wrote a poem we shared with you last year, but the message and picture it paints are worth repeating. We believe you’ll see he is not only the Painter of Light, but the Poet of Light as well.
The Christmas Pool
Imagine Christmas as a pool in the stream of time. The autumn current flows cold and clear, but as it rushes and chatters around a long November bend, it falls into deep December.
And slows down.
Or seems to.
Just beyond the pool, the stream hurries on, tumbling into rapids and racing into the channel of a new year. But at the pool, we may (if we wish it so) find a moment’s quiet. Green in the long light of a winter afternoon, bottomless blue on a frosty morning, or mirroring the cold fire of stars in the stillness of a December night, the pool speaks of mysteries beyond our years and invites us to pause and ponder.
We don’t have to hurry through Christmas.
With a little forethought, with a little discipline, we can make time to take time. We can stop running long enough to listen to the music, savor the lights, delight in the moment, remember the good days of seasons past, and think about enduring things — even as the stream of time glides on by.
There is something timeless about Christmas.
Perhaps it’s because of the way it came to us. On a given day, in a given place, at a given moment, Eternity entered into Time, permanently changing both. Timelessness intersected the temporal. Everlasting life — enduring light! — pierced a closed system of darkness and sorrow, rendering it closed no more forever. Heaven sent its best to earth, and He came to dwell among us. Into time, through time, and at the right time.
A birth. A Baby. A Boy. And then a Man.
Pondering Christmas won’t give us any more time, but gazing into the depthless pool just might help time stand still, if only for a season. We might give ourselves to pursuits long overlooked in our preoccupation with deadlines, schedules, obligations, and incessant busyness.
Love of the season.
Love of family.
Love of neighbors and friends.
Love of strangers along the path.
And the love of the One who came and gave so much more than we could begin to imagine.
Being the week of Christmas, we’re going to share with you some of our favorite posts from previous years. We think the message they offer is worth repeating! This first post has to do with our expectations of the season – especially when they go unmet. Click the picture below to go to the post!
Each year Christmas arrives right on time – it doesn’t matter if you’re ready; it doesn’t matter if you’re finished with all your shopping. It comes on December 25th, and it’s about the only day most stores are closed.
I remember the time when most stores were closed on Sunday. About the only thing to do on Sunday was to visit family near or far. Thus the term, “Let’s go for a Sunday drive!” It was because there was nothing better to do.
Now Chik-Fil-A is the exception to the rule. Everyone is opened on Sunday, and the only difference is most stores open later and close earlier…
But for Christmas!
Christmas is still held as the time reserved for family. It isn’t just another day on the calendar. It is special. It’s special not because the stores are closed, but stores are closed because it is SPECIAL.
So how will you mark your Christmas this year? We always focus on the children, because this time of year is so much fun with little ones to hold and love. But why not make plans to mark this Christmas together as husband and wife. If it wasn’t for Christmas, our marriages wouldn’t have a strong foundation to help us stay the course – in good times and bad. It is for Christ that we choose to love one another as He has loved us.
So, plan some alone time to celebrate this Christmas. Here are some suggestions:
Pray together thanking God for what Christmas has meant to you both personally.
Share communion.
Worship the Lord with familiar Christmas hymns
Start a tradition of exchanging gifts before going to bed on Christmas Eve.
Reflect on how God has helped you this year and talk about your dreams for the New Year.
Find a way to give of yourselves to someone in need. Like serving together in a homeless shelter or adopting a family who needs help. You can even do this last one anonymously!
(What idea would you write in the blank above? Won’t you share it with us?)
May this Christmas be marked with gratefulness for the birth of our Savior, and filled with overflowing JOY of His willingness to come and live among us! We are blessed in more ways than we can count, yet often we forget. Mark this Christmas with “tidings of comfort and JOY!” in all that He has done!
Oh, what a week it’s been! I am seeing joy everywhere! Even in familiar Christmas carols I’ve overlooked. My favorite this year is “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” by Meredith Andrews, who sang for us at our church’s 25th Anniversary Celebration a couple of weeks ago. If you haven’t heard it – click here!
Here is my ongoing list of Joys I’ve noticed this past week:
55. Loving a little two year old and remembering loving her mommy when she was two.
56. Hot BBQ when it’s freezing outside.
57. Finding the perfect gift at the perfect price.
58. Baking cookies with family.
59. Hearing my southern friend who lives in another state say, “I can’t wait to see you tomorrow darlin'” And knowing she means it.
