6 Last Minute Valentines Ideas To The Rescue

Posted on February 12, 2019 by Debi Walter

There are couples who go all out for Valentines Day because they enjoy it. Whether you spend a ridiculous amount of money to dine out with the crowds (hardly romantic in my humble opinion), or maybe you buy stereotypical gifts because that’s what you are told you’re supposed to do. Valentines Day does not have to be a major expense. In fact, you can do it for no cost at all.

Thoughtful Valentine Ideas that are FREE:

1. Write a note to your sweetie on the mirror in your bathroom so they see it first thing in the morning. Or cover the mirror with red hearts using lipstick.

2. Send your spouse a secret message throughout the day by texting one word each hour. Send them out of order so they have no idea what you are saying until they unscramble the words at the end of the day. You could tell them what you want to do with them after the kids are in bed. You could tell them what you are making for a special dinner. Or you could make it a coupon to be redeemed at a later date. The key is to make it something that will make your spouse smile with anticipation.

3. Using red construction paper cut out hearts, then write out an attribute you love about your spouse on each heart. Tape them all over the house or the inside of their car. You could even hide them letting them find them throughout the day or following week. Make it easier on yourself and use Post-It Notes.

4. Send your spouse the lyrics to a love song along with the link for them to listen to it on You Tube.

5. Go for a drive outside the city after dark. Find a place to park. Take a blanket and sit on the hood of your car (or bring folding chairs) and look up for shooting stars. If you can’t afford a babysitter, take the kids with you. It is good for our children to see us doing romantic things together we enjoy.

6. Watch movie clips on You Tube to make each other laugh. See who can make the other laugh the hardest.

These are a few easy ideas to let your spouse know how much they mean to you. Taking the extra effort on days like this gives them something special on which to think.

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This is our sixth post for our National Marriage Week Challenge to post each day leading up to Valentine’s Day. #NationalMarriageWeek2019

Posted in Christian Marriage, Date Night Ideas, Free Dates, Holidays, Valentine's Day | Tagged | 2 Comments

The Necessity Of Light

Posted on February 11, 2019 by Debi Walter

We have two three-way lamps in our bedroom on either side of our bed. Each light setting provides a different purpose.

If I just want to make our room look nice and inviting, I’ll put it on the lower light.

If I’m wanting to read I’ll put it on the second light.

But if I need to take a close look at fine print or sew a button on a shirt, I have to put it on the brightest setting.

There was a day when no lamp was needed for any of these tasks. I can still hear my grandmother reproving me for reading in the dark. “You’re going to ruin your eyes!” She would say. I wonder if my need for reading glasses and bright lights to read is her prophecy fulfilled, or if it’s just what happens as we age. At any rate, light is necessary.

Marriage is similar in that we need to shed more light on our relationship the older we get.

When we were newlyweds, it didn’t take much to talk or to romance each other. It was all fresh, new and fun for the most part. Maybe it was because we were on the lower setting only and everything had a warm glow about it.

As the years pass we get to know each other on a deeper level. More light is shed on areas that may have not been noticed before. Things irritate us, and we have to talk more and learn what motivates our disagreements. And when we don’t like what we discover? We must turn the light of God’s Word upon our hearts and see what He want us to see in the conflict. The brightest setting is for those who wish to grow their marriage beyond the “we look good, so we must be good,” stage. That is superficial and leads no where.

What setting is your lamp currently? It may be time to take it up a notch and see what you discover. Check out our Date Night Questions on the tab above to help you in the process.

“No one after lighting a lamp puts it in a cellar or under a basket, but on a stand, so that those who enter may see the light. Luke 11:33 ESV

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This is our fifth post for our National Marriage Week Challenge to post each day leading up to Valentine’s Day. #NationalMarriageWeek2019

Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

Caution vs. Impulse

Posted on February 10, 2019 by Debi Walter

We are opposite in many ways and none more so than in this area of caution vs. impulse.

We will celebrate 40 years of marriage on the 24th of this month. Does this make us experts in all things pertaining to marriage? Not by any stretch of the imagination! What we are is experienced. We have learned many valuable lessons by living with each other.

Since Tom and I are opposite in many ways, it provides fertile ground for various conflicts to grow. None more so than his cautious approach to life and my impulsive nature.

I like to think I’m spontaneous! 😊

Of course there are times when being spontaneous or impulsive is good, fun even. I like to tease Tom how boring his life would be without me. He agrees. However, I shudder to think how my impulsive nature would have played out if left unchecked. I’m forever grateful for Tom’s solid, well-thought out way of doing life. Together we are better individuals.

In this day and age people tout their individual rights as if it is a godly virtue. But I believe God calls us to need the help and support of others to help bring us to a place of maturity in Him.

Tom’s patient weighing out of all options used to make me crazy!

Why can’t he just decide already, was a constant thought pattern. But I have discovered there can be much wisdom in his caution, as well as much foolishness in my impulse.

I asked him recently how he was able to decide to marry me after only three months of dating. He says he knew after our first date, but thought it would scare me away if he asked me that night; He would have been right. Funny isn’t it? Tom showed no caution when he knew God had given him clear direction to marry me. I guess that’s where we get the saying “leap of faith!” When God speaks we are ready to jump.

