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Tom and Debi
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Category Archives: communication
Test Your Marriage
Have you ever noticed that if something is bothering you in your marriage it’s all you can think about or see? Tom uses an illustration that is so helpful… Take a credit card and hold it in your hand. Stretch … Continue reading
Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict
Tagged Marriage failure, Marriage help, Marriage Test, Unresolved Issues
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Being Honest
For communication to work well in marriage it requires a commitment to honesty. But not just dumping honest words in your spouse’s lap; that’s not kind nor smart. Many misinterpret the scripture, “speaking the truth in love” to mean saying … Continue reading
Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict
Tagged Communication in Marriage, Honesty, marriage
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Drifting or Sailing?
Never underestimate the value of time together alone. It is needed for your marriage to keep from drifting. The danger with drift is that you don’t know it’s happening until you’re way off course. If you don’t have goals set … Continue reading
Is It Safe To Be Real?
I was the youngest of three growing up in the 60’s. Our lively conversations at the table were often filled with laughter and teasing. But because I was 5 and 6 years younger than my brother and sister (respectively), I … Continue reading
Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict
Tagged communication, How our past influences our present, Is it safe to be real?, Marriage help
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Curiosity Kills Assumptions
I’ve been thinking about the importance of curiosity in marriage. Curiosity is what keeps us inquiring about something. When we’re curious we want to know more and don’t assume we’ve discovered all there is to know. Curiosity kills such assumptions. … Continue reading
Posted in Cherishing, Christian Marriage, communication
Tagged Cherishing Your Spouse, Curiosity, Curious
4 Comments
Pruning A Marriage Is Hard Work
It is Spring in FL and everything in our garden needs pruning, weeding, mulching, fertilizing and/or repotting. It can be overwhelming when looked at as a whole. But Tom and I have found that focusing on one thing and completing … Continue reading
A Dormant Season
We have a huge, very healthy bougainvillea in our backyard. It is so large it is pushing our new fence and making it difficult to walk by it without getting scratched by it’s enormous thorns. We needed to prune it, … Continue reading
When Opposites Don’t Attract
The old adage that opposites attract is often said in regard to marriage, and it is true most times. Tom and I couldn’t be more opposite in areas that aren’t important, e.g. how we like our eggs, hot beverage of … Continue reading
Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Difficulty, Growing Strong Marriages, Newlyweds, Troubled Marriage
Tagged Drifting Apart, Pre-marital Counseling questions, When Opposites Don’t Attract
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Looking Outward Together
We spend much of our posts talking about how to make your relationship stronger to last through the years. This requires intentionality in pursuing intimacy with your spouse—spiritual, emotional, physical, as well as cherishing each other. This will make your … Continue reading
The Annoying Hiccups of Marriage
In this season of quarantines being relaxed and then restricted again, it can become disconcerting. But let’s remember the one constant in our life…our marriage. Whatever restrictions we face, we are in this together. Hiccups and all! Two are better … Continue reading
Five Things To Do When You’re Bothered, Bummed and Blue
On March 17th our lives came to a screeching halt. No more meetings; no more friends gathering; no more church services together; no more date nights to our favorite places; no more life as we had known it. At first … Continue reading
Ten Ways to Not Waste This Time in Marriage
None of us expected this, but here we are. It has been the strangest worldwide event in my lifetime. We have been sheltering in place for a couple of months now, and social distancing whenever we venture out. Always going … Continue reading
Twisted Words
Have you ever said something to your spouse and the reaction they gave was unexpected? You realize that they didn’t hear what you said in the way you meant them too. A miscommunication is hanging in the air and you … Continue reading
Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict
Tagged Humility, Instincts, marriage, Patience, Twisted Words
3 Comments
Physical Intimacy – Now That’s A Great Question
How often should sexual intimacy happen in a healthy marriage? I emphasize healthy marriage because troubled marriages have to fix the areas in need of attention before they hope to see improvement in the bedroom. Of course there are exceptions. … Continue reading
Physical Intimacy – Three Aspects of a Healthy Sex Life
Three of the most important aspects of a healthy physical relationship is a willingness to be vulnerable, honest and trustworthy with each other. * Vulnerable Dr. Leman says, “Most men don’t realize, psychologically, how vulnerable a naked woman can feel. … Continue reading
Posted in communication, Growing Strong Marriages, Intimacy, Physical
Tagged Honesty, Physical intimacy, Sexual intimacy, Trustworthy, Vulnerable
4 Comments
Can I Be Honest?
I recently talked with a wife who said she was finally in a place in their marriage where she could be honest with her husband. They didn’t have a bad marriage. But they had settled and weren’t working to make … Continue reading
Choices and Voices
Choices. We make them everyday, all day long! What motivates the choices we make? Now that’s a question worth considering. Today Tom and I had another one of those moments that we don’t like. It was not that big a … Continue reading
What Are Your Top Two?
We all have areas in our marriage that are in need of attention. What we do with these areas is the defining difference between a healthy marriage and an unhealthy marriage. Having a church community of friends who know and … Continue reading
Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict
Tagged Benefits of Church Community, Can We Talk, communication, mentoring
3 Comments
Five Friday Favorites – Difficult Topics in Marriage
So often in marriage the way the enemy works against us it to make us uncomfortable talking about important topics. The only way to counter this attack is to do the difficult thing and talk about them. We are privileged … Continue reading
Giving God Full Creative Access
Imagine an artist gifted in painting realism who has an accident in the studio. Paint is splashed all over the canvas ruining the piece as they had planned. But is it ruined or just different? Abstract paintings are as beautiful … Continue reading
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