60. Being there for a friend who is facing many life-changing decisions.
61. Christmas music!
62. The moment your plane touches ground in your hometown.
63. Hearing my car engine start after it’s been jumped by a friend at the airport parking lot after dark!
64. My cat’s purr.
65. Receiving an e-mail with good news!
66. Hearing the attendant in a public restroom singing, “How Great Thou Art.”
67. A phone call from my Mom telling me how God is helping her today.
68. Hearing of neighbors pitching in to help another neighbor who is grieving.
69. Snow – lots of it and how beautifully it reflects the Christmas lights. (Tom)
Burlington, Vermont
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This project is the idea of Sarah Markley, The Best Days of My Life blog. If you would like to join us it’s simple. Just start keeping track of your 100 joys this month, and link up to her blog each Monday.
Well, ladies, today is the day for God to help us as wives understand the Beauty of Meekness. I must be honest, I had a feeling this week’s message from Nancy Leigh DeMoss would hit me right where I’m struggling, and I was right.
We live in a culture which encourages women to be forceful, brash and in your face. So, when things don’t go the way I want, I must tell you, I’m more than not, tempted to lash back either in anger, irritability or just plain being mean.
I was with a friend Tuesday and Wednesday in Charlotte, N.C., helping her prepare for their move the end of this month. This in itself is enough to make me on edge. Add to this the fact that we had bad weather on our return flight, which insured flight delays and uncertainty. We were doing well with it all because we were together and it wasn’t late – YET. But when we finally landed in Atlanta we discovered our connecting flight was still departing at the original time, which happened to be only fifteen minutes away.
We ran through Concourse C – down the escalators to the train. Got off at Concourse D – ran up the escalator and all the way to the near to the last gate! Only to see the door to the plane closing. We said, “Wait! We’re here!!!”
The woman working the desk said in a less than meek way, “NO! You’re not getting on this plane. You’ll have to wait for the next flight!” But somewhere, somehow the gentleman closing the door reopened it and told her kindly to let us board. She continued to refuse and be angry. Yet, she succumbed to the meek and gentle way of this dear man.
As we gave the glaring woman our boarding pass, the man said as we passed through the doorway, “Run!” And run we did, only to receive the brunt of the other flight attendants annoyance with us as well as the waiting passengers. Awkward, yes! But worth it, absolutely! We were going home!
Why am I telling you this story? Because I’m just now realizing God was working out this entire scenario for my benefit at this moment. The woman at the gate was reacting to her difficult circumstances without a trace of meekness. The man, on the other hand, was able to diffuse her temper with his soft answer. We were the beneficiaries of his meekness.
Fast forward to today. Tom has been out of town all week and was very busy all day today with meetings. I knew I wouldn’t get to talk with him much, but unexpectedly he texted me to ask a question about our plans for the weekend. His text was direct and to the point (most likely because he didn’t have much time.) I responded right away to his question, then, he asked another question that could have been interpreted either positively or negatively. Without hearing how he was saying it I texted back for clarification. Ah, but there was no answer. It was one of those moments when all kinds of misinterpretations can occur because of the awkward silence. There was a cell phone commercial a few years back that demonstrated how bad it can be to lose signal right when a question is left lingering in the air.
This is what happened with us. And I didn’t hear back from him until hours later.
I wasn’t happy.
I wasn’t meek.
Tom apologized for the lack of communication, but I was still feeling a bit peeved. He had to go to dinner. So we hung up.
I knew I had to write this post. And before I could I had to read Nancy Leigh DeMoss’ next transcript titled, “Can Women Afford To Be Meek?” Deep down I knew it would apply completely to what I was experiencing. And I was right!
She said, “The first step in cultivating a spirit of meekness is to be honest about where you’re not meek. Not making excuses, not defending, not rationalizing. ‘Well, that’s just my personality,’ Or, ‘If you had to live with this teenager or this husband or this boss, you would understand.’ Not making excuses, just being honest before God about where we lack meekness.
Nancy continues speaking straight to my heart.
“Throughout the study for this series, God has used life circumstances, not big ones, just a lot of little ones, to squeeze me and to bring to the surface the lack of meekness that’s in my heart. It’s come out sometimes in my words. It’s come out sometimes in my spirit or my tone of voice, rolling my eyes or just that seething in my heart, that restlessness, that agitated spirit in my heart.