Don’t throw caution to the wind however, let it inform you when it is the best time to take the leap, then jump in with all you have. I’m so glad we did!

In what ways are you and your spouse different? Has it made you bitter or better?

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This is our fourth post for our National Marriage Week Challenge to post each day leading up to Valentine’s Day. #NationalMarriageWeek2019

Posted in Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, Wisdom in Marriage | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

Every Marriage Deals With It

Posted on February 9, 2019 by Debi Walter

How much do you think deeply about the things that matter most? One thing required to think deeply is choosing to slow down. Thoughts are like timid animals–you must be still in order for them to make themselves fully known.

Today I am sitting on our couch thinking deeply about many things. One in particular is our commitment to marriage ministry, both online and in person. We carry this burden daily. It is our life’s focus to help marriages become all God intends them to be. People often look at us and get the wrong impression–thinking we just have a good marriage and that it’s been easy for us. You would be wrong. Not that our marriage isn’t good, but that it has always been easy. This is the greatest disadvantage of having an online presence. It gives a false sense of perfection if this is all you see.

How I would love to sit across the table from you at our local coffee shop and tell you stories of the struggle. Behind every struggle is a story of God’s faithfulness to grow and mature us, both individually and as a couple.

We have the privilege of getting to know married couples in our church through a 6 month community group that Tom leads. The couples commit to focus on their relationship for this specific amount of time and it has been quite fruitful. Especially for those couples who lean in with purpose and make the time to think deeply about where they are currently in their marriage and where they want to be.

One wife mentioned recently that she realized she had been comparing the fine print in her marriage to the highlights of all her friends’ marriages shared on Instagram and Facebook. It left her feeling discontent with what God had given her in her marriage and in her husband as well. This is not the way to live. We can’t compare our struggles with everyone else’s strengths! It’s like comparing apples to steak, two completely different types of food that are necessary to grow, but have different purposes.

Behind every positive post on social media, there is a lot of mess not shown. We do this all the time to make a photo look it’s best. We choose what to crop and what to keep. Take this photo for example…

I took this picture just now from my garden and it looks beautiful. It gives the impression that I am quite the gardener always pruning, weeding and fertilizing. But the following is what the garden really looks like at present…

Same photo, but the first was cropped to show only the good. Am I being deceptive in not showing the whole photo? Not intentionally.

This is what we do all the time on social media. Not necessarily because we want to hide the reality, but because we want to make much of the beauty. Think of what your friends share as “rejoicing with those who rejoice”. Realize there has been a lot of weeping if you were able to sit and talk with them at length as to how they got to where they are today.

Life is messy for all of us. Putting two people together to live under one roof who come from different backgrounds and traditions is also messy. We don’t have to highlight the messes on social media, but we must realize they are there, behind every beautiful shot captured. And the mess is what brings the beauty if you stay the course and push through it.

One Scripture that always makes me laugh is from Proverbs 14:4. It is written by King Solomon who was the wisest of all Kings to ever live.

Yes! Every marriage is going to have messes to deal with, but what you do with the mess makes all the difference. I’d much rather have the potential an ox provides than a clean manger. Wouldn’t you?

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This is our third post for our National Marriage Week Challenge to post each day leading up to Valentine’s Day. #NationalMarriageWeek2019

Posted in Christian Marriage, Keeping It Real | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

A Dozen Valentine Ideas 4 U

Posted on February 8, 2019 by Debi Walter

A Dozen Valentine Ideas for you to try.

Valentine’s Day. Many people roll their eyes just thinking of it. You may think it hokey. You may think it a gimmick instigated by the card and chocolate industries to get you to part with your money. But what if you chose instead to use this holiday to help you express your love to your spouse in a fun and creative way?

Introducing our Top 12 Romantic Valentine Ideas just in time for you to plan this year and make it special.

1. Plan a romantic dinner at home. Do it after the kids are in bed. If your kids are older, set up a nice table in your bedroom if you have the space. This allows you to enjoy a quiet meal together even if everyone is still awake.

2. Watch a romantic concert on TV. One of our all-time favorites is Jim Brickman’s My Romance. I rearranged our living room furniture so that the loveseat was right in front of our TV. It gave the feel of a front row seat at the concert. Find an artist you both enjoy and look for DVD’s of live concerts. It is a great way to spend an evening together at home.

3. If the weather is nice where you live, plan an evening picnic under the stars. This can be just dessert and coffee, or go all out with a full dinner basket.

4. Buy an inexpensive jigsaw puzzle with no more than 100 pieces. On the back of some pieces write numbers that represent certain prizes earned when you find where that piece fits. Ideas include: Do one of your chores for a week, back rub, activity of their choice on next date, make love when, where and how you want, dessert of your choice, etc… Make it more fun by numbering the puzzle pieces that coincide with a list, so you don’t know what you won until the puzzle is finished.

5. Learn something new together using how-to videos on You Tube. Examples: Swing Dancing, Pizza making, Line Dancing, etc. Or watch funny video clips to make each other laugh.

6. Play Win or Dare Putt-Putt.

7. Have a photo shoot together. You can make this silly or sexy. The important thing is to have fun. Gather different outfits and props to use to make it even more creative.

8. Make a playlist of your favorite love songs and slow dance together. Turn the lights down and light a few candles to make it romantic. As a challenge see if you can look each other in the eyes for one entire song as you listen to the words. We did this once to the song, You Must Love Me, by Madonna. It is such a special memory for both of us.

9. Make this day and No Techie Day. Put away your devices and talk. Read aloud to each other from books you both enjoy.

10. Have your own video game tournament. If one of you is better than the other, make a handicap for the stronger player, like using only their weaker hand.

11. Use washable markers to draw tattoos on each other where no one else can see.

12. Buy a bouquet of flowers to give your wife a message using the meanings of flowers as your guide.

We encourage you to make the most of every opportunity you have together. We never know how many memories we will get to make in this life. Let’s not waste a single opportunity to connect and express our love.

Happy Dating!

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This is our second post for our National Marriage Week Challenge to post each day leading up to Valentine’s Day. #NationalMarriageWeek2019

Posted in Christian Marriage, Creative Dates, Date Night Ideas, Holidays, Valentine's Day | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

National Marriage Week 2019

Posted on February 7, 2019 by Debi Walter

Today marks the beginning of a seven-day focus on the importance of marriage in our nation.

As marriage bloggers for the past decade, it has been our passion to sound this call every week, not just one week a year during the month of February. And we are privileged to be a part of the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association where hundreds of marriage bloggers do the same.

It is a privilege to be able to share with you what this ministry is doing to help us help others. The following is the national press release provided by the National Marriage Week organization.

NEW YORK – Jan. 15, 2019 – PrZen — Numerous studies show that marriage is the number one solution to poverty and helps children and families thrive. National Marriage Week (February 7-14) is an ideal time to highlight the importance of marriage for individuals, families, and our nation as a whole.

National Marriage Week USA is:

1.     A movement to increase marriage education all across the U.S.

2.     The only national clearinghouse calendar for locating and posting marriage events

3.     A public education campaign to promote the benefits of marriage for reducing poverty and benefiting children

4.     A place to find help for your own marriage – whether you are struggling or not – in your community

“We exist to strengthen marriages around the country and to support those in every community who are seeking to be ‘marriage champions’,” said Executive Director Sheila Weber. “Marriage benefits children in extraordinary ways, and like any public health campaign, we want to have a sustained campaign to help marriages succeed.”

ABOUT NATIONAL MARRIAGE WEEK USA

National Marriage Week USA was founded in 2010 to encourage many diverse groups to launch individual and simultaneous efforts in order to raise the issue of marriage to the national agenda and support marriages across the country. We seek to build cooperation with houses of worship, businesses, education, the media, and governments.

Source: National Marriage Week USA

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This is our first post for our National Marriage Week Challenge to post each day leading up to Valentine’s Day. #NationalMarriageWeek2019

Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages, resources | Tagged , , | Comments Off on National Marriage Week 2019

Seven Romantic Quotes From (Can You Guess?)

Posted on February 4, 2019 by Debi Walter

When Tom and I first started dating he lived two and half hours away from me. Long-distance phone calls were very expensive inside the state, so we wrote each other often. We spent one anniversary reading through them, and it was hilarious and special at the same time. Hilarious in the words we chose, and special in the heart expressed early in our relationship. We cherish those letters!

With the arrival of social media and emails, letter writing has become a thing of the past. But love notes are no less appreciated when one takes the time to write their own sentiments on paper.

I recently discovered quotes from the love letters of some famous couples. I won’t tell you right away who penned them. I would rather you simply enjoy the way they expressed their heart on paper. I’ll reveal the answers in a comment later. For now just read and enjoy.

One

“Every day and every night I want to see you and be with you, yet I have no feeling of selfish ownership or jealousy. Let’s go for a long ride Sunday; let’s go to the mountains on weekends; let’s read books in front of fires; most of all, let’s really grow together and find the happiness we know is ours.”

Two

“It made me terribly home sick when I talked with you yesterday morning. It seemed as if you were just around the corner, if 6,000 miles can be just around the corner.“

Three

“Miss Adorable, By the same Token that the Bearer hereof sat up with you last night I hereby order you to give him, as many Kisses, and as many Hours of your Company after 9 O’Clock as he shall please to Demand and charge them to my Account.”

Four

“With an indescribable pleasure I have seen near a score of years roll over our Heads, with an affection heightened and improved by time, nor have the dreary years of absence in the smallest degree effaced from my mind the Image of the dear untitled man to whom I gave my Heart.”

Five

“Sweetest little wife, I think all the time of my little laughing, teazing beauty, and how pretty she is, and how she goes to sleep in my arms, and I could almost cry I love you so,”

Six

“Why, my darling, I can’t tell you how completely I am yours, in my every thought,” he declared in one ebullient example. “I did not know myself how much I loved you until I found out that you love me.”