It sounds so simple, yet when my heart is digging in to defend my ground, this is the LAST thing I want to do. I know Tom is going to be calling me a bit later, so I’ve taken the time to ask God to forgive me for being so easily irritated. I don’t want to be this way. I know Christ lives within me, even when I’m choosing to be unmeek! He is like the man at the gate gently, but firmly making a way when there seems to be no way. His mercy disarms my pride and selfishness and I am able to make it to my final destination – a meek and quiet spirit.
I am a work in progress. We all are. Sanctification (a big word for God molding us into His image) doesn’t happen instantly. It’s a life-long process. But as we respond to the conviction of the Holy Spirit, we are changed. And hopefully one day I will be completely meek and gentle and quiet in my spirit. For this is what is pleasing to God.
Nancy closes with a quote from Matthew Henry’s book, “The Quest For Meekness and Quietness of Spirit” : Pray to God by His Spirit to work in you this excellent grace of meekness and quietness of spirit. When we begin at any time to be froward and unquiet, we must lift a prayer to Him who stills the noise of the sea, for that grace which establishes the heart.”
Say, “Lord, You can calm those stormy waters, would You calm my heart right now? Quiet my heart. Still the tempest in me. Grant me meekness and quietness of spirit.”
Then, RESOLVE to be meek.
Most of us live unexamined lives. We just go through the day. We react. We fly off the handle. We speak our piece. We lose our peace by speaking it. And then we just go on. And all this stuff is just piled up in our hearts. Stop and take stock of where you’ve failed, and look into the merciful, forgiving, gracious heart of God and say, “Oh, God, thank you for Jesus who died on the cross to pay for this sin.”
I know without a doubt that God is using all of these circumstances for my good. And I am certain He is at work in your heart as well. Let’s commit together to allow Him to work meekness into our proud hearts. When it is all said and done, no one will doubt who did the work. It is all Him and for Him and to Him for His glory!
How is your growth in meekness going so far? Won’t you join the conversation?
I am on a plane heading home and experiencing delays in my flight schedule. To pass the time I picked up a magazine not knowing what I was about to read.
It’s been an emotional day filled with conflicting feelings – saying goodbye to a friend who’s moving, having good news from Stu Gray at The Marry Blogger (we made the Top Ten List for 2010!!!), talking a couple of times with Tom who is also away on business and whom I’m missing very much!
Anyway, back to my magazine…Jeff Bridges, son of Lloyd Bridges, was being interviewed about his relationships. He shared what he had learned from his Dad,
“It wasn’t anything he said necessarily, but how he behaved. You could tell how much fun he was having, and when you’re feeling good and relaxed and in the moment, your best work comes out.”
What a powerful reminder of the effect we can have on our children and/or spouse, by living in the moment! This is exactly how I am purposing to live and finding great joy in the process.
The next part that affected me was his response when asked about his 33 year marriage to his wife, Sue,
“That’s another thing I’ve learned from my parents – how they navigate the waters of marriage. I guess it comes down to practice. And not getting a divorce! (Laughs!) one of the tough things is being separated for long periods of time, so even when I’m working, I try to check in with her everyday. And of course we have bumps, but I’ve found that the tough times are when you really learn something. All those bumps are opportunities to enlarge your capacity for love.”
Isn’t that powerful? Our difficulties teach us great lessons we would learn in no other way, and once they’re past, we find ourselves more in love than before. In our 32 years together we couldn’t agree more. I wouldn’t want to relive our difficult times, but I wouldn’t trade them for the world! For it was in those moments when Tom and I learned more about ourselves and each other and the power of God to change us in the process.
So, it’s good from time to time to step back and look at the big picture. For me, it took climbing the sky in an airplane, so I could read about Jeff Bridges and his perspective. I am amazed at how God has allowed us to practice loving each other. Just when marriage gets really hard, is when God is right there ready to open blinded eyes and expand the beautiful view. But we can’t quit. It takes commitment to reach those moments, but once we do – we’ll forever thank God for helping us make it through.
Speaking of making it through – WE HAVE BEEN NAMED A TOP 10 MARRIAGE BLOG FOR 2010!!! Thank you for voting for us! This is one of those moments when we are glad we continued doing what we knew that we should do. We are humbled and honored to be named among such quality marriage blogs. May God be glorified and praised!