Seven

“Feb. 14 may be the date they observe and call Valentine’s Day, but that is for people of only ordinary luck. I happen to have a Valentine’s life, which started on March 4, 19__ and will continue as long as I have you.”

These lovers took time to think long and well of their love and what they meant to them personally. When was the last time you purposed to write your heart for your spouse with pen and paper? If you can’t remember, this Valentine’s Day may be the perfect chance to give it a go. There are tutorials to help you pen your best. I encourage you to make this Valentine’s Day one of personal expression rather than the mass-produced message bought from the store.

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As a Valentine gift idea, consider our book, Cherishing Us, for you to read through in 2019. It consists of marriage tips, date night questions and ideas, as well as lots of inspiration. Great marriages are constantly looking for ways to grow and improve. Great books help to that end. Make your marriage great!

Posted in Encouraging Your Spouse, Holidays, honor, Valentine's Day | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

It’s That Time Again – Are You In?

Posted on February 1, 2019 by Debi Walter
Is your master bedroom a place of refuge from the craziness of life? Take this challenge and make it so.
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Are you up for a challenge? It will require you to put on fresh eyes to see something familiar in a new way. Still interested?

If you are at home do the following:

1. Get up and walk into your Master Bedroom.

2. Go no further than just inside the door.

3. Look around and take in all the parts you love about your room, those parts that bring you joy.

4. Now make note of the parts that don’t add to the ambiance of your space, like bills, work papers, laundry, clutter, and toys.

This post is meant to help you recapture your space for you and your spouse. If you have children they have the rest of the house to play in. Don’t let them take the only space reserved for you!

Trust me! Having your own, grown-up space where you can both retreat to at the end of each day brings intimacy back into focus. It gives you a place where you can breathe a sigh of relief and remember what romance feels like.

Not sure if this would be true for you? Give it a shot. The worst that could happen is your room gets a much needed cleaning. The best is your marriage gets a boost, which we all require from time to time.

For step by step help along the way check out How To Sizzle Your Space!

Let this Valentine’s Day be your deadline by which to complete this challenge. Are you willing? If so, leave a comment so I know. Then take a photo of how your room looks today. Once finished take another photo and admire the results! If you’d like, feel free to share your before and after photos on our FaceBook Page.

For more inspiration check out our Pinterest Board of Romantic Bedrooms

Posted in Christian Marriage, Finding Joy, romanticizing your master bedroom | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

The Role Of Faithful Friends

Posted on January 30, 2019 by Debi Walter
A mountain stream provides the perfect metaphor for the importance of friends in marriage.
Photo by Will Swann on Unsplash

I love watching water in nature. Whether it be the ocean in its vastness, the waterfall in its power, the lake as it shimmers in the sunshine, or the rain pelting on a tin roof. But there is something about a mountain stream that calms my soul like nothing else. It is as if it giggles as it moves.

The Lord often speaks to me in word pictures to bring home a truth that I’ll remember. This morning He had me consider a leaf floating down a mountain stream. It makes its way without having to do anything but yield to the current. It has movement and purpose, yet it glides over rocks and tree roots without effort, or so it seems.

As I was considering this the Lord impressed on me that this is like marriage. There are days when it is effortless. No conflicts. No problems to overcome. The days are enjoyed floating together taking in the beautiful surroundings. And then out of nowhere a conflict arises like a large boulder creating a dam of sorts in the stream. It requires time to wait for help in order to proceed.

Tom and I have been in this place many times. This is why we feel strongly about being involved in community with other believers. Those who know us well and are willing to speak the truth to us in our time of need. I don’t know where we would be today if it weren’t for the faithful input and correction of friends whom we love and respect. Our marriage success is owed in large part to their faithfulness to befriend us.

What boulders are you facing in your marriage today? Do you have friends who are aware of your predicament, or are you trying to go it alone? We encourage you to seek help for it is from a place of humility that the Lord can grow your marriage best. This is not weakness, it is strength that God provides which rises from the lowest places.

“6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, 7 casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” – 1 Peter 5:6-7

Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , , , | 6 Comments

Try This With Your Married Friends For Valentine’s Day

Posted on January 24, 2019 by Debi Walter
A Victorian Valentine similar to the one we had the men in our small group write to their wives.
Photo Credit OldLouisville.com

The year was about 1990. Valentine’s Day was near, so we decided to celebrate with the couples in our Small Group. We had an older couple who was a part of our group from the beginning. They practiced hospitality to perfection. The rest of us marveled at what they did, how they did it, and how relaxed they were in the process. I didn’t know it then, but God was using their example to stir a similar passion in our marriage.

Lester and Dolores not only prepared the entire meal, but they served us on on tables beautifully set with their finest china. We felt spoiled whenever we were invited to dine at their home. This party would be no different.

What we didn’t know was the “activity” Lester had planned for us to do following the meal. He had purchased identical, blank Valentine’s cards and handed them out to all the husbands beforehand. The instructions were to write a romantic Valentine to your wife, but without using any nicknames, or inside jokes that would give your identity away. They were told not to sign their name.

After dinner Lester read each Valentine aloud, and it was the wives goal to identify which one their husband had written. It wasn’t as easy as you would think. The one that really stumped everyone said, “Honey, your all the woman I’ll ever need!” We all laughed at that one, but none of us could guess who said it.

Lester gave a coy smile that let us know he was the one who had penned those words. Dolores blushed and said, “Oh, Les!”

This dear couple was old enough to be our parents, yet they made it clear to us that romance doesn’t wane as the years pass. It only grows more precious..and that’s what they did week after week; They showed us what lifelong love looks like and it was compelling.

Sadly, Lester and Dolores are no longer in our lives, Les went to be with the Lord shortly after Tom’s 50th birthday. Dolores relocated to be near her daughter. Yet there isn’t a Valentine’s Day or Christmas that passes where I don’t think of them both and offer a prayer of thanks to God for blessing us with their example. I miss them!


Posted in Growing Strong Marriages, Holidays, honor, Valentine's Day | Tagged , , | 4 Comments

2019 Is Bringing With It An Unexpected Direction From God

Posted on January 16, 2019 by Debi Walter

An unexpected direction from God this year. We are excited and ready to follow His lead.

The view from our cabin’s front porch

It happened last week. I didn’t see it coming, but God knew all along.

Most of you know that Tom and I have a cabin in Banner Elk, NC. You may also know that I have had the privilege of hosting Barefoot Ladies Retreats each summer there since we bought the cabin in 2013. It has been such a rewarding experience to watch as God, our Father, loves on His daughters. And Tom has been so supportive through it all, making sure the cabin is in good shape for our guests.

In my quiet time last week I was praying about the dates and topic for this year’s retreats. It was at the moment when I was impressed by God to not have retreats this year! What? At first I rejected the idea; certainly God couldn’t be calling me to do nothing! But as I considered it further I realized this was my 7th year; I had hosted 15 retreats thus far, and God was indeed calling me to a year of rest. I felt an immediate peace.

When I mentioned this to Tom he said he had had similar impressions but didn’t think I would like the idea. This led us to discuss why he thought I would not accept it. It was a good conversation about my tendency to react rather than listen, and his tendency to avoid unnecessary conflict. Hearing that God had spoken the same word to both of us was a comfort and as well as a confirmation. I was also glad to bring clarity to my need for Tom’s input in my life, and to repent of reacting to His lead. We agreed to work on this area in our marriage.

As I’ve considered the significance of this year, there are four great reasons for me to rest:

  1. We will celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary (February 24),
  2. I will turn 60 (July 17)
  3. Tom will turn 65th (August 18).
  4. It will also be the 50th year since I asked Jesus to be my Savior in December.
  • Quite a year to pause and reflect on the goodness of God.

    • I share all this with you to bring home the fact that we never stop finding new ways to grow and change in our marriage. Let me ask you, how open and honest are you about such topics in your relationship? Can you talk about areas of resistance and learn from them? Or do you avoid the conflict altogether?

    Healthy marriages are constantly growing and changing as the years pass. We pray this describes your marriage.

    Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Keeping It Real | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

    6 Questions To Evaluate The State Of Your Union

    Posted on January 5, 2019 by Debi Walter

    It’s January, but more surprising than that–it’s 2019! It seems like yesterday when we were concerned about Y2K. We blink and time flies by at record pace. Yet it stays the same. Seconds turn to minutes. Minutes turn to hours. Hours turn into days, and then we ring in another New Year.

    This begs the question, how do we spend our time?

    Octavius Winslow said, “Time is a solemn and priceless gift, and involves a responsibility and an account of a most tremendous character.”

    It is good at the end of the year to contemplate how we spent our time. It is also good to think of how we have invested in our primary relationship–our marriage. This is why we should consider the following questions in order to determine the state of our marriage union. Don’t delay. Before you know it 2020 will be knocking on our door. Today is the only day we can influence for either good or evil. Let’s choose the former.

    1. What significant discoveries have you made about yourself? Think on what you’ve learned in personal Bible study. Talk openly with your spouse about the challenge this has been for you or the victories you have had.

    2. What are at least three ways God has blessed us this year? Spend time thanking Him specifically together in prayer.

    3. What has been the biggest challenge for us and our marriage this past year? How have I helped or hindered you in dealing with it?

    4. When we consider how we communicate, how are we doing in terms of openness and depth of conversation? How do our needs and expectations differ?

    5. In what ways have you felt cherished by me? Spend time evaluating this question together.

    6. In regard to our sexual intimacy, how satisfied are you with our relationship? In what ways can we grow in our love and understanding of each other?

    May we all purpose this year to be more intentional in how we spend our time.

    We close with another quote from Mr. Winslow, “Time is the preface to eternity. And as the preface indicates the character of the volume, so our present use of time is the foreshadowing of our future eternal history. ”

    Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, communication, Encouraging Your Spouse, Growing Strong Marriages, Priorities | Tagged , , | 6 Comments

    One Of My Favorite Things

    Posted on December 28, 2018 by Debi Walter

    The story that inspired O Holy Night

    Photo credit Pinterest

    I love discovering the story behind songs I love.