We know a couple who was offered a 3 year job opportunity in Europe. At first, the wife was adamant she had no desire to leave family and friends, much less her country! Her firm answer was, “No!”
That was before the Lord gave her a new perspective; He began opening her eyes and heart to the adventure it would be to explore a new culture together. At this point they don’t have children, so the only adjustments would be for the two of them. She had honestly never thought about such a move in any other way than as an adversity! She surprised not only her husband, but herself when she said, “Yes!” only a few hours later. This was a year ago and they are currently in the middle of this great adventure!
And today I’m sitting in a hotel with a lifelong friend whose husband is taking a new job in another state! She is facing many changes all at once that can seem like great adversity, yet in picking out their apartment today, I witnessed first hand the vision and sense of adventure replacing the sense of dread!
It’s always hard to let go of one season to embrace a new adventure when you have no memories to attach to the new place, but they will certainly come. As husband and wife there is always more to our story, pages yet to be written. And since I’ve witnessed my faraway friend in Europe turn a sad thought into a grand adventure, I’m certain my friend here today will have amazing stories of God’s faithfulness to share with me one year from now!
It’s all in how we face the morrow – is it with joy or with sorrow?
God will give us joy for this is a promise! It just may not come in the way we thought or planned! I will miss my friend I’m with today like many others I’ve said goodbye to before, but there is great joy in knowing we are all fulfilling our part of God’s will on the earth – one day there will be no more sorrows, no more goodbyes, but for now – Let the Adventure begin…
We haven’t talked too much about the Top 10 Marriage Blog nomination because the Bible says clearly “let another praise you and not your own mouth.” But we do want to communicate the effect being named on such a list would bring. Our goal in blogging isn’t to make a name for ourselves. We blog because we sincerely want to help strengthen marriages when things are still going well.
Having spent the past few years counseling marriages in serious trouble, we began this blog as a way of helping marriages BEFORE they reached the desperate stage of intense conflict. It is our preventative measure to help you build on the good before the bad does permanent damage.
So, being named as a Top 10 Marriage blog would open the door for us to help more marriages be affected with the good news of the Gospel. Hearing how to make marriage better will infuse hope in even the darkest of places. We know what it’s like to face dark days in your marriage. After 32 years together we’ve experienced most kinds of temptations and conflict. God has helped us in our most difficult years, and He knows what we need before we ask.
We want to help.
We want to share what we’ve learned.
We want to bring hope to all husbands and wives.
And we want to glorify God and His Word by helping marriages reflect Christ’s love for His Church.
So, if you haven’t voted – would you consider voting for our blog? If you voted a while ago, you most likely voted in the first round. Try again, and if this is the case, your vote will go through, and would you consider asking others to vote? We are grateful for you and the way you encourage us to continue sharing our lives with you. But you must know the real reason we do this is because we believe this is God’s will for us at this time in our lives. We pray it is helping your marriage grow stronger and that you are having fun along the way! We most certainly are!!!
Thank you and may you continue to find fresh inspiration in our Romantic Vineyard.
Our list is lengthy with things we must finish by December 24th, and we’re sure yours is as well. But at the top should be to make plans to have one special evening together with your spouse.
When our children were little, we made Christmas Eve our romantic time to open gifts and share in the joy of Christmas as husband and wife. It was the time we looked forward to the most! This also allowed us to focus on our children Christmas morning. What rich memories we have of their precious faces when they first entered our family room on Christmas morning. Although we never encouraged belief in Santa Claus, we always waited until after they were in bed Christmas Eve to put out all their gifts. It was priceless seeing their expressions when their eyes first saw their gifts Christmas morning.
This past Friday night, we were blessed to attend our church’s Christmas Celebration marking 25 years together as a church. It was wonderful being surrounded by family and friends as we shared an incredible dinner together. Afterward, we settled down to enjoy the amazing vocal talents of Meredith Andrews followed by Josh Wilson, who has unbelievable guitar skills. Yes, it was quite the evening – marked with many “joy-filled” moments as well as tear-filled moments. God’s faithfulness to us is overwhelming. We are rich because Christ has loved us first. We imagine He enjoys watching the expressions on our faces as we worship Him, as much as we enjoy watching our own children and grandchildren with eyes filled with wonder.