    Tor Constantino, a friend we have come to know through blogging, asked his FB friends to share their favorite Christmas Carol. I was surprised at how many chose my favorite song , O Holy Night. This led me to wonder about the history of this well-loved song. I was amazed to discover it, and even more amazed that I’ve never heard it.

    I share with you the following in the hopes that it will encourage us all in the coming year to live up to the Truths of these inspired lyrics.

    In 1847, Placide Cappeau de Roquemaure was the commissionaire of wines in a small French town. Known more for his poetry than his church attendance, it probably shocked Placide when his parish priest asked the commissionaire to pen a poem for Christmas mass. Nevertheless, the poet was honored to share his talents with the church.

    In a dusty coach traveling down a bumpy road to France’s capital city, Placide Cappeau considered the priest’s request. Using the gospel of Luke as his guide, Cappeau imagined witnessing the birth of Jesus in Bethlehem. Thoughts of being present on the blessed night inspired him. By the time he arrived in Paris, “Cantique de Noel” had been completed.

    Moved by his own work, Cappeau decided that his “Cantique de Noel” was not just a poem, but a song in need of a master musician’s hand. Not musically inclined himself, the poet turned to one of his friends, Adolphe Charles Adams, for help.

    The son of a well-known classical musician, Adolphe had studied in the Paris conservatoire. His talent and fame brought requests to write works for orchestras and ballets all over the world. Yet the lyrics that his friend Cappeau gave him must have challenged the composer in a fashion unlike anything he received from London, Berlin, or St. Petersburg. 

    As a man of Jewish ancestry, for Adolphe the words of “Cantique de Noel” represented a day he didn’t celebrate and a man he did not view as the son of God. Nevertheless, Adams quickly went to work, attempting to marry an original score to Cappeau’s beautiful words. Adams’ finished work pleased both poet and priest. The song was performed just three weeks later at a Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve. 

    Initially, “Cantique de Noel” was wholeheartedly accepted by the church in France and the song quickly found its way into various Catholic Christmas services. But when Placide Cappeau walked away from the church and became a part of the socialist movement, and church leaders discovered that Adolphe Adams was a Jew, the song–which had quickly grown to be one of the most beloved Christmas songs in France–was suddenly and uniformly denounced by the church. The heads of the French Catholic church of the time deemed “Cantique de Noel” as unfit for church services because of its lack of musical taste and “total absence of the spirit of religion.” Yet even as the church tried to bury the Christmas song, the French people continued to sing it, and a decade later a reclusive American writer brought it to a whole new audience halfway around the world.

    Not only did this American writer–John Sullivan Dwight–feel that this wonderful Christmas songs needed to be introduced to America, he saw something else in the song that moved him beyond the story of the birth of Christ. An ardent abolitionist, Dwight strongly identified with the lines of the third verse: “Truly he taught us to love one another; his law is love and his gospel is peace. Chains shall he break, for the slave is our brother; and in his name all oppression shall cease.” The text supported Dwight’s own view of slavery in the South. Published in his magazine, Dwight’s English translation of “O Holy Night” quickly found found favor in America, especially in the North during the Civil War.

    Back in France, even though the song had been banned from the church for almost two decades, many commoners still sang “Cantique de Noel” at home. Legend has it that on Christmas Eve 1871, in the midst of fierce fighting between the armies of Germany and France, during the Franco-Prussian War, a French soldier suddenly jumped out of his muddy trench. Both sides stared at the seemingly crazed man. Boldly standing with no weapon in his hand or at his side, he lifted his eyes to the heavens and sang, “Minuit, Chretiens, c’est l’heure solennelle ou L’Homme Dieu descendit jusqu’a nous,” the beginning of “Cantique de Noel.

    After completing all three verses, a German infantryman climbed out his hiding place and answered with, “Vom Himmel noch, da komm’ ich her. Ich bring’ euch gute neue Mar, Der guten Mar bring’ ich so viel, Davon ich sing’n und sagen will,” the beginning of Martin Luther’s robust “From Heaven Above to Earth I Come.”

    Continue reading at Beliefnet

    Enjoy this version by another favorite, Josh Groben.

    Happy New Year!

    Posted in Christian Marriage, Christmas, Holidays, Music, Worship | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

    10 Ways to Defer and Prefer Your Spouse This Christmas

    Posted on December 24, 2018 by Debi Walter

    10 Ways to defer and prefer your spouse this Christmas

    If you have managed to open this post, you most likely have a minute to spare this Christmas Eve. Congratulations! Let me encourage you in this minute to make the most of this time.

    Pause.

    Breathe.

    Remember why we celebrate Christmas.

    Breathe again.

    Put aside your to-do list for just a moment.

    I want to help you make this Christmas special for your spouse. How, you ask? Isn’t it too late to buy one more gift? Most likely yes. But this has nothing to do with tangible gifts. This is about deferring and preferring your spouse for the next 24 hours.

    Deferring means to submit humbly to (a person or a person’s wishes or qualities).

    Preferring means promote or advance (someone) to a prestigious position.

    Why not defer to your spouse’s desires as a special way to communicate your love for them. Better yet, don’t tell them what you’re doing. Just do it. Prefer their wishes over your own because you love them. Here are a few ideas…

    1. Serve them their favorite breakfast. If it’s a family tradition, give them the first serving with a kiss.

    2. Make their coffee/tea and bring it to them.

    3. Allow them to open the first gift. Explain to your children why you are choosing to bless your spouse in this way.

    4. Rub their shoulders at some point during the day.

    5. Give them an unexpected, lingering hug.

    6. Make the bed.

    7. If neatness is important to your spouse, clean-up the gift wrap as the gifts are open.

    8. Give them your undivided attention as much as possible.

    9. Serve them first when it’s time to eat.

    10. Tell them or give them a card that communicates why it is your joy to defer and prefer them.

    It is easy for our spouse to feel overlooked during this busy season. I pray these ideas will help you be intentional in showing love to your spouse. Let’s purpose to do all we can to defer and prefer tomorrow. Merry Christmas!

    Posted in Christian Marriage, Christmas, Encouraging Your Spouse, Growing Strong Marriages, Holidays | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on 10 Ways to Defer and Prefer Your Spouse This Christmas

    Focus On Thanksgiving This Christmas

    Posted on December 23, 2018 by Debi Walter

    Merry Thanksgiving Christmas allows thanks to shape our Christmas. Gratefulness is the key.

    Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday for many reasons. The main one is it is the only holiday that isn’t bombarded with commercialism. Thanksgiving is the one day set aside where we pause and reflect on the blessings we have been given. And they are many. Nothing brings a smile to my face more than working in the kitchen together preparing food that will be enjoyed by everyone!

    It is fitting that Christmas follows Thanksgiving. We thank God for what He has done in our lives, and then He reminds us of the greatest gift of all–His Son, Jesus Christ.

    When we allow Thanksgiving to inform our Christmas, it doesn’t matter how many gifts are under the tree. It doesn’t matter what we lack, because what we have is much more than we could ask or think.

    What matters is

    • the breath we have to embrace another year

    • the ability we have to show our love to those who mean the most to us.

    • that we have life and it is abundant!

    Take time today to reflect on what you’ve been given. It will put the Merry into Christmas as nothing else can. Gratefulness is like that–the more grateful we are, the more we see the things for which we should be grateful.

    May we not take anything for granted this Christmas. We have no idea what 2019 holds for us, but we know the One who does. And He has proven over and over again that He can be trusted. Even if we don’t understand what He does. God is good and this season reminds us to remember Him with thanksgiving.

    May you have a Merry Thanksgiving Christmas!

    Posted in Christian Marriage, Christmas, Holidays, Thankfulness | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

    What We Didn’t Know Going In To Our Marriage

    Posted on December 21, 2018 by Debi Walter

    When we said our marriage vows we had no idea of what lay ahead of us.

    A favorite gift from friends of the night sky the night we were married.

    When we said our marriage vows we had no idea of what lay ahead of us.

    We didn’t know…

    • In our first year we would move to the one city neither of us wanted to live.

    • I would face health concerns as a new bride that were frightening and hard.

    • There was unconfessed sin lurking in our hearts that would stretch our love to its limits.

    • Our first pregnancy would end in miscarriage.

    • We would struggle as Tom made a career change that involved a significant pay cut.

    • God would bless us with three children (not the two we had planned).

    • We would eventually buy the company where Tom had worked for 16 years, and where I had first worked out of high school. We didn’t know anything, but that God had united us to be one.

    So many highs and lows through the years that have made US who we are today. Our marriage consists of the journey and the commitment we made when we said our vows to “be there” for each other. This is why we are passionate about seeing marriages thrive. The lows in a relationship are as important as the highs. It’s in the lows where we discover the depth of our love and commitment to each other and to God. Just like in a valley–growth occurs in the lowest places.

    Maybe this Christmas you are facing a low. Our encouragement is for you to lean in to each other, don’t pull away. It’s the leaning in that allows your roots to grow deep together. But we know this is not easy. Our natural reaction is to pull away from anything that causes pain. Of course I’m not talking about abusive pain. If you are facing abuse in your marriage, whether physical or emotional seek safety and biblical counsel. The pain I’m talking about is common to all marriages. As you purpose to lean in and grow in your understanding of each other, you will discover a sweeter connection on the other side of the pain. We know this is true because we have experienced it over and over in our 40 years together.

    This Christmas may you grow not only in your love for each other, but also in your commitment to your vows.

    Merry Christmas from our home to yours!

    Posted in Biblical Encouragement, Christian Marriage, Conflict, Difficulty, Troubled Marriage, Wisdom in Marriage | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on What We Didn’t Know Going In To Our Marriage

    Step Up To Greatness

    Posted on December 13, 2018 by Debi Walter

    Photo Source: WKRN.com

    President George H.W. Bush has been honored well in his death by family, friends and even foes. I’m grateful that we, as Americans, haven’t lost our dignity in showing honor to whom honor is due. It has been refreshing to hear uplifting tributes to our 41st president no matter which side of the aisle you stand.

    The Washington Post quoted the following about President Bush and his passion to see a manned mission to Mars succeed.