So this week we encourage you to Mark Your Calendar with a special time for the two of you. It can even be at home after the children are nestled all snug in their beds!
Oh, we almost forgot. We drew a name last night (using Random.org) for our monthly giveaway…and the winner is:
Bonita Slaymaker
Congratulations, Bonita! Thank you for being a part of our Vineyard. Her favorite Christmas song is, “It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year.” It most certainly is!
It is the place where I write what is on my heart each day. At times I am rejoicing and other times I’m lamenting to God in prayer. Always I am listening with my pen hoping to hear a word that will speak to me where I am. Most of the time I am not disappointed. God speaks, if I am willing to listen. So here is what I wrote this morning:
Thursday, December 9, 2010
My hunt for joy – 100 joys – this month has been a lot like hunting for deer. I have to be quiet and listen for it. Whole herds of joy are all around me, but if I’m hurried or too busy to notice, it all blends into the background, like a camouflaged deer. Thank you, Father, for helping me see joy as simply J=Just, O=Offering, M=Myself to the circumstances I’m facing for Your glory. This isn’t hard when the joy exudes from something or someone I like. But when I am facing circumstances I don’t like, my prayer isn’t usually to stay around long enough to see the joy. It’s usually “Get me outta here!” Father, You hide joy for me in every circumstance I face. It is the little flower hiding among great thorns. I can smell it before I see it and it draws me to carefully bend on my knees to reach for it. Help me see the joy you have hidden for me today, Lord.
Later in the day, the Lord reiterated this word picture. I was with my Mom having lunch at The Olde Cup and Saucer Tea Room when I noticed the art on the wall by local artist, Bob Dipilato. It looked like a tea cup from a distance, but up close I could see the bigger picture was made with teeny, tiny little pictures that made up the whole.
It was unbelievable, and it spoke to my heart about Joy. How often I am so focused on the big issues of my life I miss the small joys God is trying to communicate to my heart. Silently, I thanked Him for helping me remember and apply this thought to my daily circumstances. He is wanting me to see the Joy set before me, like His Son did. He was willing to despise the shame and glorify His Father in the worst of circumstances. The joy set before Christ was US! He wanted to redeem US to His Father. This is the foundation of all the Joy in the World – Christ With Us!
With this thought I am u.n.d.o.n.e. and grateful beyond words. So this is the perfect time to share my continued list of joys I’ve noticed this past week. I pray you have been noticing much joy in your own life:
23. Spontaneous laughter
24. Count it all joy when you face various trials for it produces steadfastness! (Tom)
25. Helping hands cleaning up a big mess.
26. The chat box popping up with a greeting from a good friend. Bringing her closer to my heart.
27. Finding the perfect gift at the perfect price with free shipping! 🙂
28. Calling my mom’s cell phone and hearing her voice on the other end.
29. Volunteering with a neighbor to decorate our entrance way for Christmas.
30. Encouraging a young couple who just got engaged. Sharing in their joy brought me great joy!
31. Watching the expressions on several friend’s faces (at my husband’s work Christmas party) as they were being commended on a job well done!
32. Hanging Christmas lights and realizing the patience displayed while untangling the mass of string is truly an evidence of God’s grace in my life.
33. C.H.O.C.O.L.A.T.E.
34. Seeing a friend in the store who lost her son last New Year’s Eve. Hearing her speak of his first birthday in Heaven, brought me joy in seeing her grieve with hope. Amazing!
35. Spending time fixing dinner for my niece who’s daughter was sick.
36. Pink tutus on little girlies.
37. Buying lunch for the stranger behind me in the drive-thru of Backyard Burger.
38. Knowing God is working His good will in the lives of my family.
39. Seeing an elderly gentlemen who’s electric wheelchair fell off the rack in heavy traffic and a young man stopping to help him.
40. Christmas shopping with my husband.
41. Sharing Peppermint Mochas on a cold night.
42. Reading God’s Word and having it speak to my soul.
43. Having tea with my Mom.
44. Giving surprise gifts to grateful children.
45. Giving surprise gifts to lifelong friends.
46. Restored marriages that nearly ended in divorce.
47. Realizing that joy can be found when I simply J=Just, O=Offer, M=Myself in any given situation for God’s glory. He orchestrates every circumstance that comes my way. Realizing this makes it easier to surrender to His all-knowing plan.
48. Gifts delivered to my doorstep I ordered a week ago!
This project is the idea of Sarah Markley, The Best Days of My Life blog. If you would like to join us it’s simple. Just start keeping track of your 100 joys this month, and link up to her blog each Monday.
We all know how to get dressed in the morning. It’s something I don’t give much thought to, except to make sure the shirt matches the pants and that I don’t forget my belt. This is because I’ve repeated this day after day after day. It is my normal routine.
How different our marriages would be if we would take the time to “clothe ourselves in meekness” each and every day.
If you haven’t had a chance to read Nancy Leigh DeMoss’ next transcript, I highly encourage you to. You’ll find it HERE. It won’t take more than 5 minutes, and it may speak to you more clearly than I can do on this blog post.
I strive to follow the biblical command to give a soft answer in order to turn away wrath. I don’t know why this Truth has been in the forefront of my conscience, but God has been kind to help me see the value of holding my tongue. Oftentimes I’ve been criticized for my lack of answering back. Yet waiting until the tone has cooled has proven to bring resolution to otherwise volatile situations. I thank God for this work in my heart.
At the beginning of our marriage I was much more inclined to give a quick answer, and Debi was even more spirited. We never had knock out, drag out fights, but we stewed in our anger and resentments towards each other. Eventually we would open upand bring our differences to the table so we could talk reasonably about the issue at hand. But sometimes it would take days. This is not what being meek looks like. It’s not keeping quiet in order to pout or withdraw. No, it’s purposing to take the hit until the right time comes around to talk. Sometimes the time never comes. It’s not that the issue wasn’t worthy of discussing, but by taking the meek road one often forgets what it was that caused the trouble in the first place.
Proverbs 19:11 says, “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.”
Imagine how many heated arguments could be cooled if the husband or wife is committed to “overlooking an offense”. Now we’re not talking about serious sin issues here. There is definitely a time in all marriages where complete honesty and confessions need to be made in order for the marriage to grow and mature. I’m talking about the daily irritations, annoyances and such that can so often set us on edge. Here are a few examples:
Debi not doing something I asked her to do, or doing it, but not the way I wanted!
Not understanding why Debi did the things she did that seemed silly to me.
Not having an orderly house!
Coming home to mayhem at times and wishing Debi could just get it together.
As you can see, my expectations were all selfishly motivated. And I didn’t see it. There were many arguments we could have avoided if I had been meek, but God was at work. He is always at work in me, in my wife, and He is at work in your marriage as well.
Matthew Henry said,
If everything be not just to their mind [if everything is not just as we think it should be], they are fretting and vexing and their hearts are hot within them, finding fault with everything that is said or done to them.
A quiet spirit would reconcile us to the [position] we’re in and to all the difficulties of it, and would make the best of the present state, though it is attended with many inconveniences.
It is the [lack] of meekness that makes those whom divine Providence has put under the yoke impatient of the yoke.
It is for lack of meekness that we are so impatient of contradiction in our opinions, in our desires, in our designs.
Nancy says in regard to this quote:
It has to be our way, and we’re impatient if things don’t go our way. He says, “We must have our own saying, right or wrong, and everything our own way.” That makes us contentious and hard to live with.”
So, take some time this weekend to talk about your tendencies towards meekness with your spouse. Ask them honestly how you’re doing. And then ask for their help in helping you see it. It’s hard to change in an area we can’t see ourselves. Ask God and your spouse to open your eyes and guess what? They’ll both be glad to help you with such a meek request. But watch out – you may not like what you hear at first! But use what we learned last week – Think BEFORE you react!
Most of all remember this; it is all good, and we do this for God’s glory to shine all the brighter in our marriages.
How does meekness manifest itself in your marriage?
(Photo: By Bobby (Flickr: Preparation) [CC-BY-2.0 (www.creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons)
Yesterday we discovered Paul Byerly, of The Generous Husband, picked The Romantic Vineyard to be included on his first list (maybe annual) Hot Marriage Blogs for 2010. While this is solely his opinion, we find it quite the commendation since he and his wife, Lori have been blogging on helping Christian marriages longer than many of our readers have been married! Thank you, Paul. This really is an honor! We pray we can continue to offer hope, help and useful posts that are warm, but “not too fuzzy”. 🙂 (You made us laugh with the title!)
The Romantic Vineyard 