    “In 1990, President Bush urged his fellow Americans “to step forth with the will that the moment requires. Don’t postpone greatness. History tells us what happens to nations that forget how to dream.“

    How we view life has a huge impact on how we live. And how we live impacts those we love.

    One thing our 41st President did well was love his wife, Barbara for 73 years.

    Photo Source: The Washington Post

    They were a team and no one could deny it. His vision for reaching Mars was inspiring yet never fulfilled. His vision for being committed to a life-long love to Barbara was not only attained but flourished.

    How willing are we to “step forth with the will that the moment requires” in our marriages?

    • It could be an uncomfortable conversation that needs to take place.
    • It may be we need to give in and let our spouse have their way in the matter.
    • Maybe we don’t have to prove our point.
    • Let the conflict diminish by overlooking the offense.
    • Have the will to think of your spouse as more important than winning the fight.

    The time to have a great marriage isn’t at the end of life. It is found in the day to day choices we make toward greatness. “Don’t postpone it,” as H.W. advised. Today is ripe with opportunities for greatness.

    He ends with the reminder of what happens to nations who forget how to dream. We have courtrooms full of marriages that have forgotten how to dream as well. How you think and act today will be the foundation your marriage is built upon in the years and decades to come. May we all follow President Bush’s advice in our marriages and step up to greatness! It is a privilege to take part in his lasting legacy of enduring love.

    President Bush, Thank you for the example your marriage provides us. May you Rest In Peace.

    Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict, Growing Strong Marriages | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Step Up To Greatness

    Are You Hunkered Down?

    Posted on December 6, 2018 by Debi Walter

    We have been watching the weather forecast for Northwestern North Carolina. They are predicting a huge winter storm to hit the area this weekend. We have friends who are taking their family to our cabin for a week, and they won’t be lacking in the snow department. Since they’re going to ski this is the best of news. The problem is getting there before the storm hits.

    Weather forecasts help us know how to prepare. Thanks to the science of meteorology we can anticipate and prepare for the road ahead.

    This is an important aspect of growing a healthy marriage. Some live each day without regard for what’s coming. They don’t think about a storm until it hits. Then the damage and necessary clean-up is massive.

    But even strong marriages, like weather forecasters, can’t be accurate in discerning what’s coming. What do we do when the storm hits?

    Hunker down.

    This is the phrase The Weather Channel uses incessantly when a hurricane is approaching FL. I have heard it so many times that it has become a mockery in our family. “I hear thunder…better hunker down!” To hunker down is to take your position and squat. In other words, you are in this for the long haul and you need to prepare yourself.

    Our marriages face many storms through the years. Some are self-inflicted and some are born through circumstances we face. A snow storm can be beautiful. We even call it a Winter Wonderland. Last week Tom and I enjoyed it for a few days, but we were happy to get in our car and drive home to The Sunshine State.

    The reason is the wonder of the snow’s beauty quickly fades when the ice melts. It’s then when you see the damage the storm wreaked underneath all the ice. It’s a muddy mess!

    Winter storms in marriage are when we pretend everything is okay, but the chill is palpable. Things look great on the outside, but underneath the damage is there waiting to be dealt with.

    Summer storms in marriage are those that blow in fast and pass through just as fast. We see it, experience the damaging winds, and then get to work cleaning up the debris left behind.

    Storms are necessary. God uses the wind to clean away damaged limbs in trees, and waters the ground supplying needed nutrients.

    What kind of storm is your marriage facing? Is the cold winter chill making it tempting to hunker down and hide? Is your first inclination to protect yourself, rather than seek to resolve the issue for the good of your marriage?

    We encourage you not to wait until the Spring to deal with the issues. Hunker down but in a healthy way. One that says, “I’m hunkered down and I’m not going anywhere until we deal with the issues at hand. Let’s talk!”

    This is how healthy marriages deal with conflict–like a weather forecaster–you see, are prepared and take necessary action.

    We pray your hunkering down this winter will be warm and cozy providing safe comfort from the winds that blow. It’s also a great time to talk about the things weighing on your heart concerning your relationship. Don’t wait. Your marriage is too important to ignore and no one is going to care about it or your spouse more than you.

    Posted in Christian Marriage, communication, Conflict | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

    It’s December – Enjoy

    Posted on December 1, 2018 by Debi Walter

    Click on photo for a special treat!

    Posted in Christian Marriage, Christmas, Finding Joy, Holidays, humor | Tagged , , | Comments Off on It’s December – Enjoy

    Date Night Challenge 2018 – The Letter “W”

    Posted on November 30, 2018 by Debi Walter

    What a better way to celebrate this date than WALKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND.

    Being at our cabin this was easier for us than when we’re in Orlando. Tom took me to Sugar Mountain Ski Resort to watch the skiers doing what they do. We enjoyed walking in the snow and having an unexpected snowball fight. I loved it.

    But being a Florida girl born and bred, I’m grateful we don’t live in this all winter long. I love a WARM WINTER.

    Merry Christmas season!

    Posted in 2018 Date Night Challenge, Alphabet Dates, Christian Marriage, Date Night Ideas | Tagged , , , | Comments Off on Date Night Challenge 2018 – The Letter “